ENTRE NOUS

Free Lance, Volume IV, Issue 165, 29 August 1903, Page 14

ENTRE NOUS

THE Rev. H. Eraddock is one of those good men who detests modern dancing. He is saying so in vivid words down Havelock way. He says the dances of the Bible were expressions ot religious gratitude and joy. He has a right to his opinion. It cannot be shared by a studious majority. -However in connection with, the dance question, a lady, who one time found a delight in it, and who now abhors it, writes "In those times I cared little for polka, and still less for the old - fashioned money mush, or Virginia reel, and wondered what people cWd find to admire in those slow dances. But, in the soft floating ot the waltz I found a strange pleasure, rather difficult to intelligibly describe. The mere anticipation fluttered my pulse, and when my partner approached to claim my promised hand for the dance I felt my cheeks glow a little sometimes, and I oould not look him in the eye with the same frank gaiety as before. * * » "But the climax of my confusion was reached when, folded in his warm embrace, and giddy with the whirl, a strange sweet thrill would shake me from head to foot. I am speaking openly and frankly, but if my cheeks grew red with uncomprehended pleasure then, they grow pale to-day with shame when I think of it adl. All this while no one said to me, 'You do wrong,' so I dreamed of sweet words whispered during the dance, and often felt while alone a thrill of joy. Married now, with home and children around me, I can a.t least thank God for the experience which will assuredly be the means of preventing my little daughters from indulging in any such dangerous pleasure." * * * Everyone knows the awful joy that lights up the face of the average Salvation Army "testifier" when he details exhaustively, and oftentimes regretfully the terrific sinfulness of his past career, nearly always exaggerating small points into quite luxurious misdemeanours with much lip-smacking. This lady's "testimony" seems to be of that description. Perhaps, it is just as well she stopped dancing. She was an impressionist. * * » 'Tis not an easy task to show How o-u-g-h sounds' Since though An Irish Lough, and English Slough, And Cough and Hiccough, all allow. Differ as much as Tough and Through, There seems r.o reason -nhy they do!

There is a story going the round:* that serves to illustrate the fact that age is not inconsistent with the impressionability, and, alas, the fickleness of youth. A well-known widower, who has about reached the Psalmist s allotted span of life, was recently smitten with the charms of that most fascinating type of modern womanhood, the trained nurse. Matters matrimonial were approaching a crisis when the lady was called away to a neighbouring colony- The widower had apparently come so near to a second marriage that he could not wait for her return, so he entered the holy bonds with another. * * * The .honeymoon was scarcely over when the nurse wrote, announcing with all affection her speedy return. Visions of a breach of promise case gleamed luridly before his eyes, and he placed the whole matter before his new-made wife, winding up with what he regarded as a brilliant suggestion — viz., that they should invite the deserted nurse to stay with them for a while as a guest, and so in friendship smooth out the legal wrinkles. The bride looked sternly at her husband, and said "Law is a bad thins, but even escape from, a breach of promise case may be bought at too high a price. You do not bring any of your old sweethearts here as guests." & * * * "But, my love," he protested, "you know that you may trust me, for I am all your own." "Yes," was the significant reply, "it is because I mean you to be all my own thait I don't trust you. For old men-, as well as young men, the surest deliverance from evil is not to be led into temptation. The only nurse that is going to look after your declining years is myself — and I am not going to let you forget it." And that happy man now looks at the world through gloomy spectacles, expecting each morning to receive a writ from the jilted nurse. * * * Curious to learn that the plan of campaign to be undertaken in SomaJiland early next year is formulated by our ex-enemy, Lieutenant Cronje, D.5.0., who, it will be remembered, was in command of the Boer Contingent that recently did such good work against the Mullah's men. Cronje advocates the employment of colonial mounted men, only, without wheeled transport, the "meat" to travel in mobs, and the other necessities to be packed on spare horses. The slim Boer, whose opinions are considered to be pretty useful, thinks that it will be many years before the Mullah is wiped out. * * * The much-published paragraph asserting that appendicitis is nearly always caused by eating "chilled" provisions is supposed to have emanated from the moat men of England who are opposed to the Premier's New Zealand butchers' shop scheme. Presumably, the King, who made the disease fashionable, has never partaken of frozen "jumbuek."

