Entre Nous

Free Lance, Volume II, Issue 67, 12 October 1901, Page 12

Entre Nous

THKIIK aimed a month 01 so ago horn Kngland a gentleman wlio, among otlior things intends to teach the people oi these >-a\age islands to eschew meat and h\o on \ogotables Ho just iccenth took up Ins abode next dooi to a poult'n faimoi — heait\, hospitable colonial — w hose onl\ faults in the e\es ot the new-comer, weie that he was a Ik - nighted New Zealandoi of the usual omnnorous pattern Not knowing the new-comer was a \egetanan the poul-tw-farmei last week sent his new neighbour m a biace of fine ducks to cement friendship * * * Looking ovet the dn iding fence the d.i\ arteiwards, he was made awaiethat something out of the common was happenmg, a& the Englishman was working busily with a spade, an instrument that he had previously despised What was Ins surprise to notice him solemnly burying that brace of ducks' The poultry man slipped out, and appusod the ullage constable that a lunatic was ,it large, and would he come and h<\\ c a look at him J The constable would and took the local doctor with him The doctor and the policeman weie lecened in wondeiment bv the poultiv sexton, who wondered what their intentions were and relented it so much as to become ■< lolent The constable seized him, by the doctoi's ordeis and led the wa\ to gaol The vegetarian piotested liotlv at the 'unw an anted mteifeience," and it was only at the tlnesliold of the police cell that the disco\oivwas made that the man had buned the animal food on pimciple Those neigiibouis do not commune togethei since and the \illage has food for gossip * * * The dlustiated New Zealand post caul is lesponsible for an improvement of the idea in Ameiica A Yankee genius m■\ented an illustrated shirt cuff past card, highly laundried, and made a modest pile Now those Ainencans aio sorry The ovei worked and seldom paid, launch esses took to sending then bills out on illustrated cuffs, and the icceipt by swell people of washing bills open to the wOlw 01 lei is killing the tiaze, and cutting down the nnentoi's iovalt\ In a meii\ moment, the hdm ation Depaitment decided to tumish Boards thioughout (he colom with a couple^ of copies of e\ei\ Hansaid" ])üblished Why such fnvolous liteiature should be ladled out to gra\e, sobei-suh-d bodies appointed to overlook the turning ot the \oung is not appaient but it nia\ cause trouble in tlie neai futuie foi instead of hm ing the wearisome Bible-ln-sehools question before them, memheis will piobabh be tioubled b\ a proposal to have Hansaid" lead in .schools. The Nelson Hoaid humoiouslv pioposed the other da\ that the \ olumes be piesented to the serrctan as the\ aimed, m substitution for am inciease in salaiy he might expect

Thine have been tjuite a nuinbei oi anxious inquiries lately after the health of a most affable, paiticulaiK smait M)iing man, who aimed in the city a, couple of months ago, and made liav \\ bile the sun shone, or sulked St>hshh attned and possessing a gentlemanly demeanoui, he soon gained the confidence of those with whom he came m contact, and woiked the game for all it was worth. He lepiesentcd that lie was the tra\elhng repicsentative of seveial prominent foicign films, and lhat he wa.s about to get married, and intended making Wellington his head quartets * * * One furnishing waiehouse let him ha\e a goodly stock of fnmituie

on the time-payment system, but, thinking he might as well ha\e some moie on the same plan, he patronised another fiim, who sent lum some of the most costly ai tides their shop contained Then he secured a piano, also on tune payment as well as two bicycles — d gent's and a lady's, which were also chalked up" by the smooth-tongued huyei." It has since transpired that the fellow is an unscrupulous fraud , that he did not represent any him in the colony, and that his yarn about getting marned was all flajn He lented a house, packed Ins purchases a>s they aimed, shipned them to Lyttelton, sold the lot, and then lighted out for a distant shore And that is the last that has been heard of him up to date.

