A Christmas Picnic To "The Bay"

Free Lance, Volume II, Issue 77, 21 December 1901, Page 15 (Supplement)

A Christmas Picnic To "The Bay"

CHRISTMAS comes but once a year. You will probably observe that many Christmas yarns begin hie tihis. I am not committing a plagiarism when I repeat it Christmas would not come twice a year, whether I said it or not, and the fact that other people have said it frequently has not m any wa^ assisted Ohnstmas to my knowledge. This is a metaphysical fact — you have probably met-a-physical fact before. The question of a holiday coming along induced certain estimable individuals to gather together (though I never heard of anyone gathering separate), to arrange a little picnic to the Bay Everybody knows that The Bay" means Day's Bay It is the onlv bav bearing the hall-mark of quality, and it certainly has the mark of quantity at holiday times, when the genial skipper,

These facts were the cause of Cecil McBlake, myself, and Dicky Von-Smith planning our httle outing to Wellington's Mentone. You must know the Von-Smiths. They are awfully well-connected An uncle of theirs often used to attend the Governor's banquets, until one day he spilt the soup down the back of Ranme's dinner jacket. They invited him to leave, but he wouldn't stay, and quitted — besides he gets better paid at shilling lunches. Cecil McBlake is closely connected with the toney people of Hobson-street, Tina-kori-road, and Taranaki-street (in business^ — he is in the bread and bakery line. And, as for myself, I am one ot the beaux espnts, as the French say. How useful it is to know a little French these days. It is surprising what one may learn m the way of languages from the cover of a condensed milk or sardine tin — a little French polish is a great help. As I was saving, we were a nice select little party. The ladies ; names, by the wav are unnecessary in the narration of an exploit such as ours , suffice it to remarh they were charming specimens of the Wellington girl, who, I'll be bound to sav. will hold her own in an inter-colonial or mter-national beautv show. We arranged that the girls should provide the eatables, and that the men bring along the drinkables, naturally, a man is better at pro*rirlinflr lirmirJ nnnnclimpnf oc alan

at sampling it Everybody promised to bring a billy, and supply cup& and saucers, though, when we met in the morning, everybody had forgotten to remember, each relying on the other. But we decided that, with a little finesse (French again) and soft soap, we could borrow them on the spot. For mv part, I never provide anything there is a possibility of borrowing — one is so apt to lose things by other people borrowing You must have noticed the medlev of character and style one meets on the Dav's Bay boat. Some are there with their sisters , more still with other people's sisters , some are with th^ir « Lves- — a fevr are with other people's wives , and some are with the lodger. Once arrived at the Bay, and the joyous mood seizes all m a horrible grip. Immediately on passing through the gate of the jetty I was assailed by a man of wit — the orange vendor, who ever and anon makes sallies for the amusement of his customer "Mv oath, 'ere's the H'earl o' Lowrie Bav." "Sai Mister, I'll fill ver 'at fer ashillun " "Gee-w illikins, how he do shine 1 " All of which remarks were flattering to a Woodrow 's gumea-a-time high-pol-ish bell-top. But I felt grieved. To change the subject, I suggested a donkey race, having a slight knowledge of the turf and saddle. Mv knowledge proved to be of the turf only — T left the saddle in haste. We had only just started , I was on a vicious "prad" (colonialism), Tortulla, and flatter myself I sat rather well, when along came MoBlake and my "fiasco" (French for intended), Mado-

line Smaoge, neck and neck. They had got away from the mark in fine style-, and she was getting away from the saddle, too, about half way down to "leeward." McBlake was hoisting in the slack in the hope of bringing the donkey's head up. ' Oh !— Oh ! — Oh ! !— hel — hel — help. Oh — o-o-o-o — Mother'" Her cries drew away my attention from Tortulla just as I was about to commence the straight. I endeavoured to pull her head round in. order to assist, when Tortulla must have got her back leg through the tail of my frock coat, for she at once became* "rope-able," and began to play up wickedly. She had got the bit between her teeth' I sat calm as a statue, and hooked my feet under the mam brace. I tried to smile — Tortulla still waltzed. I slow-

ly slid towards the mouth end of the brute, holding on to one ear and a handful of hair, m a vioe-like grip. Cecil yelled, and Madoline screamed ' Hel^ dearest'" ''Light of my hf e, I come ' " I answered, and shot through the air at the rate of knots — Ugh 1 kerwallop' 1 ' Right on

to my Sunday-go-to-meeting. 'Twas a harrowing spectacle. Having soothed the feelings of my heart's desire, and received the sympa^thies of our party, we got thence, amid the unseemly jeers of the onlookers, to a secluded and sandy ispot, where the ladies might indulge in a bathe, what time we gathered shells on the distant beach . The ladies soon joined us again, and we strolled into the bush, with amorous fefelincrs pervading our manly buzzums, eulogising and expatiating on the beau-

taes of the 'Toman-tique" and "pieturesqeekness" of Wellington's Arcadia. Madoline was towzled anyhow, my coat bore stains of the turf, and I wore a crush hat and a worried look. But what of it — within our hearts burned a quenchless fire, and an all consuming hunger. It was near lunch time, and we must, set about borrowing; a billy and teapot, cups, etc. So, while the ladies laid out the provender, we went in search. We soon found a camp, but it was empty, and we could not borrow in the absence of the owners, so wo commandeered the articles, and returned joyful.

We had just started lunch, in great glee at our success, when we were rudely interrupted by two yachting men, whose camp we had plundered. They were discourteous to us, and said many unkind things, which we do not deem it dignified to repeat, and concluded bj taking possession not only of the teapot and billy, but a basket containing our bottled beer and other sundries. We protested, but they dad not seem to mind. We waxed wroth, and looked fierce, whereupon the larger man said threatening things, so we allowed the matter to end there. They were only larrikins and unworthy of our considerataon. But they had got the beer all right. There was a little silence, and looks w ere exchanged between the girls, when Von Smith suggested that we should be photographed on the branch of a tree overhanging. With much preparation, we gob into position, and the focussing was being arranged, when McBlake over-balanced, and dropped nlump on to Von Smith and his machine, rendering Von Smith unfit for business, and disintegrating his camera. I had occasion to notice further looks of disgust on the faces of the girls, who, one by one picked up their etceteras, and strolled away in the direction of the yachting men's camp, with whom, it appears, tihey were friendly. It was with dismal thoughts of woman's fickleness that we men pulled ourselves together in silence, and started for home. As we neared the jettv. I espied my tailor, to whom I owe obligations and

things, so deemed it advisable to slip behind cover until he was out of sight. I had just dodged him, and reached the gate of the jetty when, whom should I see standing there but the girl I had promised to take to Bellevue Gardens for the day, and had somehow forgotten. I loitered behind a shed, waiting for her to go aboard, until I heard the -steamer whistle for the last time, and leave the wharf. The girl was still there, my tailor was

coming up behind, and not another boat until morning. I — I — well, I determined never more in my life to take a girl to a picnic, and if I did it should be to some holiday resort my tailor did not frequent, and, in the meantime, I would bury my coat and bell-topper. While I slept in the bush that night of nights I endeavoured to imagine how else I oould have spent A Mbrbt Christmas.