Entre Nous

Free Lance, Volume III, Issue 105, 5 July 1902, Page 12

Entre Nous

AT a high - class Wellington ping - pong party, last Tuesday evening, one of our most celebrated boies fastened himself on to one of Wellington's most brilliant young women. He has never, within the knowledge of any of his acquaintances, taken a hint, and he quipped and joked punned, and told funny tales until the lady felt too boied for words. Aftei he had finished what, i n his opinion, was the finest tale of a fifty minutes series, that sweet girl rose. "It appears to me," she said, "that we both take m the same paper." This is the only snub he has ever been able to see. « • • The average colonial child is not to be oaught napping, and a veracious story is told by a Wellington man in this~ connection. He was travelling down to town from Carterton, and a little girl got in at a flag station, and conversed vivaciously on subjects variant as Wellington weather "And how old are you ?" said the Wellington man who wore a "cheesecutter" cap, and 'looked official "Are you the guard?" queried the little miss, suspiciously. "No 1 " "Then, I'm fourMr. Frank Caddy, of Wanganui, is an artist by instinct, although he wields the butcher's cleaver rather than the mahlstick. He is a son of the principal member of the well-known butchering firm of Caddy and Co., and during the past week all Wanganui has been gazing upon and admiring an up-to-date specimen of his artistic taste and handiwork It was fabricated for the Coronation rejoicings that didn't come off, and consists of a Boer wagon, drawn by a white horse, and containing lifelike figures of Generals Roberts, Kitchener, French, and White, in full uniform These figures were all modelled in clay bv Mr. Frank Caddy and are painted bv him also in really first-class style for he is clever at painting as well as clay modelling. • • » The horse was skilfully fashioned out of a sheep's carcase, and the entire show lias been w orked up most realistically. It would well repay the Gear Company or some other of the local butchers, to arrange for this interesting woik of art to be exhibited on their premises It would attract general attention. * * * The most-to-be-pitied body of men which has foregathered in Wellington these many days was the Wellington Education Board, at its meeting last week. For, whilst the Board sat in its own loom, the University "capping" ceremony . was in full swing next door. The chairman of the Board had the courage which is only to be expected from a hardy Scot, for Mr. Blair would not give in to the "rowdy crew," which was getting in some fine effects in noise within a few fee* of the Board-room. Mr. Blair was determined to carry the thing through to the bitter end, even though at one stage' of the proceedings it took him five minutes to read aloud a short letter to the Board. "Oh, let us take it as read!" exclaimed Mr. Robertson, as the chairman, for the tlhird time, paused, whilst mimic thundeT rolled on next door. •* * — But Mr. Blair stuck to his duty whilst the gentlemen from the eountrv, and even ex-Inspector Lee, were forced to admire their chairman's emulation of Robert Bruoe's example to "Try again." The reading of the letter and the interjected interruptions, had something like this effect — The chairman reading — "Sir, — As I have already told you — [chorus from next door 'Adieu, my friends, adieu, adieu, adieu] — things have come to such a pass that — [chorus 'I can no longer stay with you !'] — I must — [chorus 'Toss mv books on the very topmost shelf] — have assistance or — [chorus 'Look about for some more pelf '1 — And still the chairman read on, and took his joys and the joys of his next-door neighbours most seriously' * ♦ ♦ He thought he saw a mop with w r hich The decks are dusted down. He looked again, and saw a sweet Musician of renown "The barber would be sure," he said, "To charge him half-a-crown "

Time has its. revenges, but upon whom the levenge comes it would be hard to say m this most modern instance. Has the junior member for Wellington been caught within the 'Panama-street "break through"? ar has the "Ring" been gathered in by "Our George" '' Certain it is, that our junior member and the Panamanstreet ring have ioined forces in the Wellington Dock. For we have Mr. Fisher organising his Dock League and a prominent member of the "Ring" supporting the dock scheme in letters published in the pi ess Truly, all things come to him who waits, but the puzzle foi the public is whether Mr. Fisher has been waiting for the "Panama-street Ring" to hold its meetings in his parlour, or whether the "Ring," has been waiting foi G F to come into its fold ' Howevei it is put, "George" scores off his old-time enemy * * • A portion of the community of Karori had serious thoughts one day lasfu eek of getting out of the country A report came to the effect that the beautiful suburb had an invasion of snakes, which were to be seen in a dense mass coming up the highway At first the people who had heard snake 9tories aforetime, grinned, and asked the tale-bearer if he had "got 'em again '" But he was so serious thait he did not even sret mad at the base insinuation The-n, tlie would-be jokers took him seriously A council of war was held, and some brave .spirits I—not1 — not bottled either — made their way to the place of the gathering of the snakes, and found a wriereleisome mass of eels ' Fact # » * A recent visitor to Wellington, who is still stopping at one of our high-class hotels, was not quite sure one day last week what kind of a malady had crept over him. He was enjoying an afterdinner smoke, and rang for a modest quencher. The waiter who answered the call did not ask for the order. He merely blurted out, "Dad?" Dad it certainly was. It transpires that the present waiter left the parental roof in England under a cloud, went as steward on am ocean boat, and brought up at the hotel His touring father has discovered him. Truth is stranger than fiction, and the erstwhile waiter is now a guest I • * * Is lvmg in Court general ? Mr R Beetham, S M., evidently thinks so He said, the other day, in Christchurch, that he did not know which was the more disgusting, "the chicanery of crime, or the chicanery of buying and selling." As the next case was called he added, "More lies, I suppose " Extraordinary how many magistrates, including Js.P., "suppose" now-a-days It is usually understood that magistrates have no right to suppose, and certainly they haven't any grounds for believing that the evidence that is going to be given to-day or to-morrow will be~ lies. Mr. Beetham should knock off supposing, and deal with evidence. Does not his supposition, too make the Bible-kissed oath a bigger farce than ever p

