ENTRE NOUS

Free Lance, Volume II, Issue 85, 15 February 1902, Page 12

ENTRE NOUS

IF thine aie an\ moie Contingents to be sent away tiom Wellington, it would be just as well to give Lieut. -Colonel Collins the contiact toi carrvmg out the har despatcli He acted as mihtar\ godiather foi the 129 men who foimed the Wellington detachment ot the Ninth, and he cot them aboaul Uup and sent them oft on Satin - dav morning without fuss or ruddle, noise or nonsense. What a contrast to the mannei in which the Eighth departed! On that occasion there was far too much liberty, and not a little license. Not a few of the troooers weie "under the influence," and the proceedings were in some cases rather liveh . * * *■ One trooper, for instance, sti oiled up to a party of three highly respectable young ladies, and, to the distress of one of them, he suddenly clasped her in Ins arms and imprinted a beery kiss on her lips. She tore herself awav, of course, and struck at him with her sunshade so great was her annoyance at being made the sport of a half-drunken trooper. Strict decorum and peifect military older marked the goin<?-awa\ of our contribution to the Ninth And the credit for it belongs mamh to Lieut. -Col on el Collins. It is given to us a,s an umecorded incident at the banquet held last week m connection with the Chambers of Commerce Conference In his speech, the Premier refened to the resolution which had been adopted in favour of preferential trading relations with the Mother Count iv, and suggested that it should be illuminated and entrusted to him for presentation to the King. Mr D J. Nathan the piesident, thought the idea a capital one, and at once began to sound the othei delegates on the matter. One of them, who has many a time and oft crossed swords with King Dick, evidenth acted on the principle of receiving with extreme caution any gifts profen ed b\ tho Greeks. At any rate, he hastened across to David's chair, and in a stage whisper, which King Dick himself must have caught, he said "Tell him we'll think over it " But the cautious injunction was not obeyed. The other delegates had no misgivings, and so the president was able to inform the King a few moments later that the\ would be glad to act on. Ins suggestion.

They aie telling a good one at the Club about a well-known local hamster Ho ne\ei mentioned it himself, on hi* return from his holiday but it has come to light just the same It seems that lie spent his Christmas vacation m a tiul\ riual fashion and that one day when he was out fishing he was caught m a tegulai downpoui ot tain As he was hurr\uig hack to the hotel the law \ cu was overtaken b\ a settler's trap and the occupant ot course pullod un and gave the drenched angler a lift " The horse was very restive and aftei sluing once or twice bolted at full gallop m the direction of a steep embankment, where there was a drop ot some foiU odd feet. Oh, I sav old chap " gasped the Wellmgtonian 'I'd give h\e pounds to be out of this Hold vour tongue man " lephed the seHlei vou'll be out for nothing in le,s* than a minute 1 " And so he wa« A stvhsh dame on the Terrace went to see 'Mrs. Dane's Defence," the other night and when she got home she heard an unaccustomed male voice m the kitchen. However she did not worry Marv Ann with the fact just then In the morning, howevei she put it gently to Mai\ How- was it when I came home from the Opera House last night, that von were entertaamng cotnpanv m tho kitchen 9 " Well ma'am," the eirl cilmh leplied I suppose it was because the theatre wa,<- out earlier than usua] '' * * • Colonel Newell has a (jueei assortment ot telegrams tiom all parts of the co!on\ toi places in the Ninth Contingent The one he leceived from, a Wairarapa bugler boy is probably the gem ot tlie collection Boy approached 5li Hoins»b\ M.H.R and was recommended but the Recruiting Board had the oftionten to cast Jiun out' Then lie wned to Colonel Newell Am coming b,\ to-night's tram meet me at the iailwa\ station ' The Colonel has not \et lo-sigmnl in ta\oui ot the Wairalapa bugler, which will probably liurt tha*- aspiring pla- ei ot what Tomim calls the hddlo The a\eiage New Zealandei has a dehghthill} ha/.\ idea of military rank A man of the 'Eighth" recently told us that he rejoiced at the fact that Majoi A was promoted to be lieutenant This is pei haps excusable. Fiom Chu&tchuich comes a playbill giving paiticulars of a performance which took place uudei the national of Ser-gcant-Maioi Coleman and the officers of the Eighth Contingent Those officer* should be iolh glad to have the honour of being put in the playbill at all We aie gnen to understand that a colonel and several majors were there at the request of the bugler and that Mr Jcames Hodge the footman, also condescended to be present The Governor v<h\ likely, was allowed a seat behind Jeanies' chair and the whole pait\ were blandly smiled on bv the c emm guest the <-.eigeant-major '

