Entre Nous

Free Lance, Volume III, Issue 121, 25 October 1902, Page 14

Entre Nous

WANG AN UI came out with its best bib and tucker last week, to do honour to Sir Joseph Ward's formal opening of the new Post Office on the Avenue. There i»<b a tempoiaiy platform erected on the footpath to accommodate the leaders of Society and the official magnates, and the patience with which they wore a chiselled smile, and maintained a statuesque pose, while the local photographers "took" them from the opposite hotel balcony may be accented as proof of their staying qualities Of course, Sir Joseph and Lad> Ward were the centre of attraction, Lady Ward loolnng quite radiant. * * * Among the local aristocracy, theie was a clear division of opinion as to tihe latest Parisian fashion for such a function. Mayor Hatnok gave a lead on one side by wearing a hard-hitter, and Post-master Mcßeth loyally follow - ed suit But, Mr. Mcßeth did not seem to be suited. His t:le looikel as if it might have fitted him when he was in knickers. At any rate, it did not hide his intellect. The other fashion was 'ed by Mi F A Krull, the German viceConsul, and James Garland Woon who, m their sail: hats and frock coats, then Impel lal moustachois, and their pay button-holes, looked as if they were out for a coronation. Some rude man in the plebem crowd had the effrontery to hadl the vice-Consul in a loud voice merely to inform him that a woman midst the thran.se would like to ha™ his button-hole It did not damp Mr. Krull's spirits, however, for some halfhour later, when Mr Willis M.HE. started in his turn to orate, Mr Krull gracefully encouraged him with several pats on th* back » • • Mayor Hat rick's speech was matter-of-fact. He struck off one spark of gallantry bv remarking that Lady Ward was like the angels — her visits were few and far between. But, the effort must have weaned him for he back to bricks and mortar by thei shortest cut. Oh, yes, there was another point. Wanganui Post Office ousrht to be aj first-grade one, but it was not. Now that, however, it had got a firstgrade building, the Department would have to grade the office also higher. Whereupon, Telegraph Inspector Furby in the background winked at Postal Inspector Rose, who laughed at Secretary Gray, and Secretary Gray, for one brief second, allowed a fleeting smilei to flicker on his adamantine lips, but so transient was it that ere you could say " 'tis there," 'twas gone * * • Sir Joseph made up for all deficiencies. His stream of oratory rolled and rippled with a rapid current He dived into figures 1 , dipped into poetry and chipped off quite a parcel of lokelets One of them related to the fact that

James Garland Wo on Lad been tlnee times post^ma&ter, w Inch caused him. to remark he must have been, "a no-on" of the office. In&pector Keilly looked about in alaim. but the ciowd nevei flinched. James Garland however was observed with drooping head, but it was impossible to say whether it was pent-up emotion or the joke he was w resthng with. How ever, it was a good speech and struck the right chords First Cantingeiitei s to the number of about fifty, from all parts of New Zealand foregathered on Trafalgar Daiv . Tuesday, 21st October to celebrate the anniversary of their departure for the land of the Boer. So keen were some of the members of that historic two hundred, that one of them, travelled eight hundred miles, nio-ht and day, to put in. three hours with his old comrades. There was Ma;or Bnrtlett chairman and vice-president ex-llawera councillor ex-Hawera Fire Brigade captain, ex-Lieutenant of the First, and excommandiner officer North Island Batallion of the Eighth. He is bound for Africa next week and held over his departure especially for that dinner Then also, there was Captain Bob" Matthews, "as game as a pebble," and as shy as a girl when he rose to say a word, Captain "Jacky" Hughes, D.5.0., at home everywhere, and to be depended on in any emergency of field, flood or social gathering , Captain D'Arcv Chaytor one-time barrister, a Marlborougli man he now engaged in several large business undertakings, among which are a big sheep station, a flax-mill, and a ereneral farm Captain "Jimmy" Mitchell lame with a bullet through his foot, and the ruddy slow of health on, his cheek, son of -T. D Mitchell, the Haw era "sport" and breeder of blood stock, importer of the Boer boy Charlie Crow lev, and orentlemam steenlechase rider , Captain "Fred" Woods, ex -saddler one of the keenest soldiers who ever won a commission, stalwart, good-lookincr v.ith a fine presence and a command of excellent English, restless, keen-eyed and kindly a "terror" to camp-loafers and depot scouts * * • What about Cantain Canavan, the Blenheim insurance man, and fine horseman 9 He who absolutely refused to "go sick" when nearly at death's door, and wlio quietly stuck to his duty and murmured not? Or. Lieutenant "Tiny" Emerson, son of the late police inspector, of true-grit memory, holder of the Humane Society medal for battling with the breakers in Napier for thirtyfive minutes, anid recovenng a woman who could not be restorel to life, mentioned m de^atches by Lord Kitchener, beloved by his subordinates, and looked upon as the prince of daredevils There was Ernie Lockett, with an empty sleeve and a D.C.M. — rescuer of a prisoner at Losberg, and now a pensioner, son of old Major Lockett, who got his right arm shot o^ in the Maori Wan' cheerful as a blue-bottle, able to raise the glass to drink toasts with the only hand left. "Billy" Burr, too, now a staff instructor, ex "rep." footballer, and hard and fit enough now to wear down most men with the gloves, on the race track, or over hurdles, a sergeantmajor who "had no quarrel with his men, and who was never "duty struck."

