It is Town Talk

Free Lance, Volume III, Issue 139, 28 February 1903, Page 26

It is Town Talk

—That, out in South Africa, they are proposing to form a regiment of New Zealanders for service m Rhodesia. —That Westland County councillors are so original. One of them referred to a colleague as a "bouncing, bounding blatant bandit." — That Marconi will shortly startle the world with another invention. It is supposed to be a parlour game, to supersede "V/ibbly Wob." — That a Southern inebriate, asked by His Worship "if he had anything to advance in his favour," replied that the police had taken all his money. That a Northern lawyer recently accused a contending lawyer of "inciting to perjury." The fact is, the learned one asked a lady witness her age. That the measles epidemic is dying out up-country. The weasel epidemic has taken, its place, and the evil little animals are increasing very rapidly. — That Christchurch publicans exhibit a notice that barmen who supply inebriates with drink, will be dismissed. What a threat to hurl at a thirsty public' — That a Maori faith-healer is doing great strokes at Gisborne. The patients whom Nature assists back to health are huge advertisements for the wily aboriginal. — That the receipts from the cycle sports last' week w ere not. contributed to by the smartly-dressed "deadheads" who drank in the proceedings over the fence. — That a Hebrew gentleman, who gave the name of Solomon Isaacs to a policeman, the other day was indignantly requested to give his "Christian" name. — That one might fancy the dispute as to whether Wellington paving is to be let bv contract or done by day labour meant that operations were likely to commence soon. — That the question of suitable workmen's dwellings, now agitatin? the powersi that be at Home, is a question that must be gone into sooner or later in Wellington. — That the zealous people who write to the papers about, the boat-overcrow ding that does not exist should turn their attention to the dear old trams. A real grievance there. — That the oldest house in New Zealand is the residence of the late Dr. Maunsell, at Port Waikato. The house w as erected seventy-three years ago, and is now occupied by Maoris. — That a Dunedin bride, who left her husband after seven months' matrimony, and w ent back to her parents, gave the excuse that lie was getting "such a very small screw." Decree nisi. — That a precocious Dunedin nipper, who came across the shop placard, "Satin dyed here," ran home and told his mother that an "Extra" was out saying that the devil was dead. — That it is a moot point whether a strong section of the Melrose Borough Council have not been haggling for just what the City Council threatens — death to the amalgamation scheme. — That a Southern old age pensioner has at least two sons with university degrees, both in excellent positions in the colony. Yes, they were educated with the old fellow's money, certainly. — That the editor w hose printer spoiled his best effort of sarcasm last week, by making him speak of a contemporary as weaving "wells of fiction," seriously thanks of buying a typewriter. — That Mrs. Yates, one time Mayor of Onehunga, is creeping back into local politics. Recently, she gave some advanced views on vital questions. There is a buzzing in' the municipal beehive thereat. — That the latest re>-mount yarn is that the whole of the cabs in Johannesburg during the war were run with remounts supplied by colonial officers, the proceeds going into their pockets. Patriotism pays. — That it is not true that a referendum is to be taken to determine if the people are agreeable to a free trip for Ms.H.R. to the South Sea Islands. It is fitting that the people should recognise merit by giving their representatives a hard-earned holiday. — That a city man, who temporarily resides at Lvell's Bay, and sleeps on a "shake-down " was under the impression last. Sunday that a "tidal wave" had struck his shanty. 'Twas onr" a 400-gallon tank falling through the weatherboard wall.

