It is Town Talk

Free Lance, Volume II, Issue 53, 6 July 1901, Page 22

It is Town Talk

—That "good things" for the Melbourne Cup arc already troubling early backers — That, according to a Hawke's Bay runholder, each "bunny" killed on his place costs him half a sovereign. Tint a Hokitika man took a census of cons the other night, and discovered fourteen in the main street. That the champagne dnink at the recent Royal festivities was genuine as to cork, but goo&eberry as to flavour. That a local eccentric, who took the pledge the other day, went straight awa\ and had a drink on the strength of it. —That very shortly the New Zealander Mho cannot show a medal for something or other will be regarded as a curiosity. — That a superstitious Thorndon flirt, who has had twelve beaux in her time, is now wondering what will happen to the thirteenth. —That a one-time local labourist is very much down m his luck, and is working for a Clunese gardener just out of Sydnoj —That a recent tin-ketthng party down South were given drugged drink, and slept all over the township, with the starry sky for a coverlet. — That the total annual expenses of the Conciliation and Arbitration Boards of the colony will make the people wonder if the game is really "worth the candle." — That the fire inquiry in Auckland points a moral. Investigations of appliances, in Wellington, might reasonably follow as a result of Aucklanders' former apathj'.

— That an unconscious humourist remarked, after the Premier's runaway adventure, that it "was a mercy he was not knocked speechless l " — That, now a start lias been made up the coast in prohibiting the sale of beer and spirits at tangis, the proposal is likely to be made universal. —That the persons responsible for the Governor's opening speech are not adepts at condensation. It is hoped members will not take it as an example. — That a wife-beater, recently sentenced to three weeks' "rest," says it is the only chance of obtaining it he has struck since he committed matrimony. — That a little affray, during which a local soldier brave got his head badly smashed one night lately, has not appeared in the casualty columns of the daily press. — That one local barber, who started charging Is for a shave during the Royal rush, has lost at least half-a-doz-en former regular customers, and will have to razor few new ones. — That the Federation Commission is an expensive way of discovering the disadvantage of Federation to New Zealand. They were appreciated before the Commission left the colony. — That a certain young lady, who lives by the sea, took a hot-water bottle to bed recently. She woke up with a nightmare that she was drowning in the harbour. The cork had come out. — That a hen-pecked husband complained, in a Southern Court, that his wife constantly jabbed him with hatpins. The bench said he would have to keep her in pin money, nevertheless. — That a stylish but impecunious man-about-town, who dodged into a tobacconist's to avoid a "mad dog" last week, mot another to whom he owed a fiver. He was further embarassed on finding he had no money to buy tobacco. — That, though a substantial crowd followed the alleged Eyreton murderer, McLean, at Lyttelton, last week, shouting "Lynch him!" "Hang him!" there was not the slightest attempt to carry the threats into "execution." — That, when a Southern cadet was informed he must get his hair cut if he wished to go to Chnstchuroh, he said he would rather not go , he was not going to lose his apparent hair to see any heir-apparent.

—That Miss May Beattie, Pollard's popular leading lady, has come of age just rpcently. —That Mr. Isitt is like the brook— he flows on for ever, and under the same stimulating influence. — That an up-country person was recently fined for driving without a light. He had a bad liver as a consequence. — That the Duke of York beard craze is responsible for the numerous unshaven chins in Wellington at the present time. —That Mr. G. Hutchison really has resigned. Adviser to the War Office or Africa's leading legal luminary — which ? — That an industrial union for chemists' assistants is a good suggestion. A reduction of their working hours is much to' be desired. — That, in the opening skirmish in the House, the Premier seems to have had rather the better of the Imprest Supply Bill argument. —That a Te Aro lady speculator, of eighty-one, is reported to have drawn a cash prize in Tattersall's last sweep. It is never too late to be lucky. —That Mr. Ell is following Australia's suit with his Totalisator Abolition Bill. Has he framed a State Lotteries Bill as a substitute? — That if the business of the House is gently spread over the session, instead of being crammed into the latter days (or nights), the lunatic asylum an honourable members mentions will not be required. — That the Poultry Society had an original sort of special prize offered (and accepted) when an enthusiast offered half a ton of coal, to be given to the fancier who entered the best silver-grey Dorking cockerel ! — That the Premier's shortest speech on record was at Christchurch, when he told contingenters and veterans to "proceed." But they had already started eating, and got the first bite of their cherry, so to speak. — That, according to one account, the Duke must have thought that Oamaru had been struck by an iceberg, such was the coldness of his reception. Suggested that the Council should appoint officials to teach people to be joyful and cheerful.

— That there is some talk of an institution after the celebrated "Hagey" frost for the treatment of victims to tea. — That a railway employee, who slept in church on a recent Sunday, startled the congregation by waiting and roaring "All tickets, pease!" — That a Newtown lady, who had been complaining of her head, was asked by her husband what he could get her for it? "A new hat" was the ply—That one magnate, who was presented to the Duchess, was so overcome with emotion that he thrust into Her Royal Highness' hand his invitation card ! — That, at the Opera House last week, an absent-minded play-goer devoutly bent and gazed abstractedly into his hat. He imagined he was in church. — That if Parliament reduces the number of small governing bodies in New Zealand this session, and reorganises municipal affairs generally, it will not sit for nothing. — That a local clergyman, who was taking his first lesson in bicycling last week, badly bent himself and bike. A humorous boy veiled, "Here endeth the first lesson." and the cleric adds "the last." — That a dissolute person, who has been sent to gaol time and oft for incorrigible laziness (or the legal equivalent theieof says he has only to wait eighteen months, when he will be able to make peonle stare. — That members of the Southland Pipe Band belonged to nobody in Christchurch, and at last a party of them, hungry and wearied, begged the Inspector of Police to give them accommodation in the cells for the night. — That a careful "body" carried a pair of goloshes in her hand at the Royal reception. Arriving opposite the Duchess, she dropped them, took the Royal hand, and groped wildly with the disengaged one. The Duchess supported the canny one without a murmur. — That devotees of the terpischorean art will be glad to hear that dancing is not a legal nuisance, and that a sensitive applicant, who wished the alleged nuisance to discontinue, put indiarubber rings round his ducks' beaks to stop them "quacking."