Entre Nous

Free Lance, Volume III, Issue 108, 26 July 1902, Page 14

Entre Nous

JUDGE Kettle xs stall tiying to levolutionise the existing state of society. A few weeks back, he demonstraited his sympathy with dumb animals by fining a person who had been guilty of cruelty £o, instead of letting him off as Wellington Js.P. would certainly have done. He more recently c -iecl out against the evils of the "silly" shouting system, and now he is going to form a "Prisoners' Aid Society." Up to now, people outside the Salvation Army have not troubled much about prisoners who had served terms in gaol, and, for all the average man cares, the prisoner, shunned as he frequently is, may drift back into goal. The "Wanganui Prisoners' Aid Society" is worthy of copy. Sending a man to gaol is a reasonably good way of keeping him from doing harm, but to keep him from doing harm bv aiding him to live straight is a much better way It is Judge Kettle's way. * • • The queer yarn doing duty at piesent in every second paper about the dear old lady spiritualist, who believed that the soul of her husband had entered into a Minorca rooster, and who, therefore, left countless thousands to that bird, may or may not be true Anyhow, the next of kin is alleged to have had that rooster for dinner, and then scooped his legacy. It is within the memory of many New Zea'landeis that a dear old lady, who died up North, left the whole of her fortune a few years back to the companions of her life-time — a colony of oats, "their hen*and assignees for ever." Surprising the mortality of rich cats. The nocturnal feline which braves the perils of pearifles, brick-bats, and bedroom crockery, survives many years longer than did those pampered, petted legatees There is not one of those cats left now, neither is there an heir or assignee. Of course, the affairs of the felines were not put into the hands of the Public Trustee hence the villainy of those private trustees ' *• * * Tt is sincerely hoped that the following advertisement, clipped from "The Diamond Fields Advertiser" (Kimberlev. South Africa), will not cause an undue rush of New Zealanders to South Africa — "Two stylish young men to escort two lively young ladies out on horseback Any afternoon suitable. Apply bv letter to 'X Y Z ,' 'Advertiser' Office." * * # The Cycle Roads Bill, to be introduced bv Mr. George Fowlds, is an Auckland production and if it becomes law will lead to the queerest situations imaginable. The Bill's framer, who, bv the way. is a young Auckland lawyer, named Yaile wants cycle roads eighteen inches wide through the towns and into the back country. Imagine an asphalt track up the Huttroad after a six-inch fall of rain, and the passage of a few heavily-laden waggons. Imagine a solitary strip of decent path down Lambton Quay. Would it not make thei rest of the road feel uncomfortable 9 The Cycle Roads Bill is a commendable measure enough if the Cycle Boards will only station a man every ten yards 1 along these tracks with a broom to sweep the mud off As New Zealand roads now stand, an ei^hteeninch track would be buried out of sisrht in a week during winter-time Everybody knows the type of young man this paragraph deals with. He is an authority on every subject under the sun, fiom the winner of the Derby to appointments to the Legislative Council. He is a frequent contributoi to the papers, so he says, and he does not explain why his firm does not raise his salary above 30s a week. "Ternble affair that in the East Indies," he observed at tho boarding-house table one day recently. "East Indies did yon say p " said one of the other boarders a highly educated man, who generally looked on silently when our friend -u as holding forth Yes the East Indies " the idiot went on patronisingly, "where the spiceo come from, don't you know. There hasn't been anything like it for years and years ; not since that catastrophe we read of in history — about thirty years ago, wasn't it? Let's see, what was it now p I forget the name , but it was a terrible affair — a terrible affair nearly luined the nation!" Everyone tried unsuccessfully to unravel the frazzle of that "terrible affair," but at ast his nibs remembered. "Ah, I know," he exclaimed, "the, bursting of the South Sea Bubble'" And he actually thought that the historical crash of a century and a-half ago was a convulsion of nature in the East Indies'

