It is Town Talk

Free Lance, Volume III, Issue 137, 14 February 1903, Page 26

It is Town Talk

—That it is easy for the man who knows nothing to be confident of all lie knows. —That the declining birth-rate seems to be a good stock-subject with some papers for the dull season. —That the Chnstchurch bowlers, now visiting Wellington, have not yet succeeded in recovering those "ashes. —That Christian De Wet got no change out of Joe Chamberlain this week. He bumped up against British hardware. — That the young man in business circles, who went away last week without saying good-bye, was employed by an auctioneering firm. —That a Masterton councillor is very sweet on a public fountain "It would save me a good few beers," he remarked ac a Borough, Council meeting. —That country papers remark, in a loud voice, that the "wooden paving in Wellington is a pronounced success Wellington papers please copy. — That Tom Mann has struck it rich in Victoria. Six hundred pounds a, year, as labour organiser, pays better than lecturing in New Zealand. — TJiait the Gisborae boy, who drove a nail into a cartridge, was just an ordinary kind of boy. He hasn tas many fingers as he used tolia.ve, though. That at the exact moment when the Waihi Borough Council voted £60 per annum! for the upkeep of a munacinaJ band, a violent earthquake shook the building. —That a month hard seems a trifle stift for the discharged steward of the Connthic, who was found at night "without lawful excuse" on the Exchange Hall premises. That the Government of New South Wales is being asked to put a stop to the alarming mortality, by disease, among rabbits. Bunny, erstwhile a curse, is now a blessing. —That a New Plymouth councillor pot off a good one last week when he capped his opposition to a certain proposal by declaring "We must make a stand in thisi matter from the jump " —That a leading Australian paper calmly mentions that "Amy Castles has been 'sold for New Zealand." It is all right, too. This particular Amy happens to be a coursing greyhound. — That Mi-. J. Coutts, just returned from Auckland, can put the local yachtsmen up to a few" wrinkles in the w av of booming thear pet sport. Ask him about the Yacht Club's rooms in Auckland. —That "the only Percy" w orks plenty of local allusions into ' The Toreador," and they all score "Are you a Carhst°" asks a Spanish desperado. "No, I'm a, Seddonist," promptly replies little Wilhe — That both the Lemonade Party and the Beer Party aie anxiously awaiting that Newtown scrutiny. And the general pubLc are making a good many wagers on the point which will win, Pop or Bung ? — That a certain bandsman chosen for the contest at Masterton, did not go there after all An indignant family and irate wife got wind that a "lady friend" had travailed m advance. Hence the change of mind. — That w e have never heard so much about appendicitis as since' the King suffered from something of the kind ; and that there' rs one man in the colony who plumes himself on having had the iea.l royal complaint, pentyphhtis. — That the picture on the packets of an English make of cigarettes, purporting to be the New Zealand Houses of Parliament, is an excellent representation of the Dunedin Town Hall. For once Wellington should feel flattered. — That the "cheerful Chinee" is coining on dow n South. A large contingent of him is w 01 king at turaip-thinning on the farms in the Cluthai district — "allee same pay as white© man." Trust John for knowing how many beans make five. — -That an element of interest in. the struggle between the Wellington and Wanganui Garrison Bands for first honours was that Wellington played with Bessons instruments, and Wanganui with Boosey's. The best-uns won, of course. — That some of the cycle- clubs of the colony are still encouraging a dangerous practice by arranging liill-climbmg competitions. As if there are not enough young fellows already nursing strained hearts, brought on by this very form of idiocy.

