Afternoon Tea Gossip

Free Lance, Volume III, Issue 114, 6 September 1902, Page 6

Afternoon Tea Gossip

By Little Miss Muffitt.

Words on a hoarding, stuck un o\ei a Sydney house to celebrate the Coionation ''God Save the King God bless the Queen, God help the ratepayers." A countiy paper is patting its -^eople who sing Coronation hymns on the back because the singing was heard three miles away. Only last week, I distinctly heard a band-piece played bv a New York band. But, then it was realh a fine phonograph record. Those surmising Js.P. One of these gent it down somewhere round Te Haroto way, was waylaid by masked men, but the J.P. was too much for them beat them severely, and told his harrowing tale. He was modest, and did not want the facts to get into the press Police made inquiries, Theie is no evidence to prove that the gallant J.P. had nearly slain anybody. It is not always excitable girls who "fake" sensations out of the atmosphere , 11 * A Papaw ai Maori chief recently paid his baker's bill. It was £500, and the grocer at the same time received what was due to him — £200. Facts show that the Maoris m that locality live as well as maybe, and have it ''put down" to the chief, who cheerfully disburses. I do not remember any eccentricities of this kind being laid to the charge of any of Wellington's wealthy pakehas, although I do know of people to whom a more frequent loaf would be a boon * * "* t Have you got one of those 'tieasures," a servant girl from Home? A Newtown lady revels in this luxury. You have seen the Government discount stamp cards, which, when filled, aie negotiable for a shilling at the Post Office The lady mentioned sent hei "tieasuio"

to the Newtown P.O "Take these m to the post-office, and get 2s for them," she said. The "treasure" took them, with one of those smiles that showed she fully comprehended what was wanted of her. On arrival at the post-office, she observed the yawning letter-box She carefully poked the cards clown the hole and then held her hand undei it for the two shillings' There is a conviction in my mind that she had nreviouslv seen sweets descend from a "pennv-m-the-slot" machine * * * If all the roads in New Zealand were as good as those between Christchuich and Ashburton, there would soon be no need for railways. People who want to travel quickly from one town to anothei will patronise the traction engine company, which is to start next month in oppposition to the railways ' * * Are not people inconsistent ? A man who owed a creditor a rather large sum, about six months ago went in to pa-< it. ''Oh, bother," he said "I'm busy, come in again." Now, that inconsistent person is suing him in the Magistrate's Court for recovery I am thinking that that creditor w ill find time to taice money in future. I was getting duly thrilled the othei night, listening to the soulful Gerardy's best work A family party sat next to me. and included a blight boy. "Pa ? " he said, in a hoarse whispei. "Yes, my boy." "Is that the best man they're got. Pa?" "Yes, my boy that is the great Gerardy." "But can't he dance, Pa?" Again, when Miss Electa Gifford was putting her whole heart into a sweet German song, the youngster a^ain got in his fine work "What language is that, Pa?" "German, mv boy." "Oh 1" disappointedly, "I thought it was Chinese !" What pleasant little ways some people have of showing their at being alive. The young gentleman, in a little up-the-line tow n, who rode his horse into all the hotels, and called for alcohol, is a sample of the kind of thing I mean. The last hotel he rode into the genial publican asked him to politely "ride this way," and led him into the "bar." The said bar was a vacant room, with an iron-grated window Mine host slammed the door on him. got the garden hose, and gave that vouna: gentleman ten minutes of undiluted iov through the window Theie is no record of the playful youth having used any subsequent day for like amusement

My lieait swelled with a great gladness when I read the other day that it had cost a Chnstchurch man £8 15s 6d at the court for being cruel to a cat. If that man wants to be cruel he should come to Wellington, where the amusement is cheaper than in any city south of the Line * * * What appears to be a rank injustice to Auckland's Coroner has taken r>lace. The Coroner is debarred from contemplating the dear departed privately, and at all tames, by having his own special morgue key taken away from him. He thinks it is hard lines that this sweet privilege should be denied him. * * * America has journalists who do nothing but write headings for newspapers, at high rates. The man must have been well paid who wrote the heading for a recent Yankee article, "Advance New Zealand ' ! The Land that Leads the World "I" A horrid contemporary, in quoting those headlines gets in some bilious satire with the words, "Where to?" * * * Colonel Pole-Penton, of "cowardly our" and Newtown Park raw meat fame tried to get in some of his fine work at the Coronation. The gallant officer quartered the New Zealand Contingent with the coloured troops until the much-wounded "head of the New Zealand Forces" (as per Home press), threatened to resign," and Mr Seddon had asked, "Who's boss here?" * *• * A quaint person, with a title "made in Denmark," is at present in the colony, whither the has come for the express purpose of shooting a black swan. He estimates that the swan will cost him several thousands of pounds bv the time he gets it. I wonder he did not mate Australia his shooting ground. If he is unsuccessful, any small back-coun-try boy will sell him a specimen for 3d and a cigarette. * * # If you should hanker after illee'a 1 gains, do not steal a small sum. The law will regard you as a fool, and sentence you accordingly. Finn and Eager, the Waihi miners, who were found guilty of stealing "slimes" valued at £700, were sent to gaol for one year on August 22. On the same day in the same Court, by the same judge, Owen Pierce, a branch manager for Hellaby and Co., the Auckland butchers, was sentenced to three years' imprisonment for misappropriating £5 10s. I wonder if it is really true that the law is an ass.

Wouldn't it be kind if bands, attached to religious organisations — which tootle deafeningly on Sundays— nsent a man with a red rag ahead, crying out "Danger-"? Surely, these people do not realise what fearful havoc their din may work to invalids who are hovering in the Dark Valley. Newtown residents will understand. * * • Mick Whelan, the narrowly escaped victim of the alleged shooting by the Thames lady, Mrs. A. G. Taylor, who masqueraded in man's attire, is a wellknown Thames boy. He was one time a "printer's devil" on the Thames "Star," and afterwards went into the iron industry at one of the local foundries. He was usually supposed to be a quiet, inoffensive youth, who had to work very hard from comparative infancy. * ♦ * Some New Zealanders who served in Africa will not forget it while they live. There is Lieutenant Hickey, D.5.0., who was one time a Dunedin policeman, and who worked himself up through every grade. He was wounded five times mentioned in despatches twice, and, altogether, is a credit to the "foorce." Unfortunately, the young fellow is maimed for life, but he has a proud record, and friends who will see he is not neglected. * * * That solemn periodical, "The Lancet," probes the bible-kissing oath in a recent issue. After it has dug its scalpel into the hygienic aspect of the absurd custom, it says there is no direct authority for it in any Act of Parliament or rule or book of practice. And yet, the persons who administer the oath in our courts do not warn witnesses that it is unnecessary. If Judge Kettle would only take the question up! * * • It is suggested that a letter be sent to the Registrar of the Christchuroh Supreme Court, informing him that Queen Victoria is dead. At the opening of the session he swore all the jurymen in in the name of the Oueen ! For his information it may be interesting to know that Edward VII. is at nresent on the British throne. r * •» A propos of the price of meat, have you ever found a brick in your morning steak, or some horseshoe nails in the joint? A butcher recently found 99 pieces of brick, some nails, weatherboards, and iron in the interior of a bullock. It was a beast which was habitually "turned out," and it is thought it was laying up building material to erect a shelter for cold nights.