Entre Nous

Free Lance, Volume II, Issue 63, 14 September 1901, Page 12

Entre Nous

THKRK were mysterious lumouis abroad last week concerning Tom Limpkms, one of the two seamen of the Archer who were reported as having been drowned near Glasgow Wharf. It will be remembered that Niblett's body w as found three days after the accident, but though the harbour was dragged, though divers went down, and though dynamite wdi> discharged over the face of the waters, the second body was not recovered. Gradually the story got about that Limpkins had not been drowned, but had taken advantage of the opportunity to desert. Report lias it that the naval and civil authorities had this suspicion, and that a detective spent some days on the Archer trying to get at the bottom of the mystery. * * » But, in order to give colour to a belief that Limpkins had escaped drowning, it would be necessary to show that thero were no witnesses to the accident. As a matter of fact, too many people weie overlooking the whole scene for the man to have swam ashore unobserved Not only was the whole thing seen from on board the Archer, but Captain Kobbell and his son saw it from the deck of the hulk Coromandel, and a number of firemen saw the accident from the shore, and did much to aid the escapees from death. And all ol these witnesses have declared that from Hie overturning of the boat nothing was seen of Niblett or Limpkins * # » There has been much desertion from the Archoi during her stay in New Zealand waters It is said that no Jess than eighteen of her men have ' taken Fiench leave" and of these only one was caught, notwithstanding the fact that the standing reward offeied to the public and the police foi the capture of deserters is a liberal sum There is a story told in the mess of one of our warships of a "hard case" who proved a perfect nuisance to officers and men on board his ship He was no good at the work, and was a shirker to boot. One evening, when the ship was in a New Zealand port, which shall be unnamed, this nuisance of the sea applied to the officer of the watch (to whom he happened to be paiticu'arly obnoxious) for leave to go ashoro foi twenty-four hours. The officer thought the opportunity was too good to be lost, so, despite all rules and regulations, ho tempted the tar * * » "Look heio," said the officer, ''would you like to dossort, Jack?" "What are yer givin' us v " was the loplv 'See

hoie, if you'll clear out when you're ashore I'll give you three pounds to help you along!" And Jack succumbed. But before the vessel, left port he had spent his money. He told an entet prising policeman that he wa& a desciter fiom H.M.S. Watseiname, and ottered to share the rewaid with the Bobby if the latter would take him on board. Of course, Robert seized the man, and the opportunity. But when the pan were on the deck of the warship, and the policeman told his tale, the- officers stoutly declared that they had never seen the mail befoie, and that they had no tars on board who weio of such a class as his (Robert's) companion ' And Jack had to go ashore again. This is said to be yet another "way they have in the navy." * * * Certain inquiries, which were being made lately, resulted in the details of a rather queer story leaking out. It appears that many years ago, two brothers who then lived in Otago — became enamoured of the same girl, and, aftci a quarrel, it was decided to settle the matter by drawing lots, the loser to leave the district. The successful brothei eventually married the young lady, and not only was he successful in love, but he has since been successful in life, and at present fills an important position in Wellington province. Fortune also favoured his quondam rival for a time, but the bird of bad luck later on perched on his roof, and could not be shifted. Rash speculations in mines and real estate crippled him to such an extent that he eventually reached bedrock, and, broken in spirit, he was unable to rise again. He always appeared in public in a thoroughly dilapidated condition, and did odd jobs to keep body and soul together. The brother (they never spoke since the row) secretly sent him £1 per week for years, and when he died recently at his squalid lodgings a bank-book was discovered showing a credit of £300 odd. Also a will, which decreed that the money should be paid to his son, who was in South Afnea. Inquiries showed that the young man had been expensively educated, but had never known father or mother. The principal of the school lefuses to divulge who paid for the lad's up-bringing, and as no lecord can be found of the father's marriage, and there being no clue as to the identity of the mother, the affair remains wrapped in mystery. Some lady applicants for old age pensions are sorry now that they deceived their spouse and the legistrar in the days of their youth. On the West Coast recently the authorities took the trouble to ascertain if a youthful-look-ing female appMcant had really passed her seventieth milestone, as she claimed When the Court investigated the marriage register it found that she wa.s really only fifty according to that record Now, it is generally admitted that lo\e is blind, and the man who believes that his bride is twenty years younger than she really is requires the most expert mental optician to attend to his case with all de&patch.

