AFTERNOON TEA GOSSIP

Free Lance, Volume IV, Issue 167, 12 September 1903, Page 6

AFTERNOON TEA GOSSIP

By Little Miss Muffitt.

Curious tiling that motor sports seem to be fatal on the Continent. No serious accidents have been reported in Britain or elsewhere. You remember the Madrid motor horrors p They seem to have left out an "c." Should have been "mad-ride." * * * Again Carterton. In a little case recently, a lady witness, who will never see seventy again was asked "What the boy said to her?" "He told me that he loved me, sir." Asked if she thought he meant it, the lady mournfully admitted that her heart, cried "No." * * * 'He being dead, yet speaketh." Obituary notice appropriate to a dog whose "offence was rank," and smelled to heaven for upwards of a week in Carterton before the prevailing scavenger could be induced, by press complaints, to perform the last sad ceiemonies. * * * Dr. "Pat" Moloney, who used to earn more money in Melbourne in a day than I do, felt that his true bent was writing. He is, therefore, earning at least an eighth of his previous income on London newspapers. Dr. "Pat" is of interest to New Zealand, in that he visited it for his health about four years ago. Ladies of the Commonwealth are in deadly earnest about getting into Parliament. While the "Sweet Nell" season was on in Melbourne a. deputation of ladies waited on Miss Nellie Stew art, urging her that, as she was the most popular woman at present there, she should strike the iron while it was hot, and go right into Parliament ' * •* * Just ask the average insurance man if his own life is insured, or if he has an accident policy. He will, in nine cases out of ten reply. "Oh — cr — yes , that is to say, no." They rarely take their own lives. One '"'accident" man was last w eek thrown out of a buggy upcountry, and sustained quite a payable amount of damage, but he had no policy. Physician heal thyself l * * * Carrie Nation, the American lady, who demolishes saloons, whips the deadly "fag" from the lips of youths, and lectures in picturesque words, is supposed by many to be mad. However, Carrie has recently given the proceeds of her lectures for the establishment of homes for the wives of drunkards. Already two of these places are fully tenanted. * # Church unity. A Melbourne choir, who love their little organist, w horn a section of the congregation want to remove, recently filed into their seats as usual. On the first sound of the voluntary they rose in a body, and filed out on strike. They refuse to sing another note unless the organist, who has notice to quit, is allowed to stay. Their dramatic exit caused a sensation, and the collection fell 75 per cent. * * * Lord Lonsdale, now holiday-making in Australia, was once the host of the German Emperor. A guest, talking to another across the table, quoted a little-known passage from Shakespeare, and, that there should be no mistake as to its source ended with the words , ' As the divine William said." There happened to be a lull in the conversation at the time, and the remaik was audible to everyone, the Emperor included. Turning to his host, the Emperor said, with a puzzled expression "Curiously, Ido not remember that my sainted grandfather ever said that!" * * # Colonel Craddock, one time of the Carbineers, and who commanded the Second New Zealand Contingent, is named as the commanding officer of the King's Colonials, the new English mounted corps. Colonel Craddock wa9 probably the most daring of the colonial leaders, and possessed a fund of quiet but stinging satire that made him anything but welcome where "bullet^shy" men and sufferers from "Mauserites" did most congregate. He did not return to the Army after leaving the colonial service, and was engaged in travelling for an engineering firm, I believe.

Previous to the calling of the case against the New town hotol-kecpeis, 1 happened to be coming fiom the southern suburb in the tram. A gentleman was freely making bets that the case would be adjourned. It is expressive of the general opinion as to adjournment that no one would take them. * * * It has just been discovered that quite a lot of favourite temperance drinks, such as ginger ale, hop beer, and so on, contain quite a stimulating amount ot alcohol. As a matter of fact, it i& extremely hard to prevent the development of alcohol m soft drinks, and it is quite safe to say that a great many teetotallers are not abstainers from the cup that intoxicates— if one took enough of it. * * * I noted recently that there was a dearth of cod liver oil. It seems the cod have lost their livers, or something. Anyhow, the oil has risen from 5s to 25s a gallon. It is interesting in this connection to note that Wairarapa farmers aie said to be giving their calves cod liver oil. If in the future you should feel disinclined to pay 25s a gallon for milk, remember this paragraph. New Zealand is not under Turkish rule, and it is not true that this is a Balkan State. It appears that the Waikato police were recently ordered to cremate the body of a man. This they did more or less successfully. The youths un that way took a hand, and had an interesting game of "Aunt Sally" with the corpse. The facts are the most horrid things I remember having read in a New Zealand paper. * •<• * Generosity is a fine trait in a magistrate. One Australian Solomon who was sitting in judgment on an aged and weeping widow, who had mistakenly entered a first-class railway carnage instead of a "third," had the trait. "The offence is a serious one, and I could fine you £5. But," he added, "as I intend paying the fine myself, it will be 6d and cost® 2s Gd." It sounded so noble that there was a faint cheer. * * * Really there aie some funny street situations — if one only keeps one's weather eye open. Passing by a new building, in one of our main streets, I noticed a man leaning up against the protective hoardings. Suddenly, he started forward with a deadly yell, and used language that I dale not even think of. Peeping about an inch and a-half out of that hoarding was the rapidly whirling head of an auger. A carpenter was fitting bolts from the inside. * * * "It's nice to be a boy sometimes." But, even San Toy, I should imagine, would not care to assume male attire for the purposes of indulging in the luxunous pastime of driving a milkcart. A Timaru girl, who disappeared three months ago, has i°ust turned up. In the interval she had, as a boy, got a billet with a milkman, and performed the ordinary drudgeiy of the tiade. T should imagine a great joy came over her when she asain -jabbed a hatpin into her female headgear. In a Sydney Labour paper a bootmaker has a large advertisement with a block of a donkey in evening dress, and bearing the legend, "You Workingmen Lend Us Your Ears." A propos of asses, a local man, of fluent speech, recently congratulated a newly-fledged speaker on his powers of rhetoric. "It's absolutely astonishing. Nothing like it has been heard for a hundred years'"' The speaker was more than flatteied. "A hundred years' 3 " he beamed. 'Oh, even more , say, since Balaam's time." * * » What strange things scientists discover. One man who I expect w ould be a good subject for a "before taking" advertisement, affirms that a diet of carrots ameliorates harshness. In the Argentine, mule breeding is one of the industries. The hybrids are reared very largely on carrots. You do not happen to have tiled making friends with a carrot-eating Argentine mule, have you ? I assure you, you would be no convert to the professor's theones. * * » The influence of whisky on journalism. A country paper remaiksthat it was "surprised and elated" to receive a generous sample of whisky from an advertiser lately. The matter in this particular issue is noticeable for flashes of rare brilliance, and a rosy optimism. The whisky however, hasn't prevented a couple of columns from leaning lovingly up against one another, and the fact that each page of the four weais a different date proves nothing. Of course, the editor doesn't do the printing as well.