Entre Nous

Free Lance, Volume II, Issue 104, 28 June 1902, Page 12

Entre Nous

SEVERAL people got a suiprise last Tuesday night in one of Wellington's suburbs. Young husbands mil be bo\s, and young wives will be lealous The young wife, in this case, had a ranklmg suspicion m her bosom that her 'oH-nejjt" nae not all her own. and that Semolina the help lady, was the recipient of some attentions. Hearing sounds in the basement on the day named she descended. The kitchen was in 'half-light, and, through the gloom of the keyhole she heard voices in converse, and then one long lingering, explosive kiss. Eer's not to reason why. She dived for her husband with a potstick, swept the kitchen hearth with him, pulled his hair out in, handful^ and generally gave him what tor. Having reduced him to limpness, she turned to deal it out to the erruig "slavey." The help-lady, however, had turned the Keht full on, and not till then did the Missus find that the <base deoeiver" was Semolina's young man • *- * We wonder whether South Wellinfttonians gave a thought to the breaking up of the Newtown Gymnasium by the sale only the other day of the apparatus to the Committee of the Island Bay school. The chairman of the Bay Committee— Mr. Brunskill, the Greater Wellington enthusiasts-strolled quite casually into the "gym." on the day when the plant was being sold off, made a "sporting bid" of £10 for the lot and was the most astonished man m JNewtown when the hammer fell and the auctioneer said — "It is yours. lac fact that the Bay school now has the best-equipped "gym." of any school double its size in this island is another story having nothing to do with this little episode. • * " But what w e want to come back to is a passing reflection upon the great amount of bad luck and futility of effort which befal some men The Rev Otho Fitzgerald, for years vicar ot St. Thomas's (Newtown 1 * and son of the late Auditor-General, was one of the ment whom misfortune nersistently pursued. And vet, he wa& one of the most energetic, enthusiastic men the ministry in Wellington has known. He hoped to regenerate the lainkins of South Wellington by means of a gymnasium. So, giving his personal bond for a building, and for its furnishing and apparatus h* had the Newtow n Gymnasium constructed near by his own church. But he only got bills and worries for hi« efforts. There was no other reward. The gymnasium became a white elephant, and he made himself liable for the whol*> of his savmes — something like £800 And now- the Rev Otho has crone to serve as a missionary in the wilds of Central Africa— and the aonara+ns of hi« "vmnasium has gone — "for a tenner"— to Wand Bay ► • * A Wellington woman, who possips m a literary way for a Southern papei , and tells the oeople there what colouied feathers Mrs. Poneke is weanne m her new bonnet is at present suffering with influenza She detailed a worried husband to so to all the socials and take notersi of the dresses of local celebrities during her illness At quite the smartest function of the past week he was especially commissioTie*3 to keep in his mind'<* eve the details of the dress of a certain Society woman just over from Sydney. This is his description of Mis Potts' Point's dro=s — • •* * She had on one of those di esses made of what-do-vou-call-it stuff, of a made of what-10-vou-call-it stuff, of a kind of mixed shade and trimmed with what's-itis-names I don't remembei now whether it was cut low or not or whether it had sleeves, but I know it had one or the other Her hair was done ud m the style like you see in pictures — you know what I mean I don't, know whether she had any ornaments or not, but I expect she had That's about all I think that I noticed about her, but you ca.n easily tell fi om that how «ihe looked " * * * Deai Lance — I see in your papei of Saturday's da.te, that you say Mi J W Povnton Public Trustee landed first at Gievrnouth on his arrival at New Zealand This statement is not correct, as the Bluff was the first place of arrival here in the year 18G3. I knew Mr. Povnton's father here then and we were mates on the West Coast afterwards for years and I have known Mr T. W. Povnton since he was a child —Yours truly A McC H\milTON.

