Entre Nous

Free Lance, Volume II, Issue 76, 14 December 1901, Page 12

Entre Nous

TOLD b\ a meie man Stop the cai at Douglas Wallace-sheet," said a woman to a tiam guaid leoently She was one of those abortive bodies, and \ou could toll h\ the poise of her head that £>he consideied herself just as good as the best m the land A hajndsomelv-di e^sed gnl, with a sweet face and an engaging manner got on the oar at the next corner, and took a seat beside the old woman who e-\ ed her with curiosity 'I wish to get off at Douglas Wallace street, " sajd the girl as she paid hei fare At Douglas Waila«vsti«.'t the cai stopped, in obodience to the bell, and the conductor called out The gnl alighted. Midway in the next block the old woman beckoned to the conductor "Didn't I tell \ou to stop the eai at Douglas Wallace-stieet for me 0 " she askod in a shrill voice "I did," sulkily replied the conductor "I know better," cried the little woman 'You stopped it for that slip of a girl with the doll's face Such is — Woman ' The usual hysterical female eot loose in C'hnstchurch the other da-\ made things warm foi a Chinaman jumped to extremely rash conclusions, and made aJlegations that existed in her own mind about that yellow gentleman She construed the innocent visit of hei gnl child to a Chinese cracker shop into a deliberate ensnarement bv the Mongolian who sold the crackers and she got to work with a broom handle on the fireworks vendor a.nd at the head of a lively mob wrecked the premises All the while the reallvinnooent Chow watched the destruction of his property with widely-distended almond eyes, and a hole in his head and he is wondering what sort of virtue the -white people are possessed of when 2000 of them wreck a one-man show because the said one man has sold a. ha'porth of crackers • • » A good story has iust come to light The foreman of a well-known local faetorv ushered in tihe Factory Amendment Act on Friday we-ek h\ locking out fifteen gnls who were a minute after eieht. He looked awfully foolish Then nevt morning he was locked out himself for the same reason Chaff' Why it has been the* bane of his life ever since

A countiN goiulemai has 1 etui ned to lus home aitei spending a holiday in the Kmpue City He is telling Ins fnends a tiling 01 two about Wellington Ho commenced lus yarn by saying that tl>o (Vy Council wanted now blood, .mrt the tramsheds ireah paint, and a few more tiams, Then he told a \am .ricnt. tlio&e tiams "One wet night lecentlv," he si\s, the tram was full, and a lady sot in, when I aiose to gi\c hei a seat ~ She took it Aftei we had tiavelled a little w ly an mspectoi 01dereicl me off. as the car was can-vine more than it «,)>■ licenced foi The irsult wa.s that I had to walk foui miles to mv lodgings l " , Che\ lot and its earthquakes .11 c a godsend to the umehable scnb<> One of the mofct \ irulont is telling a stoiv about a man who visited tlm 1 viand a few \ears sance He once (sa\s the chronicler) made aai effort to lne in the most quaking part of New Zealand but gave it up, aftci three vea.r% It's a nice countiT, ' ho says, and wol' enough for a ma.n whose teetli aie securely grafted in but. I was compelled to leave You see. I wear false teeth, and the blessed count- shook so much that I'm hanged if I could Veep mv teeth in lone enough to eat a decent meal The confounded earthuuakos actually shook the teeth out of mv mouth and yon might a^s well take the bread out of a man's mouth as the teeth T eot as thin as a rake, and had to lea\e the place in order to get a decent meal Here, one can keep one's teeth in although the tariff may make it difficult to keep one's hair on " * * * There is a son ot Confucius who i<sawng up his "bit of dust" at Hau Hau pieparatorv to leturning to China The spirit of economy is very strong within lus yellow bo*om Told of him, h^ a lc-liable. witness, that he lecenth im ested in a pair of ''gum boots," the delight and pride of his life He stood one day at the face 01 his pot-hole, picking downwards, when a forceful blow glanced off a stone piercing his foot, and pinning it to the ground. Hastih withdrawing the weapon, he ruefully exclaimed whiM pressing back the gushing rnbv stream, "Gum boot bloke " He has been a<h lsed to prefix 'Mac" to his surname of Hang. * » • Aspirants for public favour are frequently nonplussed as to the best wav to gain it On a local stage not many weeks back a lady singer, making hei debut, evidently wished to impress hei audience, and place herself on good terms with them The charming debutante smiled her wav on from the wings came trippingly forward — not, however without stumbling over imaginary hillocks on the wav The applau6e was emcouraging The sweet girl got before the footlights safeh , and took a comprehensive survey of her audience 'How de do 9 " she said She had come- -she remained to conquei

