It is Town Talk

Free Lance, Volume III, Issue 111, 16 August 1902, Page 26

It is Town Talk

— That the feeble muster of returned troops on Coronation. Day looks as if their enthusiasm had fizzled out. — That a Wairarapa resident, who entrusted the deeds of his property to a slippery lawyer, is whistling now for his property . — That undoubtedly the Coronation show at the Basin Reseive was a "bnlliant spectacle." Every other lady wore red in her hat — That the possible "absorption" of Holland by Germany is excellent food for thought m connection with the future of South Africa — That a wreck is generally conceded to be a disaster on the water. There are w recks in Wellington that water has had no hand in stranding. — That Governor Rainfurly's coronation speech last Saturday was written on envelopes. No wonder he was so well posted on that speech l — That a Southern Scottish society, which last week had ' a nicht wi Burns," is not in a position to state in what condition Bobby got "hame " — That in one of the up-country schools it w as found the other day that only seven out of the school of twentytwo kne-n the National Anthem. — That some provision should be made for giving to the world what our Ms.H.R. "were going to say" when Mr. Speaker sternly said, "Time is up." — That the recent burglaries were not, as the police seem to suppose, perpetrated bv "suspicious characters." There are swell cracksmen at work. — That Blenheim has something to chronicle at last. A ghost has disturbed the somnolence of that village, and the local policeman scents a job at last. — -That England's Premier, the Right Hon A. J. Balfour, owns a large estate at P&hiatua. He is to be asked to cut it up for close settlement. What a chance ' — That a Wellington lady has just handed over her dear defunct pug pup Fido to the emblamers. The local papers refused to print an obituary notice. — That up to date New Zealand has a motor car at last. New Plymouth has this rara avis. There are statutes already made to curb this one restive vehicle. — That the cable news in the daily papers look particularly lonely lately since King Dick decided to let the United Press Association carry on the industry. — -That there is more than one "book" being made about the chances of Wellington lawyers for X.C -ships, and the "favourite" has already bought a new "bell-topper." — That a gentleman advertises for a beer barrel to use as a kennel for a spaniel of about eighteen gallon capacity "or rather ovei." Only principals dealt with. — That the news from Rongotea that pigs are fitting themselves to become bacon bv faring on cattle which have died of disease is not reassuring to lovers of pork. — That the Pollards have surely added anothei opera to their large repertoire. An up-the-hne paper says they will play 'the message-boy" in Pahiatua on September 26th. — That, when a young Wellmgtonian saw Mayor Aitken in his robes, in the procession, on Saturday, she exclaimed "There's the King ' Pa said he would be on show to-day l " — That Sir Joseph Ward, seen in his Windsor uniform, on Saturday, was taken for a Lord High Admiral. "Who's the distinguished stranger?" was the question of the hour — -That it is curious to see those two Russian cables side by side — the Czar's renewed disarmament proposals, and Russia's intention to increase her "destroy ers" immediately. — That a newly-made J.P. up-country intends doing the thing m first-class style, and has made a good start He turned up at his first morning sitting in correct evening dress ' — That a knight of the "swag," who was, the other day, arraigned at a Northern court for drunkenness, was promptly discharged. He addressed the Js P. as "Your Majesties." — That the school children of Wellington are not pleased with King Edward. They think he broke faith with them in not turning up to be crowned in the Basan Reserve on Saturday last

— That lawyers should sleep well. It is immaterial on winch side they he ! — That a Dunedin councillor thinks that Dunedin is a veritable garden of Eden as regards streets. Wanted, a satmple of road from the said garden — That young Boer Reitz says> that the burghers will fight again in three or four years' time. He 1s 1 not giving England much time to supply has countrymen with arms and hoises, is he? — That We can't hear a bloomin' word he sez l " was the repeated cry of the .soldieis who stood at "attention" on the Basin on Coronation Day whilst tho speakers addressed the grandstand. — That Lord Ranfurly and his double, po-pulailv known as "Lord Ran," both graced the platform m the Basin on Coronation Day. "Lord Ran" was anxious to see the affair safely through — That banner earners on w indy days should be men of weight The aerial evolutions of certain weedy citizens on Coronation Day were not in keeping with the solemnity of the great occasion . — That a local Micawber has a grievance His 1 rich uncle, w hile out driving the other day, collided with a fence. The horse was killed, the tiap smashed to smithereens, and undo unhurt Hard luck i — That one pastor in Wellington had a fatherly care for his flock last Sunday. He shortened his ser\ ice by half-an-hour, saying that he expected his people were very weary after tlieii coronation celebrations ' — That Skerrett of Waipukurau beat Skerrett of Wairau after all, m the Waipukurau licensing case Gully failed to cross his own Gully, though he smiled when the othei said, "We Wilford the Mvers'" — That it is hoped that Lieutenant Calloway, the unfortunate small-pox patient, who has seen so much service, and who miraculously recovered from a terrible wound, will have his former good luck in his latest trial. — That Australia has its share of the burglary business. One Australian paper boldly publishes a cartoon with a policeman in the role of Mr. Sykes They are suspicious people, those Australians. — -That the Government poultry grader, the other day, killed, plucked, and dressed a ftyw 1 in five minutes. If he had been a New Zealand trooper in Afiica the time would have included the eating too. — That the police just over Cook Strait recently "ran in" a mangy dog. No owner appearing, they gave it to the first, man that cropped up. That dog has been taking first prizes ever since. — -That our morning contemporary converted Sir John Jackson — one of the Royal Commissioners on the inquiry quiry into the South African war — into an "eminent contractor." "Cement" i« Sir John's line ' — That some pieachers strain after effect. The Mosgiel Baptist pastor (F. W. Boreiham) does not want to bore 'em, so he weekly advertises a catchy title. Last Sunday's was "Staggering to the Throne"' — That a Southern paper, in referring to a local epidemic of sore throats, headed the paragraph, "Not a patent medicine advertisement " Which was very thoughtful of the sub in these days of P.P.'s for P P. — That "those are the boys who will take our place '" was the remark of a returned trooper to his comrades when "the boys of the young brigade" marched by last Saturday. The proud school cadets grinned in reply. — That, in a recently-heard licensing case, one of the witnesses whose veracity was impeached, assesses the damage to his wounded feelings at £500. Some people would be wounded repeatedly at such a price per stab. — That an unfortunate individual, who sank his money m dredging, may be seen very frequently still dredging on the shores of Port Nicholson. His dredge consists of a kerosene tin, to which is attached a string handle. He is quite harmlefcs, however — That a new-chum "sport," who went "gurmine;" out Karon way last Wednesday shot a strange animal. He said he would have it stuffed, and send it home to his friends Experts pronounce it to be a specimen of the rare and valuable lamb family.