It Is Town Talk

Free Lance, Volume III, Issue 119, 11 October 1902, Page 26

It Is Town Talk

— That only one draper in Wellington province is up-to-date. He is adveitising winter millinery. —That ex-Chief Justice Prendergast's Government pension is £1113 6s Bd. Suggestive figures the last two ! — That Melba on an average, receives four phonographs per day with a polite request to "please sing something into it," That New Zealand is not a bad hand at blowing its own trumpet, and now it is sending a band Home to blow several. —That bikes must surely be getting cheaper. Every second youngster m Wellington trundles a bike wheel-rim for a hoop. —That the police should take their binoculars on to the sand dunes of Island Bay. There are a number of stray goats at large there. That Palmeiston North is mourning that times are bad. Its "great dailies remark that not a single "drunk has been gaoled for a week ' That it is a remarkable fact that the finest stone-flagged footpaths in Wellington run alongside vacant ground. Wherefore, O Council 9 —That Chnstchureh shops frequently have the sign "Open to-morrow if there is any fish" up Fish shops m Wellington are always open — to millionaires. —That it is not true that the Council trams frequently stop for fifteen minutes at crossing places. Ten minutes, however, seems like that time to many. — That the Chinese gentlemen who are exhuming relatives for transport to China (and Paradise) refuse to disinter those Mongols who have lost their pigtails in life or after. — That the light-fingered gentleman who annexed some bedclothes from an outhouse in Newtown may be interested to hear that they belonged to a person suffering from scarlet fever. — That an ardent Wellington spiritualist has "broken off" his engagement with a charming widow. He found that she was in the habit of receiving smnt letters from the dear departed. — That the local lawyer who was asked by a newly-arrived passenger "if he wanted to earn a bob by carrying a bag up to the hotel," has since blossomed out into a new suit and a 30s Panama. — That the latest about "Dick" is that he was struck off the list of "sure things" for the peerage by his evasion of the press censor in Africa. For which New Zealanders are duly grateful. — That a new woman has been discovered. She refused to be frightened by a mouse, which she chased with a broom. The rodent took refuge in the leg of a man'si trousers. The man fainted ! — That a Terrace young lady has indignantly refused the present of an arrangement for making her piano mute for practice, although the next-door neighbour offered it with the best of motives. — That downy Dowie has heard that there is a good field for conquest and dollars in New Zealand, and one of his selected advance agents is now in Auckland preparing the way for the queer religionist. — That one of the most interesting early-morning sights in Wellington is that of a well-known and rotund citizen, pyjama-olad, standing on his balcony doing his "Sandow" in full view of the populace. — That the gentleman who wanted some "In Memoriam" poetry about his father inserted in a daily paper, and who was told that it would cost 3s an inch, could not afford it. He said his father was 6ft 6in high. —That Kaffirs may not use the footpaths in Africa. The recently-arrived Afrikander, who imperiously told a Maori "boy" to walk in the road the other night, should get out of old habits when he gets out of bed. —That the Rev J. Lyell recently remarked, at a meeting, with regard to disturbing larrikins, that "if it were not tor the grace of God I should give them a good thrashing." What a magmncent advertisement if he had ' —That the edifying spectacle of a beruddled person knocking at the backdoor of a Wellington church, in the beliet that it was a hotel, was to be seen on Sunday last. "What the severe churchwarden looked like will be treasured up in our mind while life shall last.

— That most men would rathei lies were told about them than the truth. That Now Zealanders are noted for their courage. Mr. Seddon is to be opposed for the Westland seat. That the "dying" hours of the session were not remarkable for anything "killing" in the way of Parliamentary wit. — That a bike enthusiast remarks that a man is not necessarily angry when he gets his back up Maybe he is only a scorcher. — That a recently-returned officer wants to know w hat reason some of his friends have in sending him a complete outfit of tin soldiers. — That eavesdropping at the telephone is much more prevalent than it ever was at the keyhole, for detection is so much less probable. — That the police have not arrested all the Cuba-street bookies who are laying heavy odds about the genial Godber's chance for a city seat. — That a crowd of hairless humourists down South have formed a "bald-head-ed club." Babies-in-arms however, are exempted under bye-law 3. — That a lovelorn youth, who adores the daughter of a keen Wellington business man, is required to show papa a list of his creditors before he is accented. — That a young civil servant went in ti Stewart Dawson's on Tuesday, and merely said "I — cr — ah — er-he — " and the assistant brought him a tray of engagement rings. — That faith is a marvellous cure-all. Willy Schwiegershausen, the world-en-circling cyclist, "cured" all the halt and lame and blind in Arabia bv internal doses of bicycle oil' — That Bishop Julius has said he favours cricket on Sundays. Now, if he was a poor curate, and the Wellington Basin Reserve band objectors had any say in the matter ! — That it was quite unnecessary to post up that notice "Gentlemen will please leave their sticks in the umbrella stand," at the meeting of the Ulster Society the other night. — That at a local option poll in Hobart. rating on unimproved values was carried. The eftect has been to make local farmers rub the grass seed out of their eyebrows and swear. — That a certain denizen of the Big Building is suffering from "influenza." In other words, while Sandowing he dropped an unaccustomed 281b dumbbell on his favourite foot. —That a widow lady, "with eight children," requires nice, quiet home with Christian person; services in exchanee for board. Champion advertisement of the week. Quiet home. — That, owing to the amount of controversy roused over the question of a dam on the Hutt river, to raise power for the lighting of Wellington, several engineers are spelling it with an "n " — That one of the New Zealand Bisley men thinks that London should send out a commission of inquiry to study municipal management in Wellington. He says they are behind the times. — That the brewers are celebrating the burial of the "Tied Houses Bill" by a wholesale buying up of "free houses." Foolish, when one reviews the chances for prohibition at the coming elections. — That the Pahiatua "Herald," commenting on the fact that a Wellington bankrupt spent £75 a-year on clothes, calls him "Mr. Richards." Those in the know will laugh ha' ha. — That if you want to build project- ' ing windows in Wellington you should build a hotel. Do not do to ask for oriel windows if you are a tobacconist. A stroll dwn Willis-street will explain — That an excited person recently rushed into an Auckland church, and wildly beckoned a well-known doctor. Patient dying? Oh, no' Doctor's motor-car running away. Oh, those boys' — That a Wairarapa resident, who has 304 living descendants, intended to give them a little "snread" the other day but he found his old ao-e pension would not run to it The old gentle- ' man was bora in 1801. — -That an ardent horticulturist, who missed some blooms that only he himself has been able to propagate was astonished when he was asked to buy that same bunch of flowers by a dear ltitle child in town the other day — That a section of Wanganui Society ] is saying nasty things about Mr. Justice Kettle. The fact is, Mr. Kettle is death on dirty hotels, and generally shows that he has not the "brewers' bias," so common a complaint in New Zealand. — That men who leave their usual haunts suddenly should not get nhotographed in football groups. One foolish man in Christchurch has just received a bill of very ancient date from a Wellington tradesman he had probably long since forgotten.