Entre Nous

Free Lance, Volume II, Issue 89, 15 March 1902, Page 12

Entre Nous

ON Fnda\ nuniung last gieat ..xcitement was engendeied ou the Quay, and qmcUK hlU "ed o^l the othe. busings parts ot the town The cause wa* tin' emergence tiom the Tunes" office, and it* exhibition on a Highborn ing dead "all ot an Kxtra," with the nnpiint ot the ' Times" Compam upon it, puipoitina to be a cable menage announcing helteat and capture °« *he dipper De Wet bv the Seventh Nev, Zealand ere People who read caiefully light through with ihscnminating eyes weie aWe to see it was merely a* adverting Iskit " m the interests of the swimming sports foi the following day But nen i, y did not trouble to read attentivolv at all They simply went off the handle" at the startling head-lines, and streaked out to spread the news. * * * That is how it got into such rapid fU dilation And there have been no end of funm yarns m currency evei since about the cknei people who weie taken m, a.nd the various wa>s gilt-edged and golden-topped," in which the\ started oft to oclchiate the event It is <vumi said but. of couise, we cannot vouch foi it that Mi Martin Kennedy the managing chrcctoi of the "Times." * a*, himself deceived b\ that artful 'skit The story goes that he was attending a meeting 'of the Bank of New Zealand directors and in the utmost good faith sent round to the Times" foi a handful or the Extras" to distribute among his biothei dnectors Be that a.s it nun directions weie in due course issued to stop that Extra," foi the Time*' next morning, after curtly referuns to its circulation, went on to explain that Immediate steps were taken to recall the punted slip« which, it is needless to say had been issued without the knowledge of the management " ♦ • * ■Uuvuh the relatives, of those unfoitunate men who weie killed at Botha^beig aie being tortured b\ 1 earns of alleged poems, which would piobablv be condemned bv the health ofhcci a« unfit envelopes foi butchers' meat it he h id read them How i<- it that prisons who never, undei am othea encumstances wnte a line worth leading buist forth into fhvme on occasions like thew ° Culled fiom a stack of such woid\ wash the following sliould speak to the poet" who peipetrated it with a clarion \c>ll sumo Go and sin no moie " Thougli the loss of life in tins fight we deploie It a f.ictoi will pro\e in ending the war And tl <• eallant ac-hie\ ement tlie Se\ enth hath made Will appeal in their record a.s life fiom the dead i! the newspapei would simply sa\ We don't care wliether we lecoivo adverti'M'inent 01 not, but we simpK A\on't ha\eoui columns made the dumpliug ground for tangled verbal rubbish " the man wlio can't write would not and the world would be a bettei place to live m

