It is Town Talk

Free Lance, Volume III, Issue 143, 28 March 1903, Page 26

It is Town Talk

That it is curious to reflect that missionaries, however good they may be, invariably go to the bad. —That tw o Mart on boys, who w anted a long holiday, set fire to the school. They will geit their holiday. —That a country paper, in reporting that Mr. Blank has been made a J.i"., tenders "its heartfelt condolences. —That in Wellington, when a beautifully warm, shining day comes round, the average man looks up his umbrella, overcoat, and gaiters. —That a Southern member remarks, in cold type, that the coming session will be the hottest on record. The dear old periodical prediction. —That woman is more hopeful than man She always asks the fishmonger "Are these fish fresh?" Roping that some day he will sa.y "No." That a New Zealander at Home caused a sensation by buying up a butcher's stock, and distributing it to a crowd of hungry people. —That the latest "draw" to customers is exhibited in a fish shop m an upcountry town. The notice reads Look here ' ' Our fish cannot be approached —That Archie G. R. Maclagan, who awaits trial on a charge, with others, of robbing the Kalgoorlie Bank is a grand-nephew of the Archbishop or York. —That the latest old age pension joke relates to the case of a woman who has property enough to make the State dole come in handy for paying her rates. —That certain large investors in bank shares are on pins and needles to know the purpose of Mr. Seddon's threatened or promised banking legislation for next session. —That since the Weber County Council appointed a lady clerk, the attendance of councillors breaks all records, and discussions a,re permeated with biotherlv love. —That New Plymouth is hardly big enongh to hold steel king E. M. Smith now the Taranaki Ironsand Company has been floated with a quarter of a million capital. — That a bounder, who lately went round the colony representing himself a. the son of an Australian bishop lias been laid by the heels in a Southern gaol for false pretences. — That the police seized £3 16s lid from gamblers last year in New Zealand. Wonder how much it cost the country to get that enormous sum, and wipe out a fraction of sin ? — That a dignified country editor, w ho alleged he was abused by a gentleman at a banquet, says that in future his paper will not report any meeting which the alleged abuser attends. That the Auckland ex-sol dier who had made up his mind to die for the girl he loved, discharged five chambers of a revolver at himself, and missed every time Hard luck — for thegnl — That, at a. recent country dance, the weather was extremely hot. The local Chinese gardeners came on the scene in time to save the ladies from fainting by presenting them each with a cabbageleaf fan. — That even in the Bush districts the plodding Chinaman is ousting the European vegetable vendor. People are incensed — and still buy from the Chow . Wellington Mongols hold £100,000 betw een them. — That the breach of promise case, threatened by a w r ell-known Hebe against the son of a run-holder, has been settled out of court. Those who looked for sensational disclosures have been disappointed. — That London is thinking of doing away w ith gas and electricity for lighting and retrograding to oil lights' With a new burner, oil is said to give a, better light at half the cost of either. America feels glad. — That Australian papers are publishing sensational reports about the alleged new gold find a.6 Winchester (South Canterbury). There are evidences that Australia wants to get rid of some fossicker, and let Arltunga have a show. — That the on© crumpled rose-leaf in the whole of Melba's public career is that our late Queen Victoria would never extend the royal patronage to her. It must have been gall and wormwood for the diva to know that Ada Crossley had been often commanded to sing before the Queen.