We w oiider haw maaiy of tlie thousands of Wellington school children, and even ot the adults, who this w e,ek ha.\ v so lustih joined in singing that stn nnu. patnotic song, 'When the Empire CaJlfe," were aware that they weie singing a bit of music which «as composed by a Wellington boy. Mr Alf Hill, the composer in question, was reared in Wellington, went to school in Wellington, and was just such anothei as so many of those lads who so stienuouslv "gave it Lip" when they came to the phoni* ''Then strike, boys, strike 1 " It was a treat tlo see the members of the Hill family — particularly the whiteheaded sire of the family, and aJert X J — ■smiling as they hstenel to that song which was ' all their own." It was peculiarly fitting that Alf. Hill's sone- - which for two years has had a voorue in the colony — should have found a place upon the musical programme for the Basin Reserve demonstration. And a.s the soiia; hag been committed to memory bv nearly ten thousand of Wellington's children the echo of "While ttlie Emnire Calls" will go on rmorin™"down, the corridors of time" until — well, until there is call for the Empire to call I The adr is full of rumours concerning probable starters for the General Elections Handicap for Wellington City. It is said that Allan Orr, encouraged bv his successful practice before the Arbitration, Court, has declared that he- will "Have ago for a seat." His success would lie with the,' unskilled labour of the city, for "Allan Oh" is no favourite with the Parliament of Labour ("the Trades Council). The latter body, it is averred, will place several Riehmonds in the field Already, there is mention of the names of Dave McLaren (who has tried before), secretary of the Wharf Labourers' and the Building Tirades Laboureirs' Unions, and a member of the City Council , of William Naucrhton, ex-President of the Trades Council and a bookbinder in the Government Printine Office and Harry Jones, the present occupant of the Trades Council's presidency aaid a compositor in the G.P.O. Nor can you ignore Andrew Collins, who, during recent years, has never lost an opportunity of practising 1m eloquence upon listening ears. *■ * * Ha\e you got a wife who pre-sup-poses burglars, and leligiou&ly looks, under the bed each night, as that is the supposed haven of refuge for all knights of the centre-bit and jimmy? If you have, proceed carefully*. One commercial gentleman of peaceful proclivities, in Wellington determined to cure his better half of the habit. One night, last week he took his boots off outside the house, crept upstairs, and hid under the bed. Presently, his fluttering httle w lfe came up, and instituted her search She saw a stockinged foot, and seized it. She dragged that burelar out. and sat on him she made work for hair-re-storers, and raw-beef steak liniments, and soothing syrup. She called for henhusband to come and seize the burglar, ajid hissed "Brute'" with every succeeding thump.

"Ma-Ma-Mary!" he gurgled , "it's me, your own husband l " But the succession of bangs on the head reduced him to temporary forgetfulness. When he revived, there was a policeman in the 100 m, and the lady was giving what was left of her husband in charge for burglary, incendiarism, and attempted murder. The gentleman, through the gulps of brandy, at last explained that it was "all a joke." The lady seemed to recollect having heard that voice before, and her tender little fluttering heart became calm, and her little fluttering fists likewise ceased banging. Her husband had cured her of looking under the bed for burglars' ♦ * * There oan be no question that the middle member for Wellington City hath a piettv wit. Mr. Atkinson may not be a popular idol, but, as a speaker, though at times ap hard to follow as Carlyle is to read, he is an enjoyable surprise packet. The listener never knows when he is going to hear something good or bad of himself. At his meeting, at the Skating Rink, on Friday last, Mr. Atkinson managed to raise a laugh with that stale old subject, the weather. He remarked that on the previous Friday Mr. Fisher had spoken in the Rink, and it rained • ncrtv he (Mr. Atkinson) was speaking there, and "till it rained. "For, you see," he added, "the rain falleth alike upon the just and upon the unjust'"

Somebody is writing to us telling us that a splendid way to commemorate the Coronation would be to make the footpaths of Wellington passable. We take this opportunity of chastising this absurd person. Why should he seek to maike a rift, however small, in the tuneful lute of City Council affairs? The paths were good enough for Wellington citizens of thirty years ago and they are not more than fifty per cent worse now than they were then. Of course, there are more accidents now than formerly, through falling into footpath chasms. The population, has increased, and' the mud holes also are of more frequent occurrence, but that is merely on account of the change that has come over the climate. * * * Then again, if the stuff the paths are made of is not asphalt, it is what Wellington calls asphalt, and, this bemg the Empire City, the town in tihe van of civilisation, what more could one require? Somebody said that the -tlutt-road could be repaired for £2 It tha,t is so, the footpaths and roada of Wellington, being only about twice as^ impassable, could be repaired for • * • Our correspondent says that the rumour i8 untrue that the Corporation intended filling up the Quagmire in Ade-laide-road where off-duty tram horses are turned out to graze on Corporation metal. Atop, that the price of hematite precludes the possibility of the Corporation painting their rusty iron tram sheds. Well . we suppose we canrSSX* ,cv?, cv ?^ tnin q- We are to have a igUO clerk, mainly because Mr. J J±>. Tage is doing his work satisfactorily And, anyhow the Corporation has a ?§ i *? OWn the ' bi «3»t eyesore in Adelaide-road, or elsewhere in the city. It does own it anyhow. -v VIt was the first compliment to her cooking the young Wellington husband had ever paid. The cause of his ecstacy was a batch of piping-hot oatmealcakes, and he saad they were, in their way, the best thing of the kind he had ever seen. Would she mind his taking one down to the office ? Of course, she was, only too delighted that her efforts should be so highly appreciated. As he turned round the corner of his street to come to town, Smith's dog: bounced out to meet him. That cake, shot with unerring: aim, has made it unnecessary for a citizen to obtain another dog-license. The loving wife, on the shootist's return at night, asked him if he enjoyed it and the seraphic smile that played around his lips answered her query in an eminently satisfactory manner. ♦ * » They were discussing the latest achievement of science, wireless telegraphy, in Kirkcaldie and Stains' din-ing-room, at lunch-time, on Tuesday. The tall man, with the tawny beard, was evidently the cyclopaedia of information for the three charming girls. The girls could not understand how the messages went. The gentlemen said it was as plain as day They just sent the message through the air, instead of over the wires. "I know that, stupid," said the girl with the hat trimmed with Coronation red, and the cornflower blue blouse, "but I want to know how they fasten the air to the poles."