Feilding evidently presents a good field for temperance reformers, for in that quiet little township, of not more than 3000 of a population, and only half-a-dozen hotels, there is nearly sixty prohibited persons. The commonest sight in the hotels of the township is that of the local "bungs" poring over sheaves of blue papers before serving customers. * * • The frantic rush of Australians for South Africa seems to point to the fact that in that large island, with the few people, labour is not in so prosperous a condition as it should be. Men who have returned from South Africa, have received the warmest we 1 come, but no billets, and they, reduced to penury, have perforce to try the Dark Continent again. There is something radically wrong in a country that cannot give its youngest and best instant and constant occupation, and a reflection the reverse of pleasant for those responsible for the conditions of labour laws that makes such a thing possible. New Zealand must recognise' that the stone that is thrown at Australia is an equally deserved missile for its own chastisement.

The Financial Debate is something like a game of skittles. A member gets up and gives figures to prove the correctness of his view of the public debt, or the suiplus, or the amount of interest the colony has to pay, and so on, and no sooner has he finished than a niembei on the other side ot the House lises in his place and quotes tigmes to piove that the last speaker was entiiely wiong. — Daily paper.

The Workmen's, Compensation for Accidents Act is having its effect already. Seems that the farmers refuse the usual three-hours' job for a meal to the derelicts of the road, for fear they hurt themselves with the axe or cut their hngers with the saw, and claim compensation "not exceeding £400." Up to now, the farmer has had a good deal of lus hardest work done for a "pannikin of dust" and a "pinch of tea," and it seems to a person who understands the "cockatoo" that his refusal to give very little for a great deal, for fear of the consequences of the Act, is flying in the face of Providence. Surely, he does not purpose paying decent wages in future, and denying derelicts the privilege of "working for tucker." T * * 'iliey are now telling the story ot a CioutJfieiii sausage-seiiei , who indue a ■jjg pne thiougn emoaimea sneep anu uui-saae speculations. He naa a pretty uaugnter, wnose captivating manneis maue liei a geneiai tavounce among acquaintances, iheie was only one noticeab.e detect— her rather naa kept her too much at home, and she had not a finished education. One day a seedylooKing individual, who had evidently seen better days 5 but whose clothes were just then a mosaic of patches, happened along, and asked for work. The butcher, to his delight, found that the applicant could do his whack ot hard gratt in the yard and round the btables, Keep books, paint, play the piano and violin, and what not. Engaging him at a cheap rate of wages, he got the seedy one (.whose general appearance soon impioved wonderfully) to teach his daughter all he knew. This pleasing work went on for some time, in fact, he is still teaching her, for the pair eloped, and married, and are now waiting for Pa's anger to cool down. jf- * * A propos of the newest paragraph pointing out the large number of Chinamen engaged in alluvial mining, "Pothole" writes — "The Chow is the most consistent and peisistent fossicker alive. \eai in and year out he turns over the giound abandoned by his less gifted white bi other, and year in and year out no one sees a grain of the proceeds. I lemember a "Chow" on the Fish River, New South Wales, who fossicked and Ined on rice for many years. Apparent!}, he did not find anything, and existed in a bark "humpy," with a kerosene tin and a candlebox. One day a brother Chow came along and tomahawked him, was caught by the police, and subsequently hanged. Not a Chinaman would go near that "humpy," nor would they allow a white man to do so. Eventually an adventurer named, I believe, Lascelles, bought the lot from the deceased man's mates for a note, and with rare instinct sunk potholes all over the floor. Under the leg of the dead man's bunk, in various "pain-kill-er" bottles, was the result of the Chinaman's years of labour. Over a hundred ounces of alluvial gold is not a bad return for a pound, and a little trouble. Rather spirited bidding occurs on the Now South Wales auriferous rivers since w hen a Chinaman dies and leaves a hut.

hIN A NCI AI. < ' UK I TTLKS. ' ' Tin }'»»,', Wrll, » ell, hmc tlwsv fallows do ici angle, to he suit 1 . Thne'* only about <me of them what can count. They all heeji </i/lcie)it \tu)e\. / thnili the;/ uant an innjinc. They uon't behen vnj book.

