Entre Nous

Free Lance, Volume II, Issue 103, 21 June 1902, Page 12

Entre Nous

PKRSISTIONT lumoiirs wcie lecent1\ vi circulation that Mi Pnani, M.H.B , was about to go out ot newspaper and political hie and gne South Africa «i chance But Fred is not bound for South Africa just vet He ma> be going to gn c politics a. rest, but he doe& not seem to be getting tued of journalism. On the contrary, ho lis laving in a fresh stock of thunder bv the addition of much machinery and capital, and the Palmers! on North '"Standard" will flourish aloft tiue to its old eoLouiS), and its editor be ready at any tame to shoot his barbed arrows at the Government « * * As many citizens, of all professions as could be crammed into the biggest room of the new offices of the "Times" assembled therein on Saturday last to assist at the house-warming, and to wish the enterprising proprietors tihe best of good luck Mayors and merchants, lawyers and journalists, doctors and politicians faced veteran Chairman Kennedy, and smiled to the musio of champagne corks. What eveiyone said must be true, and the "Times' " new argosy, embarking on the river of prosperity w lth so many hearty voices cheering it on its wa^ is a lucky boat indeed * * There ' were some irrepi essible citizens, and hardly-restrained voices Among the mayors was James B. Tarr boss Mayor of Karori and old man-o'-warsman, and he occasionally gave \ent to his overstrained feelings by roaring "Chair'" as if the "Times" office was running befoie a thirty-knot breeze and was going to strike a rock that yerv moment Nobody minded standing The "Times" people probably did noti expect the invasion that really did take place There was an insinuating aroma of very new size and paint pervading the atmosphere, so soon to be redolent of the enchanting perfume of printer's ink and new paper r # • We suppose the combined intellect of that meeting w ould be sufficient to run any country in the world. Miles of scieeds had emanated from the two score more or less bald-headed new spaper men there' What terrific questions had those numerous mayors pondered over, and what huge financial secrets all those w ell-wishing merchants had stored up behind those massive foreheads. Really, there is something awfully impressive about a gathering entirely composed of solid business and professional men, without the admixture of even one feminine face, or a single juvenile one. It made one resolve to go aw ay home and start reading up in hopes of attaining the look of experience and knowledge which was almost universal at the "Times" ceremonial. • • • Trade in the hair-cu feting and shampooing line being a bit slack, a tonsonal arttist of Dannevirke, in order to make ends meet, recently added a servants' registry and labour bureau to his business. A few days ago a couple, with an outlandish appearance, as though they had lived in the backblocks all their life, came into tow n for the purpose of "getting spliced," as they called it. In all innocence, they entered the barber's shop, thinking that was the place where matrimonial alliances were formed. They inquired of the curlvheaded proprietor if he could "fix 'em up," and at what charge. Figaro, not being aw are of the couple's mission, commenced cross-ex - aminmg them as to what employment they had been engaged in what wages, they wanted, and so on The pair stared at each other in bewilderment, and then the prospective bnde exclaimed impatiently "We called heieto get married w hat you're asking has got nothing to do with it It says outside 'Registry Office ' and we want to be married at once'" Tlie barber, grasping the situation, said, "My good woman this 1^ where I gets jobs for people, and it is not a matrimonial bureau." » • • They weie discussing before the Arbitration Court the other day the question whether or not a man could live in Wellington on £2 a. week. One master grocer expressed the opinion that some can live on £2 a week and save money others cannot do the same with £4 a week "To our mind," says the "Observer," "it goes without saying that the man who lives on £2 a week and saves mooi^v has the run of the till."

