IT IS TOWN TALK

Free Lance, Volume III, Issue 151, 23 May 1903, Page 26

IT IS TOWN TALK

) That the mamage tie should be a foiget-me-knot —That there, is no need of a divining rod to locate water on the Hutt-road . The only man on. a newspaper who finds his w ork dead easy is the obituary reporter. —That a ghostly visitant is at largo at Milton The youths thereaway aie after him with bricks. —That Japanese judges are paidthe princely salary of £1 a week. They should be free from bias. —That a local man recently became possessed of a perfect talking machine without buying it Fact is, hes married —That the controversy, ' Why don't men goto church?" is still going strong down South.. Try women parsons not over 25. —That the strike threw at least one New Zealander out of work. The match he struck set fire to his whare. and incidentally himself. —That millions of fish continue to he thrown up on the Picton beach, and in consequence residents all wear clothespegs on their noses. That a Miss Henn was married to a Mr. Fow ler m a Southern town last week. The ceremony was performed by the Rev. Drake. That a new "stump extractor" has been tried. The cost of working it is only £2 per "acher." . Bushmen and dentists please note. —That Judge Conolly is a teetotalei , but not a prohibitionist. He attributes his extraordinary ability to stand the judicial strain to this fact. That a man was recently fined £10 for playing a jewsharp in church at Balclutha Churches frequently like "crowns" better than harps. That a maritime scandal is imminent It is said that several sailors on a passage from Picton to Wellington weie recently ordered to take a bight of a rope —That a country Mentioultural Association advertises that 'On Tuesday next the subjects for discussion will be the works of Hoseph Jacking and Call Janie " —That Tiki te po Mua of Manaia, has just spent his Uoth birthday. He remembeis Captain Cook's visit in 1770. He is holding back for next jubilee — That an asthmatic Wellingtonian, asked bv his doctor, ' Do you expectorate very much," replied that he "expected no rate at all, as he'd bally well paid 'em." — That an ardent lover of floweis plumed himself upon having discoveied a new treasure in blooms, but has given up cultivating it since he has found it to be only the much-sw orn-at ragwort — That, in 1820, an Englishman was convicted and seat to Botany Boy foi trespassing on land and picking blackberries To-day the noxious weed inspector is wild if you don't take the bush — That the employees m an Auckland drapery establishment instituted an' anti-slang society, with hea\y fines for lapses. When the week ended, and they had no wages to draw , the society broke up. — That degrees of inebriety were discussed in a Southern police court the other day. One lawyer declared that a man was drunk when he held on to the earth with his finger-nails to prevent himself falling off — That a ' silent club" has been formed in Australia, only dumb men being admitted The use of the Silent club, usually a little bag filled with sand has been peculiar to that country since the dear old days of Botany Bay. — That many country papers are worrying an election news paragraph to death by still asserting that the. John Hutchison who came out at the bottom of the poll is the late member "Jack," who spells his name with an ' c." — That a man who applied for relief to a Southern benevolent society was wearing five vests, two overcoats fiv 3 pairs of socks, and shoee and goloshes. He said he had slept vi the open air for several nights, and felt cold. — That originality is creeping into the clerical profession. A parson ?t Gisbarne recGnt.lv preached on ' Suspicious Mushrooms', or how I treat the wolf that has been to my tailor " Thp clergyman should be a good hand at conundrums.

— That things do not go mmig of tilioinselves , somebody pushes them. — That a Southern man dropped dead in a Southern bar the othei day. He had diunk a glass of been—That Mr. Ronayne says that the Westport section of railways is the best worked in the colony ? Where is Westport p —That, although a youthful schooltcaching probationer knew that, a kiss was a common noun, she was unable to decline it. — That if a married w oman opens her purse, and there happens to- be money in it, public opinion of her husband goes up a notch. — -That au Austrian savant who recently discovered the microbe of old age, and demonstrated his ability to stop its ravages, is dead, aged 42. — That a man was recently fined for furious driving on the Hutt-road. The Petone paper suggests that the charge should have been "furious swimming." — That the City Council tramway manager may be- surprised to hear that many people travel considerable distances without paying their fares. They walk. — That the most strenuous and fearleiss paper m Capetown is run by exNew Zealanders and Australians. The libel law" seems to be a bit patchy over there. — That the earnest young parson, who told a young lady of the congregation last Sunday that his task was to save young men, was asked to save a nice one for her. — That an ex-New Zealander, who is now a policeman in Johannesburg, was lately "suspended" for using his foot in a row w ith a Kaffir who used a knife and "knob kern." — That a labour body down South actually thanked the press recently for taking so much trouble to lepoit their meetings correctly. Mr. Andrew Collins should affiliate. — -That a Rangiora youngster, fearing theiei would be a slumr> in spariows' eggs last year "put dow n" six dozen m an egg-preserving mixture. His industry has been rewarded This year the "price is riz." — That the owner of one of the largest patent medicine works in Austiaha ha 9 lecently died His 'absolute cure for consumption" didn't seem to help him for that disease earned him to Rook wood. — That the apparent reason for the small number of males who take up school-teaching is the fact that £8) a year or so for the use of their biains i.= not as satisfying as the ordinary woikmg man's £lofo for the use of his hands —That Geo. Hutchison ex-M.H.E. for Patea has earned undying fame in Johannesburg by his attitude in opposing the sw arming on to the Rand of the "smellful Chow." Quite the latest name for the Rand capital is "Chowannesburg " — That a newly-arrived youth from Home failed to explain to the Customs people the use he intended to make of about os w orth of gaudy beads but rumour had it that he intended to buy immense tracks of land from the cannibals with it — That a West/land man recently asked that a prohibition order should he issued against him, a,s he had the "horrors" in a most pronounced form. The simple fact is he had seen one of those uncanny moose hulls recently imported from Canada. — That according to a press wire, under the new a^ard at Christchurch carpenters sent to country jobs are to have extra wages, fiec railway passes, and board. The prospect of lls or more a day and board to boot, ought to about empty Wellington of carpenteis. — That a newly-elected Northern Sohool Committee consists of a nunemajiaging chairman, the whole of the remaining membeis being mine re under him in the same mine. The chairman has the power of "sack" over all his commit tee men ' Who w ill run scholastic matters ? — -That the man who rushed out of lus Adelaide-ioad house thei other morning to catch a passing tram, was evidently m a hurry. He was wearing lus wife's new speckled tweed coat. "Next stopping place is tlie other side of the Caledonian," said the unsympathetic guard. — That a Christchuich young man — sued for failing to comply w ith a child-maintenance order — pleaded that he was about to get married, but not to the plaintiff. His Worship voiced the sentiment of the general crowd w hen he said, 'Hang your mam age," and ordered him to pay an increased sum.