ENTRE NOUS

Free Lance, Volume III, Issue 151, 23 May 1903, Page 14

ENTRE NOUS

THERE is still a disposition to grind out comment regarding the "ragging" scandals in the Army. An influential Australian paper even runs to a sub-leader on the subject. It speaks of what it does not knoiw when it says — "Young officers are 'ragged' because they are too poor to live up to the regimental traditions, because they come from the ranks, and are not considered 'clajs enough' — in the elegant upperorustian phrase, or because they take too serious a view of their position as a British officer, and waste time learning soldiership that could be better devoted to regimental club dissipation." * • • There are not half-a-dozen young "ranker" -officers in the Army, and the subaltern's mock court-martials are an idiotic device of more than ordinary brainless aristocrats to "try" their peers. There is no record of an aristocratic "court-martial" ever having tried a ranker officer. The extremely rare "ranker" generally becomes a second lieutenant at the age when a Sandhurst or Woolwich man gets hi® majority. A ranker generally goes through all grades to a commission, and he is, m nearly all cases, treated with exceptional consideiradon on his first entrance into the officers' mess. * * * This reminds us of a true yarn. The regimental sergeant-major of a lancer regiment passed his examinations with great credit, and earned, his commission. The regiment is the "crackest of the crack, ""and it has> at least six sprigs 1 of nobility in the ranks, royalty even adorning its officers' mess. They gave that new officer a banquet! Think of that. They didn't court-marital him for having onoe been *a plumber's labourer. The new man ,got along all richt looked calmly at the redmental plate did not faint at the sight of an old chum as mess waiter handine him the dishes. Fact is, he seemed to be as eood a gentleman a* the Colonel. Unfortunfl<-elv for him. the mess waiter brought tihe bia silver fineer bowl to him before offerine it to anyone else. The ex-epreeant-maior looked rour>n undecided. Then, he took the bowl, and drank about a pint of rose-water.

He thought it was a ' loving cup" ' Did they "rag" him? Nary a rag. There wasn't even a smiie. To-day the plumber's boy is major and adjutant o* his regiment, but he doesn't drink rosewater. *. * * A high-toned club, not altogether unconnected with Auckland, had its little card-room disturbed the- other night oy a flutter among the outraged members. During the progress of a game f "poker," one of the players, a visitor, was seen to deal himself six cards and play. Another player called a halt for a moment, and, drawing aside the club member who had introduced the visitor into the select circle, explained what had ocouned, and asked him to pet his friend to withdraw on any pretext he chose to put forward. The hint was taken and the visitor left quietly and ooollv with £150 of club members' good money. # * * Ashburton, one of the new prohibition districts in the South, furnishes the latest story of rural simplicity, [n one of its back-block centres, a bucolic pair came to church to be united. Bride and bridesmaids were om hand, and the bridegroom was also there, eager enough to proceed. But when the minister asked for the production, of the license, the young Hodge beared in amazement. "License'" he exclaimed, "what do we want it for? I thought no-license was carried at the last election'" And the ceremony had to be indefinitely postponed until the Registrar could be hunted up and the legal formalities oomplied with. There is still room for the schoolmaster at Ashburton. If women agreed to remove their hats at the theatres, would men agree .(> remaan in their seats during the entire length of the play ? That is a question that is fluttering the dovecotes of femininity just now. For be it known that among themselves women playgoers are heaping upon the other sex reproaches just as bitter as they can be. though less vehemently noisy than were those erstwhile directed against themselves. The indictments that men playgoers have to answer are that the / are too fidgety and over-disposed to come and go between the acts. • • * Women have been, so accustomed all their lives to have their toes trodden on, their programmes pushed, out of their hands, and even their coiffures subjected to the rude disturbances of tlhose who squeeze in front of them at the end and beginning of each act, that it seems a little late in the day to make complaintsi. But the habit is growing, and it has occurred to -'"re women that if it were possible to change the present custom it would be advan tageious to their comfort,

