It Is Town Talk

Free Lance, Volume III, Issue 105, 5 July 1902, Page 22

It Is Town Talk

That ping-pong has increased the fees ot Dunodm's chief oculist by £400 a-veai —That the amount of money that passes hands over the football matches even- Saturc^ runs into large figures. —That Mi Geo Fisher, "doesn't carry the whole of the brains of the community" Thank goodness, he has owned up at last. —That, on being told that a balneologist had come to the colony a local J.P. said it was- time "them Asiatic diseases was stamped out " —That, according to some men of the returned Seventh, honours are strewn very thickly in South Africa amongst depot 'scouts" and camp heroes. —That, iudging by this year's recoid of firrs, the Government are not likely to make a big profit out of State fire insurance if they go into that line. —That the Fighting Seventh, before leaving Africa, was composed ot 15U men The odd 000 men were either sick, in depot, or detailed for duty elsewhere. —That a tourist, who recently came to Wellington stood in the middle ot one of our mam streets, and exclaimed, "Ah, and was this where the eruption took place?" —That Mr. Fullford, of Mel rose Borough Council, is spoken of as the E. M. Smith of borough politics. He really is the unconscious humorist ot that school of fun. —That an M.H.R. pre-sessionauy asked his constituents a few days ago to consider this question 'm the light ot a dark future." He is said to be a coming man, too. -That, a Manawatu paper tells us Trooper Jones, of the Tenth Contingent, has been promoted to the rank of private. Military circles are naturally convulsed. —That at a modest computation providing. King Edward lives the allotted £SV street-widening operations m Adelaide-road will be completed before his successor's jubilee. —That our Dick is not the only man who gets free titles. A newly-discov-Jred make of unexampled venom has bSn named "Queensland Bartoni, after the Federal Premier. —That a Wellington clergyman on Sunday last, after preaching an eloquent sermon about His Majesty the King, announced that the first verse of "God Save the Queen" would be sung. —That a proposal is on foot to hold a half-hour sacred concert after service in one of our best-known churched. It is designed to cope with the man who won't go to church to hear the parson. —That the Start© will be a benefactor indeed if, as has been proposed, it supplies free medical advice and medicine li' urgent cases. It would weaken the Friendly Societies' membership though. —That an Australian squatter, passing the Basin Reserve in the tram, remarked that he would give his 250,000 acres of drought-smitten back country for that little patch of verdant, succulent "feed." — That Mr. John Plimmer sets a good example to rich Wellingtonians in donating a little of his wealth to charity. It is not, however, necessary for a citizen to be ninety years of age before doing likewise. — That, in a local boarding-house, an Armenian, one night last week, suffered severely from nightmare, and so disturbed the neighbourhood that all hands and the cook are now ardent "proTurks." —That on Peace Day, a wealthy and enthusiastic old patriot offered to adopt Purser Chamberlain, simply on account of the name. Joe murmured "Oh, George, this is so sudden," and fainted — That it is feared Melrose will shortly come to some arrangement, and that the white flag will float over their fortress. A deputation of newspaper men will probably ask the leaders to declare war again, however. — That at Blenheim, an ironmonger and a chimney-sweep are going to stand against the genial Chas. H. Mills. The man of iron is said to be a conservative, but the sweep is a Liberal Tory, and a follower of the Yes-No cult. — That a Clinton doctor has successfully transplanted a rabbit's eye in the head of a miner whose sight was recently destroyed by an explosion. The man is said to be able to see in a slight degree already. Now, the.» you antivivisectionists'

--That the 'Tunes' is pro-clock, and its &tiongest argument for a white elepliaait is that other cities have one and we have not. --That aJI the giuesome fish wives' tales touching the king that w ould not be crow ned are happily not likely to become true. —That King Dick's latest title is Sulphurous Seddon. Sulphur makes a good match, however, and Dick always strikes at the light moment — That His Worship of Melrose and Loid Mil ne r ha\e a very difficult task befoie them in quelling nieconcilables m their respective dominions. — That, according to Island Bay Brunskill, the Melrose Borough Council is ' iolh r good at passing resolutions, but joll\ bad at can vmg them out'" — That the proposed amalgamation proposal has been dubbed by one Melrose Borough councillor as "flapdoodle, sop, and insincerity" Elegant' — That some facetious individual on Wednesday night planted a post in the mud of Willis-street with a notice posted thereon, ' This canal is dangerous." —That it is quite evident that Kingfishei, of the dailv paper letter, has some of the brains left over from Mr. Fisher. Re that dock question, you know —That New Zealanders aie still democratic. If there is a chance of dragging in the name of a high-placed relative it is done, if only in a death notice. — That it is suggested that Commandent General Botha be attached to a British Aimy corps'. They are going to teach him "stock" tactics to make him harmless. — That a great crowd entirely missed the soeotacle of the Governor in his Court uniform, owing to an absorbing interest in another popular affair The usual dog fight. — That some of the "Seventh" would like to know why they were made to pay for ordnance stores Seventeen shillings for a hat seems sufficient, doesn't it P Who benefited? — That a Local parson is so disgusted with the sparse attendance at his little bethel that he has taken to riding a bike It is the only sure way remaining of saving soles, he says. — That Berhampore claims to hare the deepest and stickiest quality of mud of any stieets m the colony. "Come and see our mud!" is the attraction offered by the district to visitors. — -That, according to a Levin paper, "Mis Seddon wall Christian the Union Company's steamer Moeraki, at Dumbarton, on Bth July." We didn't know the Premier's wife was in the evangelistic line. — That it is extremely gratifying to know, through the Governor's Speech, that -'labour legislation is working with reasonable smoothness. There is a whole encyclopaedia of meaning in that woid "reasonable " — That it is refreshing to notice that many Ms.H.R. have visited the tailor since last session. They were better dressed at the opening of Parliament on Tuesday than they have been at any opening for years — That times have changed. The Governor formerly, in opening Parliament, outlined the work of the coming session. This year he gave a concise history of the events of the past year. Handy, if there were no newspapeis. —That, "if the Melrose Borough Council had in it enough backbone to make one decent man, there would not have been the humbugging that had taken place," was the criticism of one candid critic, which raised a laugh, at Island Bay on Monday night. — That the Piemiei's darling scheme of preferential trade has been cruelly knocked on the head by those behindhand old Conservatives at Home, who are still unconvinced that sentiment is the correct thing in trade, and not cheapness. — That, owing to a case of scarlet fevei, a master and twenty-three disgusted Collegians are quarantined at Wellington College. And six of them wanted so badly to assist in forming a guard of honour for His Excellency at the opening of Parliament ! — That Mr. F. H. Haselden, member for Patea, who was ridden over, and lost a good many teeth, at Hunterville, some months ago, will still be able to show his teeth to the Government this session, on the roads and bridges question. He says he will never again be found talking to a Presbyterian parson in the street. That is how he met with his accident.