ENTRE Nous

Free Lance, Volume IV, Issue 167, 12 September 1903, Page 14

ENTRE Nous

SOME members of the ' trade" are falling into po^ertv with a suddenness that must do the prohibition heart good. One man, who had drawn £130 a year rent from an hotel worth £1000, asked the Dunedin Court for an old age pension. The magistrate glared The idea of such a man applying for a pension was awful. You see, the licenses had been reduced, and he sold the property for £10' This is, at least, a pointer of the value of ex-hotels as boarding-houses. # * * He was a strangei , and they took him in. He called for a ' shandy" ("mostly lemonade, please'"), and, as he sipped it, he turned to; the barmaid and asked her if she knew where the Rev. A lived ? At that moment a large, hairy gentleman, who was painting the township a striking pink, closed on the "shandy," and engulfed it. "You'll pay for that," said the slight and rather pale young man who wanted to know about the parson. The hairy man said something about "bangin' yer acrost the jor," and squared up to the youth who dared to question his right to drmk somebody else's beer. » * • The young man tried hard not to fight, but the terror of the township had blood in his eye. There was a sharp crack, as of a dog cracking a bone, and the terror fell into the sawdust. He rose, and came on like a windmill. Aacain the crack, and many subsequent ones. Still, he came on. As the youth drove him over to the other wall, where he spreadeagled and collapsed, ho turned to the astonished denizen of the bar, and said, "Has this man got any friends here ? If so. take him away, or I shall strike him!" * * * Interesting, in connection with a recent tinned-fish poisoning case up North, to be told that upwards of 20,000 deaths have been caused by some sort of poisoning through eating something out of a can. A gentleman, who claims to know something about the "tin-can" death, says — "I was in San Francisco, United States of America some years ao;o and while there a local doctor stated in a public speech that forty per cent, of the Chinese coohes employed in the many canneries on the Pacific coast were sufferine from leprosy in varying staores, from slight to acute I know as a fact that the bulk of the outwit of tVe^e canneries was poured into the British market, and, as far p.s I can understand, the same thing is still going on."

Dunboy" (New Plymouth) writes us agreeing that the hours worked by farm hands aie many, but he doesn't agree that he is altogether badly paid. He discourses thus — ' The country bumpkin and the clodhopper of older countries were the creation of loner monotonous hours of toil. Short hours conduce to smaiter and better work. Farm labour is, however, not heavy work as compared with navvymg or bushwork, and there is little possibility of the hours of labour on a faim being brought into line with those of other labour, but the dairy farmer would serve his own mteiests, and would secure what he now often loses — the assistance of his sons — if from noon till three p.m all work was suspended. This would popularise the dairying craft, and would still leave time for the necessaiy ten hours of labour. "In Taranaki, faim hands receive 2Zs. to 27s per week youths from sixteen upwards seldom get less than 1.5s to 20s. I have known an active lad of sixteen to get 20s per week. All farm hands get their keep, a,nd they almost all live well. Against these rates it is not correct tni say that the city labourer, with his bs or 7s per day, his heavy lents, and his loss of time during wet weather earns three times as much as the farm hand. The latter really earns far away more than his e*ty confrere. In New Zealand there is a great need of farm hands. Now that the New Zealand dairy farmer has to face a widening vista of opposition, he finds the absolute need of an improved system of tillage. For this work he cannot get the labour, though he is paying a higher rate than New Zealand fanners paid in the fifties. *• # •* "In the interests of the farmers, I say, 'shorten the hours of labour.' In the interest® of the townsman I say, 'get out on the farm.' The rates quoted above for farm work refer to single men. Single women, as domestics, are unobtainable in country districts. A married man with a family taking share-milking has a free home, milk and fuel free of charge, and, for the grow ing, as many vegetables as he requires. He also earns more than ordinary farm hands, and soon secures a farm of his own. Farming is the best game on the board. Try it, my city friends." * * • If waiters and barmen are r>oorly paid, and they ssy they are, it is not because they place a low estimate of value on their services. The demand which their society is making upon the employers asks for a wage of £1 5s a day for waiters and barmen, and £1 per day for all other labour. They don't stipulate for motor-cars for their private use. or champagne with their suppers on Saturday nights, or free opera tickets. But there is nothing to prevent the employers furnishing these little etceteras also if they feel inclined. * * * A daring theft Jack wrought last night On darling little Rose. He stole the thing he wanted right Beneath her very nose.