A propos of the disabilities preventing our smartest youth from entering into the teaching profession, it is interesting to know that in the neglected and boggy North the teachers are having the worst time experienced for years. In many places school is held not in ordinarily decent buildings, but in sheds, that may have been used for storing farm produce. We know of a youth who is cut off by twenty moles of the boggiest road in this island from the township. Also, the back-country committeemen often publicly enter the school, and "play up," threatening the "master" with dire penalties should he fail to pass their children. There is one delightful spot, called Jordan (!), where the £65 a year girl teacher is on an island all the winter. The children come to school across the flood-water ?n boats, and should the teacher want to go anywhere in particular she has to wait until a settler brings her across the raging flood.

At present, in one school district, it is a ten-mile "pull" across the open country to the post-office. When you consider that the whole of the settlers in these hopelessly out-of-the-way places are eaten up with petty jealousies, believine as they do that the teacher has a lovely time, and also that the said teacher is often under the orders of grossly ignorant committeemen, one ceases to wonder why the profession is unpopular. Young teachers are sent to these out-of-the-way places on a mere pittance for two years. • • • "You may hitch your waggon to a star, bang the ocean on a tornado to dry, wipe the dust from a cyclone with a safety razor, wear the aurora borealis for an evening gown, twist the sky into an omelette, set an earthquake to rag time, unbuckle the belly-band' of eternity, and open up the sun and moon as health resorts, but you cannot find another insurance company issuing as liberal accident and health policies as those written by the Company." You would never guess that this was American unless we told you so. * * * When Poverty enters the portal Love flies from the window, the snob ! If Love were the right sort of mortal, He'd go out and hunt for a job. # « • Still another burglar captured ! During the late record rain, every other roof in Wellington leaked, consequently plumbers have been requisitioned to effect repairs. At seven o'clock on the night after a certain two-storied house had been' made allegedly water-proof, its occupants were startled to hear sounds as if someone was scrambling up the side of the house. The house father, who is rather well known in the football world, hastened out with no weapon but the ones nature has supplied. There, in the gloom, he espied a dark form half-way up the waterpipe ' At his stentorian yell, "Come down'" the burglar slid, and the exfootballer got to work on him, and pounded him most thoroughly. • • • Having satisfied the requirements of the case, he dragged the marauder to the light. He was a boy about sixteen years of age. "Why, that's the plumber's boy!" ejaculated the terrified housewife. Asked why he had returned to rob the house, the boy explained that he was no thief. He had been to a dance the previous nigiht, and was "dead tired." In the afternoon, he lay down in an oul>-of-the-way corner on the roof, with his back up against the chimney, and "had a snooze." When he woke up, his mates had gone ladder and all, and he had to slide down the "down-pipe." Perhaps, that boy won't sleep on exfootballers'' roofs any more.

Their knowledge of racing was most complete. They were perfect encyclapaedias of knowledge. Other cyclists got interested, and soon quite a little crowd was gathered round the wajyfarers. The fact transpired that both

