It Is Town Talk

Free Lance, Volume III, Issue 108, 26 July 1902, Page 26

It Is Town Talk

— That a lass is of longoi duration than some people imagine. It is always over fou 1 feet, — Tlia,t Sir Heniv living and Miss Ellen Teir\ will come to New Zealand next yeai Like Toole the\ feel that they aie 'going off " — That the Basin Rcscne is clouded in mist nearly cv erv morning now . t lt ha*, been appropriately styled the Wellington fog factoiy l — That, nine times out of ten, the w oman who is w ortli her weight in gold marries a man who is not worth his weight m scrap iron. — That the colonial Premiers who aie banquetting their way along at Home at present will be good subjects for indigestion specifics when it is all ovei — That a great number of volunteer corps in New Zealand are entering heaitily into the Governor's Veterans' Home scheme, and much mono-* is being collected. — That a Wellington widow, who some time since, buried her husband will shortly lead No. 2 to the altar. No 1 is said to have been insured m six insurance companies — That the cheerful sport of "two-up" is play ed on some cab-stands in Wellington, and the police pretend they do not see it Everybody else does, but cabmen are not Chinamen — That, if Dutch dissatisfaction in creases in Africa, our Dick won't be home for the general elections TIt 1 British Government are bound to turn him on to the growlers. — That the New Zealand Bisley team, now at Home, is not exactly sweeping everything before it An Aucklander explains that this is because there aie no Northern men in the team. — That, as anticipated, our fellow - colonist, the Boer, now he has satisfied his hunger, is already beginning to lose his exemplary meekness. 'Brothei" Boei is but a distant cousin vet —That the £250,000 to be expended on aji unnecessary dock in Wellington, if used for absolutely indispensable improvements would raise Wellington to the first place among tme municipalities of New Zealand —That the M H.R who had a brilliant little speech stolen out of his pocket that he had bought and paid for was indisposed on the night he was to ha\e electrified the House with it. Whom did you say ? — That a certain up-countr\ papei put its foot into it badly the othei day when it announced — 'This week, the town w a.s favoured with a \isit from Mr M H R , and his bittei half " Oil, those compositors — That a local lady, who has unsuccessfully tried to get a servant for the past six months, has concluded negotiations with her visiting "vegetable John " who will, in futuie, be maid-of-all-work — That a Northern burglar, who looted a house of all its valuables, got clean an en befoie he noticed he had left Ims boots behind He returned and the housemaid saw him and gave the alarm He is sorry about that bootless errand now — That it is believed the Impenal Government intends sending a batch of captured Boei guns, to New Zealand soon Tins will thiow the Defence Office into a fever as to who will sign the shipping note — a bugler or a field marshal — That Mr. Seddon ha& been a benefactor to Knghsh journalists looking foi subjects He ha.s been the innocent c.vise of more literary "tommy lot" than any man in the Empire and he has also been a golden harvest to penuiious penmen — That for grasp of a situation, which lesulted m the lepulse of the enemy at Harnsmith, a New Zealand coipoial was made a sergeant Foi grasp of a politician some New Zealand citizens have been boosted right up into a captaincy — -That if Sir Joseph Ward can accomplish a shilling a week telephone system he will confer a lasting benefit Also if he can arrange for oast-iron Exchange girls to cope with the resultant influx of subscribers he will be helpin c matters considerably — That the two Australian apnlieants foi the position of Town Cleik aie coming over to see if the billet suits them It will be a pity to send one back. Isn't there a Wellington man in the employ of the Council who could be discharged 9 Outsiders naturally would have a greater grasp of our municipal affans

— That a sudden seveie shock to voui "funin bone" will deprive you of speech We ad\iso Ms H.R. to be caieful. — Tliat it is a good line to hide \oui stack of patent medicine bottles when the insurance agent is aiound I —That it is the better half that does not know as much about how the othei half- Ines as she would like to knew — That the latest note m political circles is that Our George" will be senior member for Wellington aftei the geneial elections — That the prohibitionists will fighr a haicl fight befoie the elections. Biuce is going to publish a weekly journal devoted to cold-w atenstics — That a lost golosh is acheitised foi It sank out of sight m a Wellington "footpath " Marine grappling irons are the onlj 7 hope of lecovenng it — That an English visitoi admnes the appaient independence of New Zealand women " But then of couise lie is not looking foi a geneial servant. — That one of the "gieat unwashed,' up country, crawled into a bath and died He thought it was the last place m the woild anyone would look for him. — That seveial members of the Harbour Board wanted to know last Wednefiu wheie Member Wilfoid was. It was Arbour Day and Race Da\ Where was Tom? — That the phenomenal capacit\ foi work attributed to our Agent-Geneial Reeves is said to be the result of sobnetv He looketh not upon the wine when it is red, or any other coloui — That the Wellington coal dealers who sell the article by weight should be asked, as a favour, not to leave thenstocks outside m the rain People can get water at cheaper rates than £2 a ton — That St. Andrew's chuich congiegation are not quite as united as tlm should be, and they expect that coming changes will fill the church seats as they have not been filled foi a long time. — That, when an every-day tram passenger was informed that the City Council intended putting on more cars to cope with the -traffic, he fainted. It is too much for a man with a weak heart. — That people will have to quit dying except on days laid down by the chinches Feilding parsons have decided not to bun people on Sunda-s m futuie Cannot everybody follow this example — That a large proportion of backblocks children aie teacheiless Up North, the teachers- usua.lv go to school in winter-time m boaits. The solution of the road question would help to solve the teacher difficulty — That, although no local man was quite up to the mark for the vacant Tow n Clerkship, one was "jolly" near it. Hovvevei, as he knew- too much about Wellington, it was not to be expected that he was good enouo-h --Thait it is lefieshing to have a bramv peer agree with you. Loid Cecil lemarked that ''ineptitude hung like leprosy on the walls of the War Office" But the New Zealand newspapers knew this years ago - That up to date, the New Zealand lady teachers who went to South Africa to instruct the luvemle Boer, have not done anything but picnic. We fear they are lost for ever to the New Zealand Education Department — That the lad\ , who lost her purse on a traan, and who immediately seized the guard and searched his pockets was suipn&ed at the indignant volubility of the man Of course, she found the purse in her socket, as usual. — That there was much gnashing of teeth in Holland and Germany and othei Boei centres when a rumoui got abroad that Mr Seddon had been made Pi line Minister of England. Some refuso to disbelieve it even now — That a locaJ medico attnbutes the grow tli of the opium habit m many people to the fact that the were fiist bioken m to the habit h\ the administiation of "soothing pow dei s" dm ing infancy Wanted, an examination into said soothing pow ders " — That, if the police weie to raid all the hotels, tobacconist shops, and othei places of business which the used for organised gambling, the numbei of 'cases" they would get would open the eves of those Wellington people who do not see anything that is not put befoie their noso — That the Sydney gentleman who i w as w arned not to get off a New town cai the wrong wa'- and who informed the ] waruei that he had jumped oif trams afore you was, born," is getting some nece&sar\ repairs effected to his physiognomy You must not monkey with the Coiporation "express " — That local wiseacres aie laying lon& odds that Mr. Palmer, of Sydney will fill the vacant Town Clerkship For civic billets in. the Empire City, "no ] Wellington niau need apply " The chances are the City Council will realise that the old "page" is far better than any new \ olume they may pick up