SOCIAL GOSSIP

Free Lance, Volume IV, Issue 165, 29 August 1903, Page 6

SOCIAL GOSSIP

By Little Miss Muffitt.

Latest quaint medical idea is that flogging is a sure cure for whooping cough As w hooping is a nervous disease, the flogging acts as a counter irritant and cure. Too much of the counter irritant, however, will produce —coffin. # Saturday night in Bruce is no longer the 'scrumptious" time it used to be. One tonsonal professor has given up business. The gentlemen from the country, who used to go in event Saturday for the express purpose of having their hair cut, don't go any more now the hotels are closed. * * * No less an authority than Mr. Justice Conolly, the octogenarian judge who shortly retires, recently said that industrial schools "made boys worse. When one reads the touching stones or how reformatory boys have won V.L. s and become millionaires, one feels that a sacred idol has been dashed to the ground. Apparently. Mr. "Tariff" Kingston's resignation was looked at by the bulk of Australians as a real blessing. When the unexpected news leaked out many of the business houses in Melbourne closed, and the rest of the day was given over to unrestrained rejoicing and champagne. Many firms raised the wages of their employees. * * * A domestic servant (there is -just one left) in the Wairarapa recently swallowed a bras® clock key. which she was holding in her teeth while she shut the time-teller's face. She may have thought she was a. company that wanted winding up. Doctors who might be trusted to find the key of the situation, are not able to discover the situation of the key. * * * We women are progressing. What do you think of this response to the toast of the "Ideal Man," by a lady at a recent social gathering • "Man is a, uaragon of animals. On his own ground he surpasses the lion in magnanimity, the fox in acumen, the parrot in repartee, the monkey in versatility, the ant in thrift, the fish in self-control, the spider in all that goes to make up a valued member of society." * * * Downy Dowie's disciples would be very disappointed when the relatives of the late Mr. Fred. Sutton of Southland, who had bequeathed the bulk of his estate to "Zion," disputed the will. What prompts people to still further increase the gain of this theatrical person it is hard to understand, but the fact remains that though distant, he is able to control his fanatical followers. * * * Ashburton is indulging in ashes and sackcloth for its dear, dead pewter. Being debarred from alcoholic sins, the spirits of its citizens must be kept up Recently, the denizens of the hamlet got up a nice little funeral. The effigy of a resident whose actions were not entirely satisfactory to the community was taken to an improvised cemetery, and there cremated to the satisfaction of all concerned. That extra Doliceman was evidently on his vacation. # * * Woodville is fuming. It seems that oftentimes while the busy housewife is building the mid-day stew a knock is heard and an official-looking person is found on the mat. "I'm the fumigator, mum," is his introduction. He is deputed bv the powers-that-be to enter into suspected houses to fumigate the property. It gives a flavour to the family stew beforementioned. There is no place sacred from the great and ever-increasing army of inspectors in this free country. * * Captain Voss, "the intrepid navigator," one recent day determined to finally tear himself away from the heroworshippers of Auckland. He didn't care for the strong winds that blow, bless you. He got out into the channel, however and put back into oort, explaining that he hadn't finished fitting the Tilikum. Afterwards, he hit out for home and glory, and fetched up on the Ranaritoto bar. Some of these clays the Tilikum is going to circumnavigate the globe.

The Rev. Father Lacioix is going the way of all clergymen. He recently told his Mangaweka flock that ho w ouJd not sanction dancing at any entertainment got up for Church purposes If a few political women were on hand as chaperones, I should think no haim could result. * Jews often make successful lawyers. New Zealand has plenty of them. They nearly always dress immaculately. Only recently one Hebrew legal light scoffed at a rival lawyer for his general untidine(!S _he w ore a faded coat and remarkably baggy "pants." "What an eye you Jews have for old clothes'" rapped out the Gentile — and it told. * * * I don't know what is coming oven- a section of modern womandom. A few barmaids in Adelaide recently took the walking craze, and arranged a contest. The fiery females of the local W.C.T.U. opposed it strongly, in the interests of public morality. I think a good blow of fresh air and a little wholesome walking exercise would take down the swelled heads some of our ultra purist sisters are suffering from. * * * Duimg the scores of times I have darned the family socks in the Ladies' Gallery of the "House " I have never yet seen a bout of fisticuffs. Austrahan politics oft-times supplies these fistic interludes. Two Ms.L.A. recently fought mute beautifully until the sergeant-at-arms threw them out. They went to a sporting club to finish it, but, as they found the said club was going to charge a big price at the gate, their wrath melted. * * * The King is so tactful. President Loubeit's suite felt that their republican principles would be ruffled beyond repair if they appealed in knee bieeches at the Buckingham Palace Ball, so, in deference to their scruples, the King had the words, "en pantalon" punted on their invitation ca,rds. One of these was sent by mistake to an Ambassador's wife, who took the great Liberty of disobeying the Royal command. * * * Apparently, if a man is keeping company" with a girl, and asks her to marry him, she accepts, and he defaults, she has no ground for a breach-of-promise action. Also, "walking only," with subsequent popping of the question, and jilting, is no basis for an action. It is only "being engaged," and a breach of a promise made under these interesting circumstances, wherein an action lies. Mr. Justice Denniston is the authority. * * * It is a fact that the heir apparent w ill soon have no apparent hair. The Prince of Wales is losing his natural thatch, and the fact, having got abroad, the Prince will immediately leave for India. He probably fears the deluge of hair restorers that will want to swoop down on his devoted head. Talking about hair reminds me that Queen Alexandra's wag is considered to be the finest specimen of the perruquier's art in England. The "anointing" of Her Maiesty's head was purely a "sleight-of-hand" peiformance. * * * A country newspaper correspondent wants to knoav, "whether, under the Workers' Compensation Act, a burglar, enterine; premises and working at his trade, receives injuries from the careless use of dynamite, or his operating instruments, the owner of the property 01 premises w ould be liable 9 " As it is unlikely that the burglee would be the employer of the burglar, I am disposed to think that no damages could be claimed by Svkes. However, there's no harm in bringing: a test case but to the Wellington policei I would say — first catch your burglar. * * * Quite a novel music-hall "turn" is now done by an American named George Golden. He tells humoious stcnes, and is popular The universal tipping system in London ovei comes him with bewilderment. He gave one man 3d for closing the door of a hansom the other day, winch another man had just received 3d from him for opening, and then a third man leached a soliciting hand through the window. "Well," asked the passenger lesignedly, "and what did you do p " "Please, sir, I saw you get in." * * * The late Phil May could easily earn £100 a day but, like most geniuses, he had to be driven to work at the point of the tongue. His wife, previous to the days in which his pictures were required, had constant employment. She harried the sluggard until he fairly had to draw for self-protection. Phil May was one of the best amateur actors England had, and had made a name for himself also as a writer. The oft-told taradiddle that he was ignorant educationally is easily dissipated on reading come of his delightful comments on tilings in general.

Old men aie so jealous. In Dunedin lately a man of sixty-seven told the Benevolent Trustees that he had been "fired out" of his home as a iesuit of a quarrel with his wife. It transpired that this very modern woman had been in the habit of putting her booted feet on hubby's knee for him to unlace her boots. She left off putting her feet on his knee, and conferred the distinction on a young man Mho was courting her daughter. Hence the bother. Evidently, when he was told to go he went.