A Christchurch Chinaman has received a shock. Recently he was charged before the local Bench with a breach of the bye-laws, and came up on Court day tully prepared to answer for his crime. When John's turn arrived he trotted up to the Bench and handed it £2, and then made a terrific rush for freedom. The members of the force, however, stayed his flight, and brought him back, the "beak" fining him 10s, and costs. So that, when the clerk handed him 23s change he was fairly amazed, and saw m it a deep conspiracy of the white man to make him commit enmo and spend the remainder of his life in gaol. He was not, however, to bo had. Clearing all obstructions, the Mongolian turned in the doorway, and hurled the two pounds into the court! His life was saved, and the Bench, which was very dry, but there — . * * * The present session of Parliament is the dullest ever experienced. It is dull in the House, dull in the lobby, and dullest of all in Bellamy's. In previous \ears it was customary with members of both Houses to meet on Saturday and Monday evenings m Bellamy's diningmom, and hold what they called a symposium. This consisted of singing, reutmg, story-telling, and so on, and, in order to conduct these reunions with due regard to order and decorum, a Savage Club \\ as formed, of which the Hon. James Carroll was president. Those who know the genial Native Minister will readily realise that he was the life and soul of these gatherings, but, for reasons which need not be specified, he has recently given up singing, and to this is attributed the decadence in the sociality and good fellowship of the present session. This state of things is evidently deeply deplored by the Hon. J. M Twomey, M.L.C , who has given expression to his feelings on the subject in song. The song is as follows, but we may explain that "Timi is the name the natives call Mr Carroll, and that the quoted words aiP the names of some of the items usually on the programme of the Bellamy entertainments • — Since Timi Took to Tay. Ah, dark and dismal pass the hours, No more the joyous song. Thrills with its sweet melodious powers The Legislative throng. The festive halls of Bellamy Once mirthful, tuneful, gay, Are sad in their solemnity, Since Timi took to tay. None sits on "Babies on the shore," The "Cowbell's" out of tune, The "OoperzooticV pains are o'er, Ne'er beams the ''Young May Moon." "The sweetest story ever told," Which made our hearts feel gay. Unheard if like- "The Warrior Bold," Since Timi took to tay. "In the days of long ago," "The little Shamrock's" sheen, ' Long Bai ney" wore desspite the foe, "The wealing of the green." No treason was in "Tara's Halls," Nor vet in "Dublin Bay," But all is gloom within our walls Since Timi took to tay. None dares to sing 'I fear no foe," "There's bound to be a low," None feels the gay symposium's glow , For wine's untasted now. Where once the hours as minutes fled, And night was turned to day, Is still as chambers of the dead, Since Timi took to tay. * * # A returned trooper- has in his possession an interesting document, found in a, house which he ransacked before firing it. It was written by a Boer woman, who apparently ruled her husband with a. rod of iron. These were her commandment* — (,1) Thou shalt not have any other wife but me, (2) thou shalt not take the name of thy wife in vain , (3) lemember to keep her lespectably, (4) honour thy wife's father and mother , ( "it tJiou fehalt not scold , (0) thou shalt not find fault with thy dinner , (7) thou shall rock the cradle in my absence, and prepare tea for my return , (8) thou shalt not be behind thy neighbours, (9) thou shalt not covet the rum tavern, thou bhalt not covet the tavernkorpei's rum, nor his brandy, nor his gm, noi his whisky, nor his wine, nor anything that is behind the 1 bar of the nun sellei (10) thou shalt not visit the bilhaid-saloon neithei for worshipping in th(> dame, noi the heaps of inonev that, he on the table (11) thou shalt not lemain out after ten o'clock." Not too bad ' * # » A giocers' wai is at present raging in Palmerston Noith. The battalion of niPi chants lia\e been attacked by the light mfantiy of small shop-keepois and in con-grocers and a cut-throat competition is the lesult Taking advantage of the bediock pi ices ruling in the sago and tapioca markets, the hotol and hoarding-house keepers have laid in a laige stock of these luxuries. At some of the hieh-class establishments the appetising ingredients are served up three times a day Of course, such a bill of fair is monotonous, and the boarders are Hircatoiu'd with an outbreak of .scurw, but so long as honest industry thrives, w hat inattn 2