Wellington, is blessed, in that it has within its gates a respectable number of poets, who have made, or are calculated to be able to make, a lasting mark. Mr. J. L. Kelly surprised the city by coming out with a volume of verses a while back, and the favourable notices he received are evidences that he is to be reckoned among the "probables" for the New Zealand Laureate's* wreath. Now, comes along a vo'*" of delightful verses from the pe»* Hubert Church, which b^ m c West Wind." Mr. C* -of Mr. lingtonian by Iqb^ ' - calls "The i^ a Tasmania" .^lurch is a Welof a sob/* 1 _, residence, though he .i by birth, being the son father. * # * Mr. Church is now an official in the Treasury. Unlike the works of most colonial verse writers, hisi poems are marked by a refinement and culture that are the best evidence of the innate daintiness of the writer. There is a dignity of expression, a choice of melodious language, and a sweetly haunting tone throughout the work that places it in a class t>v itself. Here is no clash or clatter, no Kipling word trickery, but smoothness, culture, and restful chairm. Mr. Church's name should he an honoured on© in the little list of New Zealand bards. # ♦ ♦ Then, again, young Lawson, or, to speak of him by his pen-name, "Quilp N." His> work may be perhaps a little Kiplmgesque, but still a new charm, a potent individuality, marks the sea verses in "The Red West Road." There is a smell of oil, a dash of spray, a clamour of tailrods here. Clever word jugglery, virile, picturesque, youthful ■. full of hope, and a great longing. "Quilp N." has mastered the technical in sea terms, and he gives them' to you m forms that stay with and elate you. Here is a verse of one of his least technical poems, and. though it lacks mach of the fire of other gems in the "Red West Road," it is an admirable sample of the clever versifier's best work — To South and East and North the screws are singing, So steadily and tunefully and slow. But on the Western Track they thunder flinging, Their wake afoam, and by their roar and ringing — By laughter sweet, deet> in my heart, I know That down that Red West Road, with big screws swinginc Some day I'll go. • ♦ • Another youth with "pen attuned to poetry" is" Mr. W. Francis Chambers, whoso work is appearing from time +o time in the "Lance," Sydney "Bulletin," and other colonial papers. His pleasant style is marked with an aptness of expression, a prettiness of diction, and a knowledge of the true art of poetry unusual here. Maybe you know the irrepressible Chambers ? He is. a not-long Wellingtonian, but hails from the world's metropolis, the rich accent of the natives of that city being a birth-

right he has not yet squandered is a young man who wants * and, believe us, if his • c progress at the rate ** °° 8^ o^ ainbulations, he ~ worldy affairs in other walV -- 1 bis ordinary perpleasanfc - wll achieve eminence -s of life as well as in the of poetry. * * • Yankee enterprise led a fire-quench-ing firm to invite a crowd of Dunedin people the other day to come and see them put a fire out. A patent mixture enclosed in patent syringes, was to be used. They got a couple of big oases and filled them with pine timber, soaked the whole with tar and kerosene, and "let her go." The operator stood by and squirted. He squirted one cylinder empty, but the fire kept on ; in fact, he squirted six cylinders! empty ;ul told and, although the fire turned blue, green, and mauve, it beat the mixture badly. The main point for the guidance of possible purchasers, who want to extinguish burning packing oases, is that the mixture costs a guinea a tube retail. • • • Curious to find that the British authorities on the Rand have recently given permission to the police to carry firearms. It has been found necessary, as crimes of violence are at present as frequenit as they were under Dutch rule in 1899. You will remember that one of the Uitlander grievances of those day? was that the "Zarps" (contraction of Zuid Afrikaanche Republiek Politic) carried revolvers, and frequently used them. The Rev. A. Peters, of Ashburton, is a picturesque parson. He is bound In have a following, for hisi theological thunders are in a class entirely of their own. Take some samples: "Some women put more religion, into singing hymns than they do into the scrubbingbrush ; there'si more religion in a wellcooked dinner than in, siay, a Salvation Army bonnet, and more in keeping a clean tidy home than in being a member of the Women's Christian Temperance Union, though a good manager might be capable of both." Fired by his logic, the average woman in future won't go to church to sing hymns ; she will stay at home to cook the mid-day steak. » * • They sat on the steps at midnight, two fools that were better in " bed, murmuring honey nothings, while the silvery moon hung its head. Two fools with joyous elation, sought a partnership for their lips, and thrilled with a queer sensation from toes to their finger tips. Telling the same stuff over that was nothing when it was new, giggling, gushing, and burning, but frozen through and. through. This is the fond affection the young folks each other bear : tihey think it love undying, and angelsi in envy stare. The bachelor saysi it is nothing; the old maid says it is naughty ; but the young folks know it is nice.

