After Tea Gossip

Free Lance, Volume III, Issue 111, 16 August 1902, Page 5

After Tea Gossip

By Little Miss Muffitt.

Seventeen Maori horses were sold foi £1 12s i)d the lot in Whangarei the othei da^ It seems the authorities don't want £'20 re-mounts any more and that puces are slightly falling • * • Majoi Lcnchan, who was in command of the Bush Veldt Carbineers, who lathei distinguished themselves m the:r special line of business, has to thank Mo: ant and the other Carbineei officers for putting money in his way. The gallant Major is lecturing on "Wai Grim and Gay," in Sydney He threatens to come to New Zealand, to tell us some blood-eurdlers about Morant and Co A Wellington reporter tells me that lie recently went in seach of a particularly unprepossessing farmer who has been heard of in relation with Farmers Conference matters recently. He found his juvenile son at the homestead and asked for Ins father. The boy told him he would find him down in the pig-yards and "he'd easily tell him, 'cause he had a hat on" ! « • • Sydney's champion criminal, who has ■just completed his forty-fifth year in gaol, and who was recently run in again for impersonating a parson with intent to defraud, tried to prove that he really was a parson bv producing much motheaten and oleagenous documentary evidence The facetious judge murmured something to the effect that it was the "dock-vou-meant," and "his reverence is still occupying cheap apartments in His Majesty's hotel

Tllo&u ISfw Zealand lad\ schoolteacheis m Ainca aie doing all right. One writes to me saying that it is piobably the last tune she will write under her own mame, and that the Dutch gentleman who is stealing hei is not quite sure how much he is worth. Ii" explains that ' three days on horseback" is the extent of his possessions ■*■*■*■ Funny to read that troopships lecent- !\ sent to New Zealand weie ' pigstves." Membeis of former Contingents giowled sorely m pnvate at the amount of cleaning and disinfecting they weie compelled to do. I wonder why these complaining unblooded heroes, and late&t returned butchers, were allowed to let their slups become pigstyes If you have specks before the eyes, frightful dreams, loss of appetite, decayed eneigy. sleepless nights, and cold f ee t — chew sand. That's the latest cure. Babies instinctively want to eat dirt sa.ys Dr. William Windsor, an eminent medico, and you have only got to follow instinct and get cured of all the ills that flesh is heir to. Already m American society a guest will politely ask you to pass the sand, and it is probable that if the request is made to a grocer unpleasantness ensues. * * *■ Although the illustrated Home papers get off the mark, and publish photographs of peers with coronets on, no peer has worn the theatrical head-gear since 1836. The diadems are probably kept, in the cupboard w ith the family skeleton, and other novelties. When a sovereagn gets crowned, out comes the coronets. lam of opinion that the modern bell-topper should see the daylight just as often as coronets Either form of top-covering is equally becoming Tripping in the country last week T was astonished at the extraordinary evolutions of four of our dusky brethren who, at a certain Maori village, were having what appeared to be a grand time. They were armed with broken shovels, and were batting a kumara over a wire fence and back again. I questioned one warrior who had made a deadly swipe at the unoffending tuber, as to' what he thought he was doing. "Pv korrv," he said, "we pray te pingpon?'" Shades of Heke!

The Right Hon George Reid, of Federal fame, like our own revered Premier. is, unduly proud of his rotundity. "Politically speaking," said a Federal Government supporter, the other day, "the light hon. gentleman is not square." "Well, I'm not — figuratively speaking'" chuckled "Georgy Porgy." Again, someone said he was ' full of strange saws" "Circular saws?" said he of the eye-glass. One of the "Untried Tenth" marched into a Willis-street chemist's shop on Wednesday, followed by a little dog. "I want some insect powder," he said to the man behind the counter. "Don't you think phenyle would be better for him?" "For whom?" 'Why, the dog, of course'" "I don't want it for the clog, I came off the Britannic'" he said. -■■ *■ * I suppose it would have established a bad precedent to have asked any one else than the poor, tottering, blind, and invalid Archbishop of Canterbury to crown the King. Does it not seem hard lines to drag that unfortunate cleric from his room to crown the King ? No one ma,y stand m the way of the ancient and supposedly sacred rites, invalid or no. * * * A curious rumour has gained currency that Mr. George Hutchison, the Johannesburg advocate, and the raker-in of nmich Rand gold, is coming to New Zealand to see how the land lies for election chances. The ex-M.H.R.'s action in keeping his Patea cotistituents on thorns as to whether he intended to resign or no, is the best evidence that he does not intend relinquishing a very fat. practice in Africa. Besides this, of course, George is disqualified under the residence regulations. * * ♦ What giddy revellers the police are An Auckland constable, who was recently assailed by a young man, produced a toy revolver "for a lark.' I expect the young man reasoned that if the Australian police had an epidemic of shooting it. might have spread to New Zealand. Anyhow, he "took" to the "boy in blue," and tore his uniform and battered his helmet. The Bench thought that grown-ups should not play w ith toys, and dismissed the case.

A Wellington woman, with a sad, sweet face, a threadbare but scrupulously neat gown, and a couple of shinyfaced youngsters, got the sympathy of a benevolent gentleman the other day. She told him that her husband was m the "cold, oold ground," and her poor httie children needed sustenance other than soap to shine them up with. Then. the benevolent one shelled out a sovereign, and only later discovered that the cold, cold ground referred to was located in a mine at Waihi, where the poor, dear progenitor of the slimy youngsters 1 was engaged in earning 10s a day. Another instance of the far-reaching effects of photography. A Southern lady, who attended a cinematograph show down South, during the passine of a Queen's funeral film, got up out of her seat, dramatically gesticulated, yelled and fainted. Recovering, she remarked that she had recognised in a Life Guard of the royal escort a long-lost son. The said son had got into a scrape, was thought to have sailed Home as a steward and was heard of no more. I have just heard that the lady wrote to the War Office makine; inquiries. The Life Guard' trooper is in very truth her son. She is forwarding the money for has discharge. All will be forgiven ' « • • As demonstrating the process of reasoning of small children, an interesting illustration was afforded in a South Wellington house last week. Mamma had told her little olive branches that whooping cough was about, and instructed her children to avoid anything in the nature of a "whoop." A toddler of four, who was playing outside the house, on hearing the dulcet call of a Newtown donkey, rushed into the house and said, "Oh, Mamma, the whoopingcough's comin' !" * * * Th© power of the press! A resident up the line, who is known for his economy, rooting round the back of a printing office, came across some disused "composition," a combination of glue and treacle, used for ink rollers. He took it home, boiled it down, and fed his calves on it. He ha® not got any calves now, and has stopped his subscription to that paper.