Now Zealand "Hansaul" lojoices in leteiences to political mosquitoes, flies, elephants, Don Juans, anaiclnsts, and othei things in the animal kingdom. Australia goes, one bettei Piemier See, m the Fedeial Senate leceuth, opined that an opponent should take a dose of .salts," while Mi Click lemaiked that he eaied no nioie foi the same spcakei than he did h)i a d( <ul bug, The ,ut ol polite letoit and polished (Iktion is not confined to the New Zealand House of Repiescntatn es

A propos of missing Maori treasures, Melbourne Museum has among its greatest draw s a magnificent Maori war canoe, about fifty feet long, the joy of tlio youthful Yairabankei, and the admiid'tion of his clders>. Said to bo the finest specimen of a war canoe ever sent fiom tins country. Nobody knows why the New Zealand Government did not bu> it, link"- 1 - it had an idea of setting up a Maori Relic Commission to tiavel abiond and lepoit on the ancient glories of tho New Zealand native race.

Some people are awfully sudden, but are probably none the worst for that. The latest yarn — which turns out to be perfectly true — that is being wafted through the city, relates to a lather well-know n bacholoi, who manifests a keen inteiest in all manner of out-door sports. He was taking a holiday m the country Lit oh , and one afternoon, while quieth pedalling along, at peaco with the woild, lie overtook a blue-eyed, sunny-haned beauty, with a basket on lief aim. 'How far is it to the township, and how much do you get for your eggs?" he asked abruptly 'One mile and ninepencc," wa& the smiling reply. Struck by the brevity of the girl's answer, he dismounted, and, walking alongside her offered to cany the basket. Theie was none of the insufferable exclusiveuesfe and teserve of the cuff and collar aristocrat about him The girl's delightfully seductive way charmed her companion, who* made such good progiess that he went home to tea with her after she had disposed of her eggs, and before he left he asked her to become his wife. She readily acquiesced, and will shortly rule over a tonn house. ♦ • * The artful ways of the advertising agent are known to but few people. A good story has just leaked out a propos to the celebration of Labour Day throughout the colony. A certain smart advertisement man, who shall be nameless, but who is known from Dunedin to Auckland, "fell in" by a device which makes fiction blush, so poetic was the justice and so dramatic the means The agent (who is not a Welhngtonian) had purchased the Eight Houis' Sports programme, undertaking to supply the Committee with ten thousand programmes But it was not his intention, so he confided to a friend, to supply anything like that number. So when he took his printing to the printer ho ai ranged for an edition of only two thousand books. Now, it so happened that the machinist who got the printing of the "formes" of that job was the secretary of the Eight Hours Committee' What a lively time that agent had when he was asked to produce his 10,000 books' * * # A family which shall be nameless had a member, the usual black sheep of the flock, who was addicted to looking too long and too often upon the beer w hen it was amber. Many were the means tried to effect a cure. They "dosed" his drink with all the nauseous things going, they got him to sign the pledge, they sent him to sea, they hid his clothes, they locked him up — and still he came back to it. At la.st a friend thought he could cure him. He asked him out to dine, and, instead of soup, gave him beer with a spoon. Tho friend locked the door of tho pin ate room in which they were feeding, and threatened to shoot the young man if ho did not sip up the beer with a spoon The look the threatening friend wore as he glared at the "beer-chew er" a,sheheld the revolver made the guest believe that he wa>s dealing with a madman, and he sipped up the 'soup " But it was tho most nauseous plate of stuff he had ever taken — and lie vows he can never touch beer again l Truly, a desperate remedy, but effectual.

