Afternoon Tea Gossip

Free Lance, Volume III, Issue 124, 15 November 1902, Page 6

Afternoon Tea Gossip

By Little Miss Muffitt.

At a meeting of electors, near by Wellington First elector (referring of a candidate addressing the meeting) "I knew him over thirty years ago, driving sheep." Second elector . "And he's driving sheep still — sheep that pay him better too." The Dunedm "Star" is keen on that present of £10,000 from Carnegie, wherewith to buildapuoi-o library. It says "Mr. Carnegie's present will be accepted with frank gratitude." I always understood that the Southern city was inhabited maanlv bv Scotsmen, whom I had hitherto regarded as the most independent people in the world. Of course, Andrew is a Soot himself, and independent too, so, if he happens to seie the sheaves of letters many Southern Scots 1 are wntine (without however, promising to raise the money tihemselvos) against the acceptance of moneT for which they have done nothing, he may declare the bargain off. For the *akr of Dunedin's reputation it is to be hoped he will withdraw the offer * • * Forty-five bookmakers were fined at Addin^ton, for using a '"place" in which to bet. A "place" m&v consist of an umbrella or a square of oil-cloth high boots, or a coat hung on a fence the ordinary bookmaker, who doderes about is not m a "place," so he is no+ fined £10 or £20. "He may be as bi"a spieler as ever the sun shone on but he is not in a "place." Unless you are a lawyer, you will not be able to understand) why an act should be a sin because a coat is hrune: on a fence, and perfectly legitimate if you wear the coat and keep moving. The person who buzzes round with! the usual rancour voice, yelling: the names of the horses as he Relieves them to be pronounced, is the greater nuisance. Why not rake him in as -n ell 5

Ashburton, or a sectio:i of it, fears prohibition A iev, beery persons recently attacked a cold-water advocate in that village, and fought an inglorious battle for beer. A few riots of that land would be the best thing the prohibitionists could desire to further their cause. Curious to notice that the Australian pi oss is telling its readers that this country is anything but booming, and that it predicts a burst of the largest dimensions Money is tight., politicians' promises are merely idle, wind, and ruin, with a large "R," is imminent. Then, of course, the Australian press has not been present at the recent land sales at Mirannar and elsewhere. * * * A hare-braaned citizen of _ Kawhra recently started a am rolling that there was gold in the vicinity The local storekeepers sold out their available sitook of picks, shovels, and dishes, and wired for more. It seems the gold existed in the imagination of an old notoriety named " Kauri Bill," who disclosed the vicinity for the "price of a feed." Up to now, the output of sold at Kawhia. is far smaller than that of the Waihi mine. * • * Admiral Sir Harry Rawson, New South Wales's Governor, is not a bad sort. He recently ran up from Sydney to Bathurst especially to find a residence for ibis secretary (Mr. Rowe), who is recovering- from typhoid fever. I remember the case of a young cltrk in Welhnfiton, who had the 1 audacity to "fro sick," and who was the support of the family, turning; up on his recover^ to find a stranger in his chair, who had annexed the billet by offering for 2s 6d a week less than he had been drawing. The said clerk i®, at this moment, choDpinec firewood in the vicinity of Danne*virke. Contrast ! ♦ * ♦ The umbrella-commandeering joke is ■u orn to raigs, and wants new ribs. However the following; is no joke. A gentleman, who left his umbrella in a local cloak room the other morht. was late to leave When he went, for liis rain protector he found only one left. It was not bis It was a far better samplei than his own He took it of course. On setting home., he accidentally touched aistjring in the handle. This opened a claw-like arrangement at the ferrule end. It was a speciallv-designr ed arrangement used by "lierht-finffered" erentrv in annexing unconsideired trifles A local umbrella mender has 1 the device in his possession now.

According to an interested dairy main, who, by the way, does not "cow-bang" himself, the people engaged in the mi IV industry are the happiest in the world. "They do about two hours' work in the morning, and another couple of hours at night," said Mr. Allooek, of Waikouaiti, "and they are clear till next morning. All the rest of tine time these people sleep. It is really a fine, healthy thing for a child to rise at 3 a.m., milk till 8 a.m., go to school at 9, mill: from 4 p.m. to 6or 7, and then to bed. If a little firewood chopping, and a newspaper round can be introduced, to kill time, it all helps to build up the constitution. Wet mornings and boc^v cow byres are essential to make juveniles handy. * * * • Education is progressing by leaps and bounds in New Zealand, and thore is Little doubb tihat there will be a sum placed on the Estimates in future for oastcxr oil. Recently, some smart boys up the line assimilated all the green gooseberries, and castor oil was hold out as a dread alternative to supplejack. The boys tremblingly accepted the inevitable castor oil, arid the teacher administered it. It is interesting to hear that the medical punishment eventuated on a Friday afternoon. * • • Talking about donations, Mr C. Cross, of the Occidental Hotel, Masterton, promised a donation to the charitable institutions on the declaration of peace. He recently handed it over. The Presbyterians (Scots ain't they?) refused their share of it. 'Twas beer money, ye ken. Mr. Gross will keep" the money, and buy more beer, for which he will receive a profit. On a prohibition basis if the profits of these few pounds 1 are still used to buy beer, the Presbyterians have helped to defeat the good cause by not taking the money. * * • I suppose you have noticed that when a paipex makes a mistake it invariably remarks in next issue that the mistake "crept" in. This always conjures ud in my mind an editor in his stockinged feet giving a recumbent "devil" a sheet of oonv with whispered instructions, which are in turn repeated by a dumb devil on tiptoes to a scared compositor with mocassins on. The "comi>." in a,n awed manner creeps towards his ''case" and drops the offending thing into a padded "stick," and the mistake i^ made. As a person who knows somethin^ about th pace of a newspaper office* I am able to say that "gallop" is a more appropriate word than "creep "

I would suggest to the educational authorities that each teacher in the country should possess a medical degree, should be provided with free instrumente, calf lymph, and castor oil, and should be allowed to have a medical parade every morning. Al&o, that parents should sign a bond relinquishing their claim to look after their own children. We are bound to progress if this is done. • * * • One of Wellington's cleverest and also most absent-minded, men went home rtx) his house on the Terrace last Tuesday. He knocked at the 1 door, but no one answered. He knocked, and rang the bell, at intervals for a quarter-of-am-hour, and then gave way to despair, and subsided on the doorstep. Where were his dear wife and faithful servants? Gome? Ah, no, anything but that. A policeman strolled a!oi>- his beat and gemtlv questioned him. He could not get into the house he had lived in for twelve years. "Don't -au remember, sir. you moved into Tinakoriroad last week?" queried the man in blue. And then it dawned on him that the house was empty. • ♦ « I would not keep on raking up that celebrated Chinese character, Quong Tart, if he was an ordinary Celestial. However, he is not. Sydney thronged the Town Hall the other day in a sort of thanksgiving meeting that the mandarin had recovered his health from the attack of a Hooligan. The Right Hon. George Reid was there, and everybody of importance in New South Wales. At-torney-General Want said he had known Mr. Tart since he was the size of a piece of chalk, and, like chalk, he had always left a white mark behind him, which is as nice a thine as could be said about any person, whitei, khaki or black. They crave Quong a fat cheque, and some handsome plate. Just wait and see him squander that cheaue in reckless charity.