— That thcv have discovered a new nickname for New Zealand on the "other side " It is ''New Seddon " —That every Sydney boat brings, over men who are disappointed that the Premier is not. on the whart leady to give them a job. That h\o boys were brought up at the Auckland Police Com t list week on s charge of "wilfully damaging a cow by killing it with a knife." —That it is likely that the Premier will emphasise the advice "get out on, the soil young man," by settling Ins own son, Captain Seddon, as a farmer. That a timber expert asserts that enough timber is burnt in New Zealand every year to pave all the cities in the oolony. That's w-hy we use jairah. .That the proposal of the Minister for Public Works to give indigent widows £100 each is naturally making insurance companies grind their teeth. —That a bike - riding humourist "stuck-up" by the police, gave an address for service of a summons. The address was a suburban police station. That. cix-"Grand old policeman" Pender has still a leaning for the law. Most of the police cases at Christchurch are heard before P. Pender, Esq. J.P—That reminders of Melba's> visit to the colonies continue to crop up. The latest, is a new minui? spec. It is styled "The Melba Mining Company. —That, if a Colonial Council is formed on the lines advocated by Lord Rosebury, it is not difficult to recommend a chairman. Are you listening, Richard P That in one electorate, the electors had arranged a banquet for a gentleman who was waiting a "call" to the Legislative Council. Banquet, and chance gone.. That a quaint Southern person sent £1 12s Od "conscience" mo-iev to a bookmaker. The letter reached the bookmaker m gaol. He is "doing time for fraud ' —That the whiteKU owned surf breakins on the rocky shores of Lyell's Bay, enticed twenty-five various sorts and sizes of cameras to "snap" the mcture on Sunday. —That a witness in a. di edging case down South was asked by a lawyer lecent.lv if he had had any experience of dredging. He replied 'No except m paying calls." — That a hare-brained youth, who consulted a local oculist about his weak eyes, was told that nothing could be done to strengthen them, as "they were ip a weak place." — That a veteran, who applied for a pension in Auckland, was asked if he was on the "Governor's Roll of Honoi." He replied that he was not, but he had been m the hospital. — That a boy hit a small, harmlesslooking dynamite detonator w ith a rock up North the other day. There w oukl have been more boy left if he had only hit himself with the rock. — That several motor-car dnveis of Wellington mxght slacken down, a httle going lound corneis. There is no hope oi the police catching them unless they are mounted on whirlwinds. — That a recent defendant in a trivial court case evidently imagined he had a hen on Dr. McArthur, S.M. He accosted him aftem ards on the Quay, and asked him for a shilling ' — That a married couple in Taranaki are said to be making £200 a yea.r milking cows "on shares " Taking a unionist "day" as a basis they work about two years how ever, for their money. — That the Auckland City School Committee are protesting at the number of school holidays given to children. Wonder if the still, small voice of the pestered housewife has anything to do with the protest ? — That a plucky woman of Newtow m would not be so diffident about her exploit with the pea-rifle and the burglar if the "burglar" had not been her midnight husband. He now takes his meals standing. — That it does not pay to fool elephants with lighted cigars and pins. A man in Auckland was picked up and banged through a shed by FitzGeraJd's "Lizzie." The keeper arrived just in time to siave his life. — -That the United Press Association, in cabling out particulars of nauseous amours of English Society people, about ■whom we know nothing and carei less, might remember that we have stories of our own, and ring off. — That, according to a "great daily," a propos of the W.C.T. U. Convention "The nature of woman is such that, in anticipation of bdbies, she has dolls/, when babies are over and done, she has a Women's Convention." — That the latest variation of the noble pastime of ping-pong is the projecting of a feather through the air bv means of an electrified rod. Its inventor found that ordinary ping-pong required too much physical force.

— That a local man made a wager the other day that he would do the whole round of hotels and get a free drink from every barmaid. The telephone got to work. He got them — all water. There's a dispute about payment. — That the Newtown resident who disclaimed the ownershin of anything in the canine line, was horrified when he observed his bull-pup chasing the dog-ranger. 'Tis said that there is visible evidence of the existence of such a dog. — That since people have read in the "Times" that a glass of beer saved King Edward from death by typhoid, lots of people are not taking any risks of getting typhoid. Hospitals using milk diet only kindly discharge the milkman, and get the publican to call. — That during the sittings of the W.C.T.U. Conference, although that learned body discussed everything that, in its opinion, would be to the self-in-terest of women, nothing was 1 said about the increasing number of deaths of babies from improper feeding, or the decreasing birth-rate, both distinctly within the scope of such a Conference.