A prominent Wellington business man will probablv be cutting Ins employee's salaries down this week It is aJl because lie noticed in the evening luminary the news that the Boers weie vuing for peace. He is a man of action, and he just rushed out into the office and gave Ins clerks a half holiday "Come round to the hotel and have a drink'' he exclaimed Then w inked their rcspocti\ e other eyes at one another did those cleiks. and filed gladh hotel -■wards. Your best champagne Miss please " lie said to the golden-haired beautv behind the handles Well, here's kia-ora " he added. Gloi ious new s eh 5 Gieat Scott over at last Hoora\ ' You fellows don't seem to be much concerned at the great news." 'Why. what news?" asked the canny old chief clerk. Whv about the war being; ovei !" Oh but it isn't true," said the ancient scribbler And then the champagne patriot looked at about five pounds worth of "dead marines,'' gave a. w ild shriek and raced back to the office to leco'iistruct He reads his paper through to the bitter cud now * ♦ * Told on the Rialto this week that Boniface Thompson of the Criterion Hotel, New Plymouth, has just bought from Mr W G Pears© his interest in the Albert Hotel. Mr. Pearse earne across from Brisbane not quite a vear .1 and in his hands the high reputation of the Albert, has been well maintained Mi Thompson has been succeeded at the New Plymouth Criterion by that well-known sport, Mr. Dan O'Brien, who is is. said, bought in at the tidv figure of £o000. * -t * The\ are nrettv strong on women's rights in Chiistchurch. A poor frail dow-ntrodden ladv. who could not ha\e weighed more than fourteen stone, and who wa= certainly not more than nineteen and a-half inches round the biceps, arrived late one recent nteht to see the ' Sign of the Cross." She couldn't see it from away behind the crow d, so she just waded in to show the male element that she would be oppressed no longer and she crushed her gentle wa^ through the mass like a eve! one through a wheat paddock. When she got to the orchestra stalls she noticed a space of about half an inch between two mere maJes and took it The men, oh where were they? Women have equal rights with males in New Zealand, but no mere masculine policeman dared eject the gentle anostle of reform . * •>- * The latest allegations of sweating (s-ays the "'Observei") comes from the doctors who ha\e been examining men for the Eighth and Ninth Contingents Thev are paid 7s bd for each man who passes, but nothing for the men who are rejected, though some of these latter from the back blocks are not by anv means agreeable subjects to handle. Needless to say the inducement to pass men is three half-crowns greater thaj» to reject them. It has however, come to the knowledge of the doctors that the Imperial Government allows the colony one guinea medical fee for each man passed, and thev axe naturally anxious to know why the odd 13s 6d is kept back from them The doctors are still warm on the subject, and the contingency of a. medical strike is a none too remote one-.

Old sokheis' tricks. One voung Wellington lecruit for the "Ninth" duly passed the riding test and was "warned" for medical examination. He felt that lie had no hope of being passed as a good sound target for Boers, and he mournfully unfolded his litfle doubts to a fnend. "Oh, that's all right, Jack old chap. I'm sound as a bell. I'll paiade for the medical inspection." And he did. The medical officer passed the good Samaritan all right, and the man who wasn't suie of his health went away on Saturda\ last, and is duly bound for glory Cruel kindness on the pait of the healthy proxy, but as the recruit is satisfied to risk his frail health in the fever season, no one should \s 01 rv »■ * * A dear old lady in the Wairarapa last week attended the performance of a dramatic company which recently did a season in Wellington. ' The principal player was so realistically diunk" that the lady really thought he would fall off the stage. She told the active and intelligent policeman at the dooi so, and he duly promised to run him m a& a safety to public morals. The spectacle was then seen of a burly policeman struggling with a perfectlysober actor .and the lady laying verbal inf 01 mations with extreme volubility, the general crowd enjoying the fun. When the management at last persuaded Robert that the actor was quite sobei his hopes of stripes went down to zero. The company referred to seem to have increased the realism of their performances since they were here. Wellingtonians do not seem to have noticed anything of the kind about thorn. • • * And I s'pose you gents, knows better than I can tell you what sort of a head a fellow has on him after a heavy night's fun s " Thus a witness in a recent court rase. And those twelve good men and true protested indignantlv by a solemn, smileless stare, that the quesiton of alcoholic beverage and its concomitant matutinal "head" had no Dlace in their blameless lives. "The Court is adjourned!" veiled the usher, and, at the instigation of the foreman, twelve jurors solemnly sui rounded a dozen pints of — water at the near-by Lambton Qua- hotel. * # * Came across a local letter-carrier the other day staggering under a heavy burden of mail matter and asked him it he w as m training for the caiivnig of Saint Valentine's love messages Remembered how he used to stagger under a hundredweight of more or less senseless pictorial designs from people who felt the\ had to do something to keer> up the good old English custom. Found him quite light-hearted. "Bless you, there ain't no hundredweights of valentine nonsense to be carted around now. People are too sensible — only go off their dot once" a year, at " Christmas time. When the wages goes down, and the colony is bankrupt, and people have got to bustle to' get a hvin' you take it irom me the Christmas card racket '11 go out like the valentine business, and if I ain't Postmaster-General by that time, and am still carrying letters. I'll think it's a jolly good job, too." By the way, has anyone noticed that Pridav this week is Valentine's Dav?

