It Is Town Talk

Free Lance, Volume III, Issue 106, 12 July 1902, Page 22

It Is Town Talk

-Th<it King Dick has, had still another honour conferred uuon him. His Latest title 'The Mo-it Polee of Impeiiahsm"' —That a local centenauan, who celebrated her birth anniveisam last week, attributes hei ago to the- fact that she hasn't previously died — That it is not true that Mayoi Aitken intends recommending Wellington half -footpaths to the consideration of the Municipal Conference. — That, if there were no trusts and combine*, there would be no Cecil Rhodeses and Andrew Carnegies. Uvils of the kind have some bright spots —Thai the Auckland delegates to the Municipal Conference may have learnt a thing or two about fire brigades «ince they have been in the Empire City —That Hon. Colonel Pitt thinks that now the war is over there will be a lull in the martial spirit. Wait until they call for volunteers for Kaffir fighting. That the promised history of the war by prominent Boer generals, will probably be the book of the year. What about Coronation honours for the writers? —That, ninety per cent, of New Zealand's papers are printing several inches of gladness over the fact that the Governor's session-opening speech was so short —That a Wellington churchgoer on Sunda-v last complimented his preacher on his sermon. "But," he said, "I never before knew that so simple a text took so long to explain." That it has become a. common custom for men of New Zealand Contingents to make presentations to their officers. It is not generally known that tTie practice is illeeal. That another avenue of "labour" will m-obablv be closed during the session. A member will endeavour to legislate the übiquitous "bookie" off the face of the racecourse. - That it is easy to imagine one has strayed into the "House" on listening to the farmers lately in session in Wellington. Same brand of man and same brand of argument. That it is likely that nominations will shortly be taken from gentlemen who are not going to contest seats at the general elections There are a dozen or so left in New Zealand — That they are evidently setting used to colonial Premiers at Home One cable says that "Several colonial Piemiers spoke " Not one word of Dick. Why this cavalier treatment — That a London firm has just received payment from the War Office of a bill rendered in 1816. The New Zealand branch of the war industry should take heart. It takes example anyhow. — That a Southern firm who engaged a young man on the recommendation of a Wellington parson, wonts to know if the parson can recommend a cure for dipsomania and kleptomania for his protege. — That a London firm is said to be preparing a series of volumes entirely devoted to Seddon caricatures. It will run to twelve volumes, post quarto. Some of these London artists must be w orkers. That it would be interesting to know the incomes made by the noble army of herbal quacks of this oountrv, in the light of the published statement that a "t'other-sider" makes £30.000 a ye-ar at the game — That there are still the usual number of empty benches in the House during important business. If some legislators were paid at per hour for the time spent at work navvying would be more remunerative. — That Farmer Laidley, of Ashburton, told the Farmers' Conference that a man would no more shoulder a musket in defence of the lease-ui-perpetuitv tenure than he would in defence of the boarding-house system' Which was a good shot for Laidley. That the New Zealand Lands Department wanted to find out how unhealthy the Gold Coast really was before despatching surveyors. They have discovered that the death rate wa< lower last year than usual. The "usual" figures are carefully withheld. That Napier has a thorough "sport" for its representative. Is that the reason why at least half-a-dozen buggies were stuck in the mud going to Napier Park the other day, and, when finally pulled out, returned home? Sir William will, probably, see to this

— That the luraJ visitoi who conies to the city green, usually goes out of it blup — That a man sold a trunk the other day so as to buy something to put in it Guess his nationality That an enterprising daiiyman advertises that he ' is prepared to offei milk and fresh egers from sound healthy cow s." — That St Helens, m Lancashire has immortalised itself Beecham's Pills and Mr Seddon both saw the h<?ht there — That the Mayor of Wellington i^ proMchng coftee for his councillors after meetings When is he going to order the pistols? — That a medico, who told a natient he must have perfect iest informs us he is getting along splendidly He joined the police force. —That Wellington is right up-to-date now that Mr. McParland has given it a Hotel Cecil ' It is a wonder he did not call it the Hotel de Seddonia That the Northern magistracy is getting mixed in its old age vide a recent pronoun cement 'I will fine you and discharge you without a fine " — That the Defence Office is still wrestling with the problem as to whether Contingenters are entitled to the medal clasps it has had in hand for a month. That quite a lot of oadet corps in the colony a,re wondering how they are to pay for 30s worth of uniform and nfle with /is worth of capitation Good old War Office' — That, "To-morrow will be Friday, and we've got no fish to-day'" was the song sung by the Makara fishermen w hen they lost their boatload of fish on a recent Thursday . —That K. M. Smith has come to Wellington without his little bag of ironsand samples'. By the way, what's become of the gigantic New Plymouth scheme? Why this silence? — That, the sardonic reference made by Mr. Hey wood, secretary to the Treasury that the Audit Office was afflicted with "scribbler's itch,' might be applied to other branches of the service. —That one of the Masonic lodges in Wellington district appropriately enough has a police constable for its junior warden. This is a diplomatic step if that lodge has many banquets I — That an old age pensioner, up North, aged 67, remarked that she would not have been reduced to ask for the dole but that her father was living a riotous life, and spent all his money in beei. — That a veiger m one of Wellington's churches followed and thanked a visitor for his liberality in donating a sovereign to the collection last Sunday. He is not reeling so good about it now It was a counterfeit. That the Southland "Times" suggests thart Arthur Glass should be M.H.R.'d for his services in organising the Farmers' Union. Why not M.LC'd? Glass is too transparent for the Lower Chamber. — That the Kaffir in Africa will probably be the link that will bind Britain and Boer. He is already getting nasty about his ruined mealie potches and "looted cattle. There are about fifty millions of him, too' — That Mr. Frost, ex-mayor of Melrose is the happiest-looking man m town just now, and quite a lot of people at the Poultry Show last week complimented him on his Greater Wellington stand, and his roosters. — That the British Government will not make any appointment to the Australian Governor-Generalship until the salary question is settled. Someone explains that they are not going to put King Dick into an unsecured position --That the city councillors should try to get a place on the first-train tram which runs from Newtown at (i 30 every morning' They would then appreciate the language of the would-be passengers who get left on the footpath — That the Wellington Scenery Preservation Society would be conferring a boon on the public if it destroyed the "scenery" lying betw r een Kent and Cambridge Terraces. Those funereal fir-trees make a graveyard spick and span in comparison.