were well-known racing men, who had but just met. So interested became the crowd over the two bikeless riders 1 , each of whom, said he was a better man than the other, that the two best bikes available were requisitioned for a race. The two riders would race to the bend of the road a mile distant, Wheel, and return to the hotel. They started amidst cheers, and sprinted in masterly style. They rode handle-bar to handle-bar all the way to the bend — and past it. The owners of the bikes are fools if they are still waiting for the return of the riders. * * * The ways of women are past finding out. For instance, a lady down South is soiing for divorce on the ground that her husband will not maintain her. In court, the tearful ladyowned that he always offered her a sufficient income, but she refuses to take it. You see, the bad man bets, and, as some of his wealth is gained thereby, the wife, who doesn't bet, is censequently horrified. The magistrate, who is called upon to dissolve a marriage because a lady won't take what is hers for the asking, is in a quandary. He is still thinking out a solution. * ¥■ * Rotorua is advancing. It now rejoices in the possession of a fire-bell. This ornamental, though perfectly useless, arrangement is fitted withi a red light. As there is no water-supply in the town, the beauty of the improvement on which the town prides itself, is not strikinely apparemt. Still, thie bell is useful is calling the people out when there is an interesting conflagration to be seen. *■ * There are still some of the oldfashioned servants about. A local doctor last week called at a Thorndon house to perform an unimportant surgical operation. It was quite successful. The doctor's hat and gloves were handed to him by "Mary Ann," and he left the house. Mary found, after he had gone, an instrument on the table. The doctor had left it behind, evidently. She made a parcel of it, and, explaining to her employer, that gentleman said he would call on the medical man, and leave the parcel. Next day was fine, and that gentleman searched high and low for bis bicycle pump. He made enquiries of Mary aforesaid, and t dawned on her that the "surgical instrument" she had so carefully sent to the doctor was the article desired. The doctor is smiling still. * * * One's attitude towards prices high, Dependsi, the truth to tell, On whether he is out to buy, Or if he fain would sell. * * ■* The ignoble army of men who try to shuffle through life by the bye-paths of laziness and crime is increasing in New Zealand. Just recently a well-dressed youth in the main street of one of our big towns made o sudden dive for a glittering bauble that appeared to be in the gutter. His face lighted up with boyish pleasure. "Look what I've found !" he said to & quiet-looking man, who happened to be gazing abstractedly into a shop window. It was a diamond ring of purest ray serene. ». ♦ « The fortunate finder was very hard up. Providence had placed the find in his way. Would the gentleman give him 15s for it ? Evidently it was worth at least £20. The stranger bought the ring, and T>aid the price, and asfced the young man to come and have a drink. "Here, we'll go into the dive," he said, turning down a passage. The dive was the back way to the police office. The young man had a couple of pooketsi full of diamond rings worth at least sixpence each. That detective is smiling. A Wellington gentleman, who is sufficiently well-endowed with worldly goods to be able to abandon this city when the weather threatens, a few weeks since took his family up to Auckland. He closed up the house. He and his family have had a good time. His first action on arriving in. Wellington again was to call at his office for letters — and accounts. He found a very heavy bill for gas and, as he had not used any during the whole month his ire was excessive. He showed the dreadful document to all his friends, and the friends were decidedly of opinion that it was a "scandalous shame." Then, he went home. His wife had got there before him, and her first news item was that the etas stove had been burning for a month ! * * * There was a man who had a clock, His name was Matthew Means, He wound it reg'lar every night For four-and-twenty years. And when this precious timepiece proved An eight-day clock to be, A madder man than Matthew Mears You wouldn't wish to see.

As mentor of public morals, and as judge of the kind of uords that may bring a person before the magistrate on a dharge of "language," the aveiage policeman is not to be trusted implicitly. Not long ago a couple of Italian fishermen were lgnommiously • run in" up North for "language calculated to provoke a breach of the peace." The words being translated in court, it was found the fish gentlemen had been discussing the merits of an Italian opera ! The other day, ait Gisborne. a policeman overheard a couple of Maori lad-

les slanging one another. The lan guage was so awful that, in, the interests of pakeha morality, he was forced to gather them in. The fearsome words alluded to were "upoko kohua," which contain an invitation to "go and have your head boiled." Reminds us that not more than three months ago an ex-lady at Chn&tchurch was lgnominiously marched up to the look-up for "language." Viewing an impromptu football match between high-school boys, she had shouted the awful words, "Floreat Etona!"