Rat \Vochic\sda\ " ni Sydney though d mm urns affair, certamh had Us light .side A correspondent '•ends us a dul\ disinfected letter, m which Ik. hdvsjthat til it 1 campaign against tho rats cleared an enthusia>sin m tho cit\ seoond onl\ to the Relict of Mafeking The C it\ Comical offices were besieged on Rat Wednosda^' hv a surging mass of people tor then dole of Rough on Rats," and i expectable citizens might hd.ve boon seen huiiMUg hoinewaid with poison in then hand and blood m then evt Small bo\s with lat cages, Domain dosseift" with waddie-s," infested the. whanes intent on bagtuls of lodents On Fnda\ morning such a ha nest ot spoil w a.s pouted into the Cit> Council office" that the pa\ clerks had to keeip a bo\ minima, to the hack for turthei tund« to p<n out *-ealp mono\ * ♦ * r l he .sight ot usual h .soboi oiti/onthmiwng city w aids with lats stiung on a stick like onions and the intoxication, ot battle in then cve — the spectacle ot all and sumliy Svelte women spying out the dark bubonic places ot thon homes with broom and disanfectant must be gratifying to e\ erv bod,\ , and the tihick smoke of cremating bubonic suspects horn the deetruotor ohimne^n was the sweetest view that e\ei sullied the atmosphere surrounding the finest harbour ni the world " At least so the before - mentioned coiiesjxjndent says. * ■*• * An absent-minded parson last Sunda\ pieaohed from the text A Man's Gloi\ is his Strength," but, unfortunateh ho spoilt the effect of a splendidly thoughtout sermon b,\ leading it Waxing Hiiim tow aids tli( v finish he read I never sete a young man of splendid phvsdcjuo and the piomi'so ot a glon >us niaiihood almost leahsed but m\ heait i,s filled with lapture aaid delimit Thorn's m\ sentiments exactK papa'" Hib daughtei had seen the nianusciipt on ])a's desk, and inserted the lieaitfi 1' woids undernnath The rweiend somtleinan lead light on to the- bitte • end and it was onl\ when anxiou 1 ' meip l)ei^ of the flock tnei'tioned it artoi■\\aid,s, and a.^ked what it meant that flu- parson looked un tho MSS and noticed the diffeience in the writing * * * The stoi\ is fresh h captured and has a look of artless innocence on its oxpies.sive featuio^ It relates to a flowei show heJd «ome tune ago in this distnct One of the exhibitors \\a^ a, well-kn<n\n member of the six-aiid-eightpeiun profession He \vas> a saving membei of tho afomsaid piofefiis-ion And it stiuck his economical mind that he nueht ]ust as well sa\ c the modest bob" whicli the i'M)i'( v «injii would charge for taking his exhibits to the show Thorefoie ho trundled his horticultuial pioduotsthieush the stieet m a wTidelbamrw On the wa\ he halted with ln^ load m front of a private residence so as to take* bieath The quaint old lad\ of tho house was lathei short-sighted and not hawng h-oaid ot the show and natuialh thinking the membei of the Devil* Own was a Chines \egetable hawkoi slwi cned out, m shrill tones, No \ egotables to-day. John 1 " Several peisonw parsing at the time o\erheaid the iomark and weie gieath amused much to the chagrin of the legal luminary The small bo\s of the neighbourhood have now got hold of the joke and the 'earned gentleman is compelled to mi home along the back streets 01 eke be posteied with a c hoi us ot Xotlnng tn(},i\ John '"

The fanners don't put on much hill when the\ let thein^ehes out. toi eaiio\)uent When the Pukekohe Agricultural Show terminated the othei d&\ the committee* flushed with unpreoe<donted success, lured tilie local men>-go-round, and had a high old tune ndmg til 10 hobby horses to death One ot the mast piomment figures on the wooden srtoeds was Mi W F Masses MH R the well-known and widelvpopulai Opposition Whip We lune u-evei heaid Md«scf\ accused of riding a hohh\ hefoic A cool \oung man knocked at the fiont dooi ot a stylish liouse m Palmeiston the othei day and as it w ae> the busie&t time ot the da\ lie was answered bv blie niistre>s<s who asked what lie w anted He shifted the cigai from his lip-- m 01 dei to reph that his paaticular desiie was toi see Miss X (naming tlie domestic Man Jane 1 ) " And who sihaJl I tell liei wants her? 1 ' queued the obliging masti ess Oh, tell hei it's her vounec main " \ra« the mattei-ot-fact answ ci ♦ * ■» Visating day at the Asylum Hinte<ie«tuig to tfiose who oaoi stand shocks and most putertaaning if one can see patients during lucid inteivah Theie is one niaji now at Pornua w hovse mtei\al comes but once a week and he will then converse sensibly on the causes that led to lus aben'ation "I was tlie b'(>fit accountant in New Zealand befoie I came here." he sadh said. Figuje>s dnne voumad,eh 0 ' Well, not in the ordman way of business but wheai I rued to s<iuaie up the wife's household accounts ray brain tottered, and heie I .mi " Wives t~ake wainma;'

