TIS TOWN TALK

Free Lance, Volume III, Issue 156, 27 June 1903, Page 26

TIS TOWN TALK

—That the name of the pound-keeper at Inglewood is John Bunyan. —That "sports" are riving odds that New Zealand's next Governor will be a militairy or naval man. _-That some girls imagine th»y«njn orange blossoms every time * young man asks them to go to a theatre. -That a blaze of barbaric brilliance —That the War Office thinks it probable that the Somali and force s safe; it consequently follows that it must be safe. —That Pahnerston progresses. The staff of Me is now carted to Rhetor of the consumer per motor car. Bakers horses are not sorry. -That "Kirn? Dick 9st 71b," is a Kta,rthne news item this week. -!■«« ]£££? Speared fairly hearty, hweven* when we last saw him. —That Sir Tea Lipton remarks, in print, that he would give every penny ne possesses and start life over again if he could win the America Yacht Lup. —That., since Carnegie said the whole British colonial Empire was merely a oatoh word with politicians, he is finding it more difficult to give libraries away. That the Sultan of Johore was sued before leaving Australia for preparing the pedigree of a racehorse. His Serenity should nave bought a studbook. —That, although Dunedin is ultra Scotch, it is impossible to obtain a bit of tartan ribbon there. They usually send to Wellington for it on patriotic occasions. That, during a recent meeting of a Council, not a hundred miles from this city. one councillor moved that a certain clause of the by-law should be "delineated." That Londoners were recently seriously inconvenienced by drought. There i\as no rain within the city for seven days, and consequently the water supply was short. That a Sydney man has offered, for a consideration to destroy all the sharks in the harbour. He proposes attracting them to one spot, and blowing them up with gelignite. — That a quaint Gisborne person says that 10 o'clock closing for hotels will be productive of evil, as "people turned out of hotels at that early houi will retire to restaurants!" — That, in imitation of those two Wellington bo- burglars who r-re doubtless looked upon as heroes, many youngsters throughout the colony are hard at work making a like reputation. — That a local church is said to be tryme to wean the people from donating "threepennies" at church collections by sen dm w along the plates with a handful of "sixpences" already 'donated." — That some dozens of papers in New Zealand published portraits of their late Majesties of Servia. They were evidently taken after they were "dead and mutilated beyond recognition." — -That a Northern paper, starred at the fact that a white woman was found helplessly intoxicated on a river bank, suggests extending the general prohibition of drink now in operation against Maori women to their white sisters. — That one of the sensations of a little Southern borough is a Magistrate's Court case in which a public man was sued by a caterer. Amount claimed was for a public banquet given to him "by friends and supporters." — That the Australian press, stirred by the fact that King Dick is going to open butchers' shops in Britain, asks, in a loud voice, why Premier Irvine doesn't open wine shops and butter marts in England. We lead, others follow. — That a hotel porter, going to- a guest's room in a Wellington Hotel, was astonished to find that he was declaiming loudly before the lookingglass. He told the proprietor to come quickly and grab the madman. But, it was only a new M.H.R. getting ready for the session. — That, following Wellington saddlers, the Chnstehuroh plumbers have decided that, in the interest of the people, it is desirable that the State should institute a bank. Supposing Government favours the scheme who will take the credit, Wellington saddlers or Christchurch plumbers?

— That a good epitaph for a photographer's tombstone would be : "Here I am, taken from life." — That New Zealand has always a surplus). Leeston School recently had to give a concert to raise funds for firev ood ! — That Auckland members are to be champagned before coming to Wellington to talk about the San Francisco service, and the boggy North. —That Captain Voss, of the Tiiikum, is still waitinqr for an opportunity to get away from New Zealand. It is hard to tear oneself away from good red gold. — That, according to a Sydney journal, it will be interesting to see if New Zealand becomes any more sober owing to the drastic restriction of the liquor traffic. — That the only country m the world one can get a farthing breakfast in is in the Scotch town of Leith. If Carnegie learns of this, he'll give Leith a library. — That it is on the cards now the Government have bought another racing stallion, that it intends to establish a rapine stable. Another threat against private industry ! — That some of the wealthy men of Wellington are said to have banded themselves together as an "anti-shout-ing" league. Every man in future will pay for his own drinks. — That, during a recent raid on an alleged gambling house in sinless Wellinerton, the detectives surprised two well-known and highly respectable tradesmen "heading 'em." —That Auckland Savage Chibites are torn with conflicting emotions about some alleged obiectionable words introduced into a recitation at a social affair which His Excellency attended. — That the Southern judge who, while remarking that a case of indecent assault was a bad one, sent the criminal to gaol for twelve months, might write a comic opera on the Gilbert plan. — That a Palmerston money-lender was nuite hurt the other day when a magistrate told him that 20 per cent, was too much interest to ask. How's a poor fellow to earn a crust, anyhow ? — -That Sir William Stewarts poem, of 968 lines, on the Parliamentary trip, might be sent along to Mr. E. M. Smith, who would thus be able to recite it in the House for the benefit of his bleeding country. — That the gentleman who sends us along a straw of good oaten hay remarks that prohibitionists should endeavour to pet tobacco manufacturers to discontinue using: this sort of tiling, and calling it tobacco. — That Greymouth is to have an annual small birds slaughter festival. It will let them collect until the first Wednesday in August, and then go forth and play Hades. One day a year sounds sensible, doesn't it? That the Parisian Society for the Protection of Human Life is asking the King to stop a coming motor race, in Ireland. It would save a lot of lives to prohibit anything an Irishman had set his heart on, now wouldn't it ? — -That it is shocking to hear that the young Wesleyan ladies of Kumara paint isn't it P They devoted the last public holiday to the painting of the chapel fence. It is a commentary on the size of the male portion of the congregation. — That one of the most regular attendants at a certain country church is the village constable. But his regularity is not a proof of piety. He has to go professionally, to keep the hoodlums of the hamlet from hustling the parson and worshinners out of the building. — That a tactful parson in Taranaki recently fot a drunken man outside his church by the simple process of asking him to "come and have a drink." Then, he went back, and took for his text With, their mouths have they deceived , the poison of asps is under their lips. — That Dannevirke is noising abroad a news item of vast importance. Its new firebell can he heard tliree and a-half miles away. As they ring it nearly every day to listen to its sweetness the firemen recently did not turn out to a fire that consumed somebody's curtains.