— Tliat summer made it's appearance this year m Februaiy. — That a, Melbourne barbel" \\a 3 fined the other day for shaving a ( maji on Sunday — That the man who never lays a w ager is as bad as any confirmed ejamblei He certainly is no bettor. —That Frank Lawry, M H.R. for Parnell, makes a good second to Geoa-ge Fishei, in the art of running an elect ion cheaply. It only cost him £-17 10s. — That the Sydney bobbies have to mind their ps and qs just now. One or them w ais fined last w eek for assaulting a boy by throwing a stone at him. —That if King Dick should find hamself hard up for a president of the Arbitration Court, perhaps Allan Orr would oblige? That <s, if he were asked nioelv. That the recipe for a, certain bilious and liver pill was sold by public auction in London a few weeks aeo for £5000. The. public has always been very partial to pills. Thatl tihe reason why the Walk are's excursionists, for the Sounds trip had such glorious weather has leaked out. They had the colony's weather distributor on board. —That it is about time Wellington asked itself the question Who shall be mayor p Mr. Aitken is unlikely to face a fourth term. Can you devirne who tihe new man will be? —That it is, the regular thing m Wellington to keep back found articles until the* loser advertises a reward. And, even then you are lucky if you get your own back again. —That anthrax in the South gave the Government a bigger fright than anthrax in the North. Sterilising plants are now being established both at Auckland and the Bluff. That the Auckland "Star" has been going for the Wellington carpenters. It brands the opinions expressed at their recent meeting as "pernicious nonsense" and "sensational rubbish." —That a Wellington man has arrived at the conviction that at twenty a woman goes into' society to find a husband at thirty to watch him . at foity to get one for her daughter. That it is quite on the cards the presidency of the Arbitration Court may be offered to Mr. A R. Guinness, M H R., Mr Justice Cooper bemg devoted entirely to Supreme Court work. — That if that arrangement came off, Mr. R. McNab M.H.R. for Mataura, w-ould run into short odds in the betting for the vacant Speakership. —That there w ill be a regular immigration of medicos for holiday trips as soon as the convalescence season sets m. For months past they have been going at a great rate, paying visits and piling up fees. —That the school teachers are whioping the cat because all sorts of picnics are on the taois lust now . Salary depends on average attendance you see, and the average youngster depends on the w eek-day picnic. — That the Chief Justice's opinion that it is better Government servants should not sit on criminal cases has been received with mingled feelings Some oi them 1 rather like thei extra pay and change of occupation, you see. — That, judging by the number of officials who were admitted inside the racing track, the Hutt Valley Cycling and Athletic Club must be a powerfully officered institution. The public found some difficulty in seeing through them. — That the latest idea on the drink question is to issue drink permits or license to* those who can be trusted to keep sober, and that no man shall be seivcd m a public-house unless he produces his license. — That a youthful patnot came to light out at Petone last Sunday. "How was it," asked Ins teacher, "that the lions did not at once' fall upon Daniel, and eat him up 0 " His little chest sw elled w ith pride as he blurted out "Because they weie British lions, sn '" —That Mr. H. D. Bell and Dr. Findlay, of Wellington, Hon. J. A. Tole, of Auckland, Mr. Stimger, of Christchurch, and Messrs. Sun and Hoskmg, of Dunedin, are all said to be in the running for the [udgeship that will bo vacant next month through Mr. Justice Conolly's retirement. — That one of the applicants for the position of dispensing chemist, to take charge of the Friendly Societies' Dispensary in Auckland, the other day, stated amongst other extraordinary reasons why he should be chosen, that ho could supply a gas engine free of charge to manufacture pills, etc. — That there is an odd appropriateness 1 , when you think it out, in Mr. Birch being selected to make the Gas Company's cricketers' presentation to Mr. Howell. Birch and howl, in schoolboy experience are often associated together. In Wellington, the gas people simply swear by Howell and Birch.

— Tli at the chief feature of interest at the bicycle sports, on Saturday, was the motor-car that wouldn't go. —That the "coons" (East Indian variety), who made a descent upon the city on Tuesday last, from the Aparima, just in from Calcutta, seemed greatly attracted by the "sale" placards at Kirkcaldie's, the D.1.C., and the Economic, looked as it they were lamenting the tact that the Aparima had not get in in time for the opening of the sale. —That a certain curate told a leading member of the vestry, several weeks since that he. thought of preaching the following Sunday on the visit of Joseph to Egypt, and the subsequent Goshen episodes. "I wouldn't if I" were you " sand the vestryman, who is a great politician. "Wh- Chamberlain's hardly got. there yet. Better hold on for another week and then you will be right up to date." " s