Afternoon Tea Gossip

Free Lance, Volume III, Issue 110, 9 August 1902, Page 6

Afternoon Tea Gossip

By Little Miss Muffitt

The Marquis of Linhthgow, w ho coul' 1 not live on hi*, salary, and who wept himself an ay f i om tlie Cominonw caltl. recently, is not a& poor as some men His pnvate income is £40,000 a acvu If Mr. Seddon gce-s to Canada, on his way home to New Zealand he is bound to set a cold leception September is the month when Canada pi epaies foi its veaily freeze Tlieie is no item on the "Estimates for fuis is tlieie 0 The idea of hawng 'schools of domestic econmy is catching on" in many places. A society woman's definition of domestic econmv is good in this co 1 nection A wife saving sixpence in the kitchen so that a husband may spend a shilling in the bar The Right Hon George Reid, F^deial Oppositionist, has aimed a blow at Au^ traliam cancatmists He has abandoned his eyeglass' An enemy once said to ''Georgie Porgv," 'I nevei see yon without a glass in \our eve." 'No 5 " suavely queried George, "I nevei see you without one in your hand." A burial party in a little town up the line the other day was inexpressibly shocked when the clergyman (a young Wellington man, by the way), in concluding the service, remarked that "friends would now pass round the beer " At least, that was what the people thought he said. What lie really invited them to do was to solemnly walk round the "bier." He chooses his English more carefully now

I note with horroi that a London Bench has fined the keeper of a betting shop £2.50. It is sinceiely to be hoped that Wellington's police magis tiates do not get an epidemic of justice of tins kind. Think of the loss of io\o>iue to owners of shops'" and fort> shilling clerks' >Sir Kdmund Barton, the Fedeial Piemier, and who is vicing with Premier Seddon to make himself heard a^ Home just now, is getting on well with the alphabet He is now qualified, t ln-i sa.v to wear sixteen capita] letters aftei his name In Austiaha the- aie dubbing him ' the Capitalist " An old game for new women What ' J C'io(|uet p No, polo. Austiaha has a'ieul\ two lady polo teams The ulavHs ore CMisod in male attue, and are show me: <-ome of the sweetest thines in patent leather, pointed toed, riding hoots. lam dvinp;tosee' a lady tivmg to manaac a pair of polo spurs w ith nine inch ' necks" dismounted Moai tuck of one of Wellington's downiest" citizens. Time, 12.30, scone, outside citizen's residence , present cabbie and his fare. "Half-a-minute, cabbie, I've dropped a tenpourd note in the cab." Then the cabbie diove furiously away, and the citizen didn't day any fare. There was no ten-pound note though ' Quaint way of staving off an unwelcome suitor A Wellington girl, with quit^ a handsome little "dot" of her own has been pestered with a fortunehurting male. She told him she coull read palms " She read his, and told him he would many a poor, plain girl the pnceless boon of his unselfish love and so on The man hasn't popped the question up to date. A young lady writes me to inquire if I will start a matrimonial agency, as she is a "pretty brunette and cannot capture a beau." I should advise the pretty brunette, to make her wants known to some of the recently-returned troopers. They have been lonely for quite a while. As there are at least one and a-half men in New Zealand to each girl, the "pretty brunette" may probably be not the giddy little iuvenile her letter indicate.

'Ex-Transvaal Jager," who wrote a heap of sensible things about Africa during the wai , w arns colonials against going to the Rand to compete with tne Kafhr miner. He thinks that as the Rand mines are not run as a, benevolent institution, it is a matter of but a short time and the mines will be lun with cheap European labour. If New Zealand miners leave Bs, 9s, or 10s a day to work for os a day and "tucker," it is nobody's business. School-teach-ing, with an eye for matrimonial chances, is one of the sweetest things Afnoa has to offer at present. Colonel Robin, the popular commander of New Zealand's "First." is said to ha"\e anticipated the changes that have only recently been made in military instruction quite a while ago, and is months ahead of the drill-book. With Colonel Robin as a field instructor, and Colonel Porter as a camp commander, New Zealand should go ahead in military matters. Of course, Colonel Porter could not possibly be any good as a field officer, seeing that he had five bullets through him — bullets only recently located by a London interviewer. » • • Church item from a northern correspondent. A churchwarden — a well-to-do business man — was taking the plate round and a tall, well-dressed woman dropped a five-pound note in the plate. The churchw arden's cheek blanched an ashy hue, and all that sort of thing, and he followed the "lady" out, and ultimately gave her in charge. It was a note of his own that had been stolen out of his shop till. The "lady" is believed to have some slight knowledge of several little "collections." She na» evidently trying to avert suspicion by her "charity." *■ * * The revival of the burglary business is leading to all sorts of adventures. A smart Wellington person the other night, who heard unearthly noises in his back premises, swore that someone was sawing through his window. He took down the family musket, and sallied out. The sound proceeded from the spaces under the house. With great fortitude, he crawled underneath, and called on the burglar to surrender. The burglar was a near neighbour, who, feeling a little: tired after a very alcoholic banquet had, with brute instinct,

crawled under the nearest shelter, and gone to sleep. Happily, the family musket was too rusty to answer to the trigger. • * • Don't you think State fire insurance will be a real boon? Really, some people do not seem to mind letting the public know tliat fires are a boon and a blessing to them. I notice that a gentleman who has recently been burntout, says in a country paper "Mr. Geo. — — desires to thank all who assisted him at the recent fire, which destroyed his residence." Not a soul will accuse him of incendiarism, but man- will arcuse him of lacerating the language • . * * Another little item from the troopship Britannic. The night previous to landing, the officers of the ship and the officers of the Contingents foregathered to while away an hilarious hour. Waits were frequent. One New Zealand officer, to fill in a dry gap rose, and, with extended champagne glass., called upon the company to drink to "our boys at the front." Only when the roar was universal did he remember that there was not any "front." They drunk the toast just the same, however. • * * I noticed a working man on crutches travelling on the footboard of a car the other day. The man was evidently badly iniured, and asked the guard to stop at a street corner. The guard refused to stop, ,as it. "w as not a stopping olace," and, in reply to a mild protest, talked back at the man. I saw also recently a woman who was not allowed time to descend from a car thrown on to her back in. the mud by the carelessness of the guard. Women and invalids' are, of course, fair game for this kind of thing. There is a great outcry in Australia just now because the police have been using their revolvers. Of course, the police should not use firearms. They should submit meekly to being kicked to death by "pushites," knocked on the head by criminals of the Montgomery and Williams type, and raise no protest. Between you and me, the repression the drought has caused is responsible for the increased bloodthirstiness in Australia. They must have damp of some kind.