Entre Nous

Free Lance, Volume III, Issue 141, 14 March 1903, Page 14

Entre Nous

WHY not lady dentists? Surely they are adept enough at administering 'gas." Australian women have found that bad teeth are a recognised defect] of the Australian's constitution, and alread- 113 women are yanking molars, bicuspids and canines. One lady dentist, who is at present in Wellington, resting up after overwork, says that dentistry requires 1 skill, delicacy of touch, and above all, patience, and the latter are essentially feminine qualities ; skill in tins, as in every other branch of work, is the result of training. This lady has patients of all ages and both sexes — quite as many men as women — and here is her ow n account of her progress — * * * "Getting on? I should just think so ; and not that I am measuring by 'w oman's' standard either. There ia many a man who would be glad to be making my income, I can tell you. Ot course, it is hard work but then, as I tell my brother when he grumbles (he is a dentist, too), what does a bit of work matter if you are well paid for it ? But, you know, women don't grizzle like men." * * * Perhaps you have often noticed that the country "gaols," wherein are incarcerated the periodical drunks, are not exactly four feet through the wall', and that the said walls are not solid masonry ? This tale ha® to do with a new lock-up a ne»w policeman, and a new prisoner. The look-up was built to specifications, from white pine timber, that was left over from the butterbox factory. The prisoner was nlaced in durance vile over-nia^ht and, in the morning, on visiting the cell, the constable found the door open, and thei culprit gone. * * # Some time afterwards, on again visit ing the cell , he discovered it to be again occupied by his late prisoner. "Horn did you escape s "' he asked the culprit. "Just shoved the door and it fell down" was the reply. "And why, m the name of all that's wonderful, have you returned p " "To pay the fine, of course," was the unexpected reply. Whereupon the constable fell back in a dead faint from which he wasi recovered by the prisoner turning on the water tap, and sprinkling the astonished constable's fevered brow. * * * The S.P.C.A. of Berlin thinks that the best way to prevent a horse from being used cruelly is to eat him. Sixty horses were recently fattened nicely foi the hum anitan arts, and a crowd sat down at due date, and consumed them. The idea is of course to collect all the woebegone crooks of bier cities, and, instead of Honoring them to death, fatten them up for the table. The man who would eat ai steak from the beast who has pulled him around or won him races, is not fit for the kingdom of Seddon. No colonial is likely to go in for this kind of humanity however.

A cow tale, from a dairying district. A farmer, who is milking forty-one cows, had a heated argument with his family concerning the time it would take tor one man to milk the whole of the oows. The family of three milkers put through all the oows in the morning, and the father then gave the w hole family leave to spend a holiday in Pahiatua saying he would milk the whole herd himself in the evening. He started the job at the usual hour in the evening, and put through thirty-one out of the forty-one, when darkness overtook him. # * * Feeling tired, he turned the remaining, ten out with the rest. In order to convinoe the family on their return that he had milked the whole herd, it would be necessary to make up the usual nuantnty of milk. He therefore filled up the cans with water. The neoct morning the milk w as taken to the factory as usual and to his surprise, when his re>turns were made up he found his test had risen from 3.5 to 3.7. It will thus be seen that he not only deceived his family, but also the factory manager. # ♦ ♦ Heard an old, policeman tell a good story of his earlier experiences the other night. A well-know n resident of a down South town went off his head, and disappeared. The police were communicated With, and the, sergeant sent the teller of the tail© over to the peninsula, with instructions' not to return till Mr. — was found. On arriving at the peninsula, the; energetic, Robert met his man, took him to the "pub.," and had a merry time of it for four days. A little bird whispered the approach of a boat with the sergeant, and the wily Robert met that boat with his man, and was greeted with the remark by the sergeant "Good man, Mac; I knew you would find him if it took you a week." The "bluebottle's" sides fairly shook with laughter as he concluded by saying "Mr. 's mania was that he w r as a millionaire, and he spent what he had like a man : in fact, we drank the last of his immense fortune iust as the sergeant's boat hove in sight " The news that, the Wanganui orowd, aching to shake Melba' s royal hand, had to be put out with a hosei, like a common fire, is more fully explained by a person w r ho was there. The diva stayed at the Rutland, and when, as a preliminary to the concert., -she sat down to the piano, and reached for a top note, half Wanganui foregathered in defiance of the«"move-on"-by-law. Presently, an excited management, realising that a/ free show of this kind would mean disastrous "gate," rushed up and offered the vocalist a glass of milk. While Melba. "bejewelled and robed bke an empress." was siiiging to an audience "anything but classical and musical in the strictest sense " and "winning 'erolden opinions' at the rate of a 'thrum' a second," a man with a hose outside was busy washine an army of non-paying guests off the adjacent palings. • • A select audience sat on the sand in Cook's Gardens up above, and varied the Melba intervals wath hymns of the "Dolly Grey" persuasion, being aided and aJbetted thereto by a gentleman who had contrived his way on to the roof. "Which would you rather have, a Melba ticket or a guinea ?" isi the prize conundrum in Waneranui iust now. At any rate, it is Whanganui no longer. All the h's have been wasted in swear words.

