IT IS TOWN TALK

Free Lance, Volume IV, Issue 161, 1 August 1903, Page 26

IT IS TOWN TALK

—That theie aie no umbrella menders at Broken Hill. —That football is a strenuous game at Warhi. During a recent match thirteen men were injured. —That the name of the constable recently detailed to lun do^n sly-grog sellers in a prohibition district is Hunt. —That the Shah of Persia is becoming Anglicised. He has. but sixty wives. His predecessor had seventeen hundred. That we have discovered what ales the porter. Fact of the matter is. his daughter wines all the time, and he has to liquor. That Captain Voss has checked the headlong career of the Tilikum at Auckland. ' Time is not of the essence of the contract. — That the shark is to be turned to use at last. There is a dearth of eodliver oil, and the { shark is- to supply "emulsions" in future. — that a queer person in a Southern town wills £1000 to' the public library., provided the trustees allow him to be buried in the library grounds. —That, a grapes? of "Smiler" Hales's story, re-printed in this issue, a Westralian labourer was recently awarded £250 for damages sustained by a camel's bite. i ' That the enterprising adult burglars 'of Wellington do not seem to be so handy in keeping out of the way of the police as their distinguished boy predecessors. — That a Northern schoolmaster remarks that the work of lady teachers is "rather marred by their motherly fondness" for the children. Surely, an awful defect ! — That a recently "retired" clairvoyant declared he could tell the nature of a person's disease by his nails. If this is so, Wellington builders suffer from German measles. — That a Wellington, gentleman might have been noticed, in a Quay restaurant on Thursday evening, placidly eating his dinner with his teeth on the table. They were new. — That no Wellington bootmaker or tailor has been known to say that the footpaths were execrable. Like Mr. Duthie, they agree that they are "good enough, for their purpose." — That the Auckland -tram system, having been installed by Germans, it is only fitting that the guards should wear German military caps. This change has, therefore, been made. — That Major Dunk, Mayor of Palmerston, lapses into the military vernacular sometimes. He sharply requested his councillors recently to "As you were!" which they immediately did. — That the society reporter is ever on the search for new colours. One New Zealand scribe remarks that "Mrs. looked well in a gown of crepe-de-ohine trimmed with whisky-coloured lace." — That Holbein, the English swimmer, is training for a further idiotic attempt to "swim the Channel." Afterwards, he intends to lecture in New Zealand and Australia. Public receptions? — That Melbourne people were anxiously awaiting the results of Dr. McCarthy's efforts to bring down rain. If he succeeded, they intended to offer him bigs sums to bring down meat. — That the magistrate at Kawhia does not love the sly-grog industry. In giving: a long term of imprisonment to one of the illicit sellers, he called him "an iniquitous skunk" and a "bloodsucker." — That, rather than draw her husband's old age pension an old Australian woman recently hanged herself. There is no record of a civil service pensioner ever having done such a thing for shame. — That the Wellington young men who patronise tea-rooms, nibble biscuits, and talk nothings to the girls, are being vituperated by the country press. "They ought to be dressed in flannel petticoats," says one annoyed journal. — That, according to a Cheshire paper "Mrs. Shdtide, wife of a Castleford glass-bottle maker who gave birth to triplets, has received the King's bounty of £3." Mr. Seddon recently said that the bargain made by the late Queen was "off."

That the biggest smoker in New Zealand is an anti-tobaooonist. He is in the bacon trade. —That frost plays havoc with asphalt footpaths. And yet there has been no frost in Wellington. That an Otago paper apologises for coming out late. It had to thaw the ink before it could go to press. — That we don't seem to get any news as to whether that allegedly leprous Chinaman has leprosy or merely frost-bite. — That millers allege that they are selling flour ait a loss at present It is a chronic complaint with them Bread will rise. — That twenty-seven new double stars weie discovered at Capetown last year. "Cape smoke" is the worst spirit in the world. — That New Plymouth progresses. The Borough Council has granted permission for a bootblack to ply his trade in the ironsand city. — That, at a Northern sports meeting recently several flat events were won by Charles O'Connor, a boy with one leg and crutches. — That the people of the United States of America consider the word "American" too cumbrous. " Many have substituted the word "Usona." — That the cruel process of firebranding cattle will probably be superseded by a painless chemical method. Universal Syndicate, capital £250,000. — That Auckland wants to keep one ahead of Wellington. A local fhmhas built a motor 'bus, to ply for. passenger traffic. The 'bus seats twenty persons — That some Hawke's Bay Js.P. publicly thanked four able-bodied men who had gallantly assisted a six-foot policeman to bring an eight-stone woman to the lock-up. — That the derelict who has "jest come into ten thousand pounds. and couJd you lend me sixpence ? " is increasing in Wellington. Wanted, incurable wards for him. — That an ex-New Zealander, unable to get a job in Johannesburg, hit upon the idea of wearing a pigtail, and speaking pidgeon English. The '"Chinaman" is now at work. — That there is still another cure for cancer. A Dunedin man is said to have been completely successful with kerosene. Now, they want to cure him of kerosene inebriety. — That, at a recent "charity" dinner, in London, 3000 larks figured asi an item of the piovisions supplied. The ladies who eat them would probably weep at the idea of wearing one in their hats. — That a prohibitionist of Taranaki has written to Felix Tanner, who threatens to sail round the world m a barrel -protesting against a teetotaller using: a craft sympobhcal of the "cursed drink." — That application was made last Monday at the house of a local clergyman for a sovereign. It had been put in the plate as the "donor" said, "as an example to others." He substituted a sixpence. — That we are indebted to a Manawatu paper for our knowledge of the fact that "the novel industry of raspberry gardening is successfully carried on by ladies, in many cases several acres in extent!" Gigantic girls! — That a West Coast magistrate recently sent a man to gaol for a month for an offence against decency. Last week, for ai similar offencie, the same magistrate imprisoned a man "until the rising of the Court." — That the owner of a jibbing horse up-country asked the driver of a motorcar to help him. They made the bridle fast to the car, and "let her go." Now, the horse-owner is suing the motorist for the price of a brokennecked gee-gee. — That, a propos of "Society" slang, a beautiful and handsomely dressed youn'- lady, in the Opera House circle, the other night, asked her beau "Who's the old josser up there?" The "old josser" was one of our most revered citizens. — That a hungry swagman found some sticks of "jelly" m a deserted camp in Hawke's Bay last week. He made soup of them, and did not know that he had drunk enough gelignite to shift the Bank of New Zealand until he explained at the hospital. —That Mr. T. E. Taylor predicts colonial prohibition of the sale of liquor by publicans 1 . Mr. Seddon promises, in this case, prohibition of consumption in the home. Signor Bragato is strenuously endeavouring to foster the wine industry, and is succeeding. What for? Destruction? Hardly.