It's Town Talk

Free Lance, Volume III, Issue 134, 24 January 1903, Page 26

It's Town Talk

—That if you think nobod> caics tor you, iust 'stand uu at the Opeia House —That young men w ith felendei salaries should mail} 'iris with \eiy small "wastes." —That a headmaster in a Southern school is petitioning his Board tor a rooking-honse for infant scholais That a young man named Gosling lecemtly qualified for a senior place m the poultry world by taking unto httmself a little duck. —That 'there is something in newspaper "running" after all One Lyttelton runner covers forty miles every mormng per motion- bike That the <rentleman who advertised. for a lost, gold-mounted umbrella reoeaved a reply It was from a former owner, and it said things —That Auckland is going to vie w ith Wellington in the matter of harbour perfection Its new engineer, who is young, will get £1000 a year. —That during the delivery of some dreary platitudes, a Wellington paison, last Sunday trod on a match. It waft the only light seen during a murky twohours. —That the City Council might, in its waking moments, bu- a few motor cars, and run them as passenger vehicles. Overloading motor cirs is not cruelty to horses. —That it was not exactly land of some of those, gallant D Battery gunners to fire a blank round while ladies were in the camp Perhaps they had outstayed their welcome That it is a moot point whether a, wealthy young mam of Wellington is married to a barmaid, or if twenty-five papers m New Zealand are afflicted with a lying epidemic —That gingeibeer is a dangerous drink A Masterton barmaid all but lost her eye per aingerbeer cork -the other day". It is not the harmless beverage it pretends to be. That, so great an effect has the sea serpent had om a bold mariner, who made this port last week, that he is able to see serpents ever since The reptiles are of a paile amber colour That the- Premier has promised that he will allow the prohibitionists and aiiti-prohibitionrsts to fight their quarrel without interference from him Licenses to quarrel on application. That since the lodging-house people of Wellington heard that the Health Department intended looking them up, quite a lot of sulphur has been sold. The death rate has been enormous. —That a thin-skinned and well-known bachelor received a present of a baby's chaar the other day. He evidently thinks the sending is a criminal offence, as he has called in the aid of the police. —That a sturdy old horse grafting in one of thie coiaah-te-ams outside Roto» rua, is pointed out to tourists as the' once-famous steeplechaser Bombardier. An ignominious closing chapter in a great career. —That a "best man" and a lady were mistaken the other day for the bride and bridegroom at a local wedding It preyed upon them so much that they merged their interests next dav — by special license — -That America is sending an engineer to New Zealand to mqune into the colonial motihod of street-making and maintaining:. He will learn his greatest lesson in Wellington, or break his neck in the attempt. —That the following pathetic little advertisement appears in a small country paper "Will the gentlematn who trapped mv cock pigeons call upon my little sister, and he can have the hens and the young ones " — That it was leported that three successive teachers of the Rowan (Ta,ranaki) School had committed suicide. Now it transpires that it was only a humorous way of explaining that two of them had left to fet married — Tli at a cheerful settler prophesies that the small birds nuisance will prohibit the growing of <n am in New Zealand within three years. Considering that a small bird is not allowed to lay within ten chains of a settler's homesiteiad, why this wail? — Tli at some New South Wales backblocks people when it was known that the Premier intended offerm" up prayers of thanksgiving: for the breakme-up of the drought, wired him — "People here will be grateful if you postpone tha.uksgivi.np 1 until the drought breaks up "

That among the Moimon.% now m Gioire aic a pan of twins — on the nateii^al side - That, a. few moie \eais like the laot om\ ajul we shall develop into- a, w eb-too-tccl lace — -That the Australian piess lcinaiks that Dick" Seddon is too outspoken toi Governor — That Pierpont Morgan does not put his tiust m riches aiter all But, he puts his nokesi in trusts. That better things weie expected of 1903, and, judging by the opcnina the newcomei is an out-and-out Piohibitionist. That five ' snieleis," who played "two up" at Palmerston, were iecently fined £o each. The nohce did not use binoculars That when you ask a man if he will have eggs, and he '"ducks" his head, do not be angry. He may be a rejected parliamentary candidate . That more 'people were ariested in Wellington for drunkenness in 1902 than m 1901. This shows that inward shipping is steadily increasing That many people complain that their orchards are being robbed by boys. All those boys will be clergymen someday, if the usuaJ yarn is true .That treacle, m, large and continuous) doses, is alleged to be a cure for cancer. An Invercargill man is said to be recovering from the dread disease by its means. That the reason why so many men leave the theatre betw een acts is the example set by the manager. They see the curtain take a, "drop," and they go and do hkew lse .That, though it should be the aim of every first-class theatre to possess the mosit beautiful drop scene, most of them are satisfied with a pill and liquor-laud-ing abomination That at, least on© hundred wealthy Americans are due to arrive in New Zealand next month. It would be just as Avell to anchor this colony down until the danger i& passed. That the proposed motor oar service at Hammer will not be further discussed until Mr. Seddon visits that interesting neighbourhood He is expected to supply the "power " — That beer is a noxious thing, as a man in Chnstchurch found out who caused a four-year-old child to take it. Curiously, it is not mentioned in the Sale of Poisons Act. That a horse torturer in New South Wales was sent to gaol "without the option" the other day. The same man would have been fined £5 m New Zealand. He should emigrate. That every hamlet in New Zealand is wrestling at present with the Wednesiday v. Saturday half-holiday About two per cent, see destruction to tiade m the univeiißial Saturday vacation. That the river Thames is fiozen, anid so the proposed "damming" of the London river has been postponed bv the authorities. The river skippers, however, are supplying the necessary "cuss words." — That, at Christchurch, a person leported that a pair of trousers had been stolen off his bicycle. The modesty of the Chnstchurch bikes is evidently so great that they veil their spokes from rude gazers. — That a well-known cleigyman ha,s recently returned from "swagging it," to test the. benevolence of people generally. He found that he wanted several full-sized meds when he returned to his horne 1 . — That an absurd rumour has "ot abroad that the batch of new Justices about to be appointed will be required to pass a third standard examination It is not true that, such profound soholais are needed. — That a country paper, "while thanking a subscriber for that fine basket of gooseberries, desires tomtiraf 11 ' 1 that a three-years' subscription cannot be wiped off with sixpenny worth of stomachache " — That, on a new ly-madel grave, in a Wellington cemetery, might have been seen the other day a card bearing these written words — "With Mrs' X 's deep sympathy," and, printed in the conra , "At home on Fridays "