A Wellington woman is telling a tale about a lady who formerly occupied a position of trust in her kitchem. The lady left the employ of the woman to take unto herself a husband. The husband had pone to a place where there is no marriage, or giving in marriage. The lady meit the woman lately. She told, her former employer that since she had left the chop-grilling business she had reared a large family, and buried her husband. She- was.;, howefveovabjaait to embark upon a second matrimonial experiment. The woman, congratulated her old servant upon the event, and enquired after the children. "They're splendid, thanks " replied the proud mother. "And I'm just going to take them for a holiday to — to see their father's grave,!" This is what they are coming to in Auckland. We are asked to believe that a most degrading sight is to be viewed daily in Auckland in connection with the electric tramways. "At 5 o'clock, the offices having cloeed for the most part, a rush is made for the trams. There are literally hundreds of people madly rushing for the* cars. Women are pushed on one side, children knocked down, and men scramble desperately for an entrance. Chivalry is forgotten, and men fight like savages, crushing women against, the platform bars, forgetting their manhood entirely m their efforts to secure a seat." Anyone would think this was a paragraph about the Wellington Corporation oars. * * * Theie are people who actually and positively feel hurt if their parson does not visit them once a week, ask after the health of the children, and delay domestic duties indefinitely. A Dunedin man, who has nothing to do but go to church, recently took his pastor to task for neglecting pastoral visitations. "Very good. I already do a full day's work, but I will try what can be dome." Next week he called at the house of the grumbler at 4.30 a.m., roused him out of bed kept him going with small talk whilst his teeth chattered in the biting cold, offered up prayer in the usual way, and then asked to be exoused from staying longer, as he had other early calls to make. At the time the people thought their minister had become demented, but by degrees the truth dawned upon them and they ceased their complaining. * * * The New Zealand volunteer is a soldier — when he likes. One periodical "swaddy" rode into an up-country camp the other day, and was told to "fall-in," or something. He swore ruby oath® refused duty, cleared out. and went to work. A picket fetched him back, and the occasional soldier w r as fined £7. The New Zealand army has lost a man.