Some Wellington sports recently took compassion on a beautiful creature in snooting costume, with a Noah's Ark full of guns, who was dying: to shoot pigs, doncherknow. He had not previously strayed much further than Pall Mali. and ail the "shooting" he had done was "shooting the rapids," at Earl's Court. He turned up one morning lately, dressed immaculately in the latest kind of shooting rig, an elephant gun on his shoulder, and a couple of hundred rounds of ammunition. The other chaps were dressed in blue dungarees, and carried bloodstained haversacks Orongorongo is not exactly the kind of country a new chum rejoices in, and the poor fellow would not have passed muster in Pall Mall at twelve o'clock on that shooting morning * * ¥■ He banged away furiously at everything he saw , and the two friends, fearing sudden death, lit out, and left him. On Sunday morning last might have been seen creeping down the back ways of the city a once smartly-attired newchum, tattered and torn, hatless and gunless. At his hotel, the landlord questioned him "Had a good time 0 " "No 1 " he groaned. "Shoot anything?" persisted his tormentors. "Don't know until the other fellows turn up, and we call the roll '" The other fellows turned up twelve hours previously with a couple of haversacks full of tuskers, and they have been looking for him ever since to compare their "bags" with his « * ♦ Two Wellington men, who yearly make a Wairarapa trip to cast off the cankering care of business, have returned to the city with a yarn. Last veai they wandered at sweet well among the farms and enjoyed themselves immensely. At one place they fared sumptuously on sucking pig, and were so enchanted with the delicacy tha J this year they asked the same hospit able farmer if he had a couple of th^ porcine delicacies handy for their consumption. "Well, no, I ain't I'm sorry to say. All the pigs this year was born alive'" And those two Wellington wanderers in the Wairarapa have not tasted pork since!

Society in one of our suburbs is very much shocked because of an unromantic episode which happened at a ping-pong party the other night. Two winsome and demure young demoiselles, in whose mouths butter would scarcely melt under ordinary circumstances, had

a tiff relative to who should play with the tall young stranger with the dark moustache. One of the pair stood up to receive the ball, when the other smote her on the head with the wooden ping-pong bat with wood-chopping force. There was only one blow, but the hysterical shrieks might have been heard two miles off, while the frowns of the partisans on both sides were simply terrible. However, the young Amazon is not likely to receive any more invitations to ping-pong parties in that district. She has passed out of local society for a term at least. * * * There are 50,000 German clerks in London, and there are more than* 50,000 clerks in Germany who write English. One of them shows his mastery of the language, and his ability to oust a Britisher out of a billet, by sending this letter to a Wellington business firm . — "Gentlemen, — "We take the liberty to inform you about our being able to sell set very favourable conditions all kinds of colours you may have want for Since long, manufacturers of dry colours, so will for interior or for export houses, we have started in a few years and important clientship, satisfied in every respect of our products packed in strong barrel or oases. Looking since long after some honorable firm to introduce our colours in New Zealand, you would oblige us to write us whether you see the way clear to give satisfaction to our askings. Assured we are able to offer our colours of high quality and very cheap, we hope you will keep the matter in hand. We pray you then to send us some particulars about the sale of colours in your country the kind you have request for.etc." If that young man comes to New Zealand he will set a job as sub-editor any time he likes to go into the newspaper line. * • • The house in which a local doctor practised for many years became vacant some little time ago. and was immediately taken up by a local business man on a long lease. That business man is sorry now. The first night he snent there was perfect Bedlam, the telephone bell being in constant operation, and repeated callers playing continuous tattoos on the door-knocker. Time he thought, would be the healer of' all things, but he was mistaken. * * » When he failed to answer a summons, they knocked or rang till he came, and then flatly refused to believe the story that the doctor had moved elsewhere alleging that, because they were lodge patients he was trying to bluff them. One stout old female party, anxious to be examined, commenced to disrobe in the new tenant's presence, and had to be forcibly expelled. * * * During the early hours of one morning, a woman rang up announcing that a certain interesting domestic event was imminent, and asking "the doctor" to hurry up. "But," said the distracted man, "I'm not Dr. Blank, but So-and-so." "Never mind," was the imperturbable reply, "you will do just as well. Hurry up." Placards on the house and fence and the cutting-off of the telephone have not removed the annoyance, and the lease of a fine house can now be negotiated cheaply.

Valedictory yarn about Australia's late Governor-General, the Marquis of Linlithgow. It seems His Excellency was having the latest colonial photograph taken, and the "fiend" asked His Lordship in what position he would like himself snapped. "Oh!" laughed the Governor-General, "I may as well have a typical Australian attitude — with my hands in my pockets," was the reply. "There would be no necessity for your Excellency to send in your resignation if you were willing to keep your hands in your pocqets," replied the operator. His Excellency looked pleasant, and the photographer pressed the button.