Parsons progress. What do you think ot "A Young Man Smitten Down in the Shambles of Sin by the Pole-axe of Gambling," as a title for a sermon? A Northern clergyman chose this title one recent Sunday. He didn't say how many men had been smitten up into positions of fat pockets and respectability in the church by a stroke of luck m Tattersall's. Gambling may be sinful, and yet one of Wellington's most brilliant church lights only ten years ago was hidden under a bushel until he drew £500 in a sweep, which enabled him to join the choir at once and buy a business. The clergyman did not deprecate holding on to church property "for a rise," although it is done without sin. All gambling, however. &! * ♦ • Burglars! Impudent thieving rascals, who not only dared to break into the house of a respectable Wellington citizen, but who actually conversed in loud tones. The reputable citizen armed with a dressing-gown pocketful ot bedstead brass knobs, and a determination to do or die, stole silently downstairs. The voices still snoke. Iney were in the drawing-room. He opened the door, a faint "whirr," and then the voice stopped. "Put up your hands or I fire'" said he, grasping a brass knob. No answer. "Speak '"he cried. Scratching a match on the most convenient, place, and holding the light above his head, he entered the room v, ith a white face, but a heart of oak. * * # There was no one there ' The French windows were locked, and there were 5£ fire-nlaces — merely a gas stove. Where were the burerlar* ? Peering fearfully around, he found a phonograph ' His praetical-iokinor son, who had bought one at the "Talkeries " m Willis-street that day. had set it eroinsr on a "speech of Gladstone's " and had slipped away barefooted, and crone to bed. His father had some few words to say in the mornine. * * • The obscuring opera hat is still causing profanity. Noticed a lady's headgear, of "Sweet Nell" proportions, in the Opera House one day last week. A front-row pittite was unable to see even Maggie Moore, so you know what kind of a hat it really was. The pittite expostulated, but that hat cost money, and was as good to look at, from the lady's point of view, as the stage. "Who is the lady in the hat?" asked a near neighbour of the suffering pittite. "Oh, Miss Smith!" in a loud whisper. " 'Ad a 'orrible accident in a fire lately, and got her hair burnt off. It never ,grew any more. She's as bald on top as a paving stone!" "Miss Smith" evidently felt the heat oppressive, for soon after her glorious head of hair was substituted as a dropscene for the arboricultural display hitherto used. That pittite is a clever diplomatist.

Those adorable men who know everything are quite common, even, m prohibition districts. A couple of WeAlingtonians, travelling in the drought-smit-ten districts of the beerless South, were recently "shown around" by a man who "knew the ins and outs like a book." Could he get them a beer ? Could he what? Well, they'd just about struck the very man who could. He took them into a bakers shop. "'Ello, 'Any," he said, winking familiarly at the floury one. These two gents is my friends, yott know." The baker comprehended him not. As a matter of fact, the knowing one had only surmised he was a sly-grog seller. "Oh, none of your hanky panky!" said the astute individual, "hand us out the pewter." * * • The baker led them into a little room. "Wait a minute," he said. They heard a cork drawn, an unctuous bubbling of preciousi liquor, and their hearts were glad. The baker brought in the three glasses on a tray. "Here, chaps, quick, 'scoff' it up. Here's the policeman coming!" Every man "scoffed" very quickly indeed. The "beer" certainly had a malty flavour, due to a plentiful dash of yeast. The remainder was a nasty concoction of cold coffee and the whole of the baker's available supply of "Epsom." The knowing one believes now that in very truth that baker deserves the title of prohibitionist he assumes. » * » The faith that is in some men is absolutely touching. A gentleman on a bike dismounted in a railway station yard the other day, and leant his machine against a railway truck. He probably thought that the railway truck was a house, or a wall, or something that would not move. He went away to do some business, and expected, of course, to find his bike when he returned. Four thousand sheep, a few hundred tons of oats, a couple of engines, and one hundred and fifty yards of trucks, if placed on the top of a bicycle, don't do it any good. * • • A woman who wanted a toque, And whose hubby had said he was brogue, Took his new overcoat, And just left him a noat To say she had put it in soque ' * * # The mild Hindoo caused a bit of a sensation in a little town up by whitetopped Egmont lately. A little man, who owns some of the earth, on arriving home, found the Hindoo cooking hia "chupatties" at his stove. He protested, and the "bobbagee" still cooked on. The little man sft in height, and the Hindoo 6ft 6in. The sight of the abbreviated but very wrathful owner running seventy-eight inches of Hindoo into the watch-house broke tihe townsfolk up. Nothing was> done to the burglar.