Still another Melba yarn', as true as most. The guard on a Chratchuroh train, big with a secret, searched among his passengers until he had found a person to whom he could break his secret. Coining to a halt before an acquaintance he pointed to a tiny wisp of fair hair curled round the button of his official coat and said "I possess a memento." The passenger stared, with questioning ay.es. "I shall keep it as long as I live," saidi the exultant railway man. * • • "But, what is it?" queried the sleepy passenger. "That is a memento of the greatest singer in the world," was the unexpected reply. "I was passing through the car, and my button must have caught in the lady's hair. It is quite a treasure." The passenger made no reply, only reflecting inwardly that, as Madame Melba's hair is black, there could be no possibility of such a lightning change. However, reflecting "that where ignorance is bliss, it is folly to be otherwise," he said not a woird, and the guard went off triumphantly. # * * A Wellington gentleman, of peaceful habits, \v ho puts in a fortnight's holiday once a year in the quietest spot in the North Island, away from the rush and roar of the city, Council footpath menders, etc., is at home once more. He stayed m the hotel of a Ettle township, and he tells us about it. "On the morning of the, second day I was awakened shortly after daybreak by a strange sound in my room. I lay with my face to the wall, and listened in a lazy, unconcerned way for a moment to the muffled, crunching sound, and then turned over, and discovered, to my astonishment, a large red cow standing in my room. # * * "She gazed at me with big, moist, bemevolemt eyes, when I turned upon her. She was busy eating up my shirt. All the starched part had already disappeared. My yells brought the landlord, who pulled the garment back again, but he might as well have let the cow keep it ; it was now quite useless. Of course I complained. 'Well,' said Boniface, in a hurt tone, 'what can you expect if you will wear them white shirts ?) It did not even occur to him that I might reasonably expect to have the cows kept out of my bedroom." # # * New Zealanders have been known to eat large quantities of horse in their time. Cecil Rhodes sent the hungry New Zealand troops at Kimberley horse soup every day, and at McFarlanes farm, outside the diamond town, the same men were aigain only too glad to, eat the muscular mount. Still, we fancy the "fourrage" market is yet a Ion? way off.

It is noticeable that, while the large majority of New Zealanders mutilate their vowels, and remark, incidentally, that they are "geodng deown teown," many of the ultra smart are elioping their words according to the most pronounced English as she is maltreated by the "haut ton." At a small and early social function, to whioh I was admitted by press ticket, the other night, X overheard a girl, whose father drives i a oart, say, "Oh, Ai say, d'vou know, Ai think theah are some awf ly t>lebian people heaaw." I agreed with her.

A sailor man, armed with a knife and oaths, was wanted badly by the police of Dunedin the other day. He stood. j: upon the deck, and glared defiance at,,,-, , the constables. Oonstabjes • retired for n thought. Later a Robert strolled, gently up. and remarked. "Hello, Jaok. is that you, sbrake hands "old pal!" Jack dropped the knife'/' «ijld, ll with true salt-water open-hearte'dness/ "shook." But, the "peeler" di&- "not >' let go. That is how Jack comes ■ to 1 "( be domej six months. Police' are men.' - of tact in the Scotch city. ij — > ji I i_

One of the chief attractions at the Rotorua Maori Carnival, specially designed ior tihe pleasure of the Prmoe and Princess of Wales during: their £110,000 visit, was a dance which the* .dusky ones called "Kikia te Poa " The other day the Maoris met some real Boers one with several English bullet wounds, another discoloured by British lyddite, and another who had been a close prisoner for many moons. Did they Kikia te Poa? Not they. These fierce warriors'bedecked themselves in greenery, at A\\ apuni and danced a big welcome. Instead of "Aka a>ke, kia kaha," it was "Haeremaa! Haeremai" It is said tftiat the Boers took cover until they found that there was to be no cannibalism. They "ohatted pleasantly" to the natives, beiner greatly struck w ith the prettiest girl, Lidia. They are awtulh human, those Boers 1 * * * In view of the Parliamentary picnic to the Islands, the following yarn, told by some New South Wales politicians w ho went on a water-supply trip to Westraha the other week, may not be amiss It was at sea. "We aren't going to take any risks," they said. When the night came, therefore., they placed the belts within arm's length of their beds and it was found that they disappeared from the deck twice a day to practise getting into the belts. Their disgust may well be imagined, therefore, when a South Australian senator, informed them one day that they were usine the belts the wrong way, so that if they jumped into the water their heads would "■o deep down, while their legs would be safe and sound out of the sea ' The appliances were thereupon auietly put away. * * • The other day a woman looked into the studio of a Wellington photograr pher. and enquiied as to the cost of taking children's photographs. "Ten and six a dozen," replied the artist. "What impudence," she snapped, "why. I've only got nine, and the youngest is just getting its teeth." And, with her nose in the air, she bounced out of the shop * * * Are clergymen as a class cruel ? According to the Church Society for the Promotion of Kindness to Animals of New South Wales, most country parsons are. A newly-fledged parson, with a parish the size of the North Island, generally gets around on a horse, about whose needs he knows nothing, and the sorry beasts are; said by the society to be the most unfortunate equines in Australia. A timely word about the parsons on trek in New Zealand. We know a most estimable countay parson who would be horrified to see a man digging his garden on the Sabbath, but who invariably borrows a butcher's horse that has been working all the week, rides it thirty miles on a Sunday, and complains of its sluggishness' As long as a horse does not fall down for want, of a drink, a great many estimable parsons leave watering for next day. and feeding for anybody who thinks of it. Maybe, in the near future, parsons will be rich enough to run motor cars, but in. the meantime, it is as well to remind them that that Sydney society has called attention to an evil that exists in New Zealand as well as the older State