An M.H.R., who was, before the last election, a firm believer in women's suffrage, was approached on the question in the lobby of the House the other day. It seems that the women in his electorate took quite an extraordinary interest in his candidature, and not only did they go to the poll to vote, but they came out in a bewildering array of fashions. When the numbers were up, the M.H.R. referred to approached one lady who had voted for him because he had curly hair, or something. To her he said "How did you vote, Mrs. B9"B 9 " "Oh. in my cream dress." she responded. A matter of policy?

There is. no doubt that the Welling ton Trades Council is the liveliest of our public bodies. It has outlasted even the Melrose Borough Council as a place of ' scenes" at its regular gatherings. The first public intimation given of the active eruptions of the Trades Halleis was at the time when the proBoer sentiments of several delegates, led to stoimv scenes. It was at that stage of the Council's history that the press was admitted, and no small poition of the pi o-press party has since been very son\ that the men with the sharp pencils and hand'v note-books were permitted to come amongst them, and make public their mode of conducting business at a gathering \\ Inch should aim at beina the Parliament of Labour." ■* ■* * Aceoidniw to the accounts of the weekh meetings of the Council, given in the Tost" and the "Tunes," nearly the w hole of the time of the Council is taken up in an exchange of personalities, much bickering, and a serious consideration of the trivial Delegates freely charge one another with attempting to use the Council for their own advancement, every man seems suspicious of his neighbour and the unpleasant occupation of "looking for motives" is much in evidence At last week's meeting recriminations followed hot-foot upon denunciation, and the whole night was spent upon two subjects which the Council under ordinary conditions, would have disposed of in fifteen minutes ♦ * * Several delegates seemed to take a delight in ' showing up" the faults and failings, the unworthy aims and ambitions and thei murky motives of their hi other-labourites. One delegate accused «ome delegate's of being animated bv 'a gigantic selfishness." Whv p Well some said politics were responsible for this condition of aberration , others said that the disturbance was due to the presence of single-taxers in the Council, and others again laid all the blame at the door of the Socialist delegate* The nitv of it all is that dissension should split in pieces a body which oquld find much useful work to do of a solid and enduring kind for the benefit of the masses The war aeainst small birds has commenced One Ellesmere man, who reads the paper, and wasn't taking any chances of heincr fined £10 for allowing small birds to roost on his land, brought fift^ -dozen small birds' heads to the Road Board in one lot. Some enterprising manufacturer has, in the small biids nuisance the basis of a fortune Potted starling and tinned thrush would probably soon find a market The pi oiect to send a representative brass band from New Zealand to England pi onuses to become an accomplished tact Lieutenant Herd, who is the piomotei and who is to be the leader of the band — an honour he has won over and over again — has issued a circulai bearing upon the project. Two New Phmouth enthusiasts, Messrs. J C Moiev senior, and D. McKinnon Bain aie the backers of the scheme and have become joint secretaries of the agitation There is no doubt that the piomoters have been encouraged in entering upon their project by the fact that Sousa's American band in a few weeks' tour of England last year clear ed the enormous sum of £24,000 The New Zealand band will number iust undei 30 players being the pick of all the bands of the colony, and the promotel s reckon that a capital of £3000 will cover the tour, which is to embrace New Zealand Australia and England The band is also to "have a try" for the -£1000 challenge trophy offered at the Crystal Palace contest next veai # * ♦ The capture of one corpulent aged and descrepid rat has sent a thrill down the spine of Wellington. The horrorstricken capturers already see in their mind's e> c the street crier with his cart and his 'Bring out your dead " and everybody is quite sure that the overfed rodent has the plague. The peonle of Wellington have good reason for thanking that rodent. His superb condition is evidence that he has had a real good undisturbed time, and has waxed fat, and done his duty well and truly That rodent will probably stn up Wellington to the fact that the rat population is on the increase, and that individual members are having a high old time * * * One of the quaintest commentaries on the frightful condition of Wellington streets was offered by a visiting lady on Thursday last. She stood on one side of the Quay, with her skirts well lifted from the surrounding mud, and waited long and gazed earnestly for a cab to come to the rescue. One rattled up, and she hailed it. "How much will you charge to drive me across the road?" she asked. The sum agreed upon, the lady got into the cab and was whisked over her chain and ahalf journey A few men with wheel chairs would make a fortune at "ferrying" passengers over the impossible dcops of Wellington streets.

