It is Town Talk

Free Lance, Volume II, Issue 70, 2 November 1901, Page 22

It is Town Talk

— That a certain politician threatened t-o buy a ncu liat if he got a ' rise " As that 'use" is possibly a myth, a hatter and a politician are left lamenting. — That Hector Macdonald has come to New Zealand for a rest, and to regain health He deser\es another medal for the hardest campaign he has fought —That a well known Wellington sharebroker who w ent Home to float some ' good things," has succeeded so well that he finds himself richer by £5000 — That the names of the vast majority of sailors brought before the Couit for desertion refusing duty, and being participants in brawls, etc., are those of foreigners — That Chnstchurch will import two s\\ lmmmg instructors to teach the a.rt to its youth Is there no colonial who will volunteer to earn that salary? Coals to Newcastle. — That the mortality amongst Maori children being so great, a milder brand of plug tobacco should be supplied them. Father's pipe and ' nail rod" is but pooi pabulum for infants — That there is no article on how to run the country from the pen of the Willam's 'mailed fist" this week. Readers hanging on those utterances are therefore duly dejected. — That Scotch members of the House of Representatives are curious to know win Scotch thistles are included in thp Noxious Weeds Act "It's the wee thing that jaggoth them a' " — That the rumour current that the member for the suburbs is writing a classic on the Fishponds of Eketahuna" has been denied The "Grindstone of Politics" is a likelier subject

— That departed glories, in the shape of long hats and frock coats, form the staple stock of seveial local ' 'Ole Clo' " shops. — That a certain veneiable doctor in this Island relates that his first patient wa*s a man who hurt himself when escaping fiom gaol. — That a letuined soldier shows with pride the dued nh of a, Boer blown to bits bv a shell That man deserves a Government billet if there is a cell vacant. — That McNeil, who pretended he was Hardham although he hasn't exactly obtained the Victoria Cross, has got the broad arrow instead A decoration with a difference' — That at lea«t one of the money lending companies in Wellington is preparing to put up its shutters as a result of the legislation affecting the operations of the fraternity That eoneihatois quail at the suggestion to rob them of their guineas and their chance of fomenting disputes Their retiogression to pacific pursuits promises novelty — That the Auckland press is rampant over the legislative measure known as the l Libel Bill " It hates ]ourjiaJistic libertinism and forgets the wild war of words it waged over the 'Frisco service. — That since Hector Macdonald won his spurs at Shutagarda Pass the people of New Zealand have followed his career with pride and satisfaction How many people m New Zealand know where that pass is ° — That w hite-livered curs" is an expression that should be deleted from the army officer's vocabulary. The frequency of its use points to the supposition that the teim is taught 'em while they are \oung. — That a local parson, who is endowed with a sense of humour, said lately that King Fdward would gain the heartfelt thanks of eleig\men of all denominations if he abolished the coinage of th reopen n\ pieces — That one thing noticeable about tins \eai's Melbourne Cup is that the papeis have not been publishing any rema] lwible di earns concerning the winnei ot that big e\ent The winged Pejra.siis hat apparenth had a row with dicaim Moipheus

—That the Duke and Duchess of York havo concluded their tour. Some people say they are glad. — That a local hairdresser is making a special show of hair restorer. His \\ ay is so obvious as to cause smiles — That a husband who complains that his wife worries, says he will put fretwoik lound his house to be consistent. — That a local politician approached a leading artist for a portrait of nimself Said artist stopped half-way, as lie had no vermilion left. — That a crusty batchelor, recently asked his opinion as to what woman's mission was, said he did not know, but it ought to be — submission. — That a medical wit yesterday told a gentleman suffering from adiposity tli at the finest exercise he could take was to run down a rumour. —That a "factory" employing a washerw omaii and a boot boy is breaking the law No rules appear upon the walls. Whereat the employer trembles. — That a Southern drunk pleaded to the magistrate ab an excuse tor inebiiety that "he was a cousin of General Buller, whom he considered had been unfanly dismissed." — That abov, whose mother explained that a little bird told me you stole the oake," immediately proceeded to wring the neck of the family parrot to prevent a icpetition of tale-bearing. — That, from the reports touching the success of Mr. E. M. Smith's ironsand expedition, the likelihood of a Taranaki Carnegie arising in his person seems within measurable distance. — That a Seventh Contingenter, who left his fiancee in the care of a friend, wrote Are you still looking after her, Ted?" Ted replied, briefly, "Yes, we're married." Spoils to the victor' — That the flour millers' ' corner" is not having it all its own way. Surely, after the attempt to make the people pay foi the staff of life through the nose, the association cake is not dough 9 — That, although it would be a shame to publish the names of venerable people who are obliged to apply to local authorities for charity, it would show up the sons, daughteis, and other relations of some of them who occupy high positions m the city

— That some. Australian firms are al1 eady rolling their s\\ ags preparatory to journeying African ards Tariff the cause. -That Hector Macdonalds opinion of General Buller would be interesting. Will not someone form a deputation to \\ ait on him ? — That Marlborough men are modest. Chan men (vide local paper) have to be seized by mam force to occupy that position at meetings. — That a gaol in a Southern town had a fine gas effect over its gate, and called it 'Welcome." "Fighting Mac" was responsible for the unique invite. — That the Premier's statement that opium /was used by male and female whites is not only true of the colony generally, but of Wellington. More deadly than beer. — That the man who fires off Latin references at local newspapers, and occupies much time m saying nothing, should be suppressed under the "Noxious Weeds Act." — That the gale ' Sychem," predicted by Mr. Wet Wragge, of Queensland, is no relation to the "breeze" between the Hon. W. C. Walker and the Hon. Jeremiah Twomey in the House of Lords on Tuesday. — That a^. Wairarapa schoolmaster, \\ ho has never been m the House, suggests that schoolchildren should pay periodical visits to -that place to study the cultuied use of the "English language!" — That the residents of Paeroa, an Auckland district mining town, turned out to see the biggest earthquake shock the village ever felt A few cases of condemned gehgnit caused the earth tremor. — That a Terrace house was the scene last week of a bout of fisticuffs between rival and simultaneous lovers. The maid was sent in to announce that the young lady's father had lost all his money. Thereafter peace! —That Mr. Pirani touched the spot when he said members who inside the House made libellous speeches should be liable under the Criminal Libel Bill. The tarring of Parliament with its own brush is the only means to a fair libel law.