On the Razzle Dazzle. . . . HOW TWO GIDDY CIVIL SERVANTS ENJOYED THEIR CHRISTMAS.

Free Lance, 15 December 1902, Page 14

On the Razzle Dazzle. . . . HOW TWO GIDDY CIVIL SERVANTS ENJOYED THEIR CHRISTMAS.

The Conspiracy. In the fai -famed Hotel Cecil, Augustus William Jinks An^ Ossar Pat Maloney were discussing seveial dunks — Two mained, old Tite Barnacles, absolved of youthful sins, But known up at the Buildings as " the gay and festive Twins." They talked about the holidays, and spending seveial " quids," Without their being encurnbeied by the misses and the kids ; Sajs Jinks unto Maloney, " Pat, I've got a fine idea." Says Pat, " Then let us have it, for, begobs, it must be queei "

On the Trek. On second-hand machines they sat, bought on the instalment plan, In the latest biking costumes, both looking spick and span, With poultry and ham sandwiches and prog of high renown, And a large supply of liquids just to wash the solids down. 'Twas a lovely sunny morning of a bright New Zealand day, Amidst fluttering of handkerchiefs and shoutings of " Huiray ' " With many fond embraces and biddings of " Good-bye ! " They started on their journey to the coal-field near Taitai.

The Two Charmers. With sciaps from Dixs ditties they proceeded on theii way, Till they overtook two charmeis who weie on a holiday , They were Miss Euphemia, Jones, Angelina Sophy Biggs, Two stars in comicalities of Irish songs and jigs As they scoiched along together they talked of balls and hops, Without a word of mention of the weather and the ciops, But the ladies pneked then eais up and exchanged expie^sive winks When the valet, Pat Maloney, whispeied, " That's Sn William Jinks ' "

The Great Coal Discovery. " You've heard, no doubt," said Jinks, " about the coal-seam near Taitai? At all events, our missuses won't know it's all a lie ; We'll stuff 'em with a stoiy in the real Munchausen style, How we're going to peg a claim off, and to make a blooming pile. They'll say the Christmas holidays are standing in the way, But we'll answer it's important, and it will not bear delay ; And as for Christmas holidays, why, who the dickens cares ? We'll have as many as we like when we are millionaires."

Strictly Incognito. Says Jinks unto Maloney, " We have started very gay, But there's just one little danger that may give the show away ; We may meet some other Johnnies who our mugs may recognise, And burst our little game up as a pack of blooming lies. So in ordei that no contretemps our movements here may clog, I suggest it is desirable we travel strict incog. I'll be Sir William Jinks, Bart., and you'll be my valet, I'm a wealthy English tourist of the most distinguished set."

The Recherche Dinner. They alighted neai the Taitai and Sir William, like a swell, Invited them to dinner at a neighbouung hotel. Said Mi. Tapp, the boniface, to Patnck, the valet— " You know it isn't every day we get a baionet." When the champagne was exhausted they enjoyed a little dance, And the ladies entertained them to a musical melange ; They planned a jolly pic-nic foi the moriow, Chiistmas Day, For which, of course, Sir William all expenses would defray.