There are some tolerable football • brothers" coming on in New Zealand. Take that Paeroa Maori boy, for instance a member of the looail school football team. They were to play the Waitekaun school, and Taupaki was keipfc m, and missed the coach. He ran the whole distance to Waatekauri (fourteen miles), and missed the first spell Playing in the second spell, before he had got his "wind," he- scored three tries As a sample of the "muddied oaf," that is bringing the Empire to ruin, a/nd all that kind of thing, Taupaki would be hard to beat. *■ *■ * • Sapientia magis auro desiderando" is to be the motto on the seal of the Victoria College. What the Lance wants to know is why the College Dons cannot use plain English, instead of a foreign vehicle for the expression of their opinion thaa "Wisdom is more to be desired than gold." The motto is so good, and so apt a quotation, that it seems a great pity it should be hidden in a form which makes it unreadable to nine out of every ten of the ordinary run of people. Why, for the sake of the one who can read it, should the motto be unreadable to the nine? • • • Funny little tale from the South A religious tract crank, who infests business places, looking for converts, ran up against a sadly unregenerate case the other night. It seems, he saw a light burning in a warehouse, and, believing there might be souls to save, he walked right in. "Are yon prepared to die 9 " he seoulchrally asked the nightwatchman, feeling in his coat-tails for a tract. The watchman wasn't, and, as he had been warned against burglars, he took no chances, and seizing hold of the man of tracts, locked him in the firm's strong-room, and rung up the police. • « • Many a 'Tommy" m Africa owes his death to that "tired feeling " A propos, one of De La Rev's despatches to Kruger said that as soon as the Tommies ga\ c up dropping cartridges all over the veldt, so soon mnst the wai close. And, in reality, a British line of march resembled nothing so much as a paper chase, with cartridges as '•scent." One hundred and fifty cartridges strung round a weary, hunery men, is a heavy load, and, on night marches, most men would relieve themselves of the larger part, and, perhaps, fight a rearguard action against their own bullets next morning' • • * The British paragraph writer is at present excelling himself in the matter of fibs about New Zealand and New Zealanders. One paper says' that '•The Maori makes a most loyal and faithful retainer " And we never knew that Maori ffirls would break thennecks to go into service for the pakeha miesusr or the Maori man rush their white fellow-colonists for places as "boots" or knife boy. Nor were we aware that Rotorua natives gladly accept billets to drag palefaces in rickshaws. Perhaps, some day we may be persuaded to bring in an emancipation bill to liberate the "faithful retainers " Go away from home to hear news about yourself. Tn the clutches of the law' A Southern man was sued by his wife for maintenance The man's lawyer said he could not maintain her because he was bankrupt Also, how could a man be called upon to maintain his wife p "He owes me £70 for legal costs'" moaned the lawyer. Transpired also that the man owed another firm of lawyers £100 The Magistrate thought that a food wav out of the difficulty would be to P^ive the £70 lawyer an order on the £100 lawyer '_ Probab\v both would be well paid if the Magistrate had the now er to do a^ he suerQestod • # » It is difficult to restiaiu. the matrimonial mania m some people The other clay, in Chnstchurch, a widow , aged sixty-five, asked her able-bodied son for maintenance. The Magistrate ga^ c him a. cutting httle sermon, with Honoui thy father and thy mother" for a text. The man explained that he would give her a home to h\e m and an allowance if she would not marry again' His Worship smiled. Suiely that is not a difficult condition to comply with," he said Well. I don't know, votu Worship she 1 is keeping company now'" « • • Two very nicely-dressed, but evidently also very unsophisticated, girls went into one of Wellington's best restaurants the other day. They duly seated themselves at one of the marble tables and were served by a smart waitiess The young ladies talked about the fa.shi.ons, and the price of milk, the grass crop, and the prospects of wool, and also discussed the edibles. "But May," said one, "where's the tea?" May called the waitress. The waitress merely lifted a "teai oosey" off the pot in reply When the waitress had retiied May whispered "Oh, the idiot, fancy hiding the tea-pot like that'"

If you have notdced a quartette of gentlemen moving around, with melancholia stamped on every featuie, this week, it probably consists of Messrs Atkinson, MHE, Joynt (Registrar of the University), E. J Hill and the Rev. Mr. Evans. These gentlemen compose the Coronation. Ode Committee and they have came through enough suffering and odes to chasten their features until the stern reaper Time shall rate them in where odes are not. Shakespeare has been outdone, Byron is dethroned, and Kipling pales his ineffectual fires. We cull the brightest gem from the mai^ of sparkling senti-

ment and patriotic poesy. A second Mis Hemans bursts forth — "Our dear old Premier has gone abroad, And left in his place his dear friend Ward." What noble sublimity, what musical metre, what passionate Bathos' Truly may it be said that the Wellington Coronation odes will live in the memory of Wellington men in the dimly remote future, when the Town Hall shall be an accomplished fact, and the City Council has painted its tram-sheds