King Dick's Royal Progress. (Per Marconi's Wireless Teiegraph.) UNKOWN

Free Lance, Volume III, Issue 117, 27 September 1902, Page 24

King Dick' s Royal Progress. (Per Marconi's Wireless Teiegraph.) UNKOWN

You have heard of King Dick ot New Zealaiiiid, I ween, Most eminent statesman that evei wa& seen, Such a master of facts, such a logical mind, Such a dignified air, and his speech so refined, You might take him for one of the blueblooded kind. The Windsor attire made the ladie>s admn & Cocked hat and feathers, swoid, and gold lace. Which he wore with an an of such dignified grace, Like a duke or a maiquis, 01 KCM6 Or some other swell of exalted degree, Until it was whispered, m accents of awe "That's King Richard who won the South African Avar'" Whose farewell orations come ovei the brine, Transmitted bv Marconi's wireless line So we leave it to Richard to tell his own story And how he became an Imperial Tory Then upiose our King Dick, and began to expand In a grand faiewell speech to the deai Motherland. He cleared his throat, and swelled out Ins chest. Stuck his thumbs inside the arm-holes of has vest, And his voice lesounded from shore to shore In one continuous resonant roar "Dear fi lends you all know that ahm coomin' back whoaan, No longer in wild foreign o'intries to roam , While we feel deeply grateful for all their kind mercies, They don't go very much upon 'National Purses.' The Premiers' Conference ended in smoke. In fact it was only a Federal joke. It lacked the Imperialistic idea. The federal flummery's not at all real. If they want a safe policy, send 'em to me, And I'll fit them with one that suits to aT. n . All sorts of sizes, all patterns and guises Made to suit persons of every degree. Like ready-made clothing, there need he not bother, For if they don't fit, you can try on another It's a pleasure to be again on the sea From an army of mendicants once more set free Importunate members, with all sorts ot hobbies Infesting the Ministers' rooms and the lobbies. Asking for votes for their bridges and roads Right up to the doois of their private abodes Interviewsr in swarms, deputations in storms, 1 No words can describe how _ hate and abhor 'em. For invading the Mimsteis sanctum sanctorum. When I got to Port Duiban I ran foul of the Censor, A sort of a wholesale piratic cci denser But he very soon learned it w as next to high treason To censor mv lertters without rhyme 01 reason. I was gravely informed by a red-tape young ass That I could not go through without having a pass . While another Tite Barnacle said It you like You can travel the countiv all thiough on a bike.' What 9 I exclaimed, do you mean to make fun Of the King of New Zealand who weighs twenty stun ? But I soon showed the censois were going too fast, They were told to salute me wnenei ci 1 passed. 'Be careful,' said Kitchener, 'not to displease Tins eminent statesman from over the seas, The stra,teigist Seddon, who ended the war, Wtih his men in khaki from the land ot the moa.' Now the name of Dick Seddon's a power in the land, Which no Boer commando can ever withstand Whenever it's heard now, it acts hke a charm And the tumult of war is succeeded h\ calm. As a loyal subject and tiue to the core,

The Rovj.l Mau-soleuin I saw at Fiogmore, Mosaic maible and mourning designs Which aie usually seeu at funeral sin Hies And I placed m the midst of that cloisteied gloom A large mom wing wieath on Victona's tomb We wandeied thiough stately old niles of yore The Abbey St Paul's, St James's and lots more. And, mtei alia, saw the regalia That the monarchs of Kn^laiid so frequcnth uoie, And which when I am crowned as the Kins; of Fiji, Will serve vein well as a model foi me Since landaus; in London, I'\ c had to decline A thousand invites in the banquetting line l)nim<i with pnnces and cieme de la creme, All lauks and piofessions and people of rami\ Makine orations on fitting occasions On all kinds ot subjects at champagne libations,. Such a& the female franchise, w Inch the ladie* so prize, But tyiannical man so cruelly denies Though in the presence of ladies I've a.lwavs been coy, Thov look unon me as the white-headed bo^ Though often involved in political stnfe T weai tho white flowei of a blameless life At the Club (Reform Junior) I spoke at some length In show in" how the Navy is Britain's mam strength. If the Nav\ were smashed then hei commerce would go To Daw Jones's locker (which means dow n below) At the Dominion dinner, I told the same tale, Pointing out where the poweir of the Empire might fail, And through oui lelations with competing nations, Result in some quite unforeseen complications But if there's no man in the dear Motherland Who is able to take all these problems in hand I'll show you a wav, if you send them to me. From such complications to set you quite free I'm sure it would be quite out of mv pow ci To describe all the incidents during my toni With Duke Abercorn I dined at Tyrone, And at Blaine\ I kissed that historic old stone Which to those who have kissed it, is said to dispense The eift of a vivid and rare eloquence Next I visited Cork, and created a scene When I started the song about "Weaime, the Gieen " Winch, whenever I ventured to sing it before Nevei failed to elicit a lively encore The two Misses Seddon they went in fine style To dine with His Giace the great Duke of Argvle. But there never can be such a place unon earth As St Helens, tho place of mv birth The tow n was resplendant in gorgeous aj l ay The ina\oi he proclaimed it a close hohda\ The townspeople shouted "Across the w lute foam Of the deep stormy ocean, oor Dbk has coonid whoam'" The mavoi came anaved m his' grand civic gown, And they gave me the freedom of St Helen? town But with all then attractions such towns leallv aie a Lone way behind m\ beloved Kumara The one spot of earth I regard as a free land And the whoam ahm going to" ishapnv New Zealand