IT IS TOWN TALK

Free Lance, Volume III, Issue 122, 1 November 1902, Page 26

IT IS TOWN TALK

— That Dick is wasting away. His latest registered weight is 19st lOlbs. —That Kilbircue is the Sunday refuge of the city unslaked. Thirsty weather this. —That there is an ironing machine just landed in Wellington weighing six and a-half tons. 'Ware buttons ' That a local parson says it is not good for a man to live alone , but is is better than to live with a scolding woman. —That it is just on the cards that Colonel Porter may succeed Sir Arthur Douglaa as Under-Seoretary tor Vefence. —That a local dentast is substituting for the usual "dental parlour" the less harrowing term "Drawing-room, and it seems appropriate —That Mr McLachlan, M H R., of Ashburton lias been making promises. He told the electors they wanted nothing, and he had got it for them ' Th a t S.M. Beetham has ruled that you are a nuisance if you carry a pauitpot on the front of your bike. You might run into someone, and spill paint on him. —That, according to the "Berliner Zeitung " Mount Egmont has exploded "and 100,000 people in New Plymouth, the famous capital of New Zealand, are homeless." That, although there is a beer shop every few yards m Tasmania, and a hotel on each corner, the "tight little island is less tight than any other British possession. —That an action for divorce has been entered by a meat-eatir.g wife aa;airst a vegetarian husband who is. bv reason of his fads, treating her with cruelty. Think she has got a- case ? —That all other events sink into uttesr insignificance beside the fact that Dick is home again That a New South Wales boy, who "didn't know it was loaded," shot his 1 sister. Her corsets stopped the nellets That girl will never belong to the "waistless" cult of new women. —That the dear' old trams are delightfully inconsequent. They seem to start about ten minutes early, and arrive on time. Drivers should be given a big card with the time-table printed thereon. — That one of the promises held out by a candidate, who spoke at Clinton the other day was that he would do his best to brins a bill into Parliament dealino- wath the increasing evil of decayed teeth — That a young man who was kneeling in an attitude of devotion in a Wellington church on Sunday last was observed to be communicating: with a sweet choir girl by means of the deaf and dumb alphabet. — That a school committee up the line, composed mainly of farmers suggested that, as the teachers had done nothing for many week, on account of the measles, they should put in their time planting potatoes! — That soap-bubble blowing is acknowledged to be the latest and most scientifio method of expanding and strengthening the lungs But, according to a magnificent article on the subiect, you must use somebody's soap solely. — That another way of earning lolly money has been discovered by some up-the-line boys. They entered an empty house, chopped mv a eood stove, and sold it for old iion. Now, the iron has entered into their souls, before the S M — -That a new disease is added to the long, horrid list. This is "coffee heart," and is, according to life insurance experts, more deadly than the whisky kind or the beer variety. Prohibitionists should add coffee to the beverages to be neither touched, tasted nor handled — That the coach competition is becoming: interesting over at Day's Bay and Muritai. Downes calls his turnout the "Defiance," and Coombe h^s dubbed his the "Defender." The contest for the America Cup is a mere com-mon-place compared with the excitement over the Muratai go-as-you-please Stakes. — That '"New Zealand has been given by the War Office a selection of Long Toms captured by the Boers," is a news item. Also a sheaf of captured Mausers will be given to school children to practice with. There were six Long Toms captured during the whole war, and soldiers were not allowed to keep rifles that were fit for children.

— That it is not true that Madame Melba is as young as she looks. She is already tliirty-seven and is growing older in the ordinary way. — -That Eketahuna had a visitatiou from a "detective" the other day. He absorbed many free beers, and then let out after the "criminal." He is going yet. — -That they ha\ c started up in Auckland to speak of Mr. J. W. Witheford, M.H R , as "Champagne Charlie." He was the 'nzzioal" success of last Parliament. —That Dr. Chappie took his trial spin on his motor on Saturday last. The Auckland agent tailed him up" in case of accidents which however, failed to happen. — That the car-conductors are busy canvassing passengeis foi their Christmas picnic. One guard collected £29 10s bv himself for this annual "spree" last year. — That a lady who lost a muff, advertised for it Next day, m answer to the advertisement a young man of vacant appearance turned un and said "I'm here." — That Palmeiston is preparing to climb right ahead of Wellington by considering the ad\ .sabihtv of lighting the town and driving municipal motors by water power — That, according to the "Times " Mr. G V Hudson "picked up" the now comet on Sunday evening. If Mi Hudson only knew it. he has a large fortune m hand — That the latest method of turning an honest penrnv i<= to sally forth in the dead of ni^ht denude horses of their tails and sell the hair. Truly, ahadrbrained enterprise. — That, according to a Melbourne paper marvellous Melba gets her complexion from her "mother's people," and, according to a Sydney naper her mother's people are not chemists. — That Mr Seddon's future "public destiny lies m the hands of the Deople of New Zealand." In other words, he will be New Zealand's Premier as long as he can stand up under the load. — That a country person, who sailed into a town restaurant the other day, and elanced down the menu, said, "Yes I'll have that " meaning the lot. At the seventh course we left, not feeling well. — That the British Army authorities have been removing troops from Africa at the rate of 1000 per day. We expect a New Zealander is responsible for the perfection of the arrangements, however. — That a Christchurch woman advertises that, in spate of the expressed wish of an anonymous letter writer that the advertiser would not see another birthday, she is still flourishing on that birthday — That Mr. John Crewes "had been a prohibitionist when all the other ministers in his district had been drinking beer." Wonder where Mr. Crewes was to see the said parsons imbibing the malt decoction 9 — That a horse attached to a Chinaman's cabbage cart, at Dannevirke, bolted with his load. John was arraigned before two average justices, who fined him 30s for "furious driving " Why not hang him? —That Mr T. Kempton, of Greytown, offers a £1 prize for the largest number of noxious birds and their eggs exhibited at the show next autumn. It is to be hoped his phiiaiithro^v will stand the strain. — That the tuneful American revivalist, Alexander was presented with a greenstone and silver inkstand by iis pupils at Dunedm before he left. He said they would always remain "green" in his memory. Ah ' — That one of the candidates for the city, while comparing the licensing laws in New York with those m Wellington, enforced his argument with "And America is the most up-to-date country in the United Kingdom." — That it will be glad news to our friends in England to learn that the recent terrific volcanic eruption of Mount Cook was stilled by an inventor who poured eight bottles of earthquake cure down the crater. — That the ex-nun, Mrs. Shepherd, who is lecturing on convent life, had a bad time of it in Melbourne The windows of the hotel where she stayed were smashed, and a parson sympathiser also had his house damaged. — That yawning is punishable by a fine in the Japanese House of Parliament In a recent case it was proved that Mr. Tanaka yawned in a sardonic manner. Members sleep and snore in New Zealand's House. Remember the last stonewall? — That a Yankee business man, who is at present at Puotorua, says that if Le gets the required permission he could generate enough power to ran all the commercial concerns of New Zealand with hot air that at present escapes merely for the pleasure of sight-seers.