A young man, who is endeavouring to qualify for the senior civil service examination, is very strong on Euclid. He carries it into his daily life, and has worked out some ingenious exercises that would gain the approval of Euclid himself. He has demonstrated that Ail boarding-houses are the same boarding-house. Boarders in the same boarding-house and on the same flat, are equal to one another. A single room is 1 that which has no parts and no magnitude The landlady of a boarding-house is a parallelogram, thait is an oblong angular figure which cannot be described but is equal to anything. A wrangle is the disinclination of two boarders to each other that meet together but are not on the same flat. All the other rooms being taken, ,1 single room is said to be a double room A pie may be produced any number of times.

The landlady oan be reduced to her lowest terms bv a series of propositions. A bee line may be made from any one boarding-house to any other board-ing-house. The clothes of a boarding-house bed, though produced ever so far both ways, will not meet. Any two meals at a boarding-house are together less than one square meal. On the same bill, and on the same side of it, there should not be two charges for the same thing. If there be two boarders on the same floor and the amount of side of the one be equal to the amount of side of the other, each to each, and the wrangle between one boarder and the landlady, be equal to the wrangle between the landlady and the other boarder, then shall the weekly bills of the two boardeis be equal also each to each. For, if not, let one bill be greater than the other bill is less than it might have been which is absurd.

A curious little yarn comes from the Mount View Asylum. It was visitors' day at the refuge for mental unfortunates, and a well-known Wellington lady philanthropist was going the rounds, talking to the lunatics, and listening to the tales told by them. She was particularly interested in one case, and, on coming out from a certain room, she remarked to the warder "A very sad case that. What made the poor fellow go mad?" "Oh, he loved a girl, and the gill wouldn't have him." "Yes? And what drove the poor fellow in the next room mad?" "Oh, ho married the girl the other chap couldn't A person whose first name is Chas , Being asked why he's sad, simply snas And gibbers anent What he claims to have spent In politics Bar'ls and has A parson, who was attending the Diocesan Conference last week, can b< 3 grave, gay, lively, or severe. He told a yarn about one particularly gravo sermon he once preached up the Wairarapa. A prominent young townsman had died, and the reverend gentleman was called upon to conduct the burial service. At the sad gathering of relatives and friends he said it was heartrendin gto think that their young friend had been cut down like a flower in the pride of his manhood. "Sad, indeed," he continued, "that his wife should be

left to mourn her loss, at the early age of twenty-six." "Twenty-three!'' indignantly sobbed the widow, and a friend took a mental note. She wasn't going to spoil any matrimonial chances*. That note-taking friend asked her to doff the weeds only last week. • * • It was at one of Wellington's most recent "socials," and one of the committee \\a& standing at the dressing-room door, "speeding the parting guests." One of the last-named seemed to have some difficulty in getting his overcoat on, and it had an unmistakeably bulky appearance 'Can I help you, Mr Stipqings?" asked the suave committeeman "No. thanks," replied that gentleman, who had stoutly refused to drink anything but plain lemonade all night. "I — er-think I can manage l " Just then a deadly smash eventuated, and from the pocket of that perturbed abstainer fell a bottle of finest "Three Star." This is the last social at which Mr. Stiggings has been known to attend.

" Wet Paint " we often see about, And wisely keep our distance ; Advice like that is good no doubt, And valuable asistance. But there's one thing more pieczous still Of that you can make suie, By driving oft youi rough or chill With Woods' Great Peppermint Cure