Wellington, men are nob usually considered to be lacking m assurance, but there is a ceitam youth who is rather heavily gilt, and who has not succeeded in two years in "coming to the point." The girl who hopes to be his "financey," recently thought that a harmless little ruse might bring him to his knees. She got a clean-shaved brother to book a seat at. the Opera Honse, and asked him as -a favour .to disguise himself with an artificial moustache of the "killing" variety. * » » She told him where her young man and heirself would sit, and the brother's part was. to "make eyes" and generally get badly struck on her. Behold them then siweetly smiling at one another when, the lights were up, and behold also the backward youth taking not the least interest in the proceedings. However, after the show, he declared that all was at an end between them, and tihen the> innocent little thine confessed the bold bad scheme. Ouriouslv the voutlh looked up that brother, and shook him heartily by the hand Said he had been trying to muster up couraee to say "No" for auite a, while, and the helr> he had obtained from t<he brother had ea,rned his gratitude for life. * « * "Her cheek was velvet '" Thus declared His sweet love-note , but when, in court These notes were read aloud, he thought Her cheek was of a different sort. * - * Two mild-looking ladies, travelling on one of our railway lines, a- lew weeks ago, indulged m a lo^-toned conversation that unpleasantly thrilled those fellow-passengers who overheard it. The talk r^Ti something like thisi — Firbt La-iy "Is Madame E. Rogers out yet?' Second Lady "No, I knocked her over yesterday, and I expect I've done tor her. She looks awfully limp to-day. First Lady "Oh well, accidents will happen. I've killed Mrs. Murphy. anyway. I knew I would , and I believe I've doctored Bob too much— he's gone off a lot."^ And, just as our informant w as about to go for the guard, and tell him that there were desperadoes on the train, one of the pair reflected ','Oh, well everyone) is the same. Mrs. J. says her chrysanthemums will not come out, and she's only one pot-plaint to put in. Then he realised that it was merely the shop talk of horticultural enthusiasts, a propos of the flower show that was pending. # » «

The Clerk's Lament. Tins Life's a scene so sere and brown Where Hop© is scarce worth 2 6 Our joys so short, and full of tricks That they are dear at 1 ° Yet most hang on to life's queer job Although they may not. have a 10 And rub along in a sort o' manner Without a solitary 0 C Until allowed by Dick and Fate To draw a pension from the State.

A Thorndon household was temporarily upset the other morning at f en o'clock by the sudden advent of a young man who was unaccountably unsteady "seeing that it was not yet the eleventh hour." Fact is, the young man felt tared, and, seeing a front door open, strolled in. The room belonged to a young lady, who, turning, saw the intruder, uttered a series of piercing shrieks, shoved the youthful derelict into the hall, and screamed some more. Mother was upstairs. She had heaid

those kind of screams before, and always associated i/fc with rats. Armed, therefore, with a broom, she charged relentlessly downstairs, prepared to make it tropical for any stray rodent. Conceive her horror wheni sihe found that a supposed burglar was wandering mournfully around looking for a "comfy" spot to have a sleep in. The broom did come in useful after all, for the young man retired ignominiously before the weapon intended for rats only.