Tlioa aie sports" m Stratford. A dealei offeied a line of cattle to anothei dealer at a certain hguie but the lattei offeied is a head undei the pi ice quoted Neither would gi\e wa^ in their figuies. The owner of the cattle then lemarked, Look here I'll toss \ou sudden death,' £700 or nothing," the sum beang double the quoted value of the mob of beasts. The other dealer would not take up the bet 'on principle " but, as he afterwards remarked, ■ It was a great chance for anyone who po&^tssed a double-headed coin just at that time " A smait bairacker. who had been to <,cc Charles Arnold recently let the people on the Melbourne Cricket Giound know that he could afford the price of admission 'Why don't you show us win Jones left horne 0 " shouted he, when Jones the Englishman, was very carefully handling some dangerous balls. With the next stuke Jones sent the ball ovei the fence forfhe, the crowd cheered and the barrack er's. laugh died away.

It was not an unnatural mistake. One neighboiu had ad\ ertised for a girl to do general housework. Another had announced in the same way that she would let her fine house, furnished, during the summei. She had arranged to spend the summei in lusticatmg at Rona Bay 01 Muntai. A lady called on the former or these the other mornnr and rang; the front door bell. Please step round to the side door," said the mistress, as she met the caller. The caller complied, but with a puzzled I came in response to your advertisement " she began, when seated 'Yes You have references I presume ? " Certainly if yon require them," and the caller set her nose a little higher. Has your hou^e ail modern conveniences?" E\ervthmsj The kitchen is particularly well arranged, and everything most complete There is nothing old and worn and that makes iis nicer. Where did you work last, and what waores have you been getting?" Work fast? Wages? I beg your pardon," and the ca.ller's eyes looked dangerous "I don't think your house would suit me at all. I would like a conservatory and a billiard-room." "Goodness gracious 1 And I suppose you'd want a private theatre ' You can't work for me " "Madame, you advertise your house to let furnished, and when I onme you insult me " and she started for the door. Then there was a hurried explanation, and both being sensible women, they laughed tall they were so weak that each had to take two cups of tea as a bracer • ♦ » It is usual, as everyone knows, for the shoplady and the gentleman who measures va,ids of tape> to tell the customer that ''they are having a large stock in in a few days" if they happen to be out of the special button she requires, or have never heard of the particular brand of rag" she favours. The shopwalker is the gentleman who visits his wrath on the devoted heads of any assistant who dares to tell unwelcome truths. In a local emporium, during the late sale scramble, the horrified walker heard one of his uiniors deliberately say "No , we ha\e not had any for along time." Unable to countenance' such an extraordinary admission, he turned to the lady, fixed his eves on the assistant, and said We have plenty in reserve, madam — plenty upstairs." The lady looked thunderstruck ,and replied that he was the first draper she had ever heard of \\ ho kept a stock of rain in reserve for the purpose of supplying the country m time of drouerht ' • * • One of the latest sporting yarns told at the clubs in London relates to the Duke of York's only clay's "shoot" over in Victoria. It is an axiom with the iov.il sen ants to exalt the performances of their royal masters, naturally. The Duke's secretary, who did not accompam the party was, of course anxiou« to know how the royal sport got on, and inquired of thie Prince's gun-carrier a>he noticed no very full baes "Oh," replied the flunky 'H RH. shot splendidh but Providence was very merciful to the birds'"