Versatile Wilhelm, of the Fatherland, believed himselt to be "right bower" with Uncle Sam when the said Sam's ships rode a* anchor at Kiel, and Willy shed the lustre of his genius on the flagship. This has led American papers other than the yellow journals to compare Britain and Germany as friends to the Stars and Stripes. The "New- York Press," which is probably as calm a sheet as possible in a country that has to set its jaw hard to prevent itself running to exaggeration, talking about the reception of the American fleet at Portsmouth, says — * * * "King Edward has not insisted on a personal inspection of Admiral Cotton's flagship, nor has he telegraphed effusive compliments to President Roosevelt on the superiority of the Kearsage. The English Sovereign has not found it necessary, like his nephew, the German Emperor, to utter fulsome praise for everything American, or to dilate every few hours upon the undying affection of liis people for those of the United States. When the United States needed a friend among the European Powers, at the time she went to war with Spain, Great Britain performed that office in such a way as to leave no doubt of the depth of her friendship. * * ''It was her intervention that prevented a concert of Europe against the United States on the initiative of Austria, and the active support of Germany, Italy, and France, with Russia not unwilling to join it. Fresh recollection of that critical period in this nation's history makes it unnecessary for King Edward now to protest the friendship of Great Britain for the United States. Remembrance of Germany's hostility at that time, as manifested in several of her acts, deprives Emperor William's professions of friendship of the sound ring of sincer"The more recent events in Venezuela also sharply accentuated the discrepancy between the British and German views on the Monroe Doctrine, which, no flattering words from the unctuous lips of the Kaiser can supply. There is not the least doubt in the thoughtful American mind that our warships are at anchor m the harbour of our best friend among the Old World nations — for a friend in need is a friend indeed." * • * Canterbury women recently evolved an idea in connection with the ever new, and always difficult, domestic-help trouble. The president of a ladies' society thought a training institution would about fill the bill. Girl®, you see, who don't want to be servants under any circumstances, would rush the institute, to which it is proposed they should pay 10s a week, and at which they would learn to be what they evince no desire to become. The up-to-date president also thought that Is an hour was a reasonable wage for servants which would place the average domestic in receipt of about 12s a day. * * * The £3-a-week man, with a family, will rush that institution for help. The matron of this institution won't rank as highly as a servant girl, for the president proposes to give her "at least £100 a year." The ladies decided to float a company to carry out these reforms. The idea of a girl paying a

decent weekly board in order to leiarn to become a servant as extremely rich. Most girls who succumb to the profession without learning anything about it demand to be paid that much a week. * * A weak but ingenious young guy Was induced to believe he oould fluy, So he built a machine That required gasoline — Well, he found it a quick way to duy. * * * He had plenty of "moral force" anyway, sometimes known as "cheek." The affair happened at sea, on a Sunday evening, a few weeks ago, when sundry saloon passengers were having a musical evening. A modest young man volunteered his services to assist in the harmony. It was a supposed sacred piece 11 — something or other about Solomon being in all his glory (Solomon repeated ever so often) , but, as our friend the vocalist was deficient of a front tooth or teeth, the probably otherwise devout passengers concluded that it was not a, success, from a religious point of view at least,