When royal sunshine peeps out, loyal 1 lawmakers do then level best to fork m the baaan.%. Colonials may be thankful that Agent-General Reeves has ticked i)ft a goodly number of Coronation seats to* the people of tlus colony before the prices went up beyond most colonials' yearly incomes A late letter from England infainis an interested public tliat one very high-toned family on the Imp of the royal march have just, gracioush consented to let a. wealthier but less high-toned family have the use of its balcony for the small sum of £5000 cvu<-h down King Edw ard has some reason to appraase himself highly if people w ill give £5000 for a glimpse of Ins royal person. Al-so the King would be serving those gilded and loyal ha\makeas nghtlv if he dodged round the back wa\ and gave Billingsgate and tlio slums generally a free show" for mice in a while * * * A piece of smart work w r ae observed by oitj folk coming to town via Courtue\ Place on Friday morning. A butohei 's cart came spanking along, the old chestnut going 'eyee out" to deliver that lato bieakfast steak As the oart got oppobatei the Courtenay Place tiaan stop, it also stopped, and the near wheel went on on its own" The young butchei was shot out on to Ilia teef and he landed like a regular cncus performer. He heJd his r^anis bight with one hand, and, just as soon ap he struck mother earth, he grabbed the rolling wheel with his other haaid and altogether presented a tableau tliat might be called Presence of Mind." No doubt the usual crow d of small boys gave him plenty of good advice what to do in the emeagencv A man who takes a morbid interest m c\ en sciap of plague news lives m South Wellington He awoke the echoes of a recent midnight by jumping out of bed and wildly informing his betitt 1 halt that he knew he had the plague " Donning a macintosh and clippers the self-suspected plague patient wildh caret' red down Riddifordstioet, and brought up with a terrific bump against a drowsy constable. What the dickens is the matter?" queued Robeit Where's the fire? Who's dead ' J " Stand aside fool I've °ot the plague " Robert duly stood ancle and disinfected himself with tobacco befoie the sergeant came round, while the macmtoshed citizen dived for tlx neaiest doctors red lamp. The doctoi was in his preliminary beaiit\ sleep, and the wild peals on the night bell aroused him to an appreciation of the v aptness of his vocabulary. He descended, to find a limp and dejected citizen faintly muttering. Plague 1 plague"' The medico looked ■serious It is a serious matter to a doctor to lose Ims well-earned rest. Yes, the symptoms are well defined. You v ill die it you don't cheer up What did you have foi supper?" ''Only crayfish, doctor, and a little cucumber, and a glass or two of stout. Well, yes. I did ha\e a drop of whisky, too'" ' Well " said the doctor, "it is evident that I am the sufferer from the plague. Gi eat Scott ' to be turned out at one in the morning on account of another man's nightmare. Go home, drink hot watoi and repent'"

A Wanganui wastiel wandered w oetulU to tlu» police office leeentlv, and said ho had been the victim ot a. iaalwa\ accident The police at once lang up the iaalwa\ officials to asceitam the number of casualties The lailway authorrU at the telephone asked tho constable to be good enough to quit pulling his leg." Then the policeman wont \ntli the wctim to the- scene of the accident It was on the bad sea beach, and the collision had been with some broken bottles old crockeiv and suchlike "W hat queer hallucinations e\ en teetotallers do get sometimes' * * * Haw \ou seen the new electnc lamps hn night-watchmen 0 You just hx them on voui wrist, and cam the batten m the pocket A nightwatchman m a neai-bA town recently going (Hi" torheckmate the nefarious buiglai espied two muik\ figures vi the midnight gloom making suspiciously towardfeluswaiehou.se As he came to close quarters he turned his little electnc e\e full on to the suspects, and with a wild howl down went the pa<n The oml 01 ' begoira'" moaned one deiehct while the other, m a beery -wluspei protested that he'd been shot in the waistcoat It was only an ordinao case of aftei -hours dipsomania, but when the dipsos found that the evil eve was woiked by a mere man, and was but a commandeered electric <=park if language could have sent an innocent meht-w atchman to any place beginning with an aspirate he would be free from colds for evei * * * A piopos of the electric lamp abo\e lefened to the Melbourne police flash them on the unwary 'vag " vice the old bull's-eye" letired. In a oaso a,t the Me-tiopohtan Quarter Session tlie otlier d<\\ a constable with a distinct Tnsh biogue, told tlie Couit something about the use of the new lamp while the ar rused wa& being locates! 'What did \ou call the lamp? An electoral lamp'" said his Honour with a twinkle of satne in his e>e 'Yes, a otn Honoui " An electoral light eh - His Honoui queried again Yes came the confirmaton reph 'Electoia' light one-mnn-one-hght " said the judge And the court laughed rliokingh at His Hoiioi's first joke * * • The gem acheitisement of the week Stiatfoid Post" has it —'Oh' so aenth o'er me stealing. Tlie prisons who ha\e lecenth appiopnated m\ hiewood maj now ha\ c the axe (on application) as I ha\e no fuithei uso tor it T smoereh hope that then inordinate de=ne foi heat ma\ be speedil\ gratified if not in tins woild at le,ast in the next " * * * due ot the best known coinmeiciaN' who travel out of Wellington oaniofi m hw> hip pocket a capital mutation of a ie\oht»r wiich howeiei sJioots <i chaige no more daadU than weait* 1 *! watei Tlie other night he was with sonif friends at a certain count iv bai between here and Palmerston, when tho facetnous looal pohoeman whipped out his handcuffs and made pretence of ailestmgone of fclxe party Who were liquidating Instantly, the C.T. fiom tlie Empire City levelled his mock revolver at the officer's head, and, in stern tones demanded the friend's release The constable went white, his hand trembled and his jaw dropped but befoer he could obey the charge of scented watei struck him fair on the mouth Then everybody lauehed Oh evprvbod\ f-xcept the polioeman The act was a bit" too realistic for him But like Brei Rabbit he lav low and said miffin' t A Wellington woman who is ne\ei -.o happA as when she is sowing discoid leceutK called lound at the house ot Mrs B in a suburban street 'You see Mrs B and her husband had been nuined o\ ci a year and theA had boon quite too happ\ to suit the tattW Ha\e \ou had main quancvls dunng the past m«:-" she quened None irpliid Mrs B He stays out rathoi late doesn't he--" No lie's particulars earh " H<- spends i«jthei a lot ot time at the olub though? "Ao he doesn't belong to one He ga\e me a perfectly lovel\ present on mv bntlnlav la-st Tue«da\ with my name on it ,uid his too" 'Ah' so like the men Must ach ertise the fact that he s ffiicn \ou something, mj dear" "Yes yon see he couldn't help it it was on n cheque It you're doing nothing please, call round again next Monday I sh.ill be out all day " * * * Ha\e yon see-n any samples of the new eunenc\ .J. J The he-ad of oui sovereign lord the King u<» as everyone knows, turned the reverse way on the new coins to those of previous sovereigns and ftdward VII., ac a child recently put it, looks as if he had sent, his collar to t lie w a*>h " Fact is if tlie King was Been in public so bare-necked a« his metal ofTi2\ depicts him as being, the conclusion that Ims stock of neckweai was limited to one, and that the ro\ al w asherladv had forgotten to send it home would be a plausible one

