Afternoon Tea Gossip

Free Lance, Volume III, Issue 116, 20 September 1902, Page 6

Afternoon Tea Gossip

By Little Miss Muffitt.

Lord Brassey, erstwhile Governor of Victoria, recently referred, while lecturing, to English people, to 'My Victorian subjects," which is distinctly comic if we consider it worth while to fina out who his Lordship's ancestois really were. And don't the Australians like being spoken of that w ay ' Tale told by a fowl fancier w hose imaginations run not as the ruby wme is on the/ ebb. "I had a rooster "he said, "which remarked to a lady friend, 'You are the star of my life.' To which the feathered lady replied, as she moved towards the fowlhouse, Then your star is about to set.' " I believe him, but there are thousands who would not. That w r ell-known Wellingtonian, Mr. H. Plimmer who is playin^ "Sherlock Holmes," in Australia just now, is being much photographed, and equally much praised for his fine work. By the wav in looking at the much-published photographs aforesaid, one feels convinced that the lineaments are those of Haj-cus of that ilk, they are so alike. Pity Harcus (who, it will be remembered, left. Miss Waldorf's company, to go into business) could not' have reached this stace of persistent photography. ♦ # * You've heard of the water finders of Australia, who, with a "divining rod," tell the well-sinkers where to sink to find waiter p Charlie Stewart., one of South Australia's most expert water finders, was engaged some time ago by a back-blocks publican to find water in his "home paddock." Charlie stood in front of the hotel, with his twig in his hand. The twne led him gently into the house, took him behind the barcounter, and pointed decidedly to a hogshead of back-country tanglefoot. Those divining lods cannot. He'

The Boer women were unutterably savage duung the late wai. Why they should object to the British killing their husbands is hard to> understand. New Zealand w omen are quite different. I am led to make these remarks aften reading an account of a. Northern football match. Jn^+ because a referee gave a "fiee kick," and the crowd accused him of bias until he remarked, "I meant a scium," the ladies on the ground commenced to tell the side for which they "barracked" to "break their opponents' necks," "giye it 'em," etc • * * There were some touching scenes at the Brough farewell in Sydney "Bob," of that ilk, made a farewell speech, and used ai handkerchief when he was talking about "the loyal help of his dear wife " Mrs. Brough tried to bear up, but found relief in w oman's refuge — teais. They weren't the tyrannical kind of tears that she shines in but little joy-drops at the w onderful expressions of regret that the great Australian audience showed. # ♦ The poor ye have always with you. A propos, one of Nature's gentlemen, with tattered headgear and a dilapidated 'swag," called upon a rather high-toned house m Kilbirnie no longer ago than last Saturday. The "missus" had given the servants instructions to on no account give food to derelicts unless they chopped some wood for it The gentleman under review promised that he would conquer several logs after his lunch on the day named, and Mary Ann believed him. He made short work of a large meal, and then did not chop any wood. Before he moved he handed to Mary a note for the missus. It read "Just tell her that you saw me but you did not see me saw." * * * I hear of a curious case from North. An Auckland firm of solicitors advertised for a missing person, and wound up with "something to your advantage." The person had been "lost" for years, but answered thei advertisement two days from the published date. Although, he wrote the solicitors, he had been going under the name of Blank, his proper name for thei purposes of money was 1 Dash, and would they kindly send along that treasure. He was a well-known settler north of the Queen City. They sent that "treasure" in the shape of a writ for several hundred pounds. Bless your heart, some of those lawyers find things out. He is likely to issue a counter writ though. "Intention to defraud," or something of the kind

Is- it not delightful to read that South African soldiers may, if they feel sick, go to be examined, at their own eixpen&e, within six months after returning to New Zealand"? This order is dated September Bth, 1902. Some of the contingenters have beein home for nearly two years, so that they u ill surely be extremely gratified at the provision made for them to report sick. The City Council is fearful that the average « heel tyre used in Wellington will cut up their roads, and so they are going to make everybody spend money in revolutionising the width, so that they will not damage thei macadam. What about the carters' claim for wear and teai against a City Council that permits the most unsightly and damaging loads for traffic in New Zealand. * • » It has come at last. I suggested that this ciowmng silliness might find favour some time since. At a fashionable gathering, the other night, ladies and their admirers sat in a circle on the ground with a sheet stretched between them suggestive of a cold night. In the centre was a feather, and each side tried to propel the object into the opposition country. The sight of a round dozen of people frantically blowing a feather was suggestive of an early morning housemaid stirring up a recalcitrant fire * ♦ * You have noticed how a, large boy often takes a delight in harassing his smaller school contemporaries? One small boy was proceeding to the dairy one morning last week, with a "bilN," for the family milk. Came up behind him a large enemy and kicked thebillv "All right " said the little fellow "kick away." The bie fellow accepted the invitation, and kicked the can all down the street "You don't seem to mind," said he to the little fellow. "Not a bit, that's your mother's billy. Mv mother borrowed it off her this morning " * # * One can get a laugh even while undergoing the purgatory of a Newt own tram. On Tuesday morning, a bilious-looking, middle-aged gentleman, who always talks about India, and who I, therefore, conclude comes from that "livery" country, ascended the 8.35 tram to do the usual wait until the conveyance should be pleased to start. Down Con-stable-street rushed a breathless youngster and, looking up at the Ane-lo-Indian, wildly gesticulated, "Pa. Mamma said you did not take your pill this morning She says you have got to

come back and take it." As the tram, commenced to bump townwards, I beheld a yellow citizen being gently led towards his pill by a sweet little yellow hand-maiden. • * • One of the Sandow exercises that are now all the rage is to lie on one's back and solemnly kick one leg at a time at the ceiling. One of Wellington's most corpulent, business men was going in strongly for Sandow until he tried the exercise named, then he shouted for help. Once on his massive back he lay there like a turned turtle. The si^ht of the cook and the housemaid trying to get him into a position from which he could rise was, so a visitor at the house tells me, near!-- as amusing as "The Lights of a Great City." • » * What sorti of an advertisement do you think a Napier draper got who was summoned for obstructing the footpath the other day ? The draper was having a sacrificial sale, at which he was selling everything at 99^ per cent under cost price, or something like that and the crowd of ladies gathered round and debarred a pompous J.P. from some to his butcher's shop. Then he laid an information with the result stated. Ouerv Was he a, friend of that drapers? • • » Mr. Donald MacDonald, M.L.A. of Victoria, who was in Wellington a few months since, is rising over on the "other side" to say that the reports as to the diminution of flocks m droughty Australia are generally "bosh." He says that out of 14,000 fat sheep yarded at Homebush the other day, all, excepting SVO New Zealand "jumbucks," were New South Wales sheep. Which is very distressing, when New Zealand people vi ere under the impression that we were reeding Australia and going meat-hun-gry ourselves. • * * People clown Christchurch way are worrying about the suffocations and consequent deaths from accidents, that take place m Lyttelton railway tunnel 1 hat is, some of them. A veracious friend writes from the City of the Plains that, during a recent trip trrough the tunnel, she was horrified to observe a woman hold the window up and thrust the head of a two-year-old child out into the sulphurous darkness. She remonstrated at the cruelty. The woman explained that the child was suffering horn an asthmaticaJ affection, and that nothing did her so much good as sulphur smoke. She therefore took the trip once a week for curative purposes, livery cloud has a silver lining.