and declared that they had had enough ! The t-errible piece fairly bristled with "s's " and it was long — very long — he never missed a line either. The saloon was not crowded at the finish. * * "What is it," asked the lecturer, As he stood denouncing rum, "That keeps your ma awake at night When her day's work is done? What is it steals the bit of bread That you should have to gnaw?" "I know, boss," piped a little kid "It's the rat beneath our floor !" * * * Dan Barry, who has been known ere now to cause a chuckle, is frequently required to make a speech before the footlights. In Adelaide recently, Dan got off the following little tiling of his own. He said . — "Ladies and gentlemen — Allow me to thank you for your kind and generous patronage. We have appeared, ladies and gentlemen, in every town of note in Australia, but nowhere in the world have we deemed it a greater privilege to appear than in Adelaide. (Somebody in the Gallery — 'Oh, go way, Dan, you've kissed the blarney stone.') Ladies and gentlemen, I mean what I say. It's the first time I've spoken the truth for twelve years. * # • "And, ladies and gentlemen, I must congratulate you on the beautiful appearance of your city. Your parks and streets are so well laid out, and there is no doubt Adelaide is the most beautiful 'city in Australia, and so are its people, ladies and gentlemen. (Voice from the chandelier — 'What are you giving us, Dan?') Ladies and gentlemen, I beg to congratulate you on the copious rams South Australia haiS en■joyed in common with the other States. It shows what can be done by prayer. (Lad up in the Gallerv — 'But we have not had rain, Dan.') I thoroughly believe in the efficacy of prayer — steadfast and earnest prayer. * * * _ "When I was in Queensland, at the time of the drought, the parsons and the Bishop even prayed for rain, but failed. Then somebody said — 'Here's Dan Barry. Ask him.' And I prayed, and the rain came, and the floods drowned 100,000 sheep. I tried my hand at it in Gippsland also, and they got bush-fires, ladies and gentlemen. (Loud laughter.) * # # "Well, ladies and gentlemen, I thank you for your generous applause. Adelaide is a beautiful city. You have overlooked our many faults and appreciated our few merits. (Cheers.) I just want to say, ladies and gentlemen, that to-morrow we will produce tihat

magnificent drama with the startling title, 'When the Sea Gives Up Its Dead.' I don't want to, blow, ladies and gentlemen, but we ran this drama in Melbourne for twenty-four weeks, and established a record." Dan then. vanished. * * ■» The great New Zealand language is gathering to itself pearls every Court day. One country magistrate recently had a lesson that will probably help him along wonderfully. Among other expressions used a witness "came down from the bush for a bit of a knock," he subsequently "had a bit of a orook" (felt un»vell), "he was off the tank now" (strictly sober), but if drink was brought him ''he wouldn't throw it out." In the last case the witness evidently meant that he would "throw it in," and he did — to some purpose. He also deposed that the defendants in the case had started proceedings by asking him "how's your wind p " * * * This was beyond the unenligtened magistrate, and witness was asKed what was meant by the question. With an ineffable look of surprised contempt at the crass ignorance of a "beak" who evidently didn't understand his own language, the witness explained that they wanted to know "how much rhino, beans oash. or coin he had 1 in his pockets." The enlightened magistrate gasped "Oh!" and entered up a note for future reference. Finally,, the witness, under cross-examination, ,was endeavouring by means of a , Iqafl-pencil to draw a plan of the locality under notice. * * iThe magistrate could not see the lines at the distance he was from the witness box, but in the most obliging manner the witness, with his paper and pencil in hand, left the box, and, to the astonishment of the police, marched up the dais. Taking a vacant chair alongside the S.M., he leaned on the magistrate's desk, and completed a plan to his own satisfaction. He concluded by extending an invitation to the magistrate to "call in and have a chew of damper and a pannikin of 'post and rail' when he was passing the camp." They are an hilarious lot at Dilmanstown. Recently, some whole-smiled sports thought it would be a grand thing to smash all the windows of an hotel. They smashed twenty-one, threw a "sawing-horse" through one window, and hung another on the lamppost. The gentlemen who were supposed to have had such a lovely tame were asked to explain in court. The Bench dismissed the case. We are waiting for the prohibition press's account of the "amusing" episode.

They aie telling this stoiy about a gentleman who is a large, lound, led ornament to an Australian metropolis. He has black curls, tucked up with oln r e oil, and he wears many rings that are almost diamond rings, and when in evening dress looks like a chandelier m mourning. You can guess his name is Moses Mosenstein Moses. He was staying at an hotel in Melbourne during a recent holiday season, and one night there w as an alarm of nre> in the place, and all the lodgers came tumbling downstairs in pyjamas and other trifles.

Mrs. Moses was amongst the rest, but not Moses, and the distracted wife, believmg her beloved husband was frying upstairs, filled the street with shrieks. But presently out came Moses, carrying a bundle in his hand. "Oh, Mothes' Moth.es! vy didn't you come down mit me?" cried his wife. "I couldn't find me old thuit," said Moses. "But your other suit vos by der bed!" said his spouse. "Of course it vos " Moses exclaimed, "but you vouldn't haff me esoabe from a fire in my best thuit, vould you?"