It is Town Talk

Free Lance, Volume III, Issue 118, 4 October 1902, Page 26

It is Town Talk

That a poultry census is to be taken in New Zealand shortly. Boardinehouse keepers need not simply birth certificates. —That, if the Hutt nver is to be used for power-supplying purposes the Hutt "Channel's" sphere of usefulness has only just begun. That eggs are eight pence a dozen everywhere else but in Wellington, where the stylish fowl's efforts are assessed at Is 2d for twelve—That the wotaeri of Wakpu are agitated, and are going to insist that they shall have representatives in the House. No more short sessions then • —That the Harbour Board's new byelaw commencing "Bales of wool, other than hemp," is quaint. We would like to see the new sheep that grows hemp —That a perusal of that long list of Chinese subscribers to the Hospital funds was too much for a local antiprohibitionist. He's "got 'em again. That the police use binoculars to trap the wily "two-up" player. The noble pastime of "heading-em" is played close under their noses on Lambton Quay. — That an inquiry, held into the cause of the collapse of a public building m the far South, resulted in the inquires finding that it was unsafe. Very Gilbertian. — That a giii of thirteen w T as recently married in the "far North," but, as her name was Polish, Britishers have nothing to reproach themselves with on her account. — That new candidates foi the House are pretty unanimous in calling the "£4O steal" a blot on the House We are afrajd that the new men will not take the £300 a-year. — That, in referring to the death of a pensioner, a Southern paper remarks that he was "born in 1836, and enlisted four months later," which is tolerably young for soldiering. — That King Dick always scores in the matter of dates. He is due to arrive on these shores on Trafalgar Day, 21st October. Also on the day when troops first left New Zealand. — That unregenerate burglars clown South made the most of the fact that householders were away at the TorreyAlexander meetings. They have a kind feeling towards the revivalists. — -That a glowing patent medicine testimonial looks particularly out of place next to a paragraph dealing with the probate of the testifier's will. A Northern paper has this curiosity. — That Auckland is reducing its tram fares to workmen. Wellington working men think the City Council should follow suit. Surely, a forty-minutes' ride is cheap at twopence, and is such a nice rest for tired workers. — That a Dunedin man gave £1000 to foreign missions for "mercies received" dunnc the Torrey revival. He did not receive the mercies from foreign missions. One does not usually pay the baker's money to the butcher. — That a Taranaki paper that dared to say that a fire was caused by a defective chimney got this letter "I built that chimney. Take out my advertisement, and stop sending the paper." The paper still survives. — That the fortune-telling gentleman, who informed a nervous woman that she "had a spell on her" which could only be removed by payment of £1, was himself removed with several pounds pressure applied by a heavy male boot. — That the photograph of a handsome blonde, appearing on an advertisement of somebody's cocoa, in a London magazine, is easily recognisable as the onetime wife of a one-time Wellingtoman, freed from the bonds per divorce court. — That the public still mutilate newspapers m public libraries, and a local genius suggests enclosing the "great dailies" in glass cases duly padlocked. We would suggest a fund for supplying indigenous "sneaks" with pennies (or penitentiaries) — That, although several hundreds of New Zealand patents have been registered durinp- the past few months, nobody has come forward with any solution of the difficulty of cramming twenty-four persons on a Corporation car 'Tvnifeboard." — That it is not very complimentary to a newly-appointed hospital matron some distance from Wellington that she was chosen because she was the least pretty applicant That Hospital Board has lost three matrons in three years and it makes them careful.

— That the sixpenny inland wire has been extended to sixteen words in Australia — -That South Africa belongs to Britain. You won't gather this, however, from a perusal of the cables — That the settlers at Taihape are said to be in a state of semi-starvation. Why don't they go on the land p — 'That Queensland wants to secede from the Australian Federation^ Wonder why New Zealand did not join? —That the latest cure for "jibbino-" horses is to hitch them to an automobile Soon there will be no horses to hitch. — That the latest instance of absentmindedness is that of an Auckland citizen, who stopped his motor oar at a water trough. — That a Kumara magistrate dismissed an "opium importing" case last week. There was no evidence that Chinamen would smoke it ! —That a country .T.P. recently swore a constable mon a dictionary. Oh, no, he had not been studying it — it was purely accidental. — That the latest grievance is that the new railway foot^warmers "perish" passengers' boots. Are those foot-warm-ers ai fell design of the bootmakers P That, at a New Zealand concert in London, as Mr. Seddon arrived, the band struck up "God Save the King," and the English papers laughed. What for? — That it is to be smcerelv hoped the City Council will not have any more appeal cases over the "Byko" corner and that there is no hole in the Public Works Act. — That a Newtown resident was obseived by a neighbour last Sunday planting seeds There was a row. The seeds were inside two of that neighbour's hens. — That several papers mention the fact that the weather which has been so bad is now "balmy." In the vulgar sense that is how it has been in Wellington for some time. — That a Waararapa clergyman makes a generous offer. He tells the papers he will supply four columns of sermon free each week if they will use them in place of their sporting news ' — That "a chestnut horse has been running on my land for seven years. If not claimed will be sold." This is the gem country advertisement of the week. Would you call it procrastination p — That it is highly probable that sooner or later New Zealand children will be taught something about their ow n country. There is talk about making the "Year Book" a school book. — That it is becoming a common thing at Home to let first offending criminals go scot free on receiving their promise that they will come to NNcrw r Zealand. Now we know who stole oui umbrella. — -That a gentleman is writing to the papers to say that a hundred passengers are too many to put on a tram licensed to carry forty-eight What discontented creatures Wellmgtonians are. — That the up-country editor that writes saving, "Six citizens 'gallantly' assisted the constable to eject an obstreperous drunkard" probably wears goloshes a,nd a red muffler on summer days. — That it is not generally known that the giddy New Zealand revellers at Newcastle (Natal), who tried to prevent the fire brigade from quelling a fire, were themselves quelled with the brigade's hose. — That, according to a great savant, you can buy anserobic non pathogenic bacillus batyricus, and a choice assortment ofr bacillus mesentencius 1 vulgatus for twopence. Otherwise, buy a common meat pie. — That the English King's openhandedness is "catching," and the rich people at Home are disbursing as they never did before. We expect New Zealand's own King's 1 lavishness is responsible for the larger generosity of his subjects. — That, according to Mr. Culver, secretary of the Liberal and Labour Federation, the man who steals a goose from the common gets three years, but the man who steals the common made a peer of the realm. Fancy we've seen this before. — That a New Zealander at Home is putting a fire-extinguishing fluid on the market. It is for the treatment of volcanoes. You have only got to pour a drop down the crater. Maybe the inventor has been trying the "crater" on himself. — That an observant person lias been writing to the papers to say that when Sir Joseph Ward is not occupied with the affairs of the country he "buries himself in his garden." That is what the "comp." made it, although the writer may have meant "busies "

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