If Pienuei Seddon is lung of the West Coast, then Acting-Premier Waul is king of Southland Sir Joseph comes to lus own" when he is upon southern soil, and lu,s tour of oui most soutliorn province last week was one of gloiv When the task of connecting Stewa.it Island with the mainland was accomplished then Sn Joseph was the hero ot the horn for, as he then said, and as Governor Ranfmly immediately afterwards also affiimed in the first message sent through from Wellington to Half-Moon Bay, a project the elect of Awarua had long denned had been accomplished • # ♦ It is not generally known that w hen the Acting-Premier, m 1887, first took the platform in Southland, as a political candidate, he advocated m his maiden speech the junction of Southland and Stewart Island bv cable On his first appearance in Pailiament he mged the Piemier of the day (Sn Han\ Atkinson) to help foiwaid the pioiert When after many year?- he had become head of the Telegraph Depa.rtment, Sir Joe had not forgotten his own suggestions to other heads. The cable laid' on Wednesday of last week is one of the world's best, weighing six tons to the mile, is four miles in length cost £4000, and i« expected to la.st thirty years Truly, many things come to those who wait • * # The law ver stood w ith knotted brow and concentrated visage, facme the most, terrific problem ever put befoie him A mere ignorant J P had put the question "If your peacock lays an egg on my land, to whom does it belong?" The lawyer went out and laved his broiw under the Supreme Court tap, and bathed his tonsils in a liniment of hops, but all to no purpose Five lawyers, representing enough concentrated genius to run the Melrose Borough Council, or the affairs, of the Empire, met, and fought it out in solemn conclave at an hotel. Wife's office boy brought him a brief as he gave his opinion The boy was asked his opinion a,s to the ownership of the e"-cr "Ain't there a bird they call a peahen 9" was all he <-.aid. That was ten years ago That boy wears a wig too now. • • • A Thorndon gentleman has at last obtained a servant who is a perfect pearl She's a Hibernian pearl, though, and like gems from the ould sod, has her flaws The aforesaid gentleman invited a visiting Australian to come up and look at his pictures the maiontv of which, he said, had been painted by his wife. The Cornstalk duly arrived, and inquired for the lady She w r as not at home said Bridget Again he called and she was still next at home He waited umtdl last Thursday, and called again. ' "Is Mis Blaink in to-day p " he queried. 'She is not, sorr." "When will she be at horne 9 " the Australian asked, netting annoyed. "She won't be in at all, porr she's bin dead for nagh on tin veairs '" * * IT ''Clara m Blunderland" is the latest English skit. Clara is Balfour, and Chamberlain the Red Queen Here is a sample of the rhyme — ' You are old, Father Johnnie," the strategist said 'And it's years since you had a tough fight f Yet you thought you could shoot that wildebeeste on your head, Do you think after all you were 'right ?" "Is mv youth," said John Bull ' I developed my hand Upon Aiabs and Niggers and such And I thought that these Boers were of similar brand, But I found I was out of it — much."

A gentleman, who picks up a precarious existence annexing unconsidered trifles to augment his £500 a year, in a Northern village, one day last week strolled into a settler's wood-yard for some firew ood. He filled his bag, and went away. He returned with an empty bag again, probaibly this time for the axe. He got it, but not in the way he' intended. A young 'slave of the daary" had it ready for him, baled the full-grown timber steialer up in a corner of the yard, and "cooed" for help Father came out, and captured the wood burglar Transpired the sneak thief was the ow ner of the farm, an,d it was only, on his promise to cut the rent down, that the settler foiebore from, making it a Court case. Nobody said a word about it of course That's how we came to hear about it * * * A Wairarapa town thrilled last week A retired man-o'-warsman, for a consideration, mounted the highest building in the town, and stood on his head at the summit. While the populace distributed to warn the ambulance, and inform the undertaker, Jack fell a distance of twenty feet, on a stone coping, amd lav apparently dead. When a bold rescuer climbed up to rescue him, Jack stood up with a loud laugh, and told him that was a part of the performance and would he hand him over the wager. He offered to jump from the 'coping to the street for double the money, and said he would tackle the church spire if he could get beer enough. Neither double money nor the wager w as forthcoming, and Jack is still alive. » « * The nefarious habit some boys have of ■shadowing" engaged couples often leads to evil consequences. It also leads to good yarns. This is a young rascal's tale reduced to plain English. Rascal was one side of that hedge in Botanical-road and the couple under review were on the other. Strong sobs racked the soul of the encircled maiden. A dreadful secret evidently rankled in her bosom. The man bore it as on.lv a noble male can, and asked