Touching the "Seventh." Wonderful that not a single one of the officers wear collars. Remembering how some previous Contingents burst forth in the latest shape of "whitewashed fences," ostrich feathers, field boots, and general giddiness, w& wonder if fighting has got anything to do with it. Even the humble troopers do> not. yell at you with scarlet scarves and umnilitary gew-gaws. ''The Fighting Seventh'" A speaker was criticising the objections of the Mayor of Melrose to the Greater Wellington scheme, at Island Bay on Monday night. He anticioated that the Mayor would read the opinions upon certain aspects of the subject obtained from several lawyers "Why." he added, with a fine touch of scorn, "a lawyer will give you any opinion you want if you only put the question the right way " "Hear, hear!" added a voice behind the speaker. Turning round rapidly, and pointing to the ' chorus," he cried "There you are — a lawyer corroborates that opinion by saving "Hear, hear'" And the lawyer who was level with the index finger natuiallv shuvelled. Lawyers always do

A money-lender of amorous ways, and who has a grown-up family and resides in the suburbs, is not at present escorting to their homes ladies who make calls in the evening. It appears from what is gathered from the gossips that one of the callers was a lady who was twenty years his junior, and who, by the way, was married. She was a great friend of the family, and her calls were very regular. The pater did the seeing home, and nothing was thought of it till some weeks ago, when attentions were exchanged that raised suspicions. The family from that time were watchful, and the climax came the other night. * * * He left with the caller as usual, little thinking his daughters were behind. All unconscious, the happy pair passed the proper road, and wended their way slowly amid blissfully along a secluded avenue. The scene was too much for the followers. Tripping silently up, they gave the caller "what for" in tongue, and she hastened on her journey — alone — in double quick time and to the accompaniment of loud voices. As for the pater, they bundled him home, and keep him in at night now. • • • An amusing, but very impudent, act was the other day perpetrated upon a well-known member of the bar. He is an enthusiastic gardener, and has grown some very fine cabbages this year. He, however, would not allow them to be cut, as he was anxious to see them fully developed, and his wife had to purchase from outside. On Saturday morning, as the man of law was leaving his house for business, he was accosted by a youngster carrying a large cabbage, who inquired, "D'ye want to buy this, Mister? Ye can have it for a sprat." • .. The man of law made the purchase, and carried it in to his better half, who was going down inspecting the garden. Judge of their surprise when they found that the cabbage purchased was one of their own, which had just been out b\ the vendor. The classical language used by the lawyer cannot be published here, but it was very choice. * * • Caste prejudice exists even in Feildmg. A local policeman, who was removed to another town, was the recipient, so it is said, of a testimonial from the big-wigs of the little town. The Mayor was not about, so a blank was left in the form for his 1 signature. In strolled the senior J.P., and, seeing a blank at the head of affairs, concluded that he was a fit and proper person to fill it. It was suggested that the Mayor had precedence of an ordinary work-a-day J.P. "Oh, but I'm senior Justice," siaid that magnificent little man, with the ineffable scorn that only one of the great unpaid can simulate. He therefore, signed it. The Mayor's signature appears in an obscure corner of that testimonial, and FeUding Societiy is convulsed at. the refusal of His Worship and his senior J.P. -ship to consort together.