A tale, more or less true, has been "privately" sent to New Zealand anent Mr. E. M. Smith's iroiisand campaign in England Appears, according to the veracious chronicler, the business men of Salford had concluded to meet the "distinguished visitor " Now, those representative gentlemen had apparently never heard of these islands, and they foregathered and decided it was a siiburb of Australia. To veil their ignorance, they agreed to read up Australia, with the result that when E M arrived he got sucli learned dissertations on the fauna and flora, of Australia, the mineral resources of the Northern Terntoiv, and the prospects of the banana in Queensland, that he wondered where he was. The veracious chronicler also asserts that Mr. Smith arose in his wrath, and, in a brilliant little speech of two hours, ga\e the men of Salford some idea where Taranaki, and incidentally New Zealand, w as. Mr. Smith now takes pains to carry around a map of New Zealand, with its relative position well denned, for fear, when he wishes to ta,lk Taranaki ironsand, he is regaled with Australian marsupial. * • * It is hard to know whom to trust in these degenerate days. A Wellington man, who backed a little bill for an old and trusted friend of religious inclinations, a while back, is now cursing his folly. From late advices, it appears that the holy man, who has, for years, been acting as a lay-preacher, who did a big commission-agency business, invested money for sundry clients, and acted as secretary to various religious and other institutions, has quietly tripped off, and forgotten to come back Owing to multifarious reasons, the matter has been kept remarkably quiet up till now, but little things of this sort will ooze out. * * * There were some hot things said at his creditors' meeting, when he wa»s described as a "second Jabez Baifour," and had sundry other epithets hurled at his absent person. Since that meeting a letter has been received from the pious fraud bequeathing to those he duped two quarter-acre sections and — a half share in a suburban beer factory ! The good church men whom he "had' so cleanly are horrified at the idea of their erring brother, who had always been a stickler for temperance, being interested in the cursed dnnk traffic. However, they have got that half-shate on their hands, and are now casting lound for a buyer. * • • Two good police yarns are going the rounds of the city. One- has to do with a disreputable-looking 'diunk, who giew very tired the other night after all the hotels, had locked him out. It was a wet night, he was "dead broke," and he wanted a dry place of rest. He approached a kind-hearted policeman, and, stating his case to him, asked him to run him in Robert said he did not quite see the justification "If that is the trouble," cried the tired one, "take that— and that!" landing the policeman two hearty, unexpected blows on the body as he spoke. "Perhaps you'll lock me up now?" he added. But Robert felt mad, and, to the disgust of the weary traveller, he retorted— "l ll see you damped right through before I'll oblige you now. Clear out, and get as wet outside as you are inside'" * * * The other stoiy ha& to do with an m-nocent-looking detectne and a. tluof The detective, who is big and good-look-ing, and thirsts for fame, ws, standing out&ide one of our places of amusement the other night, when lie was touched on the arm. "Excuse me, but I haw a ring here which I got from a friend of mine who has been drinking. I'm hard up, and will let >ou have it toi a, note." "That is too much," exclaimed the detective, as he reached for the young man's arm. But the other fellow was too quick, and raced away down the street, with the big fellow in full chase The detective already saw a paragraph to his credit in the papeis beginning "smart captuie bv a sleuth But the ling-lifter could run rings round the whole force, and lie simply lost the big fellow down a side street, and that paragraph has not appeared yet. "M I." to the Lance Noticed leoently that an "Otago Volunteer Officer" suggests that next Easter volunteers should camp out without tents Just wondered if said officer should camp out without the covering of a lunatic asylum. Might I suggest, as a campaigner of some experience, that ofhcei"- take the initiative in the coming camps, and that the authorities decide bv the lesultant death rate the advisabihtv of idiotically pandering to the fad of an individual to kill off the youthful population of New Zealand with pneumonia, and rheumatic fever 0 It is necessary, of course, on service to camp under the sky, but in New Zealand, where the conditions of e'imate are so bad the suggestion could onl\ emanate from a person with a pronounced mental kink."

