It Is Town Talk

Free Lance, Volume II, Issue 73, 23 November 1901, Page 22

It Is Town Talk

— That the Wellington Orchestral Society appears to be am thine but a success in the practice of harmony — That Rev. Walter Bentley parson and player, has let up on his pulpit diseouises and will again face the footlights -That the thin fiiend of a fat local gentleman is telling mutual acquaintances that the fat man's new plaid waistcoat is worn to keep a, check on his stomach." — That Mi. Pira.ni ib making a good lace of it with the Premier m the "putting on weight competition He is plreadv Bst <>lb while 'Dick is but 20^r all standing — That when the bright boy of a Thoindon Sundax <-rlioolwas asked what he knew of Solomon lie leplied that he was "the man what kept hundieds and hundreds of poicupine-, — That m an e^sa\ on the Royal visit a small schoolboy at Arrowtown, Otacro v, rote that ' foui Ministers were knighted and the Hon Mr Seddon is now Saint Richard Seddon " — That at a ladies' debating society, a vote was taken on the question "Is Smoking Injurious ; " No 1 " said 45 ladies 'Yes'" leplied 11 of whom ■.even were upwaids of thirh-five and single — That an lllustiated paper published on the "other .side," offers a prize of half-a-gumea for the best short story "not exceeding "iOOO words " all competing stones to be the propeit's of the editor A cheap wa\ of amassing a litoiai\ stock-in-trade — That the late Hou Robcit Phaiaz\n's Maradau Estate, north of Wanganui, which -was under offer to the Government some tune ago has been purchased In Mr Giegoi McGregor (who was manager of it foi several a ears") and other settlers

— That Mi W. Hutchison, exM.H R is now the acting-editor of the "Outlook " —That theie are 630 half-caste Chinese children m the State of Queensland A white Austialia ' --Tliae the Order of the Bath should be oonfeired on some men, together with a piece of soap and a towel —That the average colonial "sassut\ ' gnl ha.s figured vi more engagements and faced powder oftener, than most leturned swaddles. — -That the ladies of Wellington piaise Sn Hector's teeth, which are perfect complete and natural A jaw like that desen es to have sound molars — That a lad\ BA. in a Commonwealth capital is using her undoubted talent at the bar — working the beer engine More money m beer than brains. — That the computation of the time occupied bv the recent earthquake in chffeient places appeared to depend entueh on the neive of the local postmasters —That ' the Fathei of Wellington" is being extensively advertised, pictonally and otherwise, through the Australian papers m connection w ith Ayer's Sarsaparilla — That the 'dead" gentleman found bv the police in Masterton stieets begs to inform the nobihtv and gentry of that town that he is earning on business at the addicts - That Fighting Mac"' remarked to a Highland stock inspector up North "Do \ou know even man you meet in thi« countn seems to be in the employment of the Government -That a uual editor some distance up the line w mds up a recent obituaiv thu-sh He mamed the daughter of a clergyman, by whom he lost seven clnldien all of whom survive him " — Thar a Wilhs-stieet business man is prepaied to take an affidavit that one .swallow does not make a summer, but the business end of a tin-tack on a chair often generates a lovely spring. There is a vacancy in that gentleman's office for an office boy — That accoidmg to a countiv paper a \oung man in good circumstances wants nice am bedroom i?lain breakfast and te in small cottape, where there are a few nice sociable young women who could take a hand at cards of an e\ening as the advertiser snends most of his evenings in the house He has been deluded with applications

That a man about town says that although fie often goes out for a lark he is satisfied with a few swallows. — That Sydney whiskey will be raised in price under the tariff. The duty is vc-r\ heavy on methylated spirits. —That a Gisborne boy was induced to become intoxicated b\ a man for "fun." Hospital for the boy Police Court for the 'funny" man. — That, on a much-frequentpd cycle load, a cycle-repair expert takes his stand His assistants sprinkle tacks foi him half-a-mile each side of his stand Clever 1 --That a woman who has a record of 1 "iO convictions against her was arrested for drunkenness in Gisborne this week They are going to issue a prohibition order against her if she does it again. — That a local lawyer, whose opinions go for something, w as recently approaoh<Mi with a particularly "fishy" case. "Will an action he?" asked the proposoJl plaintiff. "Yes, if the witnesses will, too," answered the D.O. — That Mr. J. H. Kingsley manager for Messrs Collier and Company, New Plwnouth, and his brother, have just fallen in for a legacy of £13,000, thiouoh the death of a relative in England — That a new paper, called the ' Taihape Post," has just sprung into existonce on the loute of the Main Trunk Railway Mr. T. E. Wilson, of Stratford is the pioneer of the press at Taihape That a West Coast paper, referring to the death of a lady says "On Friday the lad\ took to bed, and, despite the efioits of the medical men, she passed jwd\ peacefully." The medicos are not vet arrested but they are probably ticmbhng -That a good many Wellingtonians \ oted against the unimproved values on the old pohev "Better the devil you know, than the devil you don't know." But the vast maionty of the electors did not feel enough interest in the event to \ ote at a.ll --That General Hector Macdonald has made up his mind that New Zealand's strong points are whisky and blainev. Up at Hamilton he told the usual reception crowd that "the people of the colony were doing their best to incapacitate him from serving- his King and country Morning, night, and midda\ they had captured him with whisky and blarney " What a giddy time he must ha\o had

— That tied houses are not nearly so offensive as loose ones. — That the most regular of morning ca'lers is the new baby. — That Kitchener, in giving mobile columns a "free hand," is taking the only step to a rapid termination of the* war. — That the latest larrikin "amusement" at Marton is to grease door handles and window sa&hes with stale butter. — That the municipally perfect" Council, having opened that eye for a short spell, has closed it again. Sleep on beloved ' — That according to returned warrior Captain Saxbv, " South Africa is a Godforsaken country, but it is the place to make money." — That Rockefeller, the Yankee millionaire, has an income of 100,000 dollars a week. He is haunted with a fear that he will die rich. — That a sensational intended elopement has ended by the indignant male parent laying siege to the heart of the intended bride and marrying her. — That a certain local magnate is so mean that his son told him the other day that he ought to go and patent himself as a gold-saving appliance. — That the City Council should import a Yankee "sky scraper" expert. Seems hkelj Wellington ■will grow heavenw ards undei the new rating. — That earthquakes, gales, and hailstorms have filled a news gap recently vacated by doings in Parliament. Providence ever watches over New Zealand. — That nothing more seems to have been heard of that Mangaweka case, in which the bank manager was attacked, and his horse shot bv a man who decamped. — That the cheeks of a certain wellknow n about-tow n man burned at a little social function the other night when he overheard a lady dub him an "imitation swell." —That the 800 ton bullock which the "Times" refers to as one of the features of the Palmerston Show ought to make the. fortune of its owner If only Dan or Tom Fitzgerald get to hear of it now? — That w hen the 'Frisco service debate was on, an Opposition member told Mr. Frank Lawry "We are going to win by the righteousness that exalteth a nation " Mr. Lawry advised him when the division w as over, to preach from the tiext, "We have toiled all night, and have taken nothing "