A reciuit roi the Ninth, who forrneily belonged to the Wellington Civil Seivice Rifles,, "is just about as "shm" as the men he is going to face. He recently paraded tor the riding test, and the officer viewing his extremeh poor horsemanship told him he had uo hope. The man, however, turned up next day to ha\e another try. While m the ranks, the officer passed him the sheet on which the Qualifications of the men weie marked down Quite at home at this kind of work our slim reciuit dul\ inserted F. (fair), G. (good), V.G (vers good) against the names of his comrades. When he got to hi& own name he boldlv inserted V.G., and now he is ° duh (juahfied horseman, bound foi „ le front and glory He deserves to sci ape tin ough. if onl\ fo- his cheek * * During Sir Joseph Ward's lecent tour an emplovee remaiked that he had been drawing the same salary (7s pei day) for twelve years. "An' will I " he said to Mr. Ronayne, "get a rise if I stay in the service for fort\ vears longer ? " Sir Joseph Ward remarked that immediately on the conclusion of that period he would see to it Pat is living in luxury in anticipation. Evidently some New Zealand youths have as little regard for the majesty of the law as possible. The boy who was recently brought before the Court at Mataura for being drunk persisted that he was not drank, as he was not forced to he down. Thev seem to manage things magisterial queerh at Mataura. Local paper asserts when the case against him w as ovei , and the fine fixed he went out of the court unmolested smoked a cigarette in the doorwav. and came back again and motested audibly that he need not pa\ if he didn't like. They did not fine him for contempt, nor did the Bench frown heavilv on him, and he certainlv had his three oounds worth of fines out by "cheeking" with impunity the Bench clerks, and police Justice is in a sadlv contradictory condition m "God's own country " » • * Love is trusting, love is waiting Love is hope, delight, despair Love is madness, love is hating Love is carelessness and care Love is wine, and love is honev Love is pain, and love is jov Love is everything — but money — Just keep that in mind, mv bov * -r *- The police are usually supposed to tell "the. troot, the whole tioot," etc Sergeant Clark, of Thames, is an officer whose veracity is unimpeachable. A fisherman in that city of quartz and Bchnapper (he says) picked up a fish during the recent hot weather, threw it into the boat and arrived home with the piscatorial specimen durly sun cooked ' It seems that Sergeant Clark told this little yarn to quite a crowd of listeners. While the crowd listened m reproachful silence the sergeant gently led them away to the place where the descendant of George Washington was, with the assistance of a little butter, pepper, and salt making a hearty meal of that little fish. Thev are now convinced as to the veracity of this storv ■<• * * Another sample of German humanity has come to hand. Lieutenant Heyle, a Prussian cavalry officer, has ridden a distance of 1400 miles m twenty-five days. The horse w T as too weary to stand w hen he reached his destination This is a feat of which the man should be proud If that one German could almost kill a horse, whole regiments could do the same. The form of amusement of killing horses with overwork is very common in Germany but the humane fatherland does not put its squaie-toed boot down on it • • • A SAD STORY True love was blighted in the bud — Thev never wed, alack' For when he knelt to plead his love He knelt upon a tack. The language that he used was such As is not fit to tell They parted with a few r remarks That signified farewell • • • Interesting shadow picture on a leading street blind on Monday evening over the ''lipe mandalin" and "fine cabbagee" shop. A "Eulopean" lady of pronounced embonpoint, her Asiatic spouse and their infant combination of the virtues of both races singing vociferously the inspiriting musical classic "Ching Chong Chinaman." Truly, sights and sounds very gratifying to the person with a leaning towards univeisal brotherhood ' * * * The great unpaid ' A propos a Ja-v Pay on the wild West Coast was recently sitting on a case in which the prettv frequent drunk figured His Worship seemed to know the face of one witness in a minor case. "Haven't I seen vour face before? Have you ever been before the Court before?" "No' Your Worship I'm night porter at the Commercial. Might have opened the door for vou after eleven o'clock at night sir!" Order 1

