A Boy, a Man, and a Camera. ..

Free Lance, Volume II, Issue 104, 28 June 1902, Page 18

A Boy, a Man, and a Camera. . .

THIS concerns a prominent gentleman in a sister metiopohs, a veiy prominent gentleman indeed— particularly prominent in the region uf the belt, which has so overgrown the bounds of reason that the man i S often in clanger of kicking his vest buttons off if he walks too hurriedly. The gentleman's name, for this pioducUon only, is Ephraim Pink, and iio is a popular person with a - large circle, and, although of a cheerful and convivial disposition, he is still a man of Jecorus habits, and has a dcoidod v.eakneos for appearing well in the eyes of the great respectable middle class Ephiaim is not fond of exercise, as a casual observer might discover bv sending a survey party round him and taking his height, depth, and chest measuremea but he is a sportsman for <?11 that and the sport he most frequently indulges in is fishing. Pink loves to withdraw from the hurly burly, and go down to the sea m a boat, and, far from the maddening crowd, to cast his lines in pleasant places, turn up his toes to the benignant^ sun, and sleep the long hours away. He never catches anything, but there is not a more enthusiastic fisher in his city than Ephraim Pink. One bright afternoon m a recent holiday time, Ephraim was taking his ease at a calm, sleepy, forsaken little place round the coast, about ten miles from the capital, and, being a reserved man, to avoid the company at the lonely and desolate inn where he was residing — said company consisting mainly of garrulous hens and reticent dogs- — he used to take a capacious, pot-bellied boat, and. pull himself still further from the haunts of men, and there, with the help of a judiciously-stocked lunch basket, enjoy the placid joys of a fisherman's life "I'm the only really perfect fisherman I know," Pink has been heard > o say. "That Walton chap, who wrote a book about it, didn't know enough io keep out of the wet. Why, the fool actually caught fish! Now, there's no satisfaction in fishing if you catch fish Catching fish is a dirty, slimy business, unfit for a gentleman of taste. Besides, the uncooked fish has an unpleasant odour, and a nasty way of communicating it to anybody who deals with him. He is generally full of spines, too, and is prickly, irritable, and unclean No, the man who catcher fish hasn't any appreciation of the tiue, balmy, peaceful delights of fishing. I used to catch them once— didn't know how to avoid it, but no such disaster ever happens to mo now. I don't mind giving you an excellent recipe to a,Toid catching fish — put no bait 01 your hook Evor since I disco veied this method of escaping the inconvenience of catching fish, I have enjoyed the perfect bliss of the true art of fishing." Picture, then, our fat, luxurious friend spread in his boat on his back, a line over each side, his hoels on a convenient seat, a half-filled glass 0:1 another, a lunch basket containing delicious salads and delectable meats stowed away in a cool place, basking and dozing 111 the lovely Australian sun. Before him the rippling silver c ea sliiminers for half-a-mile, then glides softly upon a narrow beach, of whitest sand, backed by high cliffs, at the foot of which masses of rook lie as they ha\ c fallen w hen torn from the heights by infuriated soas. Far off to the left a great liner, dwindled to a mere puffing toy, slips down below the horizon, a sea bird floats dreamily on the right, and around and over and under all is peace peace — beautiful peace. It is still morning, a mellow, golden morning, and the sun, creeping --up, grows hotter and hotter, and, finding Ephraim Pink face up in his still boat, snoring a quaint low song of the sea. begins to play tricks with him, and Ephraim awakens to find only one drawback to perfect happiness — it is infernally hot He replenishes his glass, and tiails his fingeis in the cool waters, and frs mind lightly turns to thoughts of a bath. It means the exertion of pulling the boat to the shoie, but the limpid wavelets are too tempting, and he rows, warbling softly "Pull for the shoi<\ sailor, pull for the shore " The locality was as lone as the North Pole , one would as soon think of meeting a Choc-taw there as a Chnstian and Epihi aim sttnpped on the sands under the beetling cliffs without a touch of trepidation, planted his clothes, under a lock, and waded in. All fat men can swim Ephiaim Pink was no particular swimmer, but he simply couldn't sink. The man w r allowed in the sea like a buoy, and r or about half-an-hour enioved himself "mmensely. Ephraim oame up out of the <«a a Triton refreshed. He had never felt so young in all his life. The strength of the mighty ocean was in his blood . he felt that he could run races with antelopes, wrestle with elephants outjump the kan~aroo, and generally lick creation-