Perhaps, you have heard of the othei staff instructor, Mr. Tuck ? Oner-time a policeman, keen as mustard, and always to be heard if the listener is within the radius of half-a-mile, full of ideas which he values, with an extremely severe notion of discipline, and who carries the barrack-square style into the dininghall. Sergeant-Major Watts, too, a Wellington man who may be seen any day jogging around on horses without manners and he is engaged in teaching sense to. * * *■ One time a Weotralian police trooper, arraigned on a charge of shooting blacks who tore him from shoulder to wrist with a spear , released with a clean sheet, afterwards a squatter in Droughtland, next a horsebreaker and dealer, in Wellington a keen soldier with the First; a hardfaced, ruddy, hard-headed man, who left England so long; a^o that he forsrot it until he went Home o get a wife. He is sergeant-major of the Wellington Mounted Rifle Battalion now, and teaches the unblooded ones Boer tactics. Once he stole a mule from a general's private waggon. He wanted to get to Pretoria mounted. But let that pass. There were others of humbler rank, all glad to be alive, and

balking over old times at a gallop. But we have the order — T — r — o-t, W-a-Ik Halt! ' * * * A person whose reputation had hitherto been of a. lily-hue, was arraigned last week in a north of Auckland Court, on a charge of burglary. He had deliberately broken into a house (which was not looked up), had broached several bottles of wine, and done other dreadful things. The owner came in toiund the prisoner, and had informed the police with the result that the charge was laid "But," asked the S.M., do you think that the entry was deliberate and malicious or merely the treak of a drunken man. In short was the man drunk ?" "I won 't say he was drunk Your Worship," replied the complainant "but he was sitting on the floor waiting to caton the bed the next time ... ran round him." Fine facosts, 30s. * * * English as she is wrote in a 'Wm+ author's" most recent work - PTOa * "Her e^es fell." "Her hands dropped by her side." -He lost his tongue." "Her voice fell." "His jaw drooped." "She crushed him with a look " His heart sunk like lead." it is Probable Mary Ann brought her dustpan and handbrush, and swept up the pieces. X A story that reminds one of an incident in the lift of the great but unlettered sheep millionaire "Jimmy" Tyson reaches us from South. A poor, weary' old swagman, with a tattered "bluey" and a "billy" patched with rag wads lately rolled up to a settler's homestead, and asked for a "pannikin of dust and a pint o' tea." The settler invited mm in gave him a good meal, and found him to be quite an. enlightened individual. The settler told him that he was a tenant of the meanest wretch who ever scoooed in unearned increment. He lived ur> North in style, had nroperties all over the country never improved them, ground the last sixnemoe out of the tenants, and was generally the most avaricious old hunks who ever walked. There is a sign over a buildin"- up Newtown wav which reads 'This property for sail. Apply .." The owner was standing at tihe front door the other day when a! inquired "When is she going to sail?" to which the owner naively replied, "Oh, as soon as someone can raise the necessary wind." * • • A "ratty" story is going the rounds of Oarterton. Two borough councillors, a policeman, a commercial traveller, and two nondescripts were watching six large rats being killed, when one escaped, ran into the shoo, and soared the lady behind the counter. With many unearthly yells she mounted tine counter — and the yarn is she is still there.