A most enjoyable fancy dress ball was given by the employees of the D.I.C. on Wednesday, July 16th, at the Masonic Hall, Boulcott-street. The room was not too crowded for dancing, and, as everything was splendidly arranged, the evening was much enjoyed. The 100 m had been tastefully decorated by Mr. Kelly. Mr. Fleming provided the music and an enjoyable supper was catered by Mr. Mawson: The secretary (Mr. Delaney) and committee (Mrs. Simeon. Misses Walsh, Barron, McGee, and Messrs. Simeon, Batt, Lowther, Henderson, and Mathieson) deserve great credit for the successful result jof their energies. » • ♦ Nearly all the guests wore fancy dresses, and I especially noted Mrs. Simeon (Daughter of the Regiment) wore a white satin skirt, handsomely braided in gold, blue satin waistcoat, and scarlet satin Eton coat. A becoming white safcm Napoleon, hat, with lovely ostrich tips, and scarlet shoes and stookmgs, completed a very striking costume. Miss Barron, as a Spanish Girl, looked well in a red satm skirt, whit© chemisette, black Swiss belt spangled with, gold, and a Toreador hat. Miss Walsh represented "Summer," and wore a white silk dress, black picture hat, and crook with roses. Miss McGee looked splendid as "New Zealand Times " in white gown, printed to represent the paper, and a black picture hat. * *• * Missi Wilmot was up-to-date as "Pingpong," Miss Vincent was a Highland lassie for the tame being, and Miss Arnett "A Daughter of the Empire." Miss Robson, as "Belle of New York," wore a white satin dress, yellow revers on bodice, poke bonnet, and stick. Miss Morgan wore a "Kate Greenaway" frock. Miss Garmichael looked charming as "A Purity Brigade Girl," from "The Belle of New York." Miss Plank wore evening dress: Miss Urquhart represented "A Dancing Girl"; Miss G. Robson, "Dawn"; Miss Randell, "Spanish Girl", Miss Wilson, "Fishwife"; Miss B. Wilson. "Folly" : Miss A. Walsh, in evening dress-, Miss Hawthorne "Italian Girl"; Miss O'Shea, "Swiss Peasant" , Miss Cronin, "A Flower Girl"- Miss Corrigan, evening dress. * * * Mr. Simeon looked well as a lieutenant of the Kelburne Rifles. Mr. Joslin represented "Lord Roberts." Mr. Henderson wore a handsome dress as "King of Spades" : Mr. Lowthei\ "Admiral Seymour" Mr. Moore. "Officer of R.H. Guards" , Mr. Midlane, "Officer D. Battery" : Mr Norton, "Man-o'-warsman" Mr. Mathieson, "One of the Royal Household" . Mr. Jackson, "Artillery" Mr. Paterson "Highlander." * • « The "Games Party," given by the Misses Morraih, to a number of their young friends, on Wednesday evening last week, was very jolly indeed. Various games were arranged at the different tables, and one "progressed," winning as many points a® possible en route. The ladies' prize (a gold pin) was eventually won by Miss G. Somerville, and Miss Sylvia Wilson carried off the "booby" honours. Of the gentlemen, Mr G. Samuel gained first

prize, and Mr. MoKelLir the booby," which everyone agiees, is equally haul to win. A delightful supper was, enjoyed when the games were finished. Miss Morrali wore a black satin gown. Miss Grace Morrah looked exceedingly well in black satin, with an over-dress of net. Miss N. Morrah wore a white muslin frock. Amongst the guests were The Misses Sprott, Hannay (2), Winter (Chxistohurch), Somerville, Harding, Quick, Macintosh, Seed, Barclay, Wilson, Butt, Simpson, Yon Dadelszen, and Messrs. Arbor, MacArthur, Tripe, Pearce, Somerville, Samuel McKellar, Winter, and others. * * » The officers and men of the Heretaunga Mounted Rifles deserve great congratulations on the success of their annual ball, held at the Druids' Hall, Taranaki-street, on Tuesday last Seldom has the room looked so pretty, and an endless amount of time and trouble must have been devoted to the decorations, which were exceptionally pood. A perfect bower of fernsi was arranged on the stairs, which were lighted with Chinese lanterns, the hall itself being festooned with bunting, and long, graceful trails of lyoopodiumsi were suspended across the ceiling. Photographs of different officers of the corps were hung about the room, and saddles, etc , added much to the effect of the arrangements. « * • The stage was furnished with carpets and cosy seats, where one could sit and watch the pretty scene below The supper, catered by Mr. Godber, was splendid, and light refreshments were served throughout the evening Miss Hawthorne's orchestra supplied good music, and the floor wasi in splendid condition. Sergt. McMillan (secretary) was most energetic in looking after all the guests throughout the evening, and was ably assisted by his committee, and, with Serpi:. -major OBrien and R.R.Sergt. Arnold, acted as Ms.C. Lieut. R. Levin, who takes great interest m the corps, and is deservedly popular with his men, was present throughout the evening, and wore the full-dress uniform of the corps. It is of riflegreen cloth, with trimmings of black braid. Black busbies are, lam told, also to be worn by the men in the near future. The new uniform' will be a great improvement on the kharki for special occasions, and is smart and becoming. ■* * * Amongst those present were Mrs. McMillan., wearing black satin , Mrs. Woods, in a handsome black gown. Miss White, who wore an exceedingly pretty gown of white satm, with flounces of white chiffon, edged with tiny ruchings, and chiffon, was also r>rettily arranged on the bodice . Miss Kobler, who looked charming in a black silk dress, with tiny flounces on the skirt, the bodice finished with a point lace bertha, and a large blue satin chou. Miss Driscoll wore black satin, and crimson velvet traps. The Misses Whelan wore dainty white frocks. Miss Hale looked weil in black satin, with strans of iet. Miss Green was in pale blue Miss Henderson wore white. Miss de Rung also w r ore' white silk

