Afternoon Tea Gossip

Free Lance, Volume III, Issue 147, 25 April 1903, Page 6

Afternoon Tea Gossip

By Little Miss Muffitt.

A propos of the vexed question of large or small families, it is interesting to remember that there would be no Wesleyans if present-day sized families had been m vogue in the time of the strenuous John. John Wesley's mother was the 23rd child of her parents, and the great nreacher was himself a fifteenth child. * * ♦ Sir Edward Hutton, general officer commanding the Federal Army, has been, accused of the aristocratic tendency to regard social position as of paramount lmDortanoe in. selecting officers. Wonder if that is why the fluent general gave the late lamented Hector Macdonald a flying start by placing him in charge of a native regiment in India? * * * Rather rough on that degenerate boy who committed suicide at Burnham Industrial School, to flog him, don't you think? Evidently they think so down South. Thus a "great daily" —"To floo; a degenerate, with diseased body and enfeebled intellect, is every whit as cruel and irrational as the old plan of attempting to cure the' inmates of Bedlam by means of w hipping and dark cells." * * * People in a suburban church last Sunday were shocked when the parson, during his sermon, remarked that the ' wicked flourish like a green bay horse." It is easily explained by the fact that the reverend gentleman has a son who goes to Banks' commercial school and is learning typewriting. The parson's manuscript is not too good, and the boy types 1 it for him. Also, the boy is an ardent sport. * * * It used not be considered "bad form" to project the tongue beyond the ruby lip. Now, all is changed. It is alleged that your character can be read by an examination of this useful organ. The sight of a tongue expert travelling round a drawing-room requesting the guests to be rude in this way would probably amuse cmite a lot of people. If it is fashionable for all the guests to project their tongues simultaneously, a good deal of small talk will be nipped in the bud. After all, go ahead with your tongue reading. * * * The following is worth about £2 10s to the writer for it appears 1 in one of the most learned reviews — "Mistresses go softly like Alpine climbers under an impending avalanche, and hardly dare speak above their breath lest the vibration of a word should bring about a domestic catastrophe." A propos, another "pearl" has left her Thomdon "setting" because her mistress' increasing embonpoint precludes the possibility of Mary Ann wearing her clothes with fashionable effect. * * * Mr. Ell, M.H.R., of State bank and prohibition fame, has been rising to suggest that the native portion of the Christohurch Domain plantation shall be labelled, so that the people may know r a cabbage tree when they see one. A person who knows a kauri tree from a tomato plant says that if the average New Zealandeir does not know his native plants 1 when he sees them, how is he to distinguish rifted Ms.H.R. from the ordinary variety. He suggests labels for them also. * • * Again the lugubrious person, who waits for someone to die before launching out into awful verse, is mutilating the language m giving expression to rhyming sentiments about the late "Fighting Mac " Curious thing that so many people don't know they are poets until some> sorrow ful occasion impels them to delve deep into their rhyme cupboard for something silly enough to launch on a public which would rather the alleged poets had exchanged places with the subject. Fearsome things got into print about the Ehngamite wreck, a massacre of innocent words eventuated when the Eighth New Zealands sustained a train accident at Machavie, and the esteemed politicians who have passed over durme; late years have been subjects for ponderous "poems" that would make Mr J. L. Kelly weep. At least twenty-five colonial papers have published memoriani verses about "Fighting Mac," nearly all of which would drive any man to suicide.

Napoleon xemaiked that lie made his generals out of mud. Mud uas a useful thing in unmaking the 1 anker-gene-lal, Macdonald. * * * The registrar of births, main ages, and deaths whose office is the> nearest to the Northern gumiields, has given up the business. Brain trouble i& suspected. His last, entry recorded the marriage of Silvio Aleszandrellometseia^Koczveitchenblvom and Marie Vaslavavitchorzrckglfxetzenkoff. * • * Insurance office clerks should have no feelings. Take that young fellow, for instance, who, when a widow palled on him last week to collect the insurance money, condoled with her in her sad loss. "Huh 1 " she remarked, with a sniff "you men are all the same. — always sorry when a poor woman gets a little money !" • * • How very few people knew that the late Sir Hector Macdonald Mas married. Evidently, the ladies, in the colonies, during the General'si tour, thought he was still unattached, for in the rooms occupied by him, in .an Australian hotel it is alleged a bundle of billet, doux from pining spinsters was found thrust into the darkest corner of the drawer in disgust. • # • One of the Slights of the Narracoorte Caves (New South Wales) used to be a petrified aboriginal. One day the cmide had commence "Here sir is a petrified specimen of — ereat Scot, he's cone'" And so he had. The wily curio collector had scooped him in and travelled. Now, the poor old darkie is advertised for sale in London. That vandal must have fallen on hard times. ♦ # * How would you like to be paid handsomely for w earing the nicest clothes obtainable, which were also free? Yet, it is a new profession. Both in America and Australia wealthy brides want the nrettaest bridesmaids, amid they are willing to clothe them like a dream. When one hearsi that a professional bridesmaid can earn about £300 a year plus clothesi and presents from infatuated bridegrooms one sighs for the youth that has fizzled, and grabs the rouge pot. -r * • In connection with the unsavoury subject of the kiss-tainted bible used m courts, a Chinaman, who was recently prosecuting in, al case of larceny, on taking his stand in the box, exclaimed, "Me belong Christian." He accordingly took the Bible and the oath was administered in the. ordinary w ay. "Now kie& the book " said the court sergeant. John raised it to his mouth, and licked eveiry inch of the cover going carefully over it from corner to corner. "That will do," said the officer, chuckling helplessly. Wonder who was next p • * * Madame Melba is fond of a show. She can listen to ordinary singers and enjoy it. For instance, Madame went to see "The Fortune Teller" m Melbourne the other day. She arrived late, and, escorted by Lord Richard Neville, took a front seat in the dress circle. Her enthusiasm carried her aw ay, and atrtracted the attention of the people from Madame Slapofffski's singing. 'Twas the singing that made Melba melt. Stated solemnly that many hundreds, of necks were craned to see but one glimpse of a white-robed, diva as she dived into her brougham and that his Lordship had to literally carve a way for her. • • " There is a weak and wavering woman at large down South, who has heard of Carrie Nation. She recently tore a cigar from priestly lips in the main street of her town, boxed the ears of a cigarette-smoking youth of 25, upset a beer jug carried by an infant, and boldly entered offices with tracts a,nd a paste-pot. She stuck these things up on the walls, in spite of opposition and was proceeding toi jab an umbrella through a bar window when a policeman fearing she might hurt herself enclosed her petal-like in, his overcoat, "strait-waistooatang" her on the spot. She is at present surging in solitude, aw T aiting an examination of her mental machinery. * ¥■ * A young fellow in Wellington, who recently got married, discovered too late that the bloom upon the youthful cheeks of his fair bride w ould not have there if she had not bought it Already he thinks about taking the matter into court. * He has law for it. for, under a statute of George 111., if any woman "entices any of His Maiesty's male subjects into marriage by the use of any powders, or paints or false hair, or woo on the cheeks, she shall be prosecuted for sorcery " Funny thing that the Statutes Revision Committee' of those ancient days oonceived the brilliant idea of specifically mentioning that the enticement should be directed by the woman against a man. Ordinary persons, of course, would conclude that a girl would not want to marry a female.