Apparently no one wants to be Gov-ernor-General of the Australian Fedciation. It seoms that peeis at Home liate poveit\ and are very shy of positions of tlie kind. Now, if tliey would take commoners, I feel suie that theue ai-e quite a number of New Zealand candidates for Parliament who would forego them cLaims to a seat if thcvv wore asked to accept the billet of figurehead for tho Common wealth * * * Dlixs V C'OMIMt ]}\.«Jh. There's a better tine a coining, and it won't be very lone; Till you hear the> hcrnv-handed shout the old Seddonian song. And the game of dining out w Inch has of late been rathei slack Will scon be all the rage a?am for Dick is coming back Yes, Dick is coining back, m\ bo\s from England far away, Wheie he taught the British nation how the war game they should play, And gems of eloquence he scatteied thick upon his track He's left them all behind him — but lie's bringing plenty back He's bringing nlenty back, mv boys and then Cabinet look out, He'll want to know of maiw things which ■sou have talked about, Of Ricnrton and Georgie F., and all the olooming, pack We'll hear a lot of straight talk when Richard .fohn gets back There's Grandma," too> — does she support the eiQfht men at the poll In Wellington — or has she left thePartv in a hole 9 He cave you strict instructions and for cash you did not lack Ha,ve you spent it all, dear comrades — don't say yes — he's comineback' ' He's com in? back to talk to us of everthijQT he knows And lots of things he doesn't — but tihe less we say of those The better 01 we'll have friend Culvei starting on our track, And insinuating; treason 'cause his Richaid's coming back. R. X F * ♦ * An incident at Newtown Candidate C M. Luke's meeting, on Monday night — "And what is our deficit ?" exclaimed he throwing hist chest at the audience. 'We shan't know until Dick comes back'" yelled an unregeneratp pessimist at the back. * * * The old sw aggie" sympathised with, him, and left. Next day, the settler went into the township to get his maal, and, in the street, he met the "swaggie," resplendent in a frock coat and bell-topper 1 Inquiries he instituted disclosed the fact that his avaricious landlord the Door old s-waggie and the bell-toppered individual were one and the same person. The swagman device was his original w T ay of finding out tilings, and living cheap. Howevei , he has a vacancy for a tenant now . A pi-ono^ to the mission of the deputation of business-meii who w aited unon the Postmaster-General, to ask for a new post office: for Te Aio, a more or less true remark of Mark Twain's almost applies to Wellington Speaking at the opening of a new post-office- in New York. Mark once said that "if you threw a brickbat in New York you would cripple a postmaster'" Neiw York with several times the population of the whole of New Zealand, then had thirty-five post offices. To-day Wellington ha 3 seven r>ost-m asters

It would be a revelation to the Minister of Justice if he were to occasionally drop m and see the way m which -|ustices' justice is administered m many paxts of the colony, not excepting even the city poihce courts. And it would afford the Minister of Education immense amusement were he able to overhear remarks passed at many school committee meetings. . • ♦ A newly-fledged J.P., in Chris tchurch who, after hearing a charge of thett against two boys, and being asked bv the police for a remand, granted it remarking that they would be released on their own "reminisceaices" to appear on

the followme day. Having heard the police side of a case, this same Solomon and another proceeded to convict, and had reached the stage of fining the accused £1 each, when up rose the defendant's counsel, "Please, Your Worships, you have not heard the defence." When that was concluded there was only one course -ossible, viz., to dismiss the ease, which tfhey accordingly did. The Court records had to be amended, and the officials duly "smole a sickly smile." * • * "A Fable" writes — "I had occasion to mend a doll a few weeks ago. It was one of the usual wax-faced creatures and the mask had been detached from the back of the. head, leaving a vacuum To make a backing for the face, I filled the hollow with pieces of newspaper mostly leading: articles. The doll stronely objected , but I crushed all argument by retorting that it was no worse off than a number of Parliamentary candidates that I know."

Tlu> latest of the Prohibition Party's, importations for the uo-hcense campaign (Mr. Jolm Vale) is refreshing in this vale of dulness as a speaker. Ho is a SUI prise packet of humour, spimgmg witticisms at most unexpected moment' upon an unsuspecting audience The L vnce noted a few instance*, at lus meeting, held at New town last week In the heart of a heavy argument upon the influence of a pot of beer upon our

general elections, Mr. Vale said it was degrading that men should accept the bi ewers' mess of pottage. In fact, he went on, it was not even a pottage — it was only a mess l Again — "There were men \v ho use beer, men who drink beer, men who bhink beer!" "We had a politician, in Victoria who had a reputation for loose morals and large feet. In fact he would have been a great man had he been barn upside down 1 "