Solo.mii Methodist*, at tlio Punedin Conference la,st week showed that theA could still unbend Important but also dry, dibciussionb iu'U' m progiess, and the collect no faces of tlio awmbh were ot Puritanic length. T)i Morle\ who was speaking, noticed suddenh that the look ot gloom had given place to gladness, as a man staggeied down the aitilo to the meeting room with a huge load ot something. Theieupon the collection, of "grave and rev ci end seignois" started in to ope-n that load and soon the Doctor's utteiances, were interrupted bv the smacking of unctuous lips and the faint odoui of fiuit • • » Such boisteious gladno.ss pervaded the hitherto soJein.ii atmoisphoie that one gentlem,m uprose and a.sked foi a fiiut(xating adjournment," and tJie speaker fl-lic-e mouth watered to the point ot hindenng hi& tongue, gladh desisted and came down to help m the adjournment The minute book of the Coufeience hat, the unprecedented entry On the motion, etc. the Conference adjourned foi fruit-eating" A Mr Bull v\a& lesponsible toi tlie discussion of this- particular point m Methodism and the large-minded resolution*, passed after the incident .showed the truth of the old sa\mg that 'the wav to a man's lieait is tluough his appetite

The War Offioe is unable to recruit .sufficient teachers from England, evidently because teachers already recruited are writing their friends at home that military school teaching is not always what it may seem The appeal for teachers from New Zealand, at £100 a year and rations is the bait held out to ambitious students No one will try to prevent New Zealand male and female, teachers from iu.=hmg off bj the next troopslhip to receive orders from the senior and junior officers of concentration camps to be raited as soldiers and to be subject to the ' Army Aot " The big slump in English teaoh- ( >ib in South Africa followed the published statement that many of them now felt their position to be humiliating *■ * *■ Depend on it if the Aniu Act says the teachers are to rate as Tommies, officers Who are frequently left irn the camps because they are useless at the front, will be able to exercise the highhanded control that is stopping the supply from Home While it is the oorre'ct thing foi New Zealand soldiers to submit to the discipline of the Army to help pull the Empire out of the fire, it is just as well to point out that the slitter that does not attract the English school teacher is stall less likely to act as a magnet to colonial*. N