A tale about a small boy, a sweet girl, and a kite. She was riding a bicycle in the dusk of the twilight. She suddenly became aware that she was being strangled by some invisible means, and discovered, from the shouts of a small boy, that she had run amok among his kite twine. He rushed up, breathless and apologetic, untol, in, her efforts to disentangle herself from the cord®, the string smapped. Apologies changed to reenmmat-ons. "You silly ass, you've let the kite go," and so she had His revenge was not at once apparent, and she took no notice of the kindly remark "Hope VO'U get home without bumping, Miss," until a little later on a certain unmistakable bumping caused her to get off and investigations showed a pin neatly inserted in the back tyre.

A specious youth, who, it is stated, once adorned the Empire City, has recently been touring Australia in style, his cheque-book being in constant request. Dazzled at his wealth, hotelkeepers chased him to be allowed to cash cheques. He submitted, and the hotel cash hoxes of the Garden State are full of paper that the banks endorse tihe same way every time. * * • In a small borough, the councillors governing which aire of the horny-hand-ed type, more accustomed to cows than councils, there was a good deal of discussion on finance last week. One item which the finance committee was asked to pass was payment for ribbons for the typewriter. One of the councillors, who was much averse to paying the item, remarked that "she might be a very fine girl, but why should she be provided with finery at the expense of the ratepayers?" * * * The scene is the sad sea beach a,t Island Bay, and the persons most concerned in this 1 truthful little story are known, in Wellington. They sat behind a rook, poking amiable words in the sand with a stick and an umbrella respectively. The flippant youth, in the interval of his love-making, noticed a heap of rags lying on the beach to seaward, so he strolled over, and poked them gently into the tide. Then, he went back to his dear girl, and sat, and sat, and salt. » • * Their dreams of bliss were suddenly rudely broken by the appearance of a streaming head, which reared itself from behind a sea-washed rook, and which said that it could not stand being in the w ater any longer. Also, it wanted some clothes. The little drama neared its final stages, as a scared girl made for Wellington "on her own," and a proud ■youth, shared his garments with ai fireman who had been in for a swim.

Maybe it is, true, possibly not, out the yarzi goes that a local manufacturer of condiments was called upon by a parson, who is collecting money for the heat-hen of the South. Sea Mauds. The gentleman in question has not any great respect for missionary work in savasje lands. He does a good deal to help an any effort to brine tihe local heathen to a better state, morally and physically, but has no patience with heroic effort® to convert China or to put hie black brother into moleskin trousers. • • • The missioner stated his case. "Really," he said, "we have done a great deal in these islands, and have suffered much in our efforts to save the natives." "Suffered much?" answered the mer-

ohant. "In what way?" "Well," said the missioner, "many of these rjeople are cannibals, and most of them are savages. Five of our missionaries have beeni eaten at- one- time or an.oitih.er since we opened this good work." "Five^" cried the merchant. "Yes," replied the missionary , and he recited their names. "I'm sure you will do some thine; fo.r these poor savages." "Certainly " said Blank. "If you like 'I'll send them a couple of cases of our famous sauce with the next missionary'" * * There was an old fellow of Norwich, Who was awfully fond of cold powrich. As it never was served, He quietly observed, "I'll go into the pantry, and forwich."