It is Town Talk

Free Lance, Volume III, Issue 136, 7 February 1903, Page 26

It is Town Talk

That the age of a chicken may be easily told by the teeth— your teeth —That Lord Northland, the Governor's son, lecently airived, is unmarned. Well, what about, it? Time will tell. That a man may follow the medical profession, and still not be a, doctor. He may be am, undertaker for instance. That German politicians blame Germany's excessive friendliness for other nations ' What's in a name, anyhow-? — That the prevailing headgear in Cheviot is a galvanised iron bucket. No other summer "toque" will withstand the haul. That a publican has been fined for keeping sober. The police detected his own special water-blended whisky and sued him for dilution. That hailstones as large as eggs fell at, Cheviot the other day. A brisk controversy is in progress. As large as "breakfast cups" is the latest. —Tli at the Maoris have not yet given up idol worship. If you don't believe that Richard is a god, read Tunuiarangi's letter to the Premier. That a trio of esteemed local gentlemen have been much sought after lately for their finished rendering of "When We Were Boys Together." .That it is an unfortunate coincidence that a Southern paper told the tiuth m calling a bride "Fattie," instead of "Pattie." Pattde threatens proceedings. —That Canterbury Trades and Labour Council wants Bang Dick to protest against alien labour on the Rand. No doubt, Mr. Chamberlain would be glad of a hint. — That we are patiently waiting for commodities to go up in price by unionists getting Arbitration Court, awards reversed Six to one and half-a-dozen to the other. —That a country clergyman advertises that he is a buyer of threepenny pieces wholesale. He' wants to corner the whole supply at once, and get them out of cnculation. —That, owing to repeated bursaries, culminating in the death of Constable Long, at Auburn, New South Wales, the loads are to be patrolled at night by mounted police. That the Mormons now in this colony are hurt over the allegation that they are on the wnfe hunt. They say they can got thousands of a better sample nearer home. — That 600 brass instruments have been braying at Masterton during the band contest this week. A Masterton paper last month bewailed the increase of lunatics in its midst. — That a new petroleum company has started. It is in Sumatra somewheie, and is called the Ma,atschappv tot MijnBossohen Landbouw exploitatie in Langat, Ltd Really, a mouthful' — That the British Government thinks that a sixth of a w orkingman's w ages is a fair thing to pay for rent on the Rand. In, Wellington he pays an average of a quarter of his earnings. — That the latest thing in strikes is the refusal of a church choir to sing. The membeis whose objection was too much hymn, allowed the organ to pla\ a six-verse poem through "on its own." — That cabbages are being grown a& feed for cow r s in some parts of New Zealand. Other people's cabbages are used as fodder for stray cows in Wellington suburbs. Wanted, a ferocious 1 anger. — That chemists in the rabbit country aie advertising for apples "foi the manufacture of rabbit poison " The fond delusion as to the healthfulness of tins hurt stands a chance of berne ruthlessly buist up. — That you might imagine that the pimple on your eyelid is a "sty " but iproba.bly it is a case of choioiditis exsudativa, accompanied by a partiail nucropsia, metamorphopsia, and chromatopsic scotomata. — That it is midsummer. Hear a Northern newspaper wail "As we go to press, it has been raining here for eight solid days and nights. Why not a, flood, and clone with it, as fine weather is required for race day ?" — That, a local new parent used a novel method of announcing: the arrival of 'a little stranger" the other night. When he was ten minutes old, has papa rang up grandpa, and the babe howled his first 'phonei message into it.

— That the things you buy for next to nothing" aie geneiallv worth it. — That a wife is cabled the better half because she usually gets the best of the otl lor half. — That a Northern man shot himself in the street. Funny thing that the stieet is unhurt. — That many nch farnieis of Austiaha are following scriptural injunction by "soiling all thou ha.st, and giye it to" — Dowie. — That a. movement is on foot in Wellington to' abolish counter lunches in hotels The le&taurant people breathe again. —That 1.10 books have been written (and published) on the war m South Africa, and no two agiee on any one event. — That a. Melbourne cyclist has been heavily fined for ringing his bell. It frightened a big wig's horses, and scared the big wig. — -That it is. a blow for a mother to w atch for a little hair to grow on heir baby's head and then have it finally come out red. — That fortune-telling ladies, once resident in Wellington, are doing; brisk busaness up country. Good old Car1 y le— "Mostly fools'"" — That a. Southern paper favours the appointment of ex-Inspector Pemder to the vacant Police Commissioner ship. Not a hope. Too old. — That regimental pride is not apparent in, New Zealand. No officers were present at the first annual dinner of the "Silent Sixth" Contingent. — That it is up to the daily press to vary the monotony of the ' daring burglary." There is nothing particulaily "daring" in unopposed pilfering. — That one of the new engines for the Cape railways is to be christened ''De Web " Passengers will have to be up early to catch the tram it draw s. — That several new police probationers are being trained at Mount Cook. King Country sly-grog sellers are anxious for photographs of the innocents. — That a Wellington lesident recently returned from Melbourne is exhibitnig a scorched white umbrella, as testimony that 118 degrees m the shade is warm. — That in, future doctors- will not be paid for notifying the Health Department hints that the medicos ought to do it for nothing. Gracious, and no plague perquisites now ' • — That a Maori woman at Auckland, getting ashore from a ferry boat, threw her baby ashore, and jumped — into the harbour. Fished out. Mother and child doing well. — That a meat farmer of the Wairarapa moans that he isi in the clutches of the trusts. Another farmer assents that his profits from cocksfoot w ould br- his farm out thrice over. — That an American clergyman recently dreamt that there was oil on a certain estate. The "Parson's Dream" bore is now gushing 2000 bairels a day. A new industry for clergymen. — That a Wellington angler tails us he hooked ai bib trout in the Wairarapa lately. A 251b eel, however, engulfed it before it was landed. W'eughts can be verified by catching the eel. — That the Kelburne lady, who heard her husband say that a bottle of whisky was twenty years old, tlirew it in, with a lot for the "bottle oh" man Thought it was no good keeping that stale stuff. — That a Wellingtonian on the Rand about to be mariied, had to search the streets of Johannesburg for a second witness. He picked up a stranger, who turned out to be a long-lost brother. — That the Gi eater Wellington Amusement Society up at Melrose. have established a reputation by continuously running one comedy longer than any other theatrical organisation m thus colony. — That missionaries aie wanted for Taihape. Horse lacing, i tinning football, and cricket festivals a,ie ahuus held on Sundays. Recent Sabbath attendance, five hundred. They aie a healthy-minded crowd at Taiha.pe — That ani Eketahuna gentleman wa* fined for allow ing raigw ort to grow on his premises the other day. He gathered a beautiful specimen of the noxiou" weed vi the yard of the Court. Will King Edward have to' show cause" ° — That the unfortunate coniunction of two short paragraphs, in a countn paper proves, that truth is strangrei than fiction "Jam-ma,king is in full swin^ at the local factoiy. The pumpkins crop bids fair to be unprecedented." — That Fred Mansfield, the up-to-date Wellington registrar of electors, vital statistics, and old age pensions, gave the Auckland officials a, few pointeis the other day how to do things in the modem style. It was the antediluvian fashion that had prevailed.