It happened m a Wauarapa Noitli hamlet. A concert was being given tor the benefit of a certain church, and sonic of the vooal artistes of the Wairarapa were assisting. During a dance which followed, the fair nightingales (who are not unknown in Wellington) repaired to an isolated corner, and did not take part in the fray. The rustics geneially did not venture to a^k the fair group for a dance, but mostly contented themselves with an occasional fuitive glance, and marvelled withal. Presently, one swain, boldei •than his fellows, and, perhaps, "mistrustlcss of his smutted face," sidled up to one of the exclusive set, and icquested the pleasure, etc of a waltz The \oung lady condescendingly, yet sweeth , accepted. Dunns the waltz to put lum more at his ease, she opened a httle conversation, in which she remarked it was her first dance that e\emng, and she could not understand wh\ the men did not ask hei before, and she added, in a self-sacrificing tone, "I'm just a plain, ordinary girl you know ." Whereupon, he absentmmdedly expressed his mental conviction that it was her superiority and brilliancy that kept the admiring rustics aloof — "Yes, I think that is the reason they do not ask you " She went off at a taneent and sat down in an implacable huff He saw his mistake at once, but his explanations and apologies were alike futile He had put his foot in it too badh ■* * * You cannot get the average woman with a new banking account to undeietand the cheque business. On a recent day. one of the Bank of New Zealand cashiers was approached by a boy, with a cheque from hi& "auntie," endorsed, "Please give bearer some of my money.' Would you believe that the cashier refused to pay up ? The depositor arrived in more or less of a white heat half-an-hour later. Explanations ensued, and instructions were given. The cheque this time was aill right, but was not signed "Oh bother, why didn't you tell me? How shall I sign it ?" "Just as you would a letter Madam 1 " She signed it as she would a letter "Yours very sincerely, A B ." A lady and a bank clerk were still worrying over a brand new cheque-book when we hurried out overcome with emotion and cash. * » * No one seems to take up the woes and troubles ot the Wellington postman. He brings joys — and duns — to main homes, and he frequently pours a taJe of his long hours and hard lot into the ears of sympathetic housewives and Mary Janes, but their mteiest goes no further than a "Poor man '" or It is a shame'" But there are no Allan Orrs or Andrew Collinses or Coopeis or Hamptons for the lettercarrier who has to go on with his 'dailv round" whilst other members of the Postal Department frequently pass him by with a nod, and a call, "What. no hoiidav"to-dav, old man?" « • The latest injustice to the carriers occurred on Thursday of last week. They had to go on duty at 6 a.m., and were on all day, whilst the "upstans men" (who are employed in the same branch of the service) were given a full day's holiday, to make up for a disappointed Coronation. And the lettercarriers received no equivalent or compensation for that day's work. A let-ter-carrier in New Zealand centres ranks as an intelligent labourer at a very moderate rate of pay, and with long and awkwardly-arranged hours, aaid he frequently has to do the work of two men # *■ * The consistency of some people. The father of a returned Contingenter has a very sad tale to tell. He says "My son got on grand for a while, and was. gittin' a splendid lot o' things together. He sent us over some months ago, a bee-utiful table>-cloth , worth about eight pun', and a lot of bee-utiful wall pockets. By gum, they Boei women mils'' be pretty smart with the needle' Well, he got enteric, and 'ad to go into hospital ,and his blanky mates shook everythink he had collected, and even got at 'im for his own watch. Fine lot o' sharks they are' He sez he wouldn't trust 'em further'n he could thiow a blanky bullock by the tail." • • • The following took place in a theatre near Seddon. The name of the gory melodrama does not matter, but the principal "actor" was representing the pa<rb of a persecuted guardian of an orphan heir. Of course, the pursuers are on his track, bent on killing him to secure the inheritance. For a long time he escapes : at length he is seized, and thrown into a room, the three doors of which are locked and bolted. On recovering himself, he runs to one door, and shakes it. "Locked!" He then runs to the second — "Locked!" He ran to the third door, which opened at once, but was immediately pulled to, and the actor exclaimed in a tone of even greater dejection "Locked l "

Democratic New Zealand ' A crowd of ladies, standing under a veiandahin close proximity to a cab-stand Ram descending as it knows how to only in Wellington. Cabman, attned m good "mac' and "'leggings " ' Drive me to Tinakon-road," said a lady "Oh it's too wet'" answered the gentleman, lighting his pipe. Thereaftei he varied for fire or six minutes, until the lain abat-ed "You km jump up now, if ye like,' 'said that cabby And one must either employ a cabby 01 ride in tho Corporation cars Is not there a yarn somewhere about the person who was placed between the devil and the deep sea ? • « * The following answers weie gn en to examination Questions by boys in a Wellington school: -"A point," wrote one boy," is that which will not appear any bigger even if you get a magnifying glass." Two straight lines a-nnot enclose a space unless they are crooked " said another who had Irish blood m his veins. "Things which are impossible are equal to one another," wrote a third A poetical youth said "Parallel straight lines are those which meet at the far end of infinity." A parson away up North, so a correspondent tells us, stiuck an a propos text for his sermon on "Peace" the Sunday following the close of the wai He took it from the Acts of the Apostles, as follows — "And they left off beating Paul."

