It is Town Talk

Free Lance, Volume II, Issue 54, 13 July 1901, Page 24

It is Town Talk

— That it is easier to destroy the gorse pest than the red-tape scourge. — That progressive Mastertonians are striking out for public swimming baths. — That the officiousness of some Government lailway officials does not earn for them the title of "civil servants." — That M.H.R. Piram has come out in a new role, being announced on the Palmerston North hoardings as "a scenic lecturer." — That a Thorndon young lady astonished her physician recently by asking him if she could take his prescribed rhubarb in pie. — That a man, burnt-out up Awahuri way, saved the teapot, kettle, and inkbottle, but saj's he left £.53 in a waistcoat pocket. — That the genial crowd, who have been spending dollars freely since the beginning of the year, are now saving up for Christmas. — That the proposed Municipal Young Men's Club at Wanganui is a capital idea, and will likely prove the forerunner of others throughout the co'ony. — That the lucky drawer of £500, free of interest, in the Dunedin Starr Bowkett Society had only the day previously been endeavouring to negotiate a loan. — That a local young man, who has broken it off," was incensed at receiving the ring from his former affianced per parcel post, and labelled, "glass, with care." — That a Wellington chemist, who supplied a man with a porous plaster one day last week, demanded, and received, a goodly fee for removing it the following day.

— That a grocery business at Feilding is run by Marshal Law. — That yet another paper down South has stated that a man has "died without medical assistance." That New Zealand papers are now bestowing the name Hooligan on our own cheerful larrikins. —That, if report is true, a life peerage was recently offered a certain statesman, but he declined the transient honour. — That a sporting railway guard made a nice little haul through backing his namesake, The Guard, at Napier Park last week. — That Woodvillites want their old a>nd unsanitary post office turned into firewood, and a palatial structure reared in its place. That Melrose Councillor Brown should keep hammering at the existing building bye-laws. They need alterations and repairs. —That optimists think the war is nearly over. Lord Milner even thinks it will draw to a close, and gives it ten years to do it in. That some of the Northern compositors hailed with satisfaction the award given to their Southern brethren by the Conciliation Board. — That big foreign mad days do not seem to trouble postal carriers so muoh as those at the end of the month, when bills and trade circulars are delivered by the thousand. — That an observant English "Johnnie," who stayed at Rotorua lately, remarked that it was a pity they could not freeze a few geysers and take them Home with them. — That a man recently received condolences and a subscription from a crowd because "he had lost a sovereign." He confided to a friend later that he referred to her late Majesty. — That a constable in Christchurch, who had his shako hit with a snowball last week, caught the youngster who threw the missile, and — let him go ; the inspector hove in sight. — That, owing to delay in Wellington in returning valuation rate books, and the inability to strike a rate, the Cook County Council had to temporarily dismiss its men, as it had no funds to pay them.

— That a contemporary recently notified that its weekly budget of stale news would be found on the fourth page. It meant "stage news." — That the Opposition have adopted Boer tactics. Organised tactics have given place to guerilla warfare, and it is now every "sniper to his rock." — That a gentleman of forty advertised for a private family to "adopt him." An excellent chance for a couple who have no encumbrances. — That free drinks flowed all day when the two hotels were opened at Taihape. One can imagine the result without putting his thinking apparatus out of gear. — That a recently-arrived Chinaman, with Australian experience, has been looking round the country with the object of picking up a small sheep farm. — That two local cyclists, who had to put up at a private wayside house up the line, owing to bad weather, are telling a strange story of a midnight adventure to credulous friends. That one tradesman has a hat for every day in the week, and if, on finding down the street that he has donned the wrong one, he turns back and rectifies. Habit or superstition? —That hotelkeepers do not relish Magistrate Kettle's remarks that they should not drink at their customers' expense in their own bars. "Profit must come in somewhere," remarked a Wellingtonian, lately ; "see how much is chalked up in my books!" — That the same William Ewart Gladstone, of Invercargill, who was recently referred to in these columns, is evidently determined to attain fame by his own merit, for he is now to the fore with an application for a patent for "an improved clothes-peg." —That it is no wonder there is. a scarcity of servants. A Wellington mistress, who advertised for a domestic the other day. preferred "one who could sleep out." Surely the poor slavey has enough burdens cast upon her without having to "sleep out" theae cold evenings: — That several Wellingtonians, who were in Christchurch last week, and experienced the novelty of a snowstorm, were to be seen entering into the "fun" with much spirit. One, whose optic was badly discoloured by a well-aimed snowball, could not see any joke in it afterwards.

— That it is not necessary to go to Uganda to discover "ape-like" men. — That, owing to recent revelations, homeopathists are slowing down on the soothing qualities of aconite. — That a great many "uncles" have been relieved of medals this week. The Defence Department has paid its soldiers! — That Auckland has roused itself- It promises municipal perfection by its city improvement scheme. Wellington must look to its laurels. — That a man, reprimanded for smoking in a saloon railway car containing ladies, told the guard "he was obliged to, as the ladies had their boots off." — That the cigarette fiend should be required to carry his birth certificate round with him if the police are to prevent boys under seventeen from smoking. — That, according to Mr. McLachlan, the chief attraction in the "menagerie" on view for Royalty was the large "Elephant." A tribute to the Colossus. That a country paper's interpretation of a Press Association telegram contained the startling announcement that "the Duchess wore a diamond tiara on her neck." —That the Defence Office has discharged most of its liabilities to returned soldiers. The matter has been "duly looked into" since last October. Success at last! — That one of the English officers sent out to identify Lillywhite was named Frost. Recent investigations have proved that, in addition to Frost by name, he was Frost by nature. — That the gentleman who was so "broken-up" at the loss of his wife six months since as to be incapable of walking to the cemetery, is taking his second matrimonial leap next week. — That a local Society lady returned to town last evening to find the housemaid entertaining a large and influential gathering of guests, including one or two who were also on "my lady's" list. — That a West Coast publican found that a cheque tendered him by a "viyeur" lately was of the "no funds" variety. Seeking redress, he found that the tenderer was a solicitor and a prohibited person, and he is trying to forget the incident.