It Is Town Talk

Free Lance, Volume II, Issue 63, 14 September 1901, Page 22

It Is Town Talk

— That beef will bo a luxmy foi milhonaiies. — That the hist step towards recovering an umbrella is to buy some silk. — That a local man, who adveitised for a lost cheque for a week, found it one morning in his hip pocket. — That, according to recent reports, Mr. K. M. Smith is leaving footprints on the sands of time and Taranaki. — That the sticking-up" industry has revn ed in Australia, and most of the Federal citizens carry firearms now. — That it ii> untrue that a w ell-known piolubition lecturer speaks his mind ireely on the subject. Ho gets paid — That a school teacher recently asked the bright boy what the past tense of "meet" was, and the answer came — "sausages." — That the influence of influenza is still felt, and that quinine is the favourite excuse for temperance people to patronise bars. — That Lord Kitchener recently told a squad of rejected Yeomen that they would make splendid soldiers — for the Salvation Army. - That when the question of the purchase of Miramar goes to the poll, it will probably be found that Miramar goes to the people. — That, of the disqualified Yeomen whom Lord Kitchener sent home as useloss, one private is a landlord with a yearly rent-roll of £40,000. — That Austiahan football critics all seem to agree that New Zealandeis are quite ignorant of the game, but win tlnough sheer "bullocking." — That a Christchurch lawyer, who has always been known as a "hard case," is now a regular church attendant, and has taken to hymn writing. — That Colonel Henry may have heaid a thing or two about our little Wai Office. Must have sympathetic corie^pondents in New Zealand. — That the taste of membeis, howe\er bitter against the Government, in supplying ante-mortem mottoes for statesmen's statues is execrable — That the Queen Victoria statue will soon be an established fact State Departments have contributed £3 10s between them to this laudable end' — That the papeis are gmng such prominence to the woes of farmeis, leal and alleged, that they le-ally believe they are a much-oppressed people. - That, judging by the habitual scarcity of good table poultry, a co-opeia-tive company for the rearing, sa'e, and export of fowls ought to pay in Wellington. - That the man who, diumg a discussion on the puces of \aluable clogs, obser\cd that Skye toinors were always the highest, has ictired from the )oko business. - That Mi J Paul, of Nov. Plymouth, at present <it Home with the New Zealand bowlers, is, for some leason or othei . described m the papers as "Colonel." - -That all the papers of the Commonw Pdlth ad\ ance original theories as to the failuie of the 'Wa'ers football team m New Zealand Most agree it is not a repiesentative one — That what is leeoided as the largest laagoi l)ioi on earth" w .us disco\ ( red in (he Ti ,uis\ <i<il i(C(iitl\ when Butish tones mm pnsed a laagei at Middloburg and killed tw<nt\-thuo Bocis That a hoi iid man, at a social" this week, asked what he thought of the singing of Miss Bones, the butchei's daughter, replied that he thought she could render laid better than solos — That the woes, of the fanner aie not a circumstance to the woes of the farmers' child It is only a matter of time before farm inspectois must be appointed to protect child from parent - That the faddists who aie advocating the abolition of capital punishment should show then sincoiity bv raising funds among their tolloweis to keep the world's murdeieis in comfort and unhung. That a lady who hunted out from a bottom drawer the photograph of an expected \isitoi and hurriedly placed it in a prominent position in the f i out loom did not notice till the guest inado .i sarcastic lemaik, that the optics had been picked out of the poitr.ut b\ the ' sou and hen."

— That a boy, asked by his Sunday school teacher what was the bicath of suspicion, unexpectedly leplied "clo\ e&." - -That the correct waj to debate the hnanciai condition of the country is appaiently to hie off piomiscuous figuies about anything 01 nothing No two membeis have as yet agieed except that tho othei fellow wa& wiong -That a fan vot.ny of Pitman, who also types," refused hei eniployei's ottei of maiiiagc lecentl^. It tianspned that she managed to get a peep at his bank-book, which did not ha\ c a vciy golden hue about it. — That it seems quaint foi any people not numbering foui hundied millions to impose teims on China. Imagine China waking up to the fact of tho manifest absuidity, and organising a real, highly-trained army! — That a local, newly-wed young man, who had a few words with his wife, threatened to commit suicide, but cued off when she gladly handed lnm the means to that end in the shape of a razor and a bottle of "Rough on Rats " — That, if it is true, as an M.H.R alleged, that the State had not paid it& charw omen for some time, the absurdity of tho demands of volunteers for payment for work done in connection with tho Cluistchuich Re\ lew is appaient. —That a local foitune-tellei is said to have foietold the sickness and death of one contingenter who went Tiansvaalwards She relates the gloomy incident to hei patrons, with great gusto, citing it as a proof of hei piophetio powers. — That Chiistchuich City Council appropnated the palm when it decided that the horses attached to hie engines must not be driven to fires at a speed in excess of a trot , drivers to be dismissed if disobeying the ordei. Progi ess ? — That the bottles containing the Queen's wines, lecently sold for fabulous price* in London, weie all marked indelibly with the Royal Aims It is said that the gooseberiy wine industry is strained to its utmost to keep those bottles filled. — That an M.H.R , who lecently said the modern young man would only look foi clericaJ work, and was too pioud to tackle haid work, has- a good many lelatives spread through the mil service, and no one knows how they got theie. Someone explains that it is brains' — That when a Hutfc resident was seen galloping on horseback in his shntsleeves and othei things it w a.s thought he was merely emulating the feat of Steyn when he heaid the cry of "Do Rooinek common iss." As a matter of fact he was after the doctoi to assist at ,\n interesting family function All doing well.