phasied, and prophecies sometimes come home to roost. At one of the banquets "Digger Dick" made a speech in which he referred to Macaulay's reference to the New Zealander who surveyed the ruins of London from the bridge . ''It seems to me," he went on, "if I am not ver3' careful London will \iew the wreck of the New Zealander." * * » It is, estimated that of the one thousand men who are ready to go with the Tenth Contingent, at least 950 are fully (juahned for positions as officers. Curious in. the light of the allegations about favouritism being shown to the hiehlyplaced and politically-favoured, that th>e majority of iunior officers of our contingents now in Africa are working mpn Two officers who were labourers in New Zealand have been promoted to the intelligence staff, another officer w ho \\ as a saddler has done remarkably smart held work, a, miner officer has been mentioned in despatches for ' handling his men capably, and there are several working fanners who have given much satisfaction. +• *• # One of the officers going with the Ninth is a working Thames miner, who wafc a cook with a former contingent. He will haive his rations cooked for him, and his' horse saddled perhaps by a barrister's or bishop's son soon, and no complaint will be heard. Togo intotlhe matter of "class," as referring to Contingents, would be most interesting. Above instances are genuine, and sro to show the fallacy of the notion that only the highest placed in the social scale ha^e been favoured. All the same, some officers have been appointed to pievious Contingents who are like the fly in amber — it puzzles one to know how they got there at all

A passage ot aims between law and medicine took place in Feildmg just recently Ihe lawyei, hi an attempted mmdoi case was quite convinced lmnbelf tliat a woman could easily inflict se\eial ghasth wounds b\ falling on <\n a-to and he pointed out to the medico the simplicity, ot the w hole thing Now couldn't '■he h.ue inflicted the injuries b\ fdllma; on the a\e.-"' Don't know I'm suk but thoies the a\(v, ti\ it tor MMiiM'lf ' But up to now the law\oi has not come into contact with that edsed tool Sn Joseph Waid will be caietul m tutuie whose invitations he accopte Tiio Haibout Board m the Haibour Cit\ up North hasn't quit wori\uu; about the ract that thftn launch was used foi the dangerous purpo&e of giving the Minister of Rail-wd-\s a Sunda\ tup down the "W automata Mi Witheford, probabh bocau.se he couldn't ohaitei an ocean luw^r in time and because he couldn't get a, quoium of Harbour Board members off hand to ask permission just undid the painter got Sn Joseph aboard and showed lmni the glouos of Drunkon Bay and Motutapu It seems to be a feature of the Witlijefoid charaotei to just aot as lus heart dictates, and at once. Quite a number of the Auckland Board know nothing of initiative the-\ wait for th.c other fellow to show them the way Mi

\\ itheford makes pieoedents tor lmnself and probabl\ because he erroneously supposed the remainder of the Board u ould be jus»t as pleased as lumselt at the prospect of Sli Joseph having a steam round the local beauty spots., the discussion of his dreadfuJ crime lias been usmg up the time of that bus-\ Boaid in quite an alarming manner The hangman up to no"\\ hats received no instructions Tlie Wellington bun" appealed foi the first time on Thursday last with a h-esih inipnn/t which informs the world and the othei satellites m its solai s-\s-tx'in that it is now printed and published b\ Andrew Pattie Izett of Boulcottstreet. We are informed that Mr. Izett has leased the paper from the propnotoro aaid is introducing a variety of rh.anges He was formerly on the staff of the Chmtohurch Press " and has had the neoesisaiv joumalistac expein<mico Mr J M Izett manager of the Rod Bird Cycle Company m Wellington, is a bi other of Mi A. P Izett. Mill X C'aiev onginaJ editor of the Sun " left b\ the Wanmoo on Satuidav last on a trip to Sydney and Melbourne * *■ *■ Premiei Seddon is going to Engi inrl ioi the Coronation festival, and i« bound to be one of the lions of the occasion (says Melbourne ''Punch") e\en a bigger lion than D. Chicago Dibbs was when he went home. But Seddon will have to go slow When Home for the Diamond Jubilee shivoo. "Dick pro-