AFTERNOON TEA GOSSIP

Free Lance, Volume III, Issue 152, 30 May 1903, Page 6

AFTERNOON TEA GOSSIP

By Little Miss Muffitt.

The Ciematum Bill to be introduced into Parliament provides for the compulsory adoption of the system of cremation by the municipalities. me proii is optional, however, in case, Xic Plots in cemeteries aie already eld No other exemptions will be ianted, and no ne, ' Parliament * * T suppose you have never come to the JeaXi that a Raglan ,-« ™*« animadverting upon the disgrace iy Sm ' township composed pnnciS y of' men, in allowing a woman to be sent to gaol to bear the burden of their sin" The writer expresses the iope that the "next time a woman suophes a Kawhia, man with .™,, th § * may be poison oure and sample. bup ™o7e such a thing as grog, >c and simple," existed ' Talking about the unladylike subject of grog reminds me that about four year? £50 a Wellington Irishman « as brought before the magistrate on a ohar^e of being drunk and disorderly. He emphatically denied the drink part 3 thTSiarge, and the magistrate asked H he was sSr4 drink '.'had not had something to do in bringing him here' 1 distinctly remember Pat's grin when ho looked full at the two policemen (who were both Pats, by the way), and remarked, "Certainly, they was both drunk, yer Worship." • ♦ Mr W Williams, of Remington, Hawke's Bay, has been sending his children to school for thirty-seven years He is the father of twenty. If Mr. Williams is a working man, he has had a lot of exercise in his time, and doesn't do Sandow to kill time. My sympathies, however, are mainly with Mrs. Williams, who has probably had a few rather heavy stocking-darn-ing campaigns in her time. • • • I fear me much the following is puie sarcasm. I am sending a male cousin, with a University degree, to try it, however — "Wanted, farm hands, for agr cultural district. Commencing salary, £.500 a year, with house, medical attendance, and electric light. Gentlemen applying should have some knowledge of carting straw and pigdriving. Suit unemployed person or congested alien Home- comforts." • * * Aie not some men gentle creatures ? A prominent-featured citizen arrived at his suburban home on Thursday night feeling so glad that, not gaining immediate admission, he kicked the door ,n. Instead o! the wif© he loved coming down, a tearing individual, with a raucous voice and a fearful grip, rushed out, and used him as a dumbell for several minutes. The plaim fact is that the gentle knocker had kicked m the w rong door. His trembling wife was looking over the fence "slanging" the interfering person who dared strike her poor little door-smashing husband. • ♦ # "I fight quite shy of Cupid's dart," The w orldly cynic said , "For he w r ho wins a woman's heart Must first lose his own head." • » » Dear little Mane Corelli — so brilliant, so beautiful, so talented and tactful, suave, so eminently ladylike, gentle dashing, and debonnaire I wonder who had been drawing the social barrier against the matchless Marie when she wrote "The modern gadabout who suggests a composition of chimpanzee and fashionable Johnny combined, is a kind of sexless creature for whom would only be a cage in a geneial menagerie She or it would meielv occupy the time in scrambling about from perch to perch, screaming on the slightest provocation, and snarling and snapping at such similar neutial creatures who chanced to have longer or more bushy tails." I wonder 11 Mane gets paid for these gentle cnticisms?

The solemnity of a Lttlc paragiaph dealing with a faneral sei\ice held n Jionour ot a deceased townsman wa^ londered taicical by somebody (piobably the "devil" last week Heic it is And, while the choir feelingly sang 'Days and Moments Quickly Flying,' the audience stood With bowed legs," etc It is surmised the puntei got 'hold of the wrong end of the affan. * * * The silly season lasts- all the vcar round in New Zealand. Here is a roccnt country adveitisement ' Wanted, two young men, of medium height (must be fascinating:), with good piospects, to correspond with t-.vo good-looking young laches, with a\iew to 'tying the knot.' Address— ' Les Miserables." Don't you think the "two young ladies" aie youths, who believe themselves to be "funny dogs " * * * "Theie is no poveity in New Zealand." That is why a, woman on the Qua.v found it necessary to accost a wealthy Welhngtoman, on Friday, and tell him she had nothing with which to make a file. Hitheito the gentleman has not had a leputaticn for open-hand-edness, but on this occasion he at once gave her the wheiewitha.l to make a fire Matches cost money, however. • * * Splendid force the police' Take that noble man who, the other day, finding a poor, shivering wretch lying helpless m the gutter, placed him on his broad back, carrying him nearly a mile to the watch-house. The unfortunate lay like a dead thing on the manly blue shoulders, and the panting policeman, nearing home, laid his burden tenderly down for a spell. 'Tw is then the soul returned. "Buck up, ole chap, don't put me down vet There is only a few more yards to go." I draw a veil. This is no place for profanity - * As aa example of the "retort courteous," the rapid exchange of repartee heaid at a Road Board meeting, m the Middle Island, the other day, is ex eellent. It was a question of the diversion of funds to improper purposes, and the man to whom was imputed some blame looked round, and remarked triumphantly, "God helps those who ihelp themselves " "Then God help you i" exclaimed the Board's premier wit. ♦ » ♦ A little stealing is a dangerous part, But stealing largely is a noble art ; "Tis mean to rob a henroost, or a hen, But stealing thousands make us gentlemen. ♦ * # King Dick was at Paeroa the other day, whither he went to unveil a memorial fountain, erected in honour f Sergeant-major Bradford, who was a private with the First Contingent, and the first man belonging to a New Zealand corps who died of w ounds received ill action. Among other things, King Dick said "I met four generals, and all spoke w ell of the New Zealanders. In fact, I met so many generals that I imagined I was a bit of a general myself " A good large bit, too 1 • * • The feat Carjtain Voss intends to perform in ciroumnavigatms the world in the Tilikum reminds me that many years ago Mr. Park, of Palmerston, and a brother, paddled from the Manawatu Bridge to Pictou in foui teen-feet Rob Roy canoes. Tllikum is supposed to be an Indian name This is how the boat came to be christened thus, however. Captain Voss was mooning round a ship-building yard at Hull, and a group of tarry ship carpenters w ere discussing the merits of the Yankee boat that was just then attempting the circumnavigation of the globe. The little craft in winch Captain Voss is now braving the perils of the deep was lying up against a shed, and one of the men, jerking a thumb towards her, said "That's the boat t' lick 'em." The captain bought the boat and he intends Tilikum or get di owned. * * * Here is a poem written in 1896 by the late Miss Camille Holland, the victim of the Moat Faim, Essex, murder. When the spring is como, lo\e, And the upphng brooklets flow — Then we'll meet once moie, loac, In our ow n dear vale below . When the moon shines soft, love, And the silvery fountains flow , Where the rustling lea\es, love, Whisper dreams of long ago. Roaming through fragrant bow 'is. Dreaming of happy hours, I'll sing no more in sadness, But wake the song of gladness. When the winter is come, love And the dreary night winds blow — Then will you forget, love, Our fond dream of long ago p Then will you forget, love, This fond dream of long ago l3