A leading weekly in the colony devotes a column to letteis from "Little Folks," and recently one or two practical jokes have been got off through the medium of the journal m question. A well-known Wellington .young man, who is conspicuous by his ' up-to-date" golf costume, was veiy much astonished one day last w eek on receiving a card mfoiming him that he had been duly enrolled as a member of "The Little Folks Brigade." The mystery was solved a few days later, when a copy of the paper was show n him m w Inch a letter over his signature appeared in the "Little Folks Column." The lettez went onto describe his fellow-boarders in the guise of domestic pets, and altogether was a very creditable production for a child of eleven, the alleged age of the writer. "Chailio" has since been vowing vengeance on all and sundry, and his efforts to discover the perpetrator of the little, joke w r ould make even Sherlock Holmes look to his laurels. * * # They aie telling anothei "good 'un" down South. The chaiacters in the stoiy are a farmer, a bull, and a gang of men planting what weie at ono time called "Lemon" trees. In the course of their putting in of the* poles, the men had to work upon some land belonging to an irascible farmer, who ordered them off his premises. They told him they were w orkmg under instructions from the Telegraph Department, and that "Sir Joseph had made it all right on their papers," and could put up poles where they jolly well pleased. "We'll see about that!" cried the old man, who refused to look at the "bit of paper" winch they pioduced. He trotted off to the next paddock, and presently a sa\ age-looking bull came charging do w n on the party. Those men stopped not to consider the order of their going, but went quicker than fast. And as they ran they heard the roaring of the farmer as he yelled — "Show him your paper ' Show him what your Joseph says'" * • * The little game continued for some time, until one day the employer, on scanning the "Wanteds" in the paper, observed that applicants for a position of clerk, at £3, were requested to apply to a box whose number corresponded with that of the box rented by him at the Post Office. Even then he thought there had probably been some typographical error, and he had almost forgotten the incident till about a week later he saw another advertisement — this time for an office boy, whose wages to commence were to be 15s per week, applications to be addressed to the same box as that mentioned before * * * His curiosity aroused, lie decided to clear the box himself next day, and accordingly did so. Sure enough, there was quite a mass of correspondence, including much from outside cities, addressed merely to the box number. He opened the letters, and found them to be all replies to various advertisements of an attractive form, some of which had been inseited m outside papers, and none of winch had any connection with him and his business. What was it done for, and bv whom? The person lesponsible was An crnploNce, who always cleared the box He was a stamp fiend, his obiect being to secure the

used penny stamps. He has now been given an opportunity ot profiting by the experience lie must have gained in answei ing advertisements , ordy now he is among the applicants. * * * While America has a project foi buying this country out, "lock, stock, and bairel," and running it as a side-stall, it lias also determined to> capture the frog industry of France. Boston has recently laid down a frog farm, and it intends to turn out about a million of the green delicacies per year, to assuage the appetite of the Fiench nation, and its offshoots in America and Canada. If New Zealand had but hustled, she could have had that market. The Government might give a capitation allowance to boys for captures. Surely, a thriving industry, and a lovely pastime for boys. The eternal croak from the swamps might be minimised, the question of "what to do with our boys" answcied, and joy and fat frogs be the portion of the Fienchman. * * * Complaint was made m the House the other night about the rubbish which often was cabled out to the colony under the Eegi& of the Press Association. A glaring instance of this kind ot thing appeared under the Melbourne headline in last Saturday's papers. This was the message —"The King has cabled to Loul Hopetoun that he is gratified at having been afforded an opportunity of inspecting the Australian sword to bo presented to Major-General BadenPowell." Ye gods and little fishes' Scnbe thought King lOdward was as busy a man as his fnend King Richard, but both His Majesty and the cabJegiammor must be hard up for something <o do when one cables that he is "giatified" and the other le-cablcs that cxpiession of gratification to us. Bettor to have told us what the King thought of Sir Tom Lipton's chance of winning the American Cup.