At the meeting of the Wellington 1'eace and Humanity SocieU the other da,\ it was suggested that a monster petition be got up askine: the British Government to stop the war King Dick to be asked to present it to the King, and to use his powerful influent e in having effet t given thereto —Daily Paper Sir Joe Here, hold on, Dv'k. Slow down a bit. They won't comeback with any more petition* of that s-oit. Kiny Dick All right, Joe, I'm talm aqain. But you'll admit it was a so/e trial to o?ie's peace and humanity to be asked to btiallou the leek in that fashion. Ask the King to stop the war, eh ? Yes, by Lieoiqe, when the Flniwi Dutchman is the petitioner himself, and says he's had enout/h.

The New-town Bowling Club scoied heavily off their friends the tennis pla\ers on Saturday The usual afternoon tea was supplemented with a plentiful supply of first-class tart* and goodies, .sent up by Godber The unexpected donations was &o thotoughh aupiociated by the bowlers that several nnk^ had to be kept waiting while sweettoofhed players made havoc amongst the tarts It was not until tea had been cleared oft, and the remnant of the pastry disposed of. that a message arrived at the green explaining that the box should have gone to the Brougham Hdl Tennis 1 Club The question now puzzling various minds is Who pays |5 ' the bowler^ the raqueteers or Godber■K * * A tram guard's life is not a happy one Noticed a largo powerful, working man in the down car on Tuesday night suddenly upend himself wildly and gesticulate for the guard to come and open the door for him Guard didn't naturalh Guaid about 9st, passenger 14st. Thought, perhaps he was entitled to his full twopence worth Probabh wasn't used to riding in vehicles with doors on. Drays more in his line Consistently blackguarded guard from Vivian-street, or thereabouts, to Dixs Will renort guard for insolence. Guard should be devoutly grateful that he is not hanged drawn, and quartered at the instigation of the working gentleman, for whom, no doubt, the Cifcv Council will at once appoint a special door-opener The weekly Palmerston North true tale ' Rumour tells of a voun^ Palmerstonian bachelor, well known and popular who is at present takinp in some little chaff. We'll , call him B tor shoit B came to Wellington recenth for a httle trip and the friends of B were

considerably startled to see in the birth notices that his wife had presented him with a son and heir. When he returned to the city of land agents, congratulations poured m on him they, of course thinking that he had kept the event of his long-gone-by marriage to lnmselt It appears, however, that the B referred to m the columns of the papei was not the gay young B ot Palmerston. The lady of his choice will please take notice that hei B has never beeai anybody else J s nrevious B, and bigamy ha& no place in the thoughts ot hei still o\\ nest." Lights out 1 ' That's what the officer ot the rounds snapped out to a tentful of giddy military revellers dow n at Christchuroh a couple of nights ago. The only response was that ''Berritons nev er would be slaves " that the- would Hang old Kruger on a sour apple tree '' and that a "Boy's best friend is his mother'" Will you put those liehts out or will jou go into the guard tent 3 " And a bass voice responded. New Zealand boys will do or die." Fall out the tent," whispered the officer to the exernplarv swaddies next door 'aaid be silent, men. Man the roDes and when I blow l 'G" let her go." 'Just as the sun went down" warbled the Boisterous Baritone and the exemplary party did their fell work. y- — ¥■ What was evidently a couole of scoie ot leggened limbs, a few loaves of broad and a stray sardine tin protested, wngghngh and in darkness, that the gentleman who extinguished them thuslv was no gentleman, and the camp policeman with a squad of lcd-caps erenth collected the scattered limbs and the bodies belonging to them and gave them free air space in the guaid tent Tini^ iv discipline maintained