Re the bravery of the young Maorilaiider. A gentleman met a boy in one of the principal streets of Mahakipawa recently, who inquired . "Did you see a boy about my size round the corner, Mister?" "Yes, I believe I did." "Did he look ugly?" " I didn't notice." 'Did he looked soared?" "I don't know Why?" "Why? I heard he was round there, and I don't know whether he wants to nght or whether he is afraid I'm going to lick him." ♦ • ♦ A "gag" that took immensely was dragged into a gore-curdling tragedy down South recently. One of those really funny comedians had' to drink coffee out of a lamp-glassi during the third throe of the piece. He knew there were several doctors in the audience, and when he had taken the draught, he writhed horribly, and, staggering to the footlights, moaned "Is there a doctor in the audience?" Six doctors immediately rose, and ascended the stage. Then the comedian , and said he felt better, and guffawed. The audience saw the joke, of course and roared. So did the comedian, especially when those doctors sent him in bills aggregating six guineas. * * * "They say that man is made of dust," Thus mused the fair Marie , "And so it follows man is made To walk on, don't you see!"

A partner is wanted for an old-estab-hshed land and estate agency and commission business. He must have £500 capital to put in, and be competent to undertake the clerical branch of the business. Mr. J. Fairburn, la<nd and estate agent, of Wanganui, whose advertisement appears elsewhere, has a large number of very desirable dairy farms for sale or lease. Intending settlers will do veil to communicate with him There is no more thriving district in the colony than the district of which Wanganui is the centre. Messrs. Wakeman and Co., of Wanganui the leading hotel brokers between Wellington and Auckland, adveitise elsewhere a list of exceptionally good hotels, which are in their hands for disposal Persons m quest of a real good thing in the hotel line will do well to srive their immediate attention to this list. The gay and festive Wellington Guards hold their annual "hop" in the Druids' Hall, on Wednesday July 19th There are evidences that it will be the largest turn out the Corps have evei held. Tickets at Macaskill's, Cubastreet, and from the Corps' secretary, Sergeant R 801 l and, 44, Wallacestreet. Mrs Adelene Izett announces an elocutionary recital for Tuesday night next in the Sydney-street schoolroom. Mrs. Izett, in a series of public successes on her own part and tihait of many pupils during the last six years, has established herself as the first elocution teacher of the city Her recitals have always been remarkable for tho finished nature of the work done, and also for the excellence of the mounting of the entertainment as a whole. Mr. P. Lundon, of the Great Northern Land Agency, Wanganui, whose business motto is, "Get on the soil young man, get out on the soil," is still busy planting settlers all over the island. He has a very considerable list of first-class speculations on hand, and 3ust at present he is busy selling sections in the pictureque new suburb of Arowhenua, on the railway line, clo«e to Wanganui. If you want to make a capital investment in freehold security or wish to launch out for yourself in a new oi a settled district, you cannot do better than nlace yourself in communication with Mr. P. Lundon. Mr. J. T. Sinclair, the well-known seedsman of Wanganui, is the author ot Sinclair's Champion Carrot, the fame whereof has gone through this entire group of colonies. As a matter of fact, Mr. Sinclair has received orders from the Old Country itself, and he doe& a considerable business with Australia. His Champion Carrot figures prominently in the illustrated catalogue of F. Hamilton Brunmng, the leading seedsman of Melbourne, and last year it carried off first prize at the Royal Agricultural Show in Melbourne. It has been grown to a weight of 191bs for one carrot, and to over sixty tons to the acre, and, as a cattle food, its great merit is that, while it has exceptional fattening properties, it does not taint the butter. The "Spike" is to hand. It is a prickly little paper, run by a section of the Victoria College students, and, while probably fulfilling its mission as a recorder of college doings, makes a good many thrusts that may hurt the recipients. However, perhaps this is accounted for by the inexperience of the editors. The- editors are probably tiptop classical scholars, but their English needs burnishing. Tyros ever rush their subjects with a double-bladed weapon There aie good features in the "Spike," and it is rather a pity that even the faintest personal bias should have come to light in its pages. There are many people other than professors and rival students who are food for the pleasantly - veiled "spike." Caesar would not mind you saying he "had a voice like a saw," nor would he obiect to a paper calling him a "scholar or a gentleman," with special regard to inverted commas. Rasp your point, "Spike."