It is Town Talk

Free Lance, Volume III, Issue 112, 23 August 1902, Page 26

It is Town Talk

—That the dreadful smoking habit stall claims another victim. Obituary Mary Clancy, at Ballarat, aged 107. —That it is lemaikable the numbei of Opposition papers that are threatening to stand bv Sir Joseph Wai d. Why this thusness? —That New Zealand frozen meat is being consumed m New South Wales districts which until recently, contained millions of fat sheep —That Auckland's new Fire Brigade recent I v arrived at a conflagration m time to quell the fire This establishes a recoid for the Queen City. —That not a few young New Zealanders are "going for" that £1 a day and £500 bonus "if they get through on the Buluwayo to Cairo railway —That a Southern Chinaman, whose real name, Ping-Pong, has been above his dooi foi years, has moved into larger piemises He is all the rage' —That a lady passengei , by a Wellington car, on Tuesday fainted when the car commenced its usual "busking feat. She thought it was an earthquake. That Nanoleon Bonaparte Johnson a Sydne\ -sider, tried to cut his throat and drown himself. The water was too cold, and he decided to go ashore. "It is destiny I" — That a great many parents, who have lately christened their new offspring "Peace," wish they had not. One of the biggest scoundrels ever hung rejoiced in that name. — That the "lax political morality" that exists in this colony is to give place almost immediately to a new brand o f the article. In other words, Mr. John Duthie is "out" for the city. — That, at a meeting of the Chamber of Commerce, at Masterton, several holidays were referred to. They included St. Andrew's, St. Patrick's, St George's and St Racehorses' Days — That an Egmont gentleman was annoyed at the scanty preparation made to crown him king. It took several policemen and a lunatic asylum to convince him he w as not Edward VII. — That someone has blundered badly in connection with some of the deaths on Somes Island. Some parents' first intimation of the return of their sons to the colony was their death notices m the papers. — That Mr. Atkinson should read the actual woids of the Premier in regard to the treatment of Boer generals. The "British Australian" printed them. They will be found under the heading ''King Dick at Home," in this issue. — That theie is plenty of woik in Wellington, and lots of money for it That is the reason why a starving unemployed man recently committed suicide. Less of general "blowing" about overwhelming prosperity seems necessary. — That the Premier is disappointed at the small Imperialistic outcome of the Premiers' Conference The Old Country will have to be put back six or seven hundred years before the people can see that their only salvation is to be run on colonial lines. — That Australia puts the terrible state of the troopships down to lack of discipline This is saying in the plainest possible terms that the system of giving commissions to anybody that had a fnend at court is responsible for the hideous state of affairs A soft answer turneth away wrath' A Wellington youth, who boasted that his ancestors had blue blood in their veins, was commiserated w ith in the misfortune "I suppose," said the confidant, "theie were not so many blood purifiers on the market in those days?" — That a local Government supporter, who was told thait King Dick has been made a freeman of the Tallow Chandlers' Company, said he thought politics should be a better billet than candles. He did not know that the Premier could be a tallow chandler and a politician too. — -That it is obvious, from much pill literature now m circulation, that the King was foolish to have that operation performed. If he had only invested in a box of the advertised remedy he would have been able to keep his June engagements. — That the "Da,ily Stand" Union newspaper, of Brooklyn, is, we guess, of new interest to the people of New Zealand Mr. McMurran, the journalist who ha® been "around here" for the past while, calculates to have some stories in it about New Zealand that will just about 'lick creation."

—That the jury in the Drake case refreshed their mental vigour by going to Bellevue Gardens last Sunday. —That a brilliant J.P has come to light up North. He defines a kleptomaniac as one "who is rich enough to pay for what he steals — That petty meanness does not pay. Christchurch shopkeepers who refused to shut their shops for the Coronation are undergoing a deserved boycott. — That the low-necked (and low-back-ed) ball dress is going out. The majority of ladies now-ardays are "wallflowers," and "sitting-out" for four or five hours is too cold — That, now the notorious Stead has tipped our Dick for Cecil Rhodes's shoes there cannot be any question about our losing the Premier. There is no appeal against Csesar — Stead. — That it really is true that people have ceased giving Baden Powell and his relatives presents. Baden will be thinking yet that Lord Kitchener is not the right man in the right place — That a wealthy new arrival remarks that he is going to import enough men from England to "make a dog-leg fence round his land at 2s 6d a day." He will probably feed them on grass — That a Southern candidate for Parliamentary honours, who, three years ago, was totally illiterate, has lecentlv obtained a M.A. degree. He believes one should know something to become a M.H.R. — That a Thames resident breathlessly informed a friend up that way that he had struck "good colours of alluvial gold " The alluvial gold has been proved to be sulphur dust, blown fiom Rotorua. — That Frank Hyde erstwhile Sir Joseph "Ward's secretary, is already making himself felt. His "Winton Record" has already assumed more robust proportions, and its opinions seem sound amd forcible. —That Mr. Justice Con oily is still ageing, and recently asked an Auckland witness, in the Waihi robbery case, "Why he did not speak up "I don't see Wai-hi cannot speak up'" said the Crown Prosecutor — That the calm impartial public of New Zealand will be able to judge whether Mr. Seddon was right in warning the British people not to hero-wor-ship the Boer leaders' after reading the cable gush thereon. — That the early-rising gentleman who heard that England wanted 100,000 New Zealand fowls, started in to collect them. He retires from the industry with a discoloured optic. Fowl fanciers rise early, too — That if seats in the "ladies' gallery" of the Courthouse could have been sold at a guinea during the "Drake" hearing, many women would have gone without sugar for a year to pay for the sweet privilege of listening to the case — That the British authorities, having decided to better Boer methods bv flooding the Rand with Chinamen, many yellow gentlemen in New Zealand interested m the cabbage industry will shortly 'up-stick" and away. Stay in New Zealand, young man' — -That it makes one tired to read of that Waihi case, in which some small children were charged with "stealing" from a dilapidated house. Case remanded to the Supreme Court. Witnesses walked thirty miles cross country Children discharged ' Local J.P -ism' — That the usually matter-of-fact "Fourth Estate" are really steeped in superstition. It took heaps of aigument to convince thirteen pressmen, who were being photographed the other day, that one would not die during the year if they submitted to be snapshotted. — That, owing to the vast columns of floating ashes in the air since the Mont Pelee affair, a red disease has sprung up with the name of "volcamtis." Its symptoms are severe lassitude, and inability to work. Viewing Wellington footpaths, we feel that the disease is epidemic in the City Council — That the Rev John Crewes has he>ard that* "there are several people who know more than I do about the industrial, social, commercial and political affairs of the colony." The persons who have the shocking effrontery to believe this are invited to try and beat him for the Newtown seat. Of course, the people will soon let John understand that he is the only pebble on the beach .