— That peritonitis, neuiitis and appendicitis have been fasluonable maladies siiice the Coronation. — -That amongrst the birthday presents lecenibly received by a well-known musician w as a toy tin trumpet. —That ladies' skirts are petting shorter. Evidently their heads are getting ''lounger." Time, too' — That a. previously unheard-of brother ot Baden-Powell has turned up in a Melbourne charitable institution. — That there is a break in the ranks of the Flour Trust. Evidently some millers are afflicted with consciences. — That the Wellington boy who walked to Masterton barefooted, to see the trout ponds, will probably become a fish "historian" when he grow sup. — That President Roosevelt wanted to interfere in, the Boer war, but that Mrs. Roosevelt objected, fearing his ruse would no* work on the veldt. — That three knots an hour is aw fully slow work for a second-rater boat, but it is not bad for a parson. One Wellington clergyman accomplished it the other day. — That a shark, with an. immense fin, soared many bathers at Lyell's Bay on Sunday. Until a bold bather brought in a floating bag of shavings terror sat on every countenance. — That Dunedin has turned the first sod for its electric tramw ays Heavy bets are being made in Wellington as to which city runs i~e first ca.r. It should be a good raee 1 . — That there is an ' ornamental" lake on the Hutt-road just at present, which is a perfect oasis m a desert. The Tourist Department should describe it m the new guide-book. — That the rumour that an. estimable citizen hitched his libbing motor-oar to the back of a Corporation tram, and thus came into town, is the base invention of a livery-stable proprietor. — That there is now a Criminals' Union in Australia. A case has not yet been filed in the Arbitration Court. They know what kind of an aw ard the onme unionists would get. — That quite a rush of lawyers is taking place. Their Mecca is New Plymouth. Waiting for the- E. M. Smith Iron, Steel Clay, Cement, Sand, Pottery and Slag Works to start. — That already the classic game of "Wibbly Wob" has caused some estrangements in Wellington. A man who can "wibbly wob" well holds the girls in the hollow of his> hand. — That the city younc man, who intended to ero a honeymooning, wants to know why he was locked in a ccmpartmeaxt away from his soul's joy all the w a" to New Plymouth Quite an accident, of course. — -That the Wellington girl, who journeyed to Taianalu to ma.kei heir fortune mid kin i 1i 1 cows, under the new "female employee" system, is back again. "Cow -banging" is not all her fancy pictured it. — That one of the Victorian pudges has just retired on a nice fat little pension of £2000 a year, and has decided to live abroad. Perha,r>s, he was afraid of being mistaken for an eld age pensioner if lie stayed at home. — That a young critic caire to light at Madame Melba's concert. After the diva had finished a soul-stirring item, worth at least £150, the youngster turned to her mamma, and asked "I say. Ma, can't she dance ?" — That a certain family are likely to receive a windfall of £110 through the publication of the unclaimed money lists in the "Gazette." The little nest-egg had lain undisturbed for a quarter of a century. — That many influential country papers are complaining of the inadequacy of the hotel accommodation in Wellington. They do not seem to realise w hat the hotels are for — one can get a drink in any of them. — That we are not quite as advanced as America — thank goodness. Three cables on the same day — Fifteen men killed and injured in a gun accident . sixty ditto, in an hot-el fire , forty-one ditto children, in an electric car smash up. —That ex-M.L.C, and new M.H.R., Jennings has "noted the destruction of native bush, and w ill endeavour to pet tihe vandalism stopped." The old tale about the closing of the stable-door after the horse has gone is here exemplified. — That the Boers have no nation al "swear language." They borrowed it from the British, and use it with marvellous fluency. So says Mr. Lane, on© of the Boer agricultural delegates. The ladies are particularly finished exponents. —That the West Coast idea of a "joke" is original. .Jokers placed a stout batten across a bridge, threei feet from the decking, so that the coach could jump it. It was not the fault of the humourists that a load of passengers are not dead.

—That ex-M.H.R. Fred. Pirani has refused to become a candidate for the Paimerston mayoralty. Approach him with the offer of the Hutt chair. — That a cunous maniac is at present a* large in New Zealand. He infests cloak-rooms in the big cities and drops half-crowns in people's overcoat pockets. — That arbitration is working its wild way in Sydneiy. You cannot get buried on Sundays, Good Fridays, or Christmas Days now. Undertakers have to pay double wages under an award. The health authorities will probably step m in summer time.