A twentieth centui,) girl is glad '■lie as> alive, and she is retrospects c. Heai what she says anent the 'good old tamos" oi the 19th century — In the nineteenth century all sorts and conditions of guls were compelled to stium on the piano no matter how much they disliked it, to commit to memoi} u list of useless Greek and Latin roots, and <i ematteung of French, w hich was of no earthh use when the> tned to make an intelligent remark to a Frenchman And the only possible occupation for a gul who had to earn hei living was teaching, with the lesult that teachers good or bad became a glut on the maiket Now one sees hundreds of girls tioopmg out of the \ aJious business schools m the cities, wheie they aie trained m office woik, book-keeping, tvpewiiting shorthand, and all the \anous subjects w Inch fit them foi a commeiciaJ life And the girls like it immensely. Then boy friends go to the same classes The^ a,re constantly meeting men in the course of then work, and enjoying ever) da\ the three essentials for bringing about a maniage — first, proximity second, proximity and third proMimtv Economic wliters declare that tins new development in women's work will certaanly tend to increase the marriage rate Again the girls as a rule ha\e their evenings free — no exercises to correct no lessons to get vi) for the classes next day and their health and spirits are ahea<l\ benefiting in e% en way "

\ anit^ i* i fibpoiibibie foi some aw k\\did pofcitioiib now and then. An oJtl man it-cent 1^ applied toi an old age pension, lepiefeentmg lv*> years a*> bl) The remoiseless 1 cc 01 d& .showed that the aged gentleman had legistered the births oi several ohildien, and had stated his age as undei ~>o The beak" fixed a steel* eye on lum, and queried Why ' Well, because he was a vain, giddy old man, with a liankeung attei a youthful wife She believed he was a youth of 4.; or .10, had taken his hand in matnnioin aaid he kept the deception going until he qualified foi the old age penbion Of eouise, as this \am old man has been mltv oi making the \ital lecorcfc appeal incoiiect, he will be hanged diawn and quartered — or theieabmuts as soon as possible A ceitain hoi e-ownei 111 WoothiMe advertised a hoise for sale not long ago and he soon found a puicha.set In that town exit is only passible b\ ciossiug a bridge and he ga\e as his leason foi '•elling tliat he was. going out of town The purchaser shortly letumed to the seller and com planned that the animal w ouldn't cross the bridge I knew that," answered the la,ttei That's why I sold him Didn't aou lead my adveitisement y " ' (VrtainU I did You you wanted to lea\ c the town " Just so It's because the blessed animal wouldn't cross a bridge that I can't get out of the town, and that's why I sold him " was the dealci's explanation

He hdb not been chri&tened liuthful J dines tor nothing. This is his latest. !says he went into a local restaurant a^d ordeied roa&c duck and green peas. When the dash amvea he was rathei astonished to find that, it contained only two peas, whilst the duck had evidently been forgotten. He drew the waiter's attention to the fact that he had ordered roa&t duck 'Certainly, sir," said the waiter, with an injuied air Itjs behind the left-hand green pea l " In a Wellington school there is a little bo^ who would persist in saying hfuo wented " The teacher kept him m the othei da\, saying Now, while T am out of the room you may w rite ha\e gone' fifty times" When the 1 earlier came back lie looked at the boA 's paper, and there found the \\ ords Ha\c gone fifty times ' On the other side was written "I have wented home." That boy will be a lawyer, 01 .something; smart in politics, some day Aneneigetic snap-shotter " who shall bo nameless, having ' kodaked" a good thing, rushed into a well-known photogiaplnc s-tudio on Lambton Quay, and asked permission to use the dark room foi a tew minutes. He was told he might do so, but not to be too long, as it was almost closing time Minutes passed awa\ , and our hero was deeply lost in the mysteries of developing but at last his appetite reminding him that dinnei-time was near he emeiged from his cupboaid to find himself alone in