At intervals tho quiet little township of Feildmg is startled by some sensational event taking place in its midst The local night-watchman is lespoiLsible for the latest sensation. It wa*> the full-moon season, and the officiaJ who keeps watch over the sleeping city thought he espied a hie m the distance The fire-alarm was set going, and the whole populace aroused fiom then slumber. Upon investigation, the supposed conflagration turned out to be the leflection of the moon upon the adjoining hills. * ♦ * Ole Clo' " to the Lance Re tho proposed system of appointing inspectors ior second-hand shops It is piesumed that the legislation is intended to harm the "fence," and to make burglais careful. This is all right, of course, but while on the subject would it not be kind to the public to institute a fumigating piocess for a'l such shops Old garments are just the kind of thing for the merry miciobe to thrive in, and, in my opinion eveiv article in those emporiums should be fumigated, and a Government label attached to it guaianteeing its fieedom from disease " • • • Theie is a young couple, living in a near suburb, who are coming to live in town as soon as there is a house to let Appears that one night last week the male half was disturbed in his piehminary slumber and the voice ot tho female half whispering agitatedly George, there's someone getting in the window'" George is not a bit frightened, and he play» in lepiesontatn c matches, and boxes, so he slipped (juietly out to make it warm for the marauder There, in the murk he espied the burglar gently lowering himself through

the dinmg-ioom window. Neither waited, but eagerly closed in combat. It was a, good bout, while it la&ted. The ' nidiauder," who seemed to be getting the best of it, eventually spluttered out, ' What do you mean by entering my house, you villain." 'Your house'" ejaculated the occupiei , "why, wr, I h\e heie." A bright idea occurred, ''Stnke a match." It was done. It lovoaled next dooi neighbouis. The maiaudei had dined out, the night was dark, the houses similar, and the denouement complete! *■ * * The grief of a certain up-country family has recenth been turned, to joy b\ the mo.st unexpected happening. Some few years ago the said family was duly served by a superior kind of a Mongolian with necessary vegetables. John ca.st an almond e>e at the daughter of the house, and the yellow fa&cinator seems to ha\ c made a distinct iinpiession on the damsel. Gradually he got to 'throwing in" an extra cabbage or a bunch of ''callots." No one seems to know what peculiar influence the Celestial brings to bear on the European damsel, but her sudden disappearance contemporaneously with that of the Mongol, looked suspicious. The police were set in motion, but, not being accustomed to it, the motion soon sowed (low u and the damsel and Ihi clnome lover were respectively mourned and cm sod b\ the parents. * ♦ * L.'st week howevei the sorrowing patents leceived a communication from the Flowery Land that Mrs Ah Foowas lemaiksihh well, that through the death of a, lelativc the male Foo was a mandann ot the Peacock Feather, and that the mandarin, his lady, and two juve-

"Mia-Mia," to the Lance Touching the recent statements, made in the press of the colony, that the aborigines or Australia do not have too good a time at the hands of the "Whites," lemember an a propos incident. Was prospecting in the ranges back of Peith, in 1891. Party of young English swells, hot from college, also prospecting, "just to kill time, doncherknou , deah boy." Blacks staiving, made a raid on swells' camp, and commandeered 501b flour and half a "mat" of sugar Swells got a fiiendly black to guide, and started out to "disperse" the natives. Thought it would be "fun " Killed every man, gin, and picanninny with Winchester rifles, and wrote it up for a Home paper as an "adventure " Eventually the dispeises were taken by police before the usual effete J P "Justifiable homicide." Thus the march of our great, pure, white civilisation !

The noble efforts of amateur salvage coips at fires often calls for special praise and comment, and the self-sacri-fice of individuals is worthy of recognition A week or two back some citizens in a Southern town hastily tumb ed into their clothes in answer to the local hrcbell, and, aimed with axes and a firm resolve to do or die, made for the glare. The dooi was shut' Might there not be some poor frizzling female or scorched children behind. They rushed the door, chopping manful.y to effect an entrance. "Did you try' the handle, mister 3" queued the u*,ual small boy, and, slipping between the fienzied men, he gently opened the shattered door. Subsequently transpired that the local fire brigade were round at the back, with the fire well in hand, and the occupants safe. Those selfsacrihoing citizens, it is stated, are to be sued for "wilful damage to property."

mle yellow aristocrats, were sailing with many talents of silver to New Zealand. The family above referred to are eagerly sorting themselves out, preparatory to receiving the distinguished visitors.