It Is Town Talk

Free Lance, Volume IV, Issue 167, 12 September 1903, Page 26

It Is Town Talk

—That the first thing m the boot is the last. —That kind words are like bald heads. They can never die. —That the namie of a man \i hose trap collided with a "double-banked horse was Cannon. It tv ill be a "pocket shot for somebody. —That a country paper, in a touching obituary on two Hereford bulls, remarks that "they were esteemed by all who knew them." No cards. —That it still costs Auckland £5 a week to kill rats. Wheie does Auckland get its four hundred rats per week? No rats farms we hope. —That sheep are so frightened at the shortage of flocks in New Zealand, that many lambs are accommodatingly arriving "with three or four hind legs apiece. That a Napier man has had the temerity to say that good veterinarians are more useful than Ms.H.R.. and are therefore worth £300 a year. Rank heresy . — That New Zealand journalism is becomuig rapidly Americanised. One up-country paper recently described a ride in the new electric cars m Wellington i That about a dozen people, comprising a "surprise party," got a surprise on Saturday night last. The intended victim had "skipped by the light of the moon." — That rumour is busy with the name of Lord Rosmead" as a possible successor to Lord Ranfurly. "Joe" will probably send a naval, military, or diplomatist Governor. — That many tow ns in England have got over the "servant girl" difficulty by importing young German men, who do anything from minding the baby to dressing my lady's hair. — That Kilbirnie roads are dotted here and there with, little heaps of sand. The owner of the beach sees that children with toy wheelbarrows do not steal any of his universe. — That anarchists axe said to have their eyes on. Mr. Dowie, the great religious magnate. And yet America is taking great precautions to prevent the increase of anarchists. — That a New Brighton clergyman recently asked all the Sunday-school children whose parents had pianos to "hold up their hands." There were no "noes." How Germany must smile' —That an up-country councillor told a complainant to help himself. The complainant went away, and helped himself to a couple of tons of road metaJ, and now there is "mud throwing." — That the landlady of one of our "tomest" boarding-houses was distinctly hurt the other day when the senior boarder pinned a motto on the adamantine loaf '"Tis but a little faded flour." — That the Auckland burglar, who raided an hotel, and consumed the greater part of a turkey, would be welcomed by the Balkin revolutionaries if he would duplicate his little act for their benefit. - — That a most successful "poultry raiser" has been debarred from pursuing his avocation bv the law. Tins gentleman^, who was seventy-nine years of age had twenty-eight convictions for fowl-stealing against him. —That the sight of a man on a ''bike." with a basket-work trailer behind, loaded with firewood he had packed up on Evans Bay beach, on Sunday, leads one to the supposition that the machine was borrowed. — That an Australian lawyer was recently rebuked for calling a constable "a dirty policeman" and a "creature." The judge even threatened to send nim to gaol for a month. Privileges are getting sadly lessened now-a-days. — That it is disappointing to hear that the great New Zealand band was weakened by resignations, and strengthened by players who were not New Zealanders. Curiously, all bodies of New Zealanders fall out abroad, whether they be soldiers, bandsmen, footballers, or rifle shots. — That the acme of politeness was reached m Willis-street on Saturday night, when a gentleman chased a lady with a large wisp of more or less natural hair, telling her she had dropped it. Although she disclaimed ownership, she made a frantic grab for what remained under her hat.

—That the piohts of the captain of the Tihkum in Auckland were between £bCO and £800. Intrepid navigator! —That twenty-five beds are provided in the Federal House for the accommodation or late-sitting members. Australia gets ahead of us tor once. That the only members who looked up to tho galleries when a child called "Papa 1 " were the inexperienced and callow bachelois. There was a loud laugh That Auckland is seriously contemplating "going foi" that America Cup. Mr. Witheford is again named as a possible owner of the winning yacht. — That the fastidious Wellington gentleman, who would not, during a trip to Rotorua, take mud baths, "because it is so dirty," washes his bike had not skidded at Kaiwarra on a recent "soft" day. — That for people holding a good accident policy, a walk down some of our streets on which the asphalt has been taken up and "relaid" would provide them with excellent reasons for drawing on it. — That a recently-arrived gentleman, who is residing temporarily m a Wellington suburb, is complaining that "the village children" do not raise their hats to him." Now, if he were only a noted footballer. — That, since Ashburton has become a prohibition settlement, and since thirsty Ashburtonites have heard that the sap of the matai tree is intoxicating, quite a lot of people from that town have gone bush-felling. — That, a propos of ''thin" Houses, and "calls to business," and all that soit of thins;, the Canadian House of Representatives goes one better than ours. Members are fined ten dollars a day for non-attendance. — That the poLtioal woman is going very strong in Sydney. Recently, many "men" of high standing acted like veritable hooligans at a meeting during which a lady candidate for representative honours spoke. — That ma;r,y Englishmen who are trying their fortunes in Africa wear huia feathers in their hats, and palm themselves off as Maorilanders. Interesting to hear that Germany exports the "huia" feathers into Britain. — That the rumour that "Tattersall's" will be asked to form a big sweep on the chance of G. H. Reid unseating Premier Barton at the next Federal election, lacks confirmation. Australia would put its shirt on "Georgie." — That ancient superstitions die hard A worshipper, who dived into his pocket for the collection "threepenny " m church, last Sunday, accidentally pulled out a potato. He carried it as a "charm" for rheumatism. — That an advertisement, "by applying to So and So, solicitors, Mr. Whatisname will hear of something to his advantage," induced a hard-up Southern man to walk right into the hands of the police. — for embezzlement. — That the latest dodge of an American patent medicine firm is to send t\pe-written "testimonials" to intending "patients," with the firm's intimation that, on signing, the "patient" will be rew aided to the tune of five dollars. — That a well-known Australian ac-tor-mamager is demanding an explanation of the statement in a Sydney paper that "he fought, a duel." The paper now explains that it was the printer's way of saying "he bought a duet." — That an aristocratic visitor from Home called on some nice people on the Ten-ace lately. In the absence of the. "missus" the cultured "Mary Ann" acted. He knew not the difference until three days later. Now theie is a vacancy. — That a suburban resident who has, during every Saturday (and Sunday') put in his time in making a picture garden in front of his rented house, has just had his rent raised. "He can't have that garden for nothing!" says the philanthropic landlard. — That the Rev. Chas. Sheldon, the noted evangelist from Texas, will come to New Zealand soon on a lecturing tour. "They that are whole need not a physician, but they that are sick. ' Without being Pharasaiacal, we believe that Texas wants physic as well as New Zealand. — That a local husband, who was at a loss to understand a coolness on the part of his wife, finds he has to thank one of the large and ever-increasing army of "clairvoyanites" for his unhappy household. A warm time for the "cult" is threatening.