Mi Cliffoul Walker, who is at present gn ing his excellent entertainment at tlie Opera. House, opened on Wednesday, to a somewhat disappointing house. The audience, however, fully appreciated the versatility and personal charm of the entertainer by thoroughly enjoying his clean, wholesome humour, his exceptionally pleasing elocution and his tasteful music. One is nleased to know that the English, language, in the mouth of a student, of it like Mr. Walker is. is a thing of beauty, and T feel sui prised that a great many Ms.H.R. did not grasp the opportunity to burnish up their styles a bit. The Minister for Education was there, certainly, as was also Mr. Geo. Fowlds, and I thought I noted the back part of Mr. E. M. Smith's massive brow in the 01chestral stalls. "After Dinner," a humorous musical sketch in which the entertainer assumed the respective styles of the army, the navy and the — ah, volunteahs, in the impersonations of a bull-making general, a gruff sea-dog, and a*n effeminate fop gave the audience an insight into the quality of such pathetic items as "The Little Crosinff Sweeper " and the tale of 'Me and Bill" was sent home to the heait with telling emphasis. There ■n ere handkerchiefs enough to reiqice the heart of the "Artful Dodger" himself when Bill, the sailor, gave up his life to save "Me." so that "Me" might marry the girl that Bill loved. "The Ballymoney Conversations " in which the residents of that Hibernian locality are graphically pourtrayed, is screamingly and musically humorous. The Ballymoney "eople, believing "conversatione" was another name for whisky, rolled up, and were disgusted in picturesque language. "Pat^a-cake," an excellent sermon, replete with humour and sly digs at the prevailing smugness of the latter-day pulpit orator was, probably, one of Mr. Walker's finest items', and "Our Village Concert," in which some exceedingly clever songs were suns brought down the house. "The Game of Life," in which the knave, thei holder of a club in hand, hearts, and lastly the spade, take part, is a telling, and occasionally weird, item. As the spade gets in the last work of all, to the strains of "The Dead March in, Saul," the handkerchiefs have work to do once more. "The Ladies' Penny Paper" is a cheerful, satirical skit on that voluminous subject, and the ladies piesent testified to the homethrusts bv very hearty laughter. "Babies'," a bachelor's discourse on that interesting topic, finished a very fine entertainment. The interest of the audience was held by the one r>olished, clever gentleman throughout, and encomiums were lavished on him as the peor>le went away. Miss Adela Medley, a finished pianiste, opened each part, of the. programme, with Fowler's "second Tarantella" for the first part ,and Mendelssohn's "Capriccio Brilliant" for the second. The lady has fine execution, and plays with requisite soul addine much to the enjoyment and excellence of an exceptionally pleasing entertainment.

Examinations for land, stationary, traction, and winding engme>-drivers' certificates are to be held at each of the chief centres on Friday. August Ist, at

the Courthouses at Timaru and Nelson on the same date, and at the Thames on August 7th. At each place the examination commences at 9 o'clock a.m.