A housewife, out Newtown way, recently lost a number of small things, including two batchete,. several enamel ware jugs, a coil of clothesline, and such like tilings which are usually left around the back door, and in the wash-house. The good wife had been receiving calls from a lot of boys and men, who sought empty bottles. She felt convinced that some of these gentrr^ had sneaked the missing articles into their bags whilst supposed fr be looking for empties when thesr thought the house as well 1 as the Wfctle was a "dead marine." • » * She told her thoughts to hubby, who resoled to spend his next Civil Service holiday in playing the amateur detective. The window of the kitchen overlooked that of the outhouse, and' admirably suited tihe watcher. Locking the back-door, he sat down to pass the day with a book. Presently, came a step, a knock, the handle of the backdoor was tried, and slipping to the window, the watcher saw a youth slip into the outhouse, pick up a couple of small articles, and put them into his bottle bag-. Out went the man, who was of large and vigorous frame. Armed with a supple can©, he fell upon that petty thief with right good will. The punishment was purposely very severe — for the amateur detective surmised that that youth would pass the word on to the Guild of Bottle Gatherers not to make further calls at that house. And it has been even so, for there has not been a call at that house since. • * • A Hobart barmaid is a specimen of quaint reasoning, cool cheek, and faithful service all rolled into one. She left the bottles on the bar until the little group of customers had nearly emptied them by a succession of shouts. Later the publican entered, and invited the ■boys" to "have another." But this time the lady poured the poison out herself, carefully replacing: the bottles <m the «helf . The boys protested, and inquired why they were not permitted to help themselves as usual. "Oh. nonsense," said Hebe, "you forget that this is the Boss's shout!" They were speechless. • • • New Zealand poultry is earning a name in the markets; of the world, but "the Yewnited States of Amurika" siree are about to lick the hide off thas darned country. The Department of Agriculture in that country is trying to develop a breed of featherless chickens for the warmer parts of the country, and claims that it has already reduced the moulting period to less than one. month, and may before long succeed' in doing away with it altogether. Chickens without feathers, it is hoped, having nothing to moult, will lay eggs just 1o keep themselvesi occupied. Meanwhile a private "expert in henology" is experimenting in an opposite direction. He is trying to raise chickens with hair instead of feathers, chiefly for the Klondike market. So far he has completely succeeded. His chickens have feathers as soft and downy as fur, and whiter than eiderdown. They cannot fly, but they are so warmly thatched that they lay eggs right through the winter, almost without knowing it. • * • The close of the Victorian railway strike reminds us that in 1 Australia that strife is raised from very small seedlings, especially when might has the upper hand. Away up towards the Westralian border in South Australian territory, there is a big sheep station. The next-door neighbour of the squatter lives sixty miles away. The sheep are woolly, and the grass^seed ha® a habit of getting into the fleece. It is then time to "tomahawk the jumbucks." In 1894, there were fifty shearers on the station, and fifty paokersi-up, rouseabooits, tar-boys, yard hands, and musterers. One day the "ringer," without any preliminary nonsense of any kind, threw down hi® shears, and, with several "blanks'," remarked that he wasn't e;oinig to cut another "blow" until the boss substituted beef for mutton. » * • There wasn't a bullock on the run. Therefore, the whole shed struck, and for several days some thousands of sheep starved in the yards while the gentle shearers rode away in search of beef. The "boss" could do nothing. When they got a meal or two of beef these gentlemen went back to work, and the shed "cut out" so badly that the last four days' clip was almost worthless from grass^seed. The railway strike has its uses, we suppose, but a lot of people went short of beef during its pitiful progress. • • • "English as she is wrote" in a great New Zealand daily : — "A fire was observed in Mr. Blank's store, shortly before six a.m. yesterday, but the prompt arrival of the Brigade put it out, and only a few bags' of oats were destroyed." The fire evidently feared that the Brigade would, throw cold water on its efforts!, but it ml be seen that the new fire extinguisher's "prompt arrival" suffioied.

A Maori story from Paeroa. A zealous, but misguided, advocate of cold waiter recently got to work in that muddy little town, and started in to wean the 'Maoris from the drink fiend. He pointed out that the heaven-sent gift of water would never hurt th?i natives, while the "waipiro" would njure the body and soul. Now, the Maoris up that way, who live om the banks of the Ohinemuri river, airp forced to drink its water or somebody's

beer, and they prefer beer. There arei no fish in the river, for they are long since dead, poisoned with cyanide from the Crown, Waihi and other mines. It seems that -the water-drink-ing person visited a< river pah, and gjavo the natives ai "good talking to." Feeling dry, he called for a glass of water. It was brought — from the river. Only a hasty visit to the doctor, and the employment of a stomach pump, eared the prohibitionist from mudh hospital.