her the reason of those salt, tears. She struggled with her overpowering emotion, and looked appeakngly up at him with, one eye- dry and the other eye wet. George, I have never had the heart to tell you, but one of my eyes is glass," she moaned. "That's nothing," he replied briskly, "all the diamonds in that ring I gave you are made of the same stuff'" \ n {i thus are young lives torn asunder ' t -r *■ Parsons, take warning' Last Sunday it rained, and the shepherd of one little local bethel got so wet going to church that he arrived in a particularly hmp and bedraggled condition. Now, theae has been a rift within the lute of that suburban bethel lately, and feelings are just a bit strained. "Upon my word," he remarked to a man to whom he thought he could go for sympathy, "but really it is very wet l " And then the member of the church got in his shaft. "Oh, well, you'll be dry enough when you get into the pulpit." It is believed the minister will receive a "call" to the heathen fields of China soon. * * • Yankee enteipnse' Mr. A. Lindsay, of the Boot Emporium, recently received a shipment of American boots, and the shipper, of coiurse, did not forget to advertise. One gaudy trade circular which came to hand read "Infants', children's, misses', and women's burial slippers in all colours, kid and satin." Of course, the boot man was quite certain that tlus was a new departure instituted bv Yankee bootmakers to boost the burial and boot trades along. An undertaker happened into the shop and Mr. Lindsay told him the joke. The man of crape smiled not. No idle levity transfigured his saturnine countenance. "Well, I buried a woman in Thorndon a while ago, and she wore white satin slippers and a white satin dress Yankees haven't got ahead of us yet. We had a hard job to P-et her into the coffin'" Ugh' Irregulars in Africa are frequent applicants to camp commanders for civilian work. A Wellington warrior who was clerk to Colonel Gough in Bloemfontean, tells a yarn about an Irish applicant for Montmorencie's Scouts. The Colonel asked him "Are you a good hoiseman 9 " "Shure, wasn't I born in a stable?" he said. "Do you understand cattle?" "I'd like to know what I don't understand about them," was the reply. ' Can you do rough carpenter's work 9" "Could Noah build an ark? Sure I served me toime to an upholsterer'" "Con you make a Venetian blind?" ' I can that '" ' How would you dot it ?" "I'd poke me fingers through his eyes, sor'" ' Report yourself at the re-mount farm , they want a man to chop firewood'" * • • Kaitangata youths evidently don't quite know what Peace really means. When the news soaked slowly into the juvenile Kaitangata understanding. they built themselves an image of nag and kerosene in the likeness of the "staggerer of humanity." When Oom Paul was starting to fizzle, the local "foorce" bore down on the incendiaries with a loud voice and a strong arm. "Whisht, vez iiits, don't yez know that Mr. Krooger is one of ourselves now , a fellow-colonist, begorra? If I finds ye bringing the King's subjects into contunpt. be the powers I'll bring yez before the Coort." Thereafter, no more cremation.