He hated the idea of getting back into his circumscribing, conventional clothes again, and lay wallowing his great bulk in the clean, salt sand. The cliff cast a pleasant shade, and Ephraim, floundering there, was a Joy again, he was full of spirit and vivaoity , he felt that he was born to rule mankind, and resolved that he would set about it as soon as his holidays, w ere o\ ci Meanwhile, he was a school-boy on the loose, and he kicked up his heels and bellowed with exuberance. Satisfied of the perfection of his solitude he had no shame about letting himself go, and he rolled and tumbled with a boy's delight i i phv&ical cffoit He tued to turn head o\ er heels, and laughed aloud at the funny job he made of it He kicked up the sand in showers, and tumbled and burrowed and floundered and frisked and acted the giddy-goat to> his heait's content Delighted to find that his extieme weight had not destroyed his agility, Ephraim attempted a most amazing tumble that Jie used to perform on the bed at college when a boy. He was going over beautifully when suddenly, as he was m, the middle of the difficult movement, with his legs hoisted in he air, a weird cackle of laughter struck on his ear, and froze him in that how Imgly absuid attitude. For quite half-a-mmute the great man remained l'igid, with his lespected legs pointing to heaven, then he came down with a hopeLess flop, and smothering himself hastily in the sand, looked round wildly, miserably, despairingly, for the intruder. "Ha! ha 1 ha! ho! ho. I say, Mistei Pink, do that one agin, will yer? I couldn't get it fer larfin ' " A small, snub-nosed, insolent, gmgerheaded boy was perched on a convenient rock, and in his hand he held — horror of hoirors' a loaded gun, a rattlesnake a bubonic rat, anything, would have been preferable to the terrible weapon whose brazen muzzle was "urned upon tlie quaking citizen in the sand — it was a camera. "Oh, go on yer might's well do jt agin. I got all the others orl right-oh. Just onst more please, Mr Pink." ' You— you know my name ?" gasped the gieat man. 'Know yer name' Well, I should giggle Why, o' couise I does. Everybody knows ole Pinky." "Evervbodv knows ole Pinky," groaned Ephraim. "And how long have you been there?" he asked. "Kvei since you pulled ashore Say you'll do that trick again, won't ver° The editor of 'The Lyre' would give i le three ovid fer a few pictures o' the great Mr. Pink doin' a trick like that. ' "What, you young brute, do you mean to say — " Ephraim made .1 dash at the impeitinent little youth but the latter merely removed to another rock out of harm's reach ' You mean to say you'll sell portraits of me in — in — in this state? You villain'" cried the great man, shaking his fist at the small boy in a fury. "My bloomin' oath, won't I though," said the boy. He clicked his oamera, and Ephraim, feelinp- that he had gone down to posterity m another degrading pose, dashed at his togs, and heard the click, click of the camera as he made wild, ignoble attempts to climb into his trousers. "Saiv." said the urchin, "I got a fine lot o' you while you w as tumblin' about there " "What do you mean to do with them 3 " asked Pink ,ietuining to the attack on his trousers ''Oh, sell 'em to the city papeis " "You lip' No editor would publish them." "Dicken, wouldn't they 0 Why The Lyre' would publish nearly all of 'em an' I can sell copies of the others to the chaps about the pubs " "I'll have you in gaol befoie 'he night's out you young ruffian." "Dicken'" said the imp, airily. Pink groaned inwardly, and gave himself over to a moment's thought "The Lyie" editor was his dearest and most devoted enemy. In his mind's eye he saw the crowds of the city rushing to buy copies of that villainous paper containing — The thought was too terrible. This was a case for diplomacy . "My boy, you must know tjiat it is illegal to do this " "My bloomin' troubles " "Ho — eh, how much did you say you'd get for those photographs s " "Oh about three quid 01 so " "Will you sell them to me?" "Maybe How much ? " "Look here. I'll give you five pound* for the camera iust a.s it is." "It's a mighty good oamera." "Will you take what I offer?" "Dunno. Let me see You put the five quid up on the rock here, an' I drop the oamera on the sand p " "Yes, yes," said Eh^aim, eagerly. "Done 1 " The transaction was completed, the boy grabbed the money and the groat maki grabbed the camera feeling that

he had narrowly escaped a terrible fate. "So long, Pinkie," cried the urchin, making his way up the cliff. "You'll be able to sell them pictures to 'The Lyre' all right." Ephraim. gave no> answer, he was too busy working his corporation into his clothes. When he had dressed he returned to his boat, and rowed back 1o his hotel. In the privacy of his own room he examined the camera. The great man knew little about photography, but it required a very cursory inspection to satisfy him that this was merely the shell of a camera there was not a single negative in it. The great man had been HAD. 'Well, I'm hanged'" said Mr. Ephradm Pink. —Ward Edsox, in Melbourne "Punch."

" Wet Paint" we often see about, And wisely keep our distance ; Advice like that is good no doubt, And valuable asistance. But theie's one thing moie piecious still Of that you can make suie, By driving oh your cough 01 chill With Woods' Great Peppermint Cuke