totaJ daakness, locked in., and no dinner. When iocking-up, no one had given a thought to the stranger. Alter fruitless bangs, and a reckless extravagance in electric light, which hkewise had no eftect, he. found a narrow passage — and joy ! it led outside. Now he would esca.pe. But, alas, for his hopes , a door with double locks met him half-way, and once more he had visions of a bunk on a cold floor, and no dinner. But at last a window was found of convenient size, and thankfully our hero squeezed through, onh' to find he was looked in a yard — no gate, no nothing. Once more, at the risk of being arrested for burglary, he scaled the fence, and dropped into the yard next door. Same discovery — noway out. At last, after numerous ohmbs, he reached the Kelburne Avenue, and, tired and hungry and cold, he wended his way homeward, but revenge is sweet, and he said not one word. * * * Somewhere about midnight the owner of the premises awoke, with a, shock, and remembered the poor unfortunate "kodak fiend " With language- most eloquent, he shivered into his clothes, and went out into the drenching rain, comforting himself, as his teeth chattered, that the rescued man would welcome him with ]oy Of his disgust when he arrived at the rooms and discovered nothing but the rats at t>lrv we will say no more But next time he goes to the rescue of a man, at dead of night, it will be in di earns alone. v

Still another Yeomanry yam Tlneo troopers and a sergeant being rathei bored with outpost duty one member of the party produced a pack of cards, and the four sat down to a gamp ot "nap," instead of keeping a sharp look out 'I'll go three " said a troopei 'I'll go the lot " said a strange voice, and looking up each player found the muzzle of a Mauser rifle near his head The Boers had crept round them unawares, and — gone "na.p ' But it is pointed out,, although the Boers went "nap " they only took four and therefore strictly speaking, it could be claimed — like so many other incidents have been— as a moral British victory ♦ • * Advertising as a fine art. A Japanese woman wants a husband. This is how she inquires for one in her local paper - I "am a beautiful w oman Mv abundant undulating hair envelops mo as a cloud Supple as a willow is m\ w aast Soft and brilliant is n^ visage as the sa,tan of the flowers I am endow ed with wealth sufficient to saunter thiough life hand in hand with my beloved Were I to meet a gracious loid. kindh , intelligent, well educated, and of good taste I w ould unite myself with him for life and later share with him the pleasure of being laid to rest eteinal in a tomb of pink maj-ble " • • • A new industry has ai rived Neech journalists in search of pelf are now advertising typewritten sermons for speechless parsons. Funny that no one thought of this before A parson who wants to stir his. congregation to their s-ouls should get a half-guinea seimon as the lialf-crown variety is not up to

much Foi seven and sixpence \ou ma\ loly on getting a good 'collection' sermon but for a guinea ' The ladies will deluge joung parsons who preach the guinea vanetv with slippers and braces and things The scribbleis aie doing a side-line at ~>s for funerals and anniversaries. Samples of pathos a,ie supplied a.t Is (id Dissertations with Latin quotations are considered lather o\pensne a.nd you must pay extra for ouginal \eiso A society for the supph of sermons ha\ ing been formed the sotiet^s reporters are sent to chuichos whero the parson is to preach from sample supplied and the effect on the audi -we mean congregation — is noted foi fuithei reference and an advance m lates ♦ * * The New Woman orator waxed eloquent And what '' demanded m liei peroration, is to be the result of our emancipation?" She looked around with the calm assui ance of one who had asked a posei and tins was too much foi the little man who was waatina for his w lfe in a fai corner of the ha]l 'I know ," he shouted Ah '" returned the New Woman on the platfoirm scornfully the little man with the bald head thinks that he has solved the problem that we came here to discuss this pa e-nine We will eladlv eive oui attention while he tells us what is> to be the result " 'Cold dinneis and raseed childien" <-:ud the little man

Ste\k\k' Hf\duhe Curf i<? paiticulailv valuable to ladies It is paiticulailv eftectne in lelievint,' p.xm pecnhai to then