It is Town Talk

Free Lance, Volume II, Issue 78, 28 December 1901, Page 22

It is Town Talk

That there are half a million unemployed m Germany Plenty of fuel for a war. That a country paper advises its readers to "let poultry roost high during the Christmas season " —That, no matter how poor a woodenlegged man is, he can always claim to have a "stake" in the country! That it is as w ell to be aware- of the gilded sixpence doing duty as halfsovereigns in the Empire City. Tli at the man. who flirts with the servant girl invariably makes a good husband his tastes are so domestic. That a new llluminant is called "NuKte." A Newtown youth last Saturday went into a store to purchase a pint of '"Moonlight." He got it. That a way-back farmer, who has already received two letters this summer, is asking if people think he has got nothing else to do but write. That a "Wellington gjrl had ten offers of marriage during a journey from tihe Empire City to Lyttelton. But they were all from the one man. That the sin of drunkenness is becoming less and less frequent in Wellington. This is one of the best evidences of civic health and prosperity. That a Masterton young lady one day last week accosted a court official, and wished to be directed to the "Court which was most interesting. That, in a Southern Court, a witness said that one shilling an hour overtime was enough for any one — "You, too " he said, looking at the counsel. That "Elijah" Dowie, the prodigious fraud, is sending graphophone recards* to Australia to exhort the people to join his little band of dollar-raisers for Dowie — That the School of Philosophy has not yet determined how a woman should act when her hands are in the dough pan and an aggressive fly alights on her nose. — That a settler in the Masterton district expressed the hope that his wool was aboard the steamer Waimate, "for, ' he said, "1 have it insured for tenpence per pound."' — That Auckland papers allege that Auckland volunteers who took part in the ducal Christchurch review are waiting to be paid. How impatient these soldier fellows are ' — That Hee Hem Smith is lecturing to trade unionists on Sunday nights at Home, under the auspices of Mr. Tom Mann. Mr. Mann has gone out of the diluted beer industry. — That a lady from the country recently stopped a fast-travelling tramcar, strolled leisurely up to it from 100 yards distance, and asked the driver where the post' office was' — That a Poneke youngster is looking for information. To his father he said "Pa, what's a harem?" "Oh- -er — a sort of Oriental departmental — er —fireside Eat your bun '" — That a oamel can work eight days without drinking, which is not very extraordinary after all. Many a man can go one better , he can drink for eight days without working — That a local drunk's most original plea, in answer to a charge of being illegal lv on premises, was that a strange man had thrown him over the wall. Said wall was only ten feet high, too' — -That the testifying person who, after taking "48 bottles of your medicine am entirely cured," as per newspaper, is considered to have the finest thinpr in constitutions this side of the line —That the opinion, made in Geimany," that the colonies are desirous to withdraw troops from Africa now they find it no "nursery game," does not enhance the friendly feelings between German and English colonials. — That a young man went into a Salvation Army meeting in Rangiora the other night and began to stare all round. The officer paused in his dis course, and exclaimed, "Go out, younrr man, she is not here." 'Cute Salvationist ' — That we can vouch for the unreliability of the following: "ad," in the agony column of the daily press — "If John Smith, who twenty years ago deserted his poor wife and babe, will return said babe will knock the stuffing out of him "

—That a Waihi youngster has been eh listened Bobs Baden Buller Babington' Ho still survives. — That when a wife says that al! men arc alike it indicates that she once thought that she ua.s mariving the exception —That a Tunaru schooL girl of fifteen has established an attendance lecoid She has not missed a single sehooldav m te>n veais. -That a well-known teacher of music, on being asked by mamma what he thought of her daughter's "execution," said he'd like to be present at it — That Mi. Wragge, the Queensland storm tipster, has been asked to' call the next New Zealand howler" Wairoahaicamaaiama ra-a.-rongow aitahanui . — That the persistent rumour le King Dick's governorship is being sent backwards and forwards between England and New Zealand Both say the other fellow is responsible for the tumour —That the gentleman who is telling everybody that he dropped a sovereign in the church collection last Sunday does not answer his friends' query "Why, what was the matter with it °" — That the handsome spider web design, extending over a Willis-street shop-window, w r ith an artificial snider in it, but no fly is not intended to illustrate the old query "Will \ou w alk into mv parlour." — That an office 1 staff, discussing the yeaning of the mystic letters PC geneally found tacked to the Premier in artoons of him, were enlightened by che junior clerk, who said they meant •'Pretty Cute." — That a passenger to New Plymouth asked the guard if he could get out and pick srnie flowers. "No flowers here sir," replied the official "But I've got a packet of seeds in my pocket," added the weary passenger — That a newspaper is a useful institution A Chnstchurch man read that a case of lupus had been cured m the Prince of Wales Hospital, London He sailed next day and is undergoing treatment at that institution. — That Mr E J Riddiford's gloomy forecasts that New Zealand is "going down" should not create much uneasiness. The idea of a large island with tihe population of a middle-sized town "going down" is too absurd — That the English papers aie ' astonished at the fact of the Duke of York having spent £20,000 in presents for the colonies." Astonishing how dear photograph frames and cigarette oases are in the Old Country ' — That a prohibitionist, noticing a black bottle protruding from a workman's pocket, induced him, by the present of a shilling, to throw it away. H~ did so, and spent the shilling in beer The bottle liad contained oold tea ' — That Eltham has another ghost. Local young lady says so. Fainted dead away when he appeared, and the ghost has been "dead away" ever since White cows ought really to be prohibited bv Act of Parliament. — That, in a letter to his patents, dated November 11th, an Ashburton trooper at the front says that there is a rumour there of an Eighth Contingent of 800 men going out directly from New Zealand. "Coming events oast their shadows before." — That a new boarder m a Wellington ' hash foundry" wondered why the dinner was put. on a<n hour after the bell rang. The old one explained that the length of the wait was made up bv the shortness of the eat. ''Vacanev for two quiet young gentlemen etc."

What is moie distressing than a persistent headache > Why sufter any longei 7 Steams' Headache Cuie is perfecth &afe, and gnes prompt effects