One of the 'Seventh," who was in hospital during the Bothasberg fight knows a good deal more about that historical fight than does Any man who ■wasn't m hospital at the time Oveiheaid him, at a social gathcnng the other evening He was talking to d young biothei, and was just oaivmg his tenth Boci with his good right hand, and laising his fourth tot. with his left while the ciowd hung spell-bourd on his lund woids. I wa^ hemmed in flank and rear there was. a six-foot Boer beaimg down on me from the fiont, and a dozen rifles pointed at me from the flanks Charging w ith my rifle clubbed, I broke through their ranks and loaned my mates.." "My word, Jim, I'd ha' liked to a bin there to see you," said his voune brother, who is in a local coips. "Oh, you'd have beem no good," answered Jim "you'd have been m the way'" "Oh, I don't mean to help -ou fight, but I might be a useful witness when you're telling that yarn again '" A stern local parent has w renched his son away from school. He has cause to be annoyed certainly. The said son was not a particularly brilliant hand at composition, and Ins indulgent Pa, who figures occasionally at local meetings, banquets, etc. wrote a bitinglv brilliant little thing for him The son took it to school, having carefully transcribed it. 'This is the worst composition in the class," remarked the master, with his accusing pencil poised in the air. "The spelling is awful, the information is not correct and the style is childish in the extreme " When that worthy citizen's son got home, and show ed his parent that vevy-muoh-scored copy-book, and told him the master's opinion of it he threatened to get elected to the school committee Anyhow, he will probably be able to work anoint to get his censor removed. The idea 1 A very versatile mayor is the Mayor of Palm erst on North. Distinctly of the Seddoman school, he possesses moie than the average share of boiv homie, and can take control of the situation with right hearty good-will and thoroughness It was a genuine deshe to help a good cause that prompted him to take the chair at the annual meeting of the Salvation Army the othei evening:, and to his opening address all the requisite- mayoral dignity and eloquence weie imparted * * * But, as the ' lassie" ensigns unfolded to sympathetic eais their tales of the woes and soriows the-\ had found among the outcast and fallen and then drew a bright picture of how the Army had bi ought sunshine and stars of hope into the lives of countless thousands of these poor wretches, the mayoral heart, m common with those particularly responsive organs of the members of the "force," expanded to full size. Then His Worship rose again, and after this style whipped up the enthusiasm of his audience into white heat — "Come on now sing out your names' Don't be bashful , look at me. We have got now £2 >s, who'll give some more Come on now, only 15s to make up £3." etc , etc " "Comrades, thank God ' We've converted the Mayor ol Palmerston" was the adiutant's feivent exclamation, as he closed that meeting with prayer

He was teaching billiards to Ins fiancee and her pretty cousin, when the former left the room for a moment. The pietty cousin and he were left standing close together, and he was contemplating a difficult losing hazaid off the w hite. "I'm sure you'll kiss me," he murmured innocently. "How dare you, sir l " cried the young lady starting back "She sha'n't, Edwin, if I can prevent it '" shucked a tornado of white muslin flashing into the room The young man tried to explain but what is one man against two women? He's disengaged now , and he doesn't care for bilhaxds That is why he plays ping-ponrr up at Thorndon so re°;ualrh * » * Dear Lance. — Here is an incident fiom the backblocks of Nelson that your numerous subscribers in that province will be pleased to see in print. The local amateurs were giving a dramatic social, comprising scenes from wellknow n plays (very much revised) Included was the "dagger" scene from "Macbeth " and from what follows it may be seen the "properties" were not exactly up to date When the hero of Shakespeare's lmmoital drama exclaimed "Is that a dagger I see before me 0 " a shrill voice from the wings replied "No, sir, it's the putty knife. We can't find the dagger!" It was "the hit" of the evening, and the audience encored it — Yours, Nelsonian „ » • The lecent typographical award appears to be creating a bit of a stir m some country printing offices. The compositors on one newspaper in the Manawatu, in anticipation of the aw ard, had been building castles in the air. They looked forward to driving to work in a brougham, and enjoying future opulence But a thunderbolt burst upon them the other Saturday In response to a message, they assembled "around the stone," evidently thinking one of those printers' little sprees was on, or that they were to receive their cheques a couple of hours earlier than usual. But no such luck It was a sad pictuie to see the melancholy expression when the "boss," in a

neat little speech, told the men that, owing to the award, he intended reorganising the staff, and with a week's notice they oould consider themselves discharged ' Reported from a small town up the line. A theatrical company, which doesn't spend £10,000 on dressing any piece it puts on, recently played in the said tow n to ten people and a reporter. The audience did not laugh at the jokes, or back the hero up, or hiss the villain The manager knew the people, however, amd next night he went in foi gruesome , long-drawn-out gory tragedy. The heroine had to cross the icy flood, and gain her long-lost lovi-i-er on the further canvas bank, and the waives had to roar underneath her like a bucket of water stirred with a stick by the prompter. * * •* Instead of lumping over the "ocean," the heroine jumped into it, and the wave she lit unon rose "mountains high" \\ itih a roar that sounded like the prevailing British curse. The wave that roared, and poked its head through the water, was the manager, leading actor, advance agent, and ticket taker combination, and this unrehearsed incident tickled the audience so